04x21 - My Fair Chinese Lady

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons Starring Fred McMurray and I
can't believe it.

I just can't believe it.

I am on a date with Robbie Douglas.

Yeah?

Can I be frank?

Why not?

Well, I'm a very direct person, Robbie.

I mean, you'll find that out as you get to know me better.

But today is a dream come true for me.

Oh, gee, Gloria, Ruth, I'm glad to hear it.

You know, when I first saw you way back
when we were sophomores, I said to myself,

there is my ideal.

The one perfect boy in our whole class.

How about that?

You know, there's something... There's
something I've just been dying to say to you.

What?

I think you should part your hair on the other side.

My hair?

Yeah, it would make such a difference.

Well, you know, I was kind of getting used to it.

Well, it's wrong the way it is.

That's... that's sweater.

Yeah, that isn't a very good color for you.

I've noticed that you wear that color all the time.

Ew, blue is your color, Robbie.

Gloria, Ruth, may I be direct?

Of course.

You see... You see, I'm your ideal, right?

Oh, yes.

Well, then why are you trying to change me?

Robbie.

If I didn't think that you were perfect,
why would I want to improve you?

But it's time to refuel.

Oh, wonderful, Mary.

I could use a little refueling.

Good.

Ray?

Yes?

Jimmy Sue is here.

I told him you were busy.

Oh?

Did he?

Ask about Yintai?

No, but that's why he's here.

He says he just wants to say hello.

All right, have him come in.

Ray, if you'd like to talk to your
friend alone, I'll... Oh, no, Steve.

I want you to meet Jimmy.

Jimmy, come on in.

Thank you, Mary.

Hello, Jimmy.

Hi, Ray.

Man, with you rocky boys working day and night, I'll
have my string of restaurants on the moon in no time.

Jimmy, I want you to meet my friend,
Steve Douglas, Jimmy Sue.

Any friend of Ray's is immediately suspect.

But you look like an exception, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, thanks, Jimmy.

Nice to meet you.

Sure.

People who meet Jimmy and see that face
expect him to speak with the wisdom of Confucius.

But instead, you get hip dialogue.

Now, what did Confucius know about the restaurant business?

Someday, when you're more brave than
hungry, I'll take you to lunch at Jimmy's place.

Oh, fine.

I love Chinese cooking.

Uh, Chinese food?

Not at my place.

Our specialties are Coney Island chowder, southern
fried chicken, Austin-baked beans, and shoofly pie.

Say, uh, Ray, got any news for me?

Well, if you fellas will excuse
me, I think I'll have a... Spot of tea.

Thanks, Steve.

What do you mean, news, Jimmy?

Well, how is she, Ray?

How is who?

What do you mean, who?

Oh, you mean Yintai?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, she's fine, she's fine.

Well, why can't I meet her?

Now, hadn't you heard?

Chinese are supposed to be patient.

Look, I have been patient, but it's been two
weeks since she got here from Hong Kong.

Yes, well, it's been a difficult
adjustment for a girl like Yintai, you know.

Maybe she doesn't want to meet me, huh?

We just want to be sure that when you
meet, everything will be right.

Okay, you're quarterbacking this play.

Atta boy, Jimmy.

We'll call you soon.

Okay.

Oh, it was great meeting you, Mr. Douglas.

Nice to meet you, Jimmy.

All right, men, let's get those rockets off the pad, huh?

Please excuse Jimmy's shyness.

Chinese shoofly pie.

I can't wait to try that.

More tea, Steve?

Yes, thanks, Ray.

The girl Jimmy was asking about is a
distant relative of mine.

We helped her come to America.

Jimmy seems rather anxious to meet her.

Yes, he's seen her picture.

He's looking for the right girl to settle down.

And she's looking for the right man.

A girl with her background doesn't look for a man.

She just waits to be found.

Why not let Jimmy find her?

It isn't that simple.

Steve, I want you to meet her.

Mary, will you have Yintai come in, please?

In Hong Kong, she was engaged to marry a wealthy merchant.

She was trained to be the perfect wife for him.

But a few weeks before they were to be married, he died.

Oh, she's grief-stricken, huh?

Not exactly.

She'd never seen him.

He was 66, and she is only 17.

Well.

Yintai, I want you to meet a very good man.

A very good friend.

Mr. Stephen Douglas, Miss Chu Yintai.

Hello, Yintai.

Chu Yintai is honored to be in the presence of a
so illustrious friend of her cousin and benefactor.

Well, I, uh, I too am honored.

You can go back to your room.

You can go back to your room.

Well,

what do you think, Steve?

Well, she's very lovely, Ray, but,
uh, you know, I can't quite picture her

with your friend, uh, Jimmy Sue,
the Coney Island Chowder King.

Yes, I know.

You know, Ray, I think the best thing for you to do is, uh,
well, let her meet some American kids her own age, and...

I'm glad you brought that up, Steve.

I was going to ask you, do you suppose
Robbie would consider, well,

reconditioning Yintai for me?

Robbie?

Yes.

I think it's possible.

Well, uh, there are two things Robbie can't resist.

One is a challenge, and the other is a pretty girl.

I think we just might be able to work something out.

Well, I'm glad you volunteered, Robbie, and not me.

Well, I, uh, thought maybe Sally wouldn't understand.

Why didn't you volunteer me?

You're just a little young, Trevor.

And besides, we don't like girls.

I like older women.

Well, why change her?

She's been trained to marry a man in her 60s.

I'm available.

But you're not Chinese.

Details, young man, details.

Now, you two get out of the kitchen until dinner's ready.

I'll call you.

Don't look at her.

Just ignore her.

Who is she?

She's a new girl in the neighborhood.

She's always standing around like that.

Come on, get it over with.

What, me yell at her?

Or throw a stick or something?

Heck no, you do anything like that and
she'll get the idea that we know she's there.

But we do know she's there.

We've got to pretend we don't.

The only way to get rid of girls is to ignore them.

And Ray's done a lot of nice things for
us, so I told him he could count on Rob.

Count on me to do what, Dad?

Go higher.

Well, I want you to do a little favor for Ray Wong.

Oh, sure, I'll have plenty of free time.

What's the matter?

Are you going to give up eating?

No, I'm going to give up girls.

Again?

Yeah, it's always the same.

First they tell you how great you are, how
different, and then they start trying to change it.

Do this and don't do that.

I've had it.

What's the favor you want me to do for Ray Wong, Dad?

Rob, I don't know whether I can ask you
now, because it does involve a girl.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

But in this case, the whole idea is for
you to try to change her.

Oh, yeah?

We sure could use a catcher.

Yeah.

Too bad she's a girl.

Yeah.

Do you think you could teach a girl to be different, Chip?

I mean, show her how to be like a guy.

Hey, you, come here.

Hello, Robbie.

I certainly appreciate this, Ray.

I still don't understand exactly what you
want me to teach you.

What's her name?

Chu Yin Tai.

Chu Yin Tai.

Now, just help her to understand how to
get along with an American man.

I'll go get her now.

Oh.

Chu Yin Tai, Robert Douglas.

Chu Yin Tai is honored to meet the son of
a so illustrious father.

All right.

Hi.

Well, I have some work to do.

I'll leave you two to get acquainted.

We might as well sit down.

Is the son of Stephen Douglas waiting for something?

Well, I was just waiting for you to sit
down so that I could sit down.

Oh, but a woman waits until the man is seated.

Well, not in this country.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we both sit down at the same time?

Ready?

One, two, three.

Stephen Douglas has the wisdom of his father.

You know, you can just call me Robbie.

You will not think me rude?

No.

It would be a lot simpler and friendlier.

What do your friends call you?

Robbie.

When I was small, my family used to call me...

How would I put it in your language?

It isn't easy.

It was like...

she who has the warmth of the sun.

For short?

Oh, I know.

I'll just call you Sonny.

Sonny?

Yeah, that fits you.

In Hong Kong, what did you do for kicks?

For kicks?

Well, I mean, when you went out on a date,
did you go see a movie or dance or bowl?

I did not go out.

I was a betrothed woman.

Well, if you couldn't date, what did you do?

I prepared myself to be a good wife.

I learned to cook and keep house.

I read poetry.

And I embroidered.

I embroidered rather well.

Oh, boy.

That's pretty.

One, two, three.

What kind of birds are these?

Swallows.

In China, the swallow stands for love and happiness.

There's a poem I thought of as I worked.

The what can I do with them flowers have fallen.

The as if we had met before swallows have returned.

The as if we had met before swallows have returned.

That's nice.

Sonny, why don't you ever look directly at me?

That would be very rude.

Well, here we think it's rude not to look
at the person you're talking to.

Like this?

Like that.

Oh, Robbie, I have so much to learn.

I'm afraid you will soon tire of trying to teach me.

I think it will work out fine.

Just fine, Sonny.

Just fine.

It's amazing I can still walk.

Well, it's not my fault that your feet are so big.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Here she is, safe and sound.

I don't have to ask you if you had a good time.

Oh, Robbie introduced me to so many of his friends.

Huh.

The way some of those wolves were rushing
you, they're no longer my friends.

And the girls invited me to a, oh, what is it, sleep party?

A slumber party.

Actually, it's a no-sleep party.

And there's a barbecue cookout next Sunday.

And a big dance the next weekend.

As a matter of fact, we're going to have a
little dinner party here Saturday night.

We'll ask Robbie and Mike.

S'well.

And Jimmy Sue.

He's been very impatient to meet you in time.

Sounds like fun.

Well, I better be going.

You leaving?

Yeah.

Goodbye, Mrs. Wong.

Good night, Robbie, and thank you.

Goodbye, Ray.

Good night, Robbie.

I'll take you to the door.

I don't think we need to put off the
meeting with Jimmy any longer, do you?

I wonder if we've already waited too long.

Hey, how about giving us a turnabout?

Oh, I'm getting tired of pitching.

And it's no fun being catcher.

You made up the rules.

I didn't.

And you said only girls.

You know, Sonny, you could be a champion bowler.

You've got a real feel for it.

Well, I just have a good teacher.

You always say the right things.

With you, it's easy to say the right things.

Be sure you say the right things tomorrow
night when you meet Jimmy soon.

Robbie, I wish I didn't have to meet him.

Dad tells me he's a real nice guy.

Older, but nice.

Maybe you could tell my cousin that you
don't think I'm ready.

That you need more time to teach me.

He's already planned the party.

Of course.

Heck, Sonny, you'll be just fine.

Mr. Sue will be impressed.

And I'll be proud of you.

You, uh, you do want me to be proud of
you, don't you, Sonny?

Of course.

Just be yourself.

That's good enough for anybody.

After tomorrow night, will I see you again?

Oh, sure.

Sure.

The Wongs are good friends of ours.

Well, sure, I'll see you.

After all, just because you're gonna meet
Jimmy Sue, the world's not gonna end.

Of course not.

You know, this place makes me think of home.

All the trees and flowers.

Not the ones I knew at home.

The pretty ones.

Yeah.

I've been trying to think of that poem you
said the first night.

What can I do with them?

Flowers have fallen as if we had met
before swallows have returned.

Yes, sir.

In a month, you could be bowling 180.

Thank you.

Mike's so glad you could come tonight.

Well, thank you for inviting us.

We're the guests of honor.

Oh, Jimmy's always late, and I guess
Yintai's a little nervous.

She's been shut up in her room all day.

It's just that she wants to make a good impression.

You know, I think Rob here is more nervous than she is.

Robbie's done a wonderful job,
and we're very grateful, Robbie.

Start the fireworks.

Jimmy's here.

Mary.

Hi, Ray.

Hi, Jimmy.

Jimmy, Sue, may I present Mike and Robbie Douglas.

They're Steve's sons.

Hi, Mike.

Nice to meet you.

Great meeting you.

But, um, where's my China doll?

She'll be right in, Jimmy, now.

Just reach.

Relax.

Excuse me.

You know, I'm beginning to doubt there is such a girl.

There is.

You've seen her?

She does exist.

Well, that's good news.

Hey, Mary, what's cooking?

He's too old for Sonny.

Too old.

She was engaged to a guy in his 60s.

Yeah, but that was in China.

Besides, what's the difference, 66 or 28?

How about some tea, Jimmy?

Mm-mm, never touch it.

Oh, I finally get to meet her, huh?

It would have been a mistake.

It would have been a mistake for you to
have met her sooner, Jimmy.

And when you see the adjustments she has made to a new
way of life, I know you're going to say it's worth the wait.

Oh, I have been able to forget that
picture Barry showed me.

Man, that classic face.

That calm and peace in it.

That air of mystery.

Man, I'm telling you, this girl is a Chinese Mona Lisa.

Like.

This potty's dead on its feet.

Loosen up, you won't fall apart.

You've done it, Fatina.

Can't slow Chinese spit, cuz.

This is a man.

And I'm an all-American girl.

Just call me Sunny.

Rob, what have you done?

I don't know.

Yintai, this is Jimmy Sue.

Right, the short-order king.

What, cooking, Jimmy baby?

What is the matter with you?

Matter?

Why, nothing's the matter with me.

How do you like him?

He wants me to be like an American girl,
so here I am, a real bopper.

And he doesn't appreciate me.

Jeepers.

I was expecting the Mona Lisa, and I get a bopper.

Come on.

Well, let's go.

Let's circle.

Sonny, please don't.

Aren't you proud of me, teacher?

Please don't.

Didn't I learn my lessons right?

Sonny, why'd you do that?

I guess maybe I need more lessons, teacher.

No.

Well, you taught me a lesson.

You reminded me that you're 17 years old,
that you have a mind and heart of your

own, that any self-respecting American girl
would stop at nothing to avoid being married off.

I won't forget that lesson.

It was childish, but I didn't want Jimmy to like me.

No more apologies.

I have only one regret.

That I don't have a picture of Jimmy.

His face when he popped through that door.

Poor, what an entrance.

Now, let's meet Jimmy properly.

And remember, it's not just whether he likes you.

It's also whether you like him.

Come.

Don't worry.

Robbie will be sitting beside you at dinner.

For purely educational reasons.

Do I know you?

I was a new boy in the neighborhood.

Oh, sure, you're Ethel May.

You were the catcher the other day.

Yeah.

Uh, what happened?

Automation.

I guess so.

Well, don't you worry, Ethel May.

The boys won't be able to get along.

They won't be able to get along without you for very long.

Do you really think so, Mr. Douglas?

Oh, I'm sure of it.

Just you wait and see.

So, how are you getting along with the
short-ordered king, Sonny?

Oh, Jimmy, he's really very sweet.

You really think so?

He doesn't compare with you, though.

But, of course... Of course, you're not like any other man.

You're not like any other girl.

You know, Robbie, I've been thinking...

What, Sonny?

Have you ever thought of parting your hair
on the other side?

I think it'd make a wonderful difference.

Unless someone who really has an interest
in us takes the time out to make helpful

suggestions, how are we ever going to improve?

Yeah, that part has definitely got to go.