03x21 - Big Chief Bub

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The one we use for attacking stuff.

Oh.

Hey, what are you doing?

Looking it up.

You're supposed to holler like a coyote.

Oh, yeah.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Attack!

Attack!

Hi, Braves.

You have time now to celebrate, to feast.

Now, let's all have refreshments, and then
we'll repeat the Cub Scout promise, and the...

Oh!

The grape juice got spilled.

Boy, it's all slobby.

Oh, the cupcakes are gone.

I bet you it was those big kids again.

Yeah.

They're probably down the street somewhere.

Let's go get... Oh, Chip, Sudsy, no.

They took our junk and everything.

I know, and it's a shame.

But I want you boys just to sit down there
where it's clean and pretend it never happened.

Yeah, but it's kind of wet.

Oh, pretend it isn't.

Come on, boys.

Sit down.

All of you, get your places.

We ought to go sock them one right in the stomach.

Oh, now, Sudsy, remember, fighting is no
solution to anything.

We'll just ignore these boys and rise above it.

We Rose above it last week, and they put
sand in our lemonade.

The Cub Scout promotes goodwill.

Goodwill does not mean hitting people in
the stomach, right?

We could hit them in the neck or something.

Goodwill means no hitting at all, Sudsy.

Now.

This is my last meeting with you boys as den mother.

Gee whiz, Mrs. Thorndyke, do you have to go to Spokane?

Well, it's where my husband's company's sending
him, and Benji and I just naturally go where he does.

Now, which one of your mothers would like to
take over as den mother for the rest of the year?

My mother said she had had it when my brother
was in Cubs, and she wished she had gone to Spokane.

Well, Sudsy, I guess we're depending on your mother.

Gee, I don't know.

When I asked her, she started to laugh.

But not like it was anything funny.

Without a den mother, you boys can't keep the den.

Oh, and you've all done so well.

The den can meet over in my house, Miss Thorndyke.

Oh, that's very sweet of you, Chip.

But you see, well, I mean, well, it's regulations
that a den can't meet without a den mother.

Yeah, and you don't have a mother.

Sudsy.

You shut up.

Chip.

Well, you don't.

I said shut up.

Now, boys.

You come over to my house next week, and we'll have
achievements and refreshments and a den mother and everything.

I've been over to his house a million
times, and he doesn't have a mother.

He doesn't have a sister, even.

There's no law that says a den mother has to be a mother.

I mean, a grandfather can be a mother, can't he?

You mean Mr. O'Casey?

Sure, he can do anything any old clunky mother can do.

Chip, I think that's a perfectly wonderful idea.

Do you really think your grandfather would do it?

Sure.

And he's real neat at giving orders and stuff,
because he was a sergeant in the Civil w*r.

Chip Douglas, I think you've just saved
Den 11 from having to disband.

So let's have a cheer for Chip, who saved our den.

Chip, Chip, Chip!

Wahoo true!

Wahoo blue!

Hoo-wah!

Wahoo!

Wahoo you!

Chip, Chip, Chip!

Yeah!

The den.

Hmm?

Oatmeal, huh?

There we are.

Regular, five-minute instance.

You saved the den, huh, Chip?

Yeah, then everybody gave me a special cheer.

Hmm, there's something indecent about instant oatmeal.

We'll take this and slow down our mad pace
and wait five minutes.

You got a special cheer, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Vinnie.

Uh, what did you do to win all this acclaim, Chip?

I volunteered.

Oh.

Well, that's good, Chip.

The man who volunteers is the man who,
uh, well, volunteers.

Frozen vegetables.

What did you, uh, volunteer?

Bob.

What about Bob?

He's the one I volunteered.

What for?

For Den Mother.

You volunteered Bob for Den Mother?

Uh-huh.

What does Bob think about all this?

Well, the thing is, I don't know exactly.

On account I haven't asked him.

You mean you did this without asking Bob?

Gosh, Dad, I had to.

Why?

Because.

Well, Chip, you better have a better reason
than because when you break the news to Bob.

Yeah, I know.

Dad, I was wondering.

What I was wondering about is, well, maybe
could you tell him he's the new Den Mother?

Would you, Dad?

In one word, Chip, no.

I think the fellow who does the volunteering and gets
the cheers and all the fringe benefits should be the one.

You face the music and tell him.

But that's the way it seems to me.

Yeah, I thought that'd be the way it seems to you.

Well, I guess that does it, Chip.

Hey, can we get some rhubarb?

Oh, Chip, nobody in our house likes rhubarb except Bub.

Maybe we can fix dinner for him, and
afterwards I can tell him he's the new Den Mother.

We'd better get two buses.

You know, I'd like this treatment a whole
lot better if I knew just why I'm getting it.

Bub, just relax and enjoy it.

Yes, I gave the place a quick once over a
while ago, and I can't find anything busted.

Well, why shouldn't we fix supper for you
every once in a while?

You certainly do it for us often enough.

You're right, and I like the lyrics too, but I'm pretty
sure there's going to be a breakdown in the music anyway.

Bub, you want some more stewed rhubarb?

No, thanks, Chipper.

Okay, then I'll get the dishes out of the
way and make room for Robbie's pie.

You mean Robbie make a pie?

Yeah, quite an event, isn't it, Bub?

Oh, I should say so.

First one he ever made.

Yeah, it was one of those mixed deals that are
supposed to be foolproof if you just follow the blueprints.

What kind of pie is that?

Rhubarb.

Rhubarb pie, too?

Well, Chip made out the menu.

Oh, I see.

Well, come on now, you fellas, just what is the pitch?

Chip.

Well, I've got some homework to do.

Yeah, and I've sort of got a date, so long.

Just like rats, leaving the sinking ship.

Oh, no, no, it isn't anything like that.

Well, I think I will go out and get started on the dishes.

I'll take a bite of this if it kills me.

Doesn't look very safe.

Oh, so it's you.

Chip got a special cheer at the Cub Scout meeting today.

He volunteered.

Well, you know, when I was in the Army in
World w*r I, we had a special saying.

Keep your eyes open, your mouth shut, and never volunteer.

Now, what did you volunteer?

Bub.

What?

What, what?

What do you mean, what, what?

Yeah, I guess I was gonna tell you something.

Well, come on, open up and tell me.

Gee, you're sure looking good.

Yeah, I know.

I had my hair marsaled.

Now, come on, get it out.

Well, I told the guys you'd be our new den mother.

I'm supposed to find out what you're gonna say.

Take back your rhubarb pie.

Gosh, Bub.

Mrs. Thorndike, she's moving to Spokane.

She's a smart woman.

But gosh, if you're not our mother, we won't have a den.

And I volunteered you.

Well, I just UN-volunteered me.

Okay, don't do it.

See if I care.

Don't do it next, sudsy laugh.

Rob, where's Chip?

I don't know, dad, he's not in here.

d*ck?

Here.

What are you doing up here?

Nothing.

Well, I guess the attic's about as good a
place as any to do it, huh?

Hey, got old Monk out, hmm?

Haven't seen him in quite a while.

Hmm.

Chip, you know Bub would do just about
anything for you boys, don't you?

Sure.

But I, I guess he can't quite see himself as a den weather.

Sudsy, Pfeiffer makes me sick.

What did he do?

Well, right in front of everybody.

Miss Thorndyke and everybody.

He says that I didn't have a mother.

Well, Mrs. Thorndyke and all the others
know that, don't they, Chip?

Why do you have to tell him?

I just told him that Bub can do anything
any old mother can do.

You'd better stop haunting me, old boy.

He's pretty beaten up already.

Mike said that Mom sewed on this patch
when the stuffing was coming out.

That's right, she did.

I remember she sewed those buttons on for
eyes when the other ones came off.

Yeah, because she was kind of good at that kind of stuff.

Just like Miss Thorndyke.

Yeah, she can whittle wood and do all kinds of things.

I bet you if Mama's here, she'd be our dead mother.

I'm sure she would, Chip.

I'll tell you, why don't you go down and get your
pajamas on now and kind of get ready for bed, huh?

Okay, Dad.

I'll talk to Bub.

Come on, Stan.

You said the way you saw it, the guy who
volunteered was the man.

Yes, I know I said that, Chip,
but that's before I understood everything.

Oh.

Well, I guess I better put old Monk back in the trunk.

No, I'll come back for you.

Oh, okay.

I'll be down.

I want to talk to you about this den mother business.

So Chip's sending in a relief picture this inning, huh?

No, no.

But I just want to tell you how this whole thing started.

It seems that some of the other boys gave Chip a
bad time this afternoon about not having a mother.

Kids.

Now, I suppose they could dig up somebody else to act as
den mother, but, well, that wouldn't mean anything to Chip.

But if you'd only do it, Bub.

What do I know about a bunch of Cub Scouts?

It's all I can do to start a fire in that
automatic stove out there.

But you know, boys, you were a drill
sergeant in the Army and...

Yeah, and I was a bosun in the Navy,
and I ain't taking anybody boat riding either.

I do it myself, Bub, but I just don't have
the time to devote to it.

I'm out of town so much, and...

Look, Bub, you do a terrific job at it,
and it didn't mean so much to Chip.

All right, all right.

Let's not make a federal case out of it.

I'll do it.

So, Den 11 has it in the pack.

Thanks, Bub.

It's all right.

Now, line up for inspection, you guys.

Fingernails.

Gee whiz, Mr. O'Casey.

Mrs. Thorndyke never said anything about fingernails.

Five demerits.

There isn't anything in the Cub Scout
pledge about fingernails.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing, I'm fine.

Well, what's that white stuff on your uniform?

Oh, paint.

We all got it.

What do you mean, you all got it?

Those big kids, they painted us with white paint.

Painted you?

Well, how come you're so nice and clean?

I ran fast enough.

Oh, mo.

Who are these big kids?

Larson and his friend Phil.

They're always picking on us.

Well, what have you done about it?

We've been rising above it.

You mean these two clowns have been painting you guys
like a picket fence and you haven't done anything about it?

We showed a bunch of goodwill.

Mrs. Thorndyke says... Never mind Mrs. Thorndyke.

She said it was better not to have trouble
than to go look for it.

You can't run away from a bully.

Sooner or later, you're gonna stand on your own two feet.

Boy, that's what we've been doing.

Now, I got blisters, Mr. O'Casey.

Well, don't you worry about your blisters
till you get blisters on your blisters.

Now, fall in.

Boy, when it was hot like this, Mrs. Thorndyke
used to let us make designs and stuff out of macaroni.

Fall in.

Boy, grandfathers sure make terrible mothers.

Yeah, maybe it's because they never have babies.

Left face.

Forward.

Heart.

Two, three, for the rear.

Heart.

Everybody sing.

Katie, beautiful Katie.

Critics everywhere are raving about Chip.

Now playing.

Just want to do your heart.

Okay,

now you guys hold the fort while I get
these boxes out of here.

Okay, that's it.

Chocolate looks real good, don't it, Phil?

We're ignoring you.

It is good.

Try the coconut.

Hey, you guys cut it out.

You gonna make us?

Hey, Phil, which one you want?

I'll take this one.

I'll take the chocolate.

What's going on here?

These are the guys who are supposed to be rising above.

Oh, yeah, well, put those cakes down, will you?

You seem to like chocolate cake.

We'll have some.

You like caramel, man?

We'll have some.

There you are.

Help yourself.

Help yourself.

Let go!

Stop it!

Ah, you can push people around, do you, when you can't.

All right, what's going on here?

Throw these two guys out of here, will you, or I will.

Get them out of here.

Come on, now, let's clean up this mess, all of us.

Get together here and clean this mess up.

Come on.

That won't be necessary.

Mr. O'Casey, I'm Freddy's mother, and I'm
taking Freddy out of your den as of this minute.

And I'm sure the other mothers will do
precisely the same thing as soon as I tell

them the example you're setting the
youngsters, brawling with teenagers.

Well, those guys were going to steal the cakes.

Come along, Freddy.

We're going.

I said we're going.

And maybe I better take the other boys with me, too.

Sudsy?

Yeah, that might be a good idea.

You take them right along home.

And on the way, you buy them some dolls.

Come along, boys.

Let's go.

You mean you pushed their faces in the cakes?

Yeah.

Well, I'm sure they had it coming to them, Bob.

Then that female told me she was going to
take her kid out of the den.

Well, so what?

You've got one less.

I've got nothing.

Even Chip's fed up with me.

He didn't say a word to me all the way home.

Where is Chip?

I'm here.

I'm sorry, Chip.

I'm not.

The reason I didn't talk to you all the way
home because I was so mad at that clunky Mr.

Care, I could... Gosh, Bub, you
can't always run away from a bully.

Sooner or later, you've got to stand on your feet.

You're here.

Attaboy, Chip.

Attaboy.

Bub?

Yeah?

I don't care what any of those other clunks say.

You're better than any old woman kind.

You're a son of a dead mother.

You don't smell like that clunky perfume, either.

I don't know what I'd do without you, Chip.

What's that?

Sounds like the troops have landed.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Mr. O'Casey, I came by with
the others to tell you that, well,

they didn't exactly agree with what I said this afternoon.

And I guess I don't agree with myself,
either, after hearing both sides of the story.

Well, I...

Mr. O'Casey, we'd like you to know that we
realize learning...

To stand up for rights is more important
than basket weaving.

Will you be willing to consider taking
over as cub master for the whole pack?

Well, uh, thanks for asking, but I, I consider
myself a sort of a natural born den mother.

Company, fall in to the kitchen where
there's ice cream and squashed cake.

Forward, punch, one, two, three.

Katie, beautiful Katie, you're the only
beautiful girl that I adore.

Look,

up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's
not Superman, it's My Favorite Martian.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.

Thank you for watching.