03x34 - When I Was Your Age

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My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and as Bub, William Frawley.

Well, you don't suppose they're going to let their
dad leave town without saying goodbye, do you?

Oh, Saturday, Bub, you should have let him sleep.

Leave?

Besides, I'm going to be back home tonight.

And what are these things?

I was just looking at these books Mike
brought home from the library.

History made easy.

Taking the work out of homework.

How to retire before 30.

Oh, boy, these kids are today.

You know, in my day, we weren't looking
for the easy way out.

You, uh, weren't, huh?

Well, we might have been looking for it,
but we never found it.

Well, I guess I better get going.

You know, I'm a little worried about this assignment.

Relax, will you?

What are you worried about?

Well, it's just that I have a meeting with
Thorne Masterson.

He's the president of Union Aircraft.

I'm supposed to try to sell him on a very
important contract.

Well, don't worry.

In case any problems should come up,
you can reach me at the dial, 325-207743.

Ask for Mr. Douglas.

Mr. Douglas.

Well, I usually ask for my son-in-law, the engineer.

Um, tell the boys I'm sorry I couldn't wait.

They'll be right down, I tell you.

There they are.

Hmm?

Oh.

Well, it was nicer than to get up to see me off.

Well, I didn't really want to,
but I suggested it might be nice.

I thought so.

Well, goodbye, fellas.

Sir, uh, uh, what did they say?

They said goodbye, have a good time, and hurry back.

Oh.

I'll see you tonight, Bub.

Don't wait till tomorrow.

Well, this isn't much of a planet, but it's all we got.

We might be hired, but we still got things to learn.

Where you going?

To I-Hey.

It's all in the beginning, Ernie.

For you to go one weekend without TV.

But there's nothing else to do.

Hey, you want to go outside and have a catch?

Can't you see I'm busy, Chip?

And then I got to get to the dentist.

Gee, Bub, how will I last a Monday without TV?

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you'll
just have to rough it.

Too bad.

Carol, how am I supposed to get over to
your house without a car?

It's not practically next door.

It's five blocks.

Five blocks?

Well, look, if you think it's such a nice
walk, why don't you walk over here?

Oh, forget it.

I was supposed to go over there.

It's five blocks.

Well, that explains it.

And each one of those blocks is studded with landmines.

It's not that important.

You know, when I was a kid, I walked two
miles to school every day.

Sudsy's right.

The human race is going downhill.

Earth to OCOG.

Earth to OCOG.

We're coming after you.

We're going to blast you into the next universe.

Water department?

Who am I?

Uh, I'm a wrong number.

Well, I thought you were in training, Humphrey.

Well, I am.

What, for a fighting contest?

Now, listen, if you do make the team, and if you should
get a hit, you're going to have to carry it to first base.

Well, uh, Chuck Farnham's raising a mustache.

Well, what's that got to do with it?

Shut that thing off, will you?

Well, uh, Chuck is the other candidate for shortstop.

Yeah, I know.

Who's ever seen a high school shortstop with a mustache?

Well, don't you see, Bub?

If the coach has to choose between a guy
who can't run and a guy that's going to

look a lot older than the coach himself,
naturally, he's going to choose me.

Well, I don't believe I saw anybody
selling tickets for the side show.

But now that I got you all here together,
come on in and sit down.

Sit down.

I said sit.

Yes, sir.

Now, for the next few minutes, I'm
going to ask for your undivided attention.

What's that?

Just pay attention, Chip.

Bub wants to tell us something.

Yes.

When I was your age, kids were different.

Now, I don't want to say we were better,
but I will say it because we were better.

Better than what, Bub?

Better than you playboys, that's what.

This generation doesn't even know the
meaning of the word humility.

We didn't have telepathy.

Television, the.

Wood, beat the rugs, churn the butter, milk to...

Boy, that must have been great.

Maybe it's me.

I try to understand.

Well, what is it that you want to understand, Bub?

Your dad takes off on a trip, but no one...

Let's get to work and do something around here.

Like Bub says, it won't k*ll us.

What do we do first, melt the cow, churn the butter?

We can beat our rug.

Well, how are you going to beat wall-to-wall?

No, I mean the rug in my room.

We can take the rug outside and then hang
it up and then beat it.

I guess that's how you do it.

What do you want?

Let's watch TV.

Still busted.

Did you look in the refrigerator yet?

I know, all the ice cream is melted.

Do you want to work or not?

We're too smart for that.

Where are you going?

To Saturn.

See ya.

All right.

Now, I'm going to take care of the light fixtures.

I'm going to take care of the light fixture in
the kitchen, and Robbie's going to beat the rug.

I want to beat the rug.

No, you're going to put away the groceries.

Yeah, put away the groceries.

All right, let's get in there and pitch.

Let's really do a great job and surprise Bub, huh?

All right, let's get in there and pitch.

Raw, raw, raw, and gung-h*!

Yeah,

it's not so difficult if you know what you're doing.

I took down the old light fixture,
now all I have to do is finish plastering

this up and paint over it, then with the
hole I cut in the ceiling over there to

expose the wires, I'll put the new light fixture
up there, and Bub has a new light to work by.

That's a pretty complicated job.

You know a job like this that costs 40 or 50 bucks?

Here, put a little more plaster on that hole, will you?

Oh my gosh.

Chip!

For the 10th time, will you get in here
and put these groceries away?

Straight that up.

I don't need it.

How's that?

I still don't need it.

Straight close to that.

How about.

I fix them?

Why don't you fix the TV?

Why don't you Amscrit?

Get lost.

I.

Don't understand them sending an engineer
to negotiate a big contract like this.

Don't they think we're important enough?

You'd think they'd delegate at least a vice president.

I'll send him in.

I'll see what he has to offer.

Yes, sir.

George Studsy.

Busted it.

He should make it work again.

Well, it's for you.

For me.

Hello?

Hi, Dad.

Hello.

I saw off the TV.

Look, I left a number where I could be reached in
case something important came up, an emergency.

Now, of course, I realize that to you this
is an emergency, but...

Studsy and I were just watching it,
and suddenly it went out.

Blat.

Blat?

Yeah, he says he vacuumized it.

Do you believe that?

No.

No, I don't.

Now, I know you fellas can get along
without me being there for one day.

Now, you work this out for yourselves.

I'm very busy here.

Goodbye, and have a nice day.

Is everything all right?

Oh, yes, yes, nothing too important.

Let's see.

You, uh, finished up in the living room?

Uh, not quite.

I got all the furniture moved out of the way.

You know what, I better get to work on this rug.

Hey, that's, uh, looking pretty good, isn't it?

Yeah, it does look pretty good.

Hey, Rob, where's that new fixture?

Uh, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't see it anywhere around here.

Well, now, Redfoot, why would my men want
to attack your brain?

Engine no one, no trouble.

We don't want any either.

Hey, Mike, what do you beat a rug with?

A rug beater.

Hi, information.

Could you tell me who I would call to get paint off a rug?

Oh, never mind.

I think I found it, information.

As you can see, Mr. Masterson, this projection
indicates an entirely new concept in design.

Very ingenious.

Now, this print here... Pardon me.

Yes?

Hi, Dad.

How do we get paint off the rug before Bub
gets back from the dentist?

How do you...

Don't you know?

Don't you fellas understand?

I'm in the middle of a very important meeting here.

Well, this is important, too, Dad.

There's a lot at stake.

What's at stake?

Well, my pride.

Bub says our whole generation is nothing
but a bunch of freeloaders.

Oh.

Well, about your problem, why don't you go
down and talk to Mr. Haynes about it?

I'm sure he can give you some information on it.

Oh, down at the hardware.

Yeah, thanks, Dad.

Don't mention it.

Goodbye.

Your people just can't seem to get along
without you, can they?

Boys seem to have run into a few problems, don't they?

Don't explain.

Please, I understand perfectly.

You do?

Yes, I do.

Oh.

Well, now, this print incorporates a few
structural changes that...

Hey, Robbie, do you know where that new light fix here is?

Hey, Mike, could you lend me a quarter?

I've looked all over for it.

It was here someplace.

Unless Bub took it back.

Thanks.

Oh, my gosh, I can't leave a hole in the ceiling.

He's got to have a light in the kitchen.

Steve, challenge me for everything that's best to see.

Steve, it's been a long time since
somebody showed me how to cut costs.

Well, Thorne, saving you money is as much a
part of my job as seeing that you get good quality.

That's nicely put, Steve.

Say, mothers, here's a new wash day miracle.

So simple a child can use it.

Laundry washes itself.

So watch how easy it is to make wash day a child's play.

I decided to help you work.

I wish to view your earth people at close hands.

Well, I'm going to do the laundry.

You mean it?

Sure, that's child's play.

Chip, did Dad leave a number where it could be reached?

Yeah.

What do you want to bother him for?

Don't you know he's busy?

Commander?

Yes?

Yes, this is he.

It's for me.

Of course.

Dad, this is Mike.

I'm sorry to bother you, but do you remember the kitchen?

Of course I remember it.

Why do you ask?

Is it gone or something?

Well, you remember the light fixture?

You wanted to move it over and put up a new one?

Well, where is the new one?

Mike, this can wait till I get back at it.

A man has executive quality.

Everybody depends on him for decisions.

But, Dad, there's a great big hole in the ceiling,
and Bub's got to have something to work by.

Well, why don't you enlarge the hole and put the house
on a turntable, and he can work by the light of the moon?

I can't get a straight answer from anybody anymore.

I'm sorry I bothered you.

You think that's enough soap, Potter?

You better use it all to make sure.

Hey, it looks like an ice cream store to Chip.

Yeah.

Here, let's go outside and play.

What about the laundry?

It washes itself.

What is this?

A revolution?

All right, you rebels, take down the barricades.

What is this?

Yes, this is Heath.

When are you coming home?

Well, I'm just about cleaned up
here and... Yeah, well, I'm not.

And Steve, how can I get your kids to quit
trying to help me?

Well, you're in charge there, you know.

I thought you'd keep the old assembly line
running smoothly.

What do you mean, assembly line?

This is no factory.

It's an uprising.

And you better get home while the ceiling is still on.

Yeah.

Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to go.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to get back.

Yes, I can see that.

Well, Thorne, I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that
this whole complicated deal worked out as easily as it did.

Matter of fact, I'm just a little surprised, too.

It's been a distinct pleasure, Steve.

Well, thank you.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Jensen.

That just shows you how wrong you can be.

That's just the kind of man I like to do business with.

Indispensable.

A real executive.

His company must think highly of him.

Highly?

They call him here every five minutes.

I don't know how they can operate without him.

He's an engineer, you know.

Like me.

Hi, Bob.

Hi, Steve.

Welcome home.

Such as it is.

You know, Bob, I had the strangest experience today.

Yeah, well, you tell me yours,
dear, and I'll tell you mine.

No, no, you go ahead.

You've got to put your foot down with those boys.

How do you mean?

Well, Mike put up a new light fixture in the kitchen today.

Yeah?

Robbie beat the carpet.

Oh?

And Chip did the laundry.

Oh.

What do you think of that?

Well, I think that's pretty wonderful, don't you?

Well, it seems to lose a little something in the telling.

Hi, Ed.

Oh, hi, Mike.

Well, kitchen's finished.

I'm turning in.

I've had it.

Robbie and Chip had it a couple of hours ago.

Let's face it.

Modern kids can't take it.

Maybe it's because when we were kids, we
didn't have all these conveniences and amusements.

Yeah, maybe.

But I imagine if we'd had them,
we would have used them, huh?

Yeah.

And it's easy business.

I don't know where they pick it up.

I don't know, but they sure pick it up.

Yeah.

Bob, how would a cup of coffee go right now?

A cup of coffee can go great, but we're just out of coffee.

Oh.

Well, I suppose I could drive down and get some, hmm?

But, uh, I've already put the car away in the garage.

I suppose I could walk down and get some.

Oh, no, no, no.

I shouldn't do that, Bob.

The store's two blocks away.

Besides, you haven't got your shoes on.

Well, you've got your shoes on.

Why can't you walk down and get them?

Oh, well.

Well, I think we'll just skip the coffee, huh?

Yeah.

Well, that's where they pick it up.

Yeah.

Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as
this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.