03x38 - Bub's Sacrifice

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Very nervous.

I'm practicing for the junior prom, baby.

Walking in piano.

There, that's more like it.

That's fine.

Fine.

You call that dance music?

That dance went out with metal-tipped shoelaces.

Are you kidding?

Well, it's harder to do than that chiropractor's crawl.

Oh, Bub, you just criticized because you can't twist.

Oh, yeah?

Well, just clamp your blood shots on this, swivel hips.

Well,

the floor show goes on before dinner tonight, huh?

I was just showing Robbie some tricky
steps for his prom tomorrow night.

Oh, well, don't let me stop you.

You just let me know when you need the oxygen tank.

Did you get the fight tickets?

I got them.

Here, Rob, stick that in that closet, will you?

Well, you're a genius, I'll tell you that.

You know, with no television, it's a sellout.

Third row.

I had to get them from a broker.

I figured I'd rather pay the extra money and get
the seats rather than risk your cooking if I didn't.

Well, I'll just take mine now so you can't lose it.

Oh.

Come on, Robbie.

Well, hello.

Hello.

Is there something I can do for you?

Well, I came to visit my Aunt Ethel.

Aunt Ethel?

Doesn't Mrs. Carlson live here?

Oh, Miss Carlson, she lives next door
where the Pearsons used to live.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry I bothered you.

Oh, no bother.

I mean, no trouble at all.

My name is Robbie Douglas.

Well, thank you, Robbie.

Bye.

Bye.

Well, at that rate, he ought to reach the
moon in 24.9 hours.

What kind of fuel is he burning?

Well, if we could bottle it, there'd be
quite a traffic problem in outer space.

He just met a pretty girl.

Oh.

Uh, Mike?

I'm broke.

Mike, I need some advice from an older man.

More experienced.

More experienced with what?

Well, with girls.

Oh.

Okay.

The old professor's listening.

This girl comes to the wrong house,
and you've never seen her before.

But when she looks at you, your socks curl, and the...

Well, how do you meet her again?

Well, after you straighten out your socks,
why don't you ask her for a date?

Oh, no.

A girl that looks like Claudia would never
go out with a stranger that looks like me.

Well, uh, how about a... How about a dozen
roses with a card from an unknown admirer?

I'm already unknown.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to be known.

Well, find a mutual friend and get introduced.

No.

No.

Our only mutual friend is Mrs. Carlson,
and the friendship isn't mutual.

No.

Well, in that case, I suggest you relax
and find yourself another girl.

But there isn't any other girl in the whole world.

I've got to figure out some way to meet
her that'd be smooth, mature, sophisticated.

I'm sorry about my mistake yesterday afternoon.

Oh, that's okay.

I'm glad it happened.

I mean, I might not have met you.

Of course, I didn't meet you, did I?

I guess not.

Claudia Martin.

Oh, how do you do?

Robbie Douglas.

How do you do?

Are you going to live here, I hope?

No, I'm just visiting my aunt for the weekend.

Oh, I live here.

I know.

When I told my aunt, she gave me a lecture
about Mr. O'Casey.

Oh, yeah.

This is the week they're not speaking.

Bub is really a great guy, though,
when you know him better.

I'd love to.

Oh, well, I'll introduce you then.

I'll mail this stuff later.

Here, let me take this.

Don't worry.

There's nothing breakable, except the eggs.

Thanks.

Bub?

Yeah?

Bub, I'd like you to meet someone.

Huh?

Oh, gee, why didn't you tell me you were having company?

I'd have worn my party apron.

Bub, this is Claudia Martin.

Claudia, this is my grandfather, Bub.

Hi, Claudia.

Hi.

That's kind of a pretty name.

See, he doesn't bite.

What do you mean?

He doesn't bite.

Oh, her aunt warned her.

Oh, well, you gotta look out for me just the same.

I kick baby bunnies around.

I hope you'll forgive Aunt Ethel.

She is a little strange at times, but she's very nice.

Well, you're half right.

You want me to sit down for you?

Now, how about a nice cold glass of lemonade for you, kid?

Oh, that'd be great, Bub.

If it's no trouble, Mr. O'Casey.

Oh, it is no trouble at all.

All Bub has to do is take a dozen lemons
and squeeze each one by hand and empty a

few trays of ice cubes and add water and then strain
off a couple hundred pits and he's got it, that's all.

But that is a lot of trouble.

And that's why I always have a can of
instant frozen around.

You're right.

He's very nice.

Hi.

Sorry you can't hang around.

Sure I can.

Claudia, this is my kid brother, Chip.

Hi, Chip.

tr*mp, knock it off.

And take Chip with you.

We got better things to do anyway.

Come on, tr*mp.

Bob?

Yeah, Chip.

Is that Robbie's new girlfriend?

Well, uh, no, not exactly yet.

He's, uh, pretty stuck on her, though, I'd say.

Girls are dumb heads.

What does he see in her?

She can't play baseball.

She can't climb trees in that crazy dress.

Well, I guess it's just because Mother
Nature planned it that way.

Which way?

Which way?

Well, when little boys and girls grow up,
they fall in love and get married,

and then after a while, they have families.

But why?

Why?

Well, now, let me put it this way.

We'll take your lizard, Henry.

You know Henry.

Well, we'll take...

No, we won't take your lizard, Henry.

I'm not quite straight on lizards.

Well, how about a frog?

That's it.

We'll take a frog.

That's the fellow we'll take.

Now, you ask me later, will you?

About a year later.

Then I'll know more about a frog.

Don't forget it now.

I think it's wonderful that you want to be
an engineer like your father.

You must be awfully smart.

Well, well, not really.

I'm glad you think so.

Here's some nice fresh lemonade.

And some cookies.

Oh, thanks, Bub.

And they're good.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You know, Claudia, our dance tonight would
give you a great chance to meet some kids,

wouldn't it, Bub?

Well, a chance of a lifetime.

Yeah.

I was going to go stag, but if you'd care to go with me.

Gosh, I'd love to go with you, Robbie.

You would?

Only I can't.

I already have a date for that dance.

Bill Mason.

Bill Mason?

I thought you didn't know anybody around here.

I don't.

I haven't even met him.

I know a friend of his who goes to my school.

I called Bill to say hello for her, and he asked me.

Oh, well, that'll be okay.

You'll like old Bill.

He doesn't talk very much, but he sure has muscles.

How about tomorrow night?

Seven days in this week, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Claudia, how about tomorrow night?

Sorry, I leave tomorrow night.

I have to be back for school Monday.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, I tried.

I can't declare a national holiday, you know.

Well, I have to be going.

Thanks for the lemonade, Mr. O'Casey.

My pleasure, Claudia.

Maybe I'll see you at the dance tonight, Robbie.

Yeah, sure, maybe.

Bye, Mr. O'Casey.

Bye, Claudia.

Bye, Robbie.

Bye.

Oh, come on.

Cheer up, Romeo.

There are a lot more Juliets in the schoolyard.

Oh!

Oh, hi.

Boy, she meets one guy in town, and
it has to be that character, Bill Mason.

Boy, that's all he does is lift weights.

He'll get a hold of Claudia, and he'll
just naturally lift her over his head.

Where does Mr. Muscles hang out these days?

He's always down at Weston's gym, grunting and groaning.

You're really stuck on Claudia, huh?

Boy, I'll say.

Well, that's the way it goes.

Somebody wins and somebody loses.

Hi, Bub.

Hi, Steve.

Here's your bread.

Thanks.

Say, Mrs. Carlson's niece is a pretty
little thing, isn't she?

Yeah.

She seem like a nice girl?

Very nice, but she's sure given Robbie a
case of heartburn and glazed eyeballs.

He's suffering again, huh?

Yeah, maybe it's about time for Grandpa Bub
to step in and help the romance along a little.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Bub.

They all go through that puppy love stage.

Well, maybe it isn't the puppy love stage.

I remember when I was Robbie's age a year or so ago.

I met a cute little girl once, prettiest thing I ever saw.

And my dad kept telling me it was just a
case of puppy love.

What happened?

Well, he kept telling me right up to the
point of where we got married and had pups.

So I said to Robbie, now, who do you know that
would like this ringside ticket for the fight tonight?

And he said, Bill Mason.

Robbie said that?

Yeah.

Gee, Mr. O'Casey, how come you're not
using the ticket yourself?

Well, I'm kind of tied up tonight.

Well, I'd give anything to go.

I'm afraid I can't, though.

See, I'm stuck with a blind date for the prom.

Sort of a favor for a girl I know.

Let's see, what was her name?

Claudia, Claudia something.

Not Claudia, Martin.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know her?

Why, she's living right next door to us,
staying with her aunt.

Say, what does she look like?

Well, let's put it this way.

If this were Thanksgiving, you've won the prize Turkey.

Well, I'm sorry, Bill, but there it is, third
row ringside, and it won't cost you a cent.

But if that's the way it is, that's the way it is.

Well, uh, wait a minute.

Gosh, if I could just get out of that date.

Let me tell you something about women, Bill.

If you're stuck with the clinker, run.

Do not walk to the nearest end.

Oh, but what could I say?

What could I tell her?

Well, just tell her you were suddenly taken sensible.

Okay.

I don't want to miss that fight.

Say, can I buy you a vitamin drink?

No, thanks.

I'm on the wagon.

You know, Robbie, thanks a lot for the ticket.

I will.

I'll tell him.

Bub, you're the greatest.

I'll make it up to you.

I'll pick up my socks for a whole month.

Now, that's what I call gratitude.

Boy, you're kind of a villain to go into the fight.

Well, how'd you get the ticket for him?

I thought the fight was a sellout.

Well, I have to know somebody who isn't going.

Well, who?

What difference does it make?

Now, get on the phone to Claudia there,
passion flower, before all your petals are wilted.

All right.

Bub?

Yeah?

You gave Bill Mason your ticket to the fight, didn't you?

All right, what if I did?

Boy, you're one in a million, Bub.

You want to make it two in a million and
give me your ticket?

Well...

What's the matter with you?

Your chin's below sea level.

Claudia can't go.

What do you mean?

Bill called her and canceled the date, all right, but then
she promised her aunt that she'd go to a movie with her.

She can't do that to me.

Boy, some lover I am.

Just come in second to an aunt.

We're in the dead heat, Charlie.

Bub, there is a way out of this.

Like what?

Well, if we could get somebody to take
Mrs. Carlson to the movie, that would

leave Claudia free to do something else, right?

But who are we going to get to take the old buzzy?

Well, that's the problem.

Who?

Hello, Mr. Who.

Well, Mrs. Carlson's twice my age.

Well, maybe not twice my age.

She's twice anybody's age.

Bub, why don't you ask her?

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't ask her to go to a rock fight.

Bub, look at it this way.

She's a disaster area, and you're on a mercy.

No, you don't.

Now, I've done my bit.

Forget it.

Okay.

She probably wouldn't go with you anyway, Bub.

I guess you've sort of lost your touch with women, hmm?

Oh, lost my touch, huh?

Well, if I'd ask her, she'd jump in the
air and click her heels.

I kind of doubt that, Bub.

Even at her age, I imagine she's a little
particular who she goes out with.

Yeah?

Well, I'm not exactly the town dirty bird.

I'll show you whether she'll go out with me or not.

Excuse me.

All right, sad Sam, you can start dressing for the prom.

I'm not going.

Oh, yes, you are, and you're taking Claudia.

What?

Now, Bub, I think you ought to wait.

You heard me, now go on up and get ready.

Okay, Bub.

Bub, I don't think you should have told
him until after you've spoken to Mrs.

Carlson, do you?

Now, don't you worry, I can't miss.

Yes, I'll just turn on the charm way up to
where it says hot.

And you get out your binoculars.

Maybe you can pick up a few pointers.

Well, Bub, how did it do?

I blew my top again.

Now, why can't I be a nice, quiet little
menace instead of an overbearing blabbermouth?

Get a load of Bo Brummel.

Boy, what'd you put on?

You sure smell funny.

Peasants.

Well, how do I look?

Well, you look, uh, you look fine, Rob.

I get that.

It's just that, uh, something's happened.

What's that?

Well, when Bub said you could
take Claudia to the parlor... I'll get it.

Hi.

Gee, Miss Carlson, you didn't have to deliver.

I was just coming over to your house.

Mr. Douglas.

Hello, uh, Miss Carlson.

Mr. O'Casey.

Bub.

Bub?

Uh, Claudia, this is my father, Mr. Douglas.

Hello, Claudia.

How do you do?

Oh, I forgot the prom tickets.

Excuse me.

You seem surprised, Bub.

Flabbergasted is the word.

When you spoke to Anne Ethel, Mr. O'Casey,
she didn't know about my date with Robbie.

I didn't mention it because I promised to
go with her to a movie.

You're right, Bub.

Any differences we may have should not be
taken out on our children.

Ethel, you're okay.

Well, I guess everything's all right then, huh?

Yes, sir.

Sure, Robbie.

Well, bye, Dad.

Bye, Rob.

Goodbye, Claudia.

Bye-bye.

Bye, Robbie.

Coggies.

Oh.

There you are.

Nice.

Have fun.

Good night.

Well, Bub, I'd say you were entitled to this.

Well, Steve, I can't take your ticket to the fight.

Oh, please, Bub.

I really shouldn't go anyway.

I have a lot of work I ought to do tonight.

Fight ticket for tonight?

And I got the best seat in the house.

It seems to me I have a movie coming.

A movie?

Oh, yeah.

How about that?

Well, there's no use letting this ticket go to waste.

I'll go down and keep Bill Mason company.

After all, he is our guest.

You two have fun.

Good night, Mrs. Carlson.

Good night.

Thank you very much.

And don't wait up for me.

Never in the whole history of the world
was there a night like this.

Oh, Claudia was okay, huh?

Okay?

Right off a cloud.

We decided not to go to the prom and mingle.

We went to the movies and I held her hand.

Well, how did she eat her popcorn?

Oh, we shared.

I held the popcorn in my other hand.

She fed me.

I don't see any butter on your chin.

She dabbed all that off with a paper napkin.

What was the movie?

It was, um...

Boy, who knows?

Then we walked home, real slow through the park.

We had our arms around each other's waist.

We stopped at her house and she invited me
in for some hot chocolate.

With cookies?

Yeah, with cookies.

We just sat in front of the fireplace.

I had two whole cups of hot chocolate.

Makes Romeo and Juliet sound like a couple of cold fish.

Hi, Bob.

What are you two night owls doing up till this hour?

Oh, I just got home, Bob.

I was telling Mike about my date.

Yeah.

How was your date, Bob?

Miserable.

She insisted on holding my hand in the movie.

I couldn't even get it loose to slug her.

Did you have popcorn?

Did we have popcorn?

A lot of greasy, slimy stuff, and she
dripped the butter all over my coat.

How was the picture?

What picture?

All I heard was that female muttering in my ear.

Blah, blah, blah.

Walk home afterwards?

My feet are k*lling me.

And she insisted on taking the long way through the park.

Did you have hot chocolate afterwards?

Hot chocolate?

Oh, sure.

Watery hot chocolate.

And stale cookies.

What a crummy evening.

Boy, what a great night.

Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as
this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.