04x27 - What's the Princess Really Like?

[bunniefuu]

My Free Son, starring Fred McMurray,
and as Bub, William Frawley.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Gary.

Hi, Steve.

Bub, uh, hey, uh, what are you doing?

Well, cleaning out the...

travel tomorrow.

Hey, uh, what are you doing?

Well, cleaning out the garage.

You're not gonna throw all that stuff away.

Yeah, it's all going out of here.

Hey, Dad, did you hear anything about
Princess Joanne coming back to Bryant Park?

Yeah, I just picked up the paper in the front.

All over the headlines.

Princess Joanne and Prince Sandro arrival tomorrow.

See, I told you, nobody ever believes me.

Um, can I see that?

Now, you're not gonna throw this out.

Well, what good is it?

Well, I don't know.

You just ought to be able to use it for something.

A butterfly nut?

One you never can tell.

To the front door, Melissa.

I'll look.

I'll get it, Bub.

Now, listen, put all this stuff away.

All of it.

Get it all up in a bundle and put it away.

Mr. Douglas?

Yes.

Stephen Douglas?

Yes, sir.

I'm Ken Griffiths of the Daily Courier.

May I come in?

Sure, come in.

Now, I'd like to ask you some questions
about Princess Joanne and Prince Sandro.

Oh.

Well, I'm afraid all I know about them is
what I read in the paper.

Well, it is true that you used to know Princess Joanne.

I mean, when she was Joanne Norton here in Bryant Park.

What kind of a girl was she?

She was a wonderful person.

I'm sure she still is.

Well, what I had in mind was the kind of a story
like, I knew her when, or the real Princess Joanne.

You know, that sort of thing.

I'm afraid I can't help you, Mr. Griffiths.

Have you ever met the prince?

No, I haven't.

Well, I'm afraid I can't help you, Mr. Griffiths.

Well, you expect to see them when they're
here on their visit?

I really don't know.

Well, you do plan to get in touch with her.

I mean, isn't it true that you were
engaged, or almost engaged to her?

I'm sorry I can't help you.

Look, Mr. Douglas.

Goodbye.

What?

Okay.

I'm sorry, it's my job.

I know.

Do you plan to catch something special
with that, or do you always carry it with you?

I caught it from the courier.

Yeah, I heard him.

Are you going to see Joanie?

Princess Joanne?

Princess Joanne, my foot.

She was a nice girl, but she's just plain Joanie Norton.

No, not plain.

Joanie was never just plain.

Are you going to see her?

No, I don't think so.

Too much water's passed under the bridge.

The whole ocean.

What am I doing with this thing, anyway?

Throw it away.

Dad, may I come in?

Oh, sure, come on in, Mike.

Dad, were you ever engaged to Princess Joanne?

Hey, what is this, a house full of reporters?

Oh, I'm just being curious.

I was just wondering how it felt.

I mean, when you're really in love with a girl, like I am
with Sally, and then to have her marry someone else?

Why didn't you marry her, Dad?

Was it because of me and Rob and Chip?

Oh, maybe, Mike, I don't know.

Sometimes I don't know.

It's hard to tell exactly why those things don't work out.

Well, anyway, she took a trip to Europe and met
a prince, and now they're living happily ever after.

Were you going to see her while she's visiting?

Oh, I doubt that, Mike.

She's moved to another world.

Might be interesting, though.

Don't you ever wonder why she's really like that?

Oh, sometimes.

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

Your pancake sandwich.

Pancake sandwich?

Yes.

You know, one pancake between two pancakes.

Bub, you need a new audience.

Yes, I sure do.

Hey, look what we got, letters.

We expect to find a mailbox.

Eggs?

Yes, but there's one for each of us with a crown on it.

Wow.

Thank you.

Oh, probably an announcement of the
opening of a crown laundry or something.

Thank you.

Hey, listen to this.

At the command of the royal highness of
St. Sandro, Alberta, we know.

I have the honor to request your presence
at a reception honoring the royal

highnesses in the grand ballroom of the Carmichael
Hotel on the ninth day of February at seven O'clock R.S.B.P.

And look, Bub, it's signed by Chief Protocol.

Protocol.

Chief of Protocol.

I thought he was an Indian.

Mike, it looks like I'll be seeing her after all.

What a nice thing for you.

We can go, can't we, Dad?

Well, we don't have any choice.

It's the royal command.

Oh, boy.

You know, it's kind of stupid, though.

I mean, all this bit with your highness
and the protocol jazz.

Oh, Rob, highness is just a title like,
well, sort of like captain or doctor or

professor, and protocol is the right way
of doing things at an affair of this kind.

Well, when we meet him, do we have to
say your highness and all that stuff, Dad?

Of course you do.

A bow from the waist?

A bow from the waist.

Get all dressed up?

Now, look, we're all going to get dressed
up and we're all going to go, and when we

are presented to the prince and Princess,
we will bow from the waist and address

them as your highness, because that's what
you do when you meet a prince and Princess.

Okay?

Well, I'd better get to the office.

See you later.

I guess you were a little girl.

Hi.

Hi.

I was doing well from the walk.

What were you doing?

Writing an acceptance letter.

Come on in.

What's an acceptance letter?

It means I can come to the party.

Who invited you that didn't invite me?

The prince and Princess.

I don't believe in that prince and Princess stuff.

It's like the Easter Bunny.

My dad knew the Princess when she was just a plain person.

Or she was a Princess.

She married the prince.

You have to call him your highness and stuff?

Yeah.

And bow from the waist?

Well, sure.

And make a cut off your hand?

No, I don't think so.

Wilson would like to see you bow.

Okay.

Mike showed me how.

Like this.

Hey, pretty good.

Watch out for dragons.

They're bad at this time of the year.

Yeah, I got a magic sword.

You should have a magic pen.

You're right to accept them.

Yeah.

Zip, Benetton.

It's okay with Chip Douglas about your clunky
party, as long as you have plenty of ice cream.

I'd just write, Chip Douglas accepts because
his father would clobber him if he chickened out.

Yeah, I bet you I can write a funnier one.

Let's see.

Refuse us with pleasure, the kind invitation
of Prince Sam Pyle and Princess Plughead.

Hey, how about this?

In answer to the invitation, Prince Chip
and his royal dog tr*mp hereby declare w*r.

When your dad gets dressed before I do,
it's lucky I get a shirt with any buttons at all.

Old Chinese proverb, first up, best dressed.

Just one moment, just one ever-loving moment.

What, do we have to pay a port tax before
leaving or something?

Letters of acceptance, please.

Oh, oh my gosh, I almost forgot.

Yeah, me too.

Thank you.

Thank you.

See you, Bub.

You may pass.

Adios, Gordon.

Am I late?

Come on, Bub.

Your acceptance letter, please.

Well, I'll have to give it to you tonight when I get home.

You'll give it to me now.

Oh, boy, doesn't anybody care if I get
expelled at the Spanish or something?

Boy, if I'm late, I have to get a t*rd slip.

And to get it, I have to leave class and go to the office.

And if they have a quiz while I'm gone, I get an F.

Here, Bub.

Put it in the envelope and steal it.

Oh, boy, if I get an F, I'll have to pay
back a whole grade.

In the envelope.

It would be all your fault, Bub.

It would be all your fault, Bub.

Thanks.

Do you want to get home?

Sir, through spreading your news of the
royal party, would you allow me to measure

you for your rented dinner jacket, Your Majesty?

You may.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is amazing.

Fifteen and a third.

Cut it out, Bub.

Chip got kind of comical with some of
these acceptance letters, didn't he?

Yeah.

Uh, the only person who thought Chip was
funnier than Ernie did was Chip.

Well, I'm glad he did all right when he
finally got serious about it.

Say, we'd better get this in an envelope
and have him address it and get it in the mail.

I mailed it this morning.

Oh, well, he probably wrote a couple
of them and sent the neatest one, huh?

Heck no.

Boy, we had to tie him down to get him the right one.

Well, then, uh, what's this?

What's what?

This.

Mr. Chip Douglas accepts with pleasure the kind
invitation honoring the... Would you let me see that?

I'm in a hurry.

Please.

But this is the one I thought I mailed this morning.

Oh, yeah.

Chip was in a rush, but Bub made him run back in.

Oh, my gosh.

Does anybody else know what I'm thinking?

Chip?

He's upstairs, Dad.

We're getting down here.

What do you like?

Chip?

Something the matter?

Yes, something the matter.

Chip, you better get down here right now.

What you done there, Vic?

Well...

Hiya, Dad.

I was back from bound.

Mike, Ernie says that when you're bound... Chip,
how many of these silly acceptance letters did you write?

Well, three, I think.

There were only two of you.

Did you write more than one serious letter?

Heck no, Dad.

Well, one was bad enough.

Is this it?

Yeah.

How'd you get it?

I gave it to Bub to mail this morning.

Oh, no.

Well, Chip, I guess you just weren't very
careful when you put the letter in the envelope.

I was kind of in a hurry.

You mean that one of the stupid letters you
wrote was mailed to the prince and Princess?

Mike, get the number of the Carmichael Hotel with you.

Dad, what are you going to do?

Try to lock the barn door after the horse has been stolen.

Carmichael, Bryant Park, 21111.

Gosh, Dad.

I didn't mean anything.

I know, Jim.

May I have the royal suite, please?

Oh, I see.

Oh, thanks very much.

What's up?

All calls have to go through the office of
the chief of protocol.

Well, why don't you call him?

How can you explain a thing like this, Bub?

Well, I guess this means we don't go to the reception, huh?

Well, we'll go, but I just wish this hadn't happened.

Mike, maybe there's some way we could get
the letter before it gets to the Princess.

U.S.

Postal Service has pretty definite rules
about that sort of thing.

It's really using your head, Chip.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's going.

Excuse me.

Yes.

My name's Chip Douglas.

I'd like to see the Princess.

Do you have an appointment?

No, but it's also important.

Well, I suggest that you write to the
chief of protocol and request an audience.

I'm sorry, but you do understand, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Wow.

You like it?

Oh, yeah, it's neat.

Is it yours?

Mm-hmm.

We just delivered it to the hotel.

I'm going for a spin.

Boy, are you a lucky guy.

Yes, sir.

Of course I am.

I bet I'll do 100.

Then we could.

Can I drop you somewhere?

No, I'm not allowed except rides.

I understand.

What's your name?

Chip.

What's yours?

My friend's called me Sandy.

You seem to be having a problem.

Yeah.

I've got to decide whether to go to school or run away.

Oh, well, I'd go to school.

Boy, it's all their fault.

I don't see why they had to come here in the first place.

Who are they?

Oh, that clunky Prince Sandal and Princess Joanne.

What have they got to do with it?

Well, they invited our whole family to this reception
because my dad used to know the Princess before she was born.

Well, I was fooling around writing these funny answers.

One of them got into the envelope and got
mail to the Princess.

Now my dad's ashamed of me and everything.

What's your dad's name?

Douglas.

Oh, yes.

You know him?

No, no.

I've heard about him.

I'd better get going.

Why don't you go and see the Princess
yourself and try to explain?

Why?

How can I see the Princess?

They won't let me in.

Well, I may just be able to arrange something.

I have a little influence.

You do?

What time do you get out of school?

Three O'clock.

Suppose you come back to the hotel at four and
maybe we can get that letter before the Princess sees it.

Really?

Well, we can always try.

You mean steal it or something?

Let's just say or something.

Okay.

Hi, Chip.

Right on time.

Hi, Fanny.

Oh, what a neat uniform.

You going to a costume party?

No.

I have to wear this when I'm on the job.

What, are you a doorman or something?

Not exactly.

But I do spend a lot of time on my feet.

Is there anything else I can do, Your Highness?

Yes.

Would you please call my chief of protocol?

Yes, Your Highness.

Come in, Chip.

You're the prince?

The Highness?

Yes.

Come in, Chip.

I wasn't trying to play a trick on you.

I was only afraid you'd think you had
insulted me again and you'd run off.

Yes.

Your Highness wishes to see me?

Yes, Paul.

I want you to meet a very close friend of
mine, Master Chip Douglas.

A pleasure, Master Douglas.

Me too.

Are the refreshments ready?

If you and your guests will be seated, Your Highness.

I imagine a small, I think you call it a snack,
is always welcome after a hard day at school.

You bet.

Ah, what a...

Wow.

Boy, don't Bub just give us bread and jelly?

You maybe don't have bread and jelly, but I
think the cake has raspberry jam for a filling.

Boy, is that the heat?

All of it, if you want.

Boy, if I'm dreaming, I sure hope I don't wake up.

I'm the one who should wake up.

I almost forgot our most important business.

Paul, would you be kind enough to bring us
the morning mail?

Hey, King, that way we can get the letter
for the Princess Princess.

So sorry, Your Highness, but Princess
Joanne has the letters delivered to her so

that she might personally receive the
replies to the reception invitation.

This is unfortunate.

Thank you.

Oh, boy, what are we going to do now?

We're going to relax and eat our ice cream.

I hope you approve of the flavor, pistachio and chocolate.

Yeah, it's what they have on Sundays.

Only when I get pistachio, I usually trade it with my brother
Mike because the nuts get caught in my loose back, too.

Then, if you permit me, my back teeth are relatively
secure and on top of that, I am very fond of pistachio.

Here we go.

You know what you imagine me?

Hmm?

For our friends, you're a real friend.

I didn't know you didn't get my letter back.

Huge fantasies brought on by guilt.

Fairy tale syndrome.

I am not any dumb drum.

See, I filled the ice cream right there, look.

Sure, Chip, sure.

You remember last week when you came home
late from school and you told us some

guy's bleeding and we were in the rocket ship?

That was different.

It was cold up there.

Yeah, but I made that up.

But this really happened.

Oh, hi, g*ng.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Steve.

Dad, they won't believe me.

They won't believe you, huh?

Hey, what do you got all over your shirt?

Oh, it's chocolate ice cream.

The prince gave me a scoop, too, and
nobody would believe that it was Sandy.

Well, that was pretty tense of you,
the prince, to give you Sandy ice cream.

Look, if I didn't do much trouble,
would somebody try to cue me in?

I don't know what's the use.

Nobody ever believes me anyway.

Well, Chip, just what is it we're supposed to believe?

Well, I saw this man getting in his new
car, and I thought it was neat.

And he told me he could help me about the
letter to the Princess if I came back to the hotel.

So after school, I came back, and he told
me it was too late.

The Princess already had the letters.

So he told me not to worry.

Then he gave me a bunch of stuff to eat,
and it even had a crown on it.

Only I forgot it.

I see.

Do.

No, no, not really.

But I think it's pretty obvious that Chip is telling the
truth about the, well, whatever he's telling the truth about.

Thanks, Dad.

Chip, would you mind telling us that again?

You met a man.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Good.

The way things are going around here is
probably a knight on a white horse.

Well, look who's here.

It's Sandy.

Joanie.

Your Highness.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Your Highness.

Hey.

Hello, Steve.

I know we should have phoned first, but, well, we were
out driving in Sandro's new car, and he told me about Chip.

I insisted on coming over immediately.

Well, come in, won't you?

Yes, come in.

Thank you.

Please do.

Steve, I'd like you to meet my husband, Sandro.

This is Steve Douglas.

How do you do?

It's good to meet you.

I've heard a lot about you.

Well, I've heard a lot about you, too.

Your Highness, may I present my father-in-law,
Bub O'Casey, and my sons, Mike and Robbie.

Your Highness.

I guess you've met Chip.

My, they've all grown so much.

Oh, except you, Bub.

Oh, I don't know, Your Highness.

I've put on a pot or two here and there.

Oh, come in and sit down, won't you?

Thank you.

Wait.

The first order of business is to tell Chip.

To stop worrying about that letter.

Now, I read it, and personally,
I thought it was very funny.

You did?

Absolutely.

Well, I hope we're not interrupting anything.

Maybe you are about to prepare dinner or something?

Oh, I don't know.

I was just burning a hamburger or two.

Your Highness, we'd be very happy if you'd
stay and have dinner with us.

We're just barbecuing, but... Oh, could we, Sandro?

Well, I think we owe ourselves some personal enjoyment.

After all, the purpose of this trip was
just to see old friends.

Why?

There's one condition.

I insist on helping.

Bub, I'm a pretty good barbecue chef,
if I may say so myself.

Well, then, if you'll just follow me,
we'll take care of things.

Sylvie, did you ever try some bourgeois in your hamburger?

Bourgeois what?

Bourgeois.

Red wine.

Pour it into the hamburger.

Sounds good.

We'll have to try it sometime.

You know, this is more of an event than you think.

Bub never lets anybody help him with his barbecuing.

Oh, he'll regret it.

Oh, Sandro's just fine on the creative
end, but terrible when it comes to barbecuing.

He'll regret it when it comes to cleaning up.

Here, let me give you this.

Thank you.

Here, I'll give it to Dad.

Oh, thank you, Mike.

But, Chipper, you'd better go up and clean
up before dinner, huh?

Okay.

Excuse me, Ron.

Dad, Mike and I'll help Bub set the table.

Oh, thanks, Ron.

Oh, they're marvelous, Steve.

Yes, they're pretty nice kids.

Of course, I was a little upset at Chip
for sending that letter.

Oh, Steve, I'm still me.

And I do know what 10-year-old boys are like.

Don't be angry with him.

Of course, I know he didn't do it on purpose,
but I couldn't be angry with him anyway.

After all, the letter did bring you in the
prince here, didn't it?

Well, it was a wonderful chance to see you.

It's been such a long time.

So much has happened.

Yes, it has.

Why don't you look just like a Princess, a Princess?

Joanie will be just fine.

You look wonderful, Joanie.

Come on, sit down.

How would you like your hamburger, Your Highness?

Honey.

You going to have a hamburger?

One rare hamburger.

Coming up.

Well, I guess the prince put Bub at least.

Or he wouldn't have let that honey slip out.

Sandy has that effect.

I hear he's a very nice man.

You're a very nice man yourself, Steve.

Thank you, Your Highness.

Honey.

Chip.

I think you'd better change that shirt, too, don't you?

I think you'd better change that shirt, too, don't you?

Yeah, that's right.

Thank you.

Be still.

Sit down.

Uh, could you give me kimchi, please?

Did you eat that?