11x07 - Vocational Education

[bunniefuu]

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Tuesday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to you.

These days are ours, happy and free.

These days are ours, share them with me.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

You're so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Tuesday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, happy days.

What a day, proving I'll meet with you.

These days are ours, share them with me.

These days are ours, happy and free.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days.

Okay, Roger, this better be good.

We've been saving the champagne since our wedding.

When are you going to tell us the good news?

Oh, I'm just on pins and needles.

Roger, now, what is this big announcement?

All right, all right.

You are looking at the youngest principal
in the entire Milwaukee school district.

Okay, here's a toast to Roger, the new principal of, uh,
what is the name of the school you're the new principal of?

George S.

Patton Vocational High School, huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Come on, I know the school has a bad
reputation, but that's not a problem,

it's a challenge.

Hey, Roger.

Yeah?

Let me tell you something.

Two months ago, I heard they were looking
for somebody young, somebody tough.

Uh-huh.

And they chose you.

Come on, Fonz, as a fellow teacher,
you must know what a break this is for me.

Yeah, well, you better call them and
tell them you can't do it and fast, Roger.

Why?

Why?

Yeah.

That's a tough school.

Well, Yale was pretty tough, too, you know.

Uh-huh.

No, no.

Roger, you don't understand.

You see, Patton's mascot is a piranha.

I mean, this is a place where the other schools send
their psychos and hoods and guys with really bad skin.

Let me tell you something, all right?

Now, you could make a great principal,
don't get me wrong, but for, like,

Jefferson High, you know, where the kids
come up and say, hey, principal,

look at my new sweater, look at the
varsity letter I got on, is it a kino?

But, Patton, come on, give me a break.

You know, I'm beginning to get the impression...

I'm beginning to get the impression that you
lack confidence in my ability to handle this situation.

Is that so?

Yeah.

You're very prescriptive, let me tell you.

The school is so...

And you are so...

They're going to eat you alive.

Is that right?

Yeah.

You know, Fonz, you're forgetting I happen
to have a master's degree in education.

Did I forget that?

So what does that make you?

What do you mean, what does that make me?

I asked you a question.

Fonz, I worked hard.

So did I.

Hey, fellas, fellas.

I got a...

Terrific idea to help celebrate Roger's
disaster... Ah, ah, ah, wonderful news.

I'm gonna take you all to the wiki-wiki room for dinner.

Oh, wow, that's a fantastic idea.

I think that Chachi and I are gonna stay behind.

Oh.

Hey, Uncle Howard, the wiki-wiki room.

Isn't that the Polynesian place with the flaming skewers?

Oh, Roger, the waiters weren't that bad.

Fonz, come on.

Don't you remember what happened last time, huh?

We got there five minutes after... We got there five
minutes after Mr. C and all the egg rolls were gone.

Chachi, I lost my appetite, you understand?

I mean, you see what happened to Mr.
All-American Joe Bob College?

Yeah.

He's going into the jaws of the asphalt junk.

Look, Fonz, we did our job.

We told them what to expect.

Now, what more do you want to do, huh?

Now, why are you so mad?

I'm not mad.

No.

No.

They picked him and...

Oh, instead of what?

Instead of you?

I'll tell you something.

I know Patton, you understand?

I know those kids.

I know them tricks.

I was the one who invented... I don't believe it.

I would have been a great principal,
but of course no one will ever know that,

because I don't have a you-know-what.

There's no way I'm sitting next to him at dinner.

Good morning, students.

The administration refuses to recognize
Friday night's riot as a spontaneous blood drive.

Good morning, young man.

There goes a young man that didn't have a good breakfast.

God, there's somebody locked in here.

Hey, Sam, get out of my way.

There's somebody locked in this locker.

No kidding.

What do you think I brought these for?

To trim my toenails?

Well, who is it?

Probably Mrs. Schellenbecker.

She's the slowest.

Mrs.?

Mrs. Schellenbecker, you all right?

Oh, fine.

Just fine.

Can you identify who did this to you?

Oh, no.

No, I wouldn't want to.

Not this close to my pension.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go
and cancel my credit card.

Oh, vandalism, teachers petrified of students,
a pirate flag waving in front of the building.

What kind of school is this?

A lousy one.

Hey, look, we just keep them locked up here long
enough till they can become a burden on society.

The school board can't even find a sucker
dumb enough to become principal of this dump.

Yes, they did.

I'm the sucker.

And a fine choice they made, too, Mr. Lowe.

Phillips, Roger Phillips.

A pleasure.

Freddy Bascom here, Industrial Arts Department.

And let me be the first to offer you my full
support in your effort to clean up this hellhole.

Yeah, well, you know, one of the good things, I did
notice the students seemed to have a lot of energy.

Now, if we can just channel that, I think we can
have a school here that we can all be proud of.

And some fun at the same time.

And you're just the man that can do it.

Thank you.

What a jerk!

All right, let's look sharp here.

The new warden wants to talk to you,
loser, so you better look like you're interested.

I believe you have their full attention now, Roach.

Thank you.

Anytime.

Hey, listen, if you're not doing anything
this evening, perhaps you'd consent to

break bread with a little woman and myself.

Maybe some other time, huh?

She's quite a looker, Roach.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Hello.

My name is... My name is Roger Phillips, and I'm
proud to be your new principal here at George S.

Patton Tech.

Now...

I see no reason why a vocational education
shouldn't be a quality one.

Ha!

I know that in the past.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

What is your name?

Roach.

I mean your real name.

Roach.

Okay, Roach.

If you have something so important to say,
why don't you share it with the entire class?

I'm sorry.

I was being rude.

I was saying how much fun it would be to
weld your lips together.

Well, I'm sorry you've taken this attitude.

Because I'd like to be something more than
just a principal.

I'd like to be your friend, your pal,
someone you can go sailing with on Sundays.

I think if you just hear me out, you'd say, I
see that we're working towards the same ends.

Excuse me, I'm not done talking to you yet.

Excuse me, young man, you shouldn't leave
until you've been properly dismissed.

Uh, all right, you run along.

We'll chat in my office.

We're gonna, uh, chat in my office later.

Guys, huh?

Looking good?

Looking good?

Say, I like the way you handled that.

Firm, get flexible.

Yeah.

I can see that no one is going to respond
to an enlightened approach to discipline.

Fine.

I want every student, every faculty
member, fifth period in the auditorium.

I am going to set the record straight as
to who's really in charge here.

Get the chair, Chachi.

Quick, get the chair.

Come on.

Well, Roger, how was your first day?

First day at school.

So what do you say I get my basketball and
we go out in the driveway, huh?

Come on, I'll let you stand on my shoulders and dunk.

I don't believe what happened.

I went in there today with my hopes, my dreams, my car.

Now what do I have, huh?

A two-and-a-half-piece suit.

Let's not forget your master degree.

Must be light enough, huh?

The poor guy was just pelted with nectarines.

I'm gonna tell you something.

A person dressed like you don't call extra
attention to themselves.

Excuse me.

I think my fine washables are dry now.

Hey, listen, man, it ain't your fault.

I mean, I tried to tell you.

You're not ready yet, that's all.

That's right, Yale.

They don't teach you about real life.

You're in over your head.

You fell on your face.

You bombed out.

I'm not through yet.

No, neither am I.

The popsicle dropped right off the stick.

You're on snake eyes.

All right, all right, I know what you think of me.

It's what you've always thought of me,
that I'm some effete, ineffectual baboon,

that I'm completely incapable of functioning
outside the sheltered academic arena.

Yeah, but I like you about anyway.

I don't want to be liked.

I want to be respected.

Well, that's...

Well, all right, Fonz, I'm going to show you.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go down to that
school, and I'm going to prove to you that

when the school board picked Roger Phillips
for the job, they picked the right man, pal.

My license, please.

What'd you do with the big thing that was attached to it?

I think the joke's gone on long enough now.

I'd like my car returned, no questions asked.

All right, hey, listen, I asked nicely.

I want my car returned by third period,
or I'm going to call your parents.

All right, now, what's it going to be, huh?

What's it going to be?

All right?

I think you should know, I was on the rowing team at Yale.

Cool it!

You guys want to consider eating solid food again?

Who's this guy?

It's the Fonz.

So?

Who are you?

Joe Malansky, what are you going to do about it?

Oh, yeah?

You Danny?

Malansky's brother.

Yeah, you trying to tell me you know him?

No.

I saved his life.

How?

I stopped hitting him.

Oh, that Fonzies.

Here are your.

Keys.

Hey, you found my car.

I found your car, I gassed it up, you're still
alive, let's go before they bring you home.

How much do I owe you for the gas?

Oh, forget the gas, forget the money, let's go.

How much do I owe you?

Four dollars.

Seem to have got my wallet, too.

When I find that, I'll take the money out.

Throwing prepares you for nothing.

There will be no hot lunches until my wallet is returned.

Guess you caught me red-handed.

You'll just have to throw me out of school.

All right, have a seat.

Sit down.

Fonzie, if you don't mind, I'll handle this.

Hey, I'm on your turf.

Sure.

Yeah.

I'll just sit over here.

Okay.

Out of the way.

Now, I've looked at your files and you
don't seem to be the idiot you pretend to be.

I'll try harder.

Look, Roach.

One of the goals I'm trying to implement
here is the OCAEP, or what I like to call

the Off-Campus Academic Employment Program.

Now, I've discussed it with some of the
local businessmen and they'd be willing to

employ or intern, if you will, some of our students
as they work towards their high school diploma.

Now, if such an arrangement holds any interest for
you, well, I'd be willing to give you another chance.

All right.

You're going to pay for this, you little hood.

Sit down.

Oh, Roger?

Yeah.

I think you're missing the point.

Hm?

I think this young man wants you to throw
him right out of school.

Well, why would someone want to forfeit
their right to a quality education?

I don't know but let's find out.

You crazy guy.

You're so smart.

I know what you want.

You want Mr. Phillips to kick you out of
school so you can be free as an eagle out

there and do whatever you want, huh?

You're pretty smart yourself.

I know?

Give me, give me.

Just by looking at you, I'll bet you got some.

Wonderful wheels coming together.

Yeah, I already got a 37 Ford.

And what are you going to do?

You're going to drive right in front of school?

You're going to park, right?

So all the jerks inside can see you and
eat their heart out?

Yeah, that's the life.

Oh, that is the life.

A couple of months from now, you're going to run out of
money, you're going to run out of gas, but you don't care.

You're going to sit right there,
they're going to wave at you, you're going

to wave at them, you're going to fun, right?

Oh, yeah.

A few months go by, you want some
gasoline, you're going to try to get some money.

No one's going to hire you.

We don't care because you're a dropout,
but we don't care because you're having fun.

That's right.

In a couple months from now, what's going to happen, huh?

You're going to live on cheap wine and lifesavers,
but you don't care because we're having fun.

Fun, fun, fun, right?

And you're in high school by aimless years.

What happens?

You're dead.

You don't care.

You're laying it a little bit thick there,
aren't you, Fonz?

Have you seen the latest indexes of the relative earning

capacity of high school dropouts
vis-a-vis high school graduates?

You said in three years you're going to be living in a
gutter, eating garbage, wearing the sports pages for shoes.

You see, with the OCAEP, you would be able to
integrate your intellectual and your practical skills.

You go to school in the morning, you work in the
afternoon, you make some real money, buy gasoline.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I like that.

Tell them thanks.

He heard you.

Could I go back to class now?

I think that would be apropos.

He said yes.

It must be nice to be bilingual.

Oh, there's one kid that ain't going to
chase you home from school tonight.

Yeah, right.

Where are you going?

I'm getting out of here.

I don't belong here.

You turn that kid around, not me.

They should have made you principal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're right.

I'm everything you said I was, and less.

I'm going back to Jefferson.

Meet Inglewood.

Grow old and die.

You know what just happened here?

What?

All I did was convince that kid about your idea.

I don't know what A-C-O-C-L-U-M-P is.

I wouldn't have thought of it.

All I did was put it through the language blender.

You trying to tell me that you think I'm
the right guy for the job?

I'm trying not to tell you that, but that's what I mean.

Let me tell you something, pal.

Yeah?

You got good ideas.

I think your ideas work.

Now, what is it going to be?

You're going to stay here?

You're going to run out on the kids like a chicken?

Hey, Roach, can you let that little fungus stay in school?

If it was me, I'd introduce my foot to his butt.

Look, Bascom, that happens to be a student,
and it's your job to educate him and care for him.

And if you're not capable of doing that,
then you don't belong here.

Now, get out of my office!

Yes, sir.

Right away, sir.

Why, that is a handsome-looking jacket you're wearing.

Ow!

Well,

it looks like everything is under control here.

Yeah.

Hey, uh, Mr. Principal.

Stay in touch.

Thanks, Fonz.

Hey, Fonz, wait up.

Hey, I got things to do.

Look, it doesn't matter how many good ideas I have.

If I can't communicate them, you speak their language.

We could make a great team together.

You mean like in those movies when the sheriff and
the gunslinger come together to clean up the town?

Exactly.

I never trusted those films.

No, wait.

Come on.

Look, I know you're happy where you are,
but we need you here.

How does this sound, all right?

How does this sound?

Arthur Fonzarelli, head of guidance.

Like a soap opera.

Okay, no, you're right, you're right.

Try this one on for some.

Vice-Principal in charge of student affairs.

Oh, see ya.

Dean of boys?

Duke of boys.

Trust me, Dean's better.

Let me try this on.

All right.

Good day, Dean.

You're looking great, Dean.

Huh?

Your secretary is really built, Dean.

All right, all right, I can live with that.

All right, Fonz, this is the beginning of a great team.

You and I are going to turn this school
into a bastion of academic fervor.

Duck.

Girls.

Girls.

Girls.

Girls.

Girls.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It ain't so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' in the room, all we've got.

These days are ours, share them with me.

These days are ours, happy and free.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days!