05x03 - The Practical Shower

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Starring Fred MacMurray And as Bub,
William Frawley Bub, I can hear you outside.

What's all the shouting about?

I'm not shouting!

Uh, they're talking about the shower.

What shower?

Where have you been?

Bub's been talking for the last couple of
weeks about giving Sally a shower.

Oh.

Well, could you wait till after dinner?

I promised Dad I'd give tr*mp a bath.

And he howls that there isn't enough hot water.

Oh, what a nice... Nothing, Chip.

Let's forget it.

Hey,

that's a pretty shave.

Hey, $125 for a chair?

And $49 for a lamp?

It's all right, honey.

Don't panic.

We can always sit on the floor and read by candlelight.

You know, I'm pretty lucky I found a girl
with simple tastes.

Well, actually, you know, I have horribly
extravagant tastes.

Oh, now she tells me.

I'm simply mad for yachts and caviar and...

Oh, Mike, look.

Did you ever see anything so gorgeous in your whole life?

It's a cat.

Mike, someday when we're very,
very rich and you want to buy me something

because I've been such a sweet,
good little white-haired wife,

may I have a Persian cat?

Well, why wait?

If you want a cat, why don't you go to the butcher shop?

I'm sure you can get one there for free.

Not a Persian.

Do you know a cat like that probably costs about $60?

$60 for a cat?

Why, we only paid three for tr*mp and he'd
make ten of that fluffball.

I guess I had extravagant tastes.

Do you mean there are actually people in this world
who would pay $60 for that, that hairy mouse catcher?

Would you pay $60 for that?

No.

Oh, boy, you had me worried there for a minute.

Well, I guess you know I'm kind of the practical type.

I figured that out.

Well, the way I see it, honey, there isn't going to be enough
money for Persian cat type of things for quite a while.

Oh, well, I know a place where I can get a
special on a mousetrap for only 29 cents.

Now, that's more like it.

Of course, we have to figure out if we can
afford to feed a mouse.

Oh, hi, Mike.

Sorry to barge into my room like this without knocking.

Oh, if you don't mind, I was just looking
for a little privacy.

Oh, what's the matter with your room?

Oh, Rob's in there.

He needs a little privacy for some theme
he's writing or something.

Oh, probably some gruesome thing entitled How
I Ended Up With Six Dates For The Spring Prom.

Boy, it sure was nice back in the days
that that's all I had to worry about.

Now, what particular set of worries are
you worrying about now?

Money, money, money.

Trying to figure out some kind of a budget.

Budgets are very sensible things, Mike.

For a while after we were married, your
mother and I had a new budget every day or so.

Dad, did, uh, did Mom ever get any ideas?

How do you mean?

Well, I mean, like, for instance, today.

I'm sure she was kidding, but Sally started
talking about getting an expensive Persian cat.

Now, I'm not even sure whether we can afford to feed us.

And she's talking, well, did Mom ever do
anything like that?

No, Mike.

Your mother was a very practical woman.

She was.

Yeah, I can remember when we were first
married, we had a little yard out back,

and your mother decided that instead of
spending all that money at the store for

jams and jelly, she was going to put up her own.

So she bought a lot of garden tools and flats of
strawberry plants and Berry bushes and fertilizers.

Well, after a lot of hard work by the end
of the summer, she put up, well,

I forget just how many glasses of jams and jelly.

But we figured that each glass cost about, well, the way it

worked out was about three
dollars and a quarter per spoonful.

I don't want to be a skin flip.

Gee, when I think of all the taste of getting married.

Well, Mike, it usually works out one way or another.

That is, if the parties involved have any sense at all.

And I'm sure you and Sally do.

Yeah.

I figured out one savings today.

Sally told Bub she wants a kitchen shower.

That way, all the stuff we can get, we can use, you know.

A kitchen shower.

Yeah.

Well, Bub, are you finished with the sports page?

Yeah, it's right there on the bed.

While you're here, take a look at this.

That's what I'm going to do for Sally's shower.

Everything pink.

Even a recipe for pink cream cheese.

Sally really got a kick out of this, Bub.

Yeah, and I know somebody else.

I ought to get a kick.

I know you're disappointed at the way Mike turns your shower
into something unromantic, Bub, but... Kitchen shower.

Do you know what he suggested I give her
for a shower present?

A plastic clothesline.

Well, Mike's just feeling the first pangs
of responsibility, I guess.

When I was in love, I wanted my girl to
have the world on a string.

Mike just wants the string.

Plastic coated.

Did I ever show you what the poorest
grandmother gave me when we were engaged?

I don't believe so, Bub.

Gold key, huh?

Yes, sir, and that's a real emerald in the top of it.

It's very pretty, Bub.

What's it for?

Well, it's a key.

I know, but, I mean, what does it open?

Well, it doesn't open anything.

She said it was the key to her heart.

Oh.

It's beautiful, Bub.

And I'm going to get a gold chain for that
key one of these days.

So you can wear it, huh?

Do you know when the shower's going to be?

Well, Friday, isn't it?

And it's also the date of our 50th anniversary.

Well.

Whatever I get Sally is going to be
something like this key.

It won't do anything, but it'll mean something.

Bub?

What's more practical?

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Mary.

Something private?

No, no.

Bub was just showing me what your
grandmother gave him before they were married.

Oh, very nice.

Key to her heart, huh?

How did you know that?

What else?

Listen, I'm making a list of the things
that Sally wants most for the shower.

Now, she seems to think she'll get more
use out of a frying pan than a pressure cooker.

What do you think?

Why not get her one of each and earrings to match?

Look, Bub, I know we don't see quite eye
to eye on this shower thing, but I'll tell

you, I've got exactly $87 in the bank, and that's not
enough to throw away on gold keys and Persian cats.

Who said anything about Persian cats?

Oh, Sally saw one in the pet shop today.

I know what I'll do.

I'll call Ernie Thompson's mother.

She ought to know.

It certainly isn't practical.

He's really a beautiful specimen, Mr. O'Casey.

His mother was Lady Irania.

I don't believe I ever met the lady.

Well, wrap him up.

Oh, boy.

I'll get his registration papers and the carrying case.

They're included in the price.

How much is the beast?

$75.

$75?

Are you kidding?

For a cat?

And I thought Philly Mignon was overpriced
at two and a half a pound.

It's not quite the same thing.

Well, it's no sale.

No cat is worth that kind of money to me.

I see.

Most people are surprised at the price of
purebred Persians, but they are a luxury item.

Well, I'll put him back in his cage.

I'm sorry I spent all that money on that large uniform.

I've only got $45.

Boy, and I thought kids were the only people
who didn't have money when they wanted it.

Well, you've got another thought coming.

That's the most impractical cat I ever heard of.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Sally.

Come on in.

Are you busy?

Well, it all depends on who's asking.

If it's the president of the company,
I'm very, very busy, and if it's you,

why don't we go out and get a cup of coffee?

How about three minutes?

Oh, sure, Sally.

What's on your mind?

Well, Mike told me that Bub's giving me my
shower on the same date as his anniversary.

Yeah, that's right.

I think he planned it that way.

He thinks it'll bring you luck.

Luck?

Well, he wants you and Mike to be just as
happy as he and Grandma O'Casey were.

Well, I know he's a little disappointed at
Mike and me because we're trying to be so

realistic and everything, and,
well, I want to give him a present,

but it's got to be something sentimental
and not practical at all.

Do you have any ideas?

Well, let's see.

Yeah.

The other night, Bub was showing me a gold
key that Grandma O'Casey gave him before

they were married, and he was talking
about getting a gold chain to go with it.

Well, that's perfect.

It's marvelous.

But, uh, I don't know, Sally.

A gold chain is liable to be kind of expensive.

Well, I wouldn't spend any of the money
that Mike and I've saved.

I mean, that wouldn't be fair, but...

Besides, I doubt if Mike would.

Well, not that he's being chintzy or
anything, but it's just that, well,

right now Mike is being sort of, uh... sort of, uh...

Practical.

Yes, practical.

And I'm glad he is, but...

well, I have this money, and my dad gave
it to me for my birthday, and I'm gonna

buy Bub the most beautiful, impractical
gold chain you ever saw.

Wonderful.

Now, come on.

How do you take your coffee?

Black or with cream and sugar?

Oh, black.

Well, there he is.

$75.

$75?

$75?

What does it do?

Boy, Bub sure is going to be embarrassed
when Sally gives him that gold chain for his ski.

And he doesn't have anything for her.

Persian, huh?

Why didn't he get her a regular cat for free?

Our laundry men usually ask a whole bunch.

Gosh.

Maybe I could get a cat for Bub to give to Sally.

Be better than nothing.

Anyway, my father says it's better to use
American products instead of foreign.

And Mr. Elton has real American cats.

Okay, let's go.

Well, when you don't want a cat, everybody has one.

It's not a fish store.

Well, what's the use, Sonny?

We asked at about 20 places.

Nobody has a free cat.

It must be out of stalemate or something.

Hey, I know.

We could catch one in the alley.

Did you ever try to catch one of those cats?

They won't even let you get in there.

That's because you're not an experienced cat fisherman.

All you need is a nickel.

Nickel?

What for?

Bait.

Bait?

Sure.

You can't go cat fishing without bait.

Come on, let's go.

See, all you have to do is put the bait on the line.

On real fishing, they use hooks.

You can't use hooks for a cat.

They'd hurt themselves.

Boy, that liver sure smells.

That's what's good about them.

They love them.

They get it.

The cats fall the liver into the trap,
and then we got them.

I caught a bite!

You did!

You got him!

Close the door!

You got him!

Hey, let me try it once.

Okay, but first you have to get the bait out.

Okay.

Here, you hold the cat.

Get the bait.

Hey, he's a nice one.

Maybe Sally will like him.

I'm going to put the liver in the same spot.

That seems to be pretty likely.

Hey, maybe somebody owns these cats.

My mother says they just hang around here,
waiting for somebody to feed them.

Well, then I guess it doesn't matter.

I got one!

I got him!

Boy, he's a wild cat!

Stop her!

Hey, Ernie, I got three in one time.

Let's see what we got.

Poor.

Cat.

Sally only wants one.

We can pick the best one up and throw the others back.

The green one's pretty neat.

And that black one's a beauty.

Hey, look at that one with the spots.

Hey, I got an idea.

Instead of us picking, why don't we take
them all home and let Sally choose?

I know.

Let's catch a whole bunch more so we have
one of every color and junk.

And then we'll be sure we have the kind she wants.

And we can keep them in your cellar.

You know, Ernie, sometimes you get some pretty good ideas.

Yeah.

Okay, let's go for the limit.

This is more big.

Isn't it fabulous, Aunt Alice?

And Bub did every bit of the cooking and
the planning and the decorating all by himself.

I can't believe it.

Well, I admit I made a few false starts.

I had planned on mulligan stew and cold beer.

Uncle Robbie gave me the word.

You must have worked for days.

Believe me, he did.

But it was certainly worth it.

But how else could I spend an evening with
a group of beautiful girls?

So stop dragging your feet and come and get it.

Bob.

I'm so sorry.

Force of habit.

Help yourself.

Boy, look at him.

He's going crazy smelling those cats in the basement.

Well, what are we going to do?

I'll tell Bub when the people get out of
the shower and go home.

He can show the cats to Sally then.

Right?

Oh, honestly.

Bub, look.

It's a meat thermometer.

Isn't that nice?

Oh.

Look who this is from.

Oh, this is from Ginny Ann Ellis.

Oh, thanks, Ginny.

I wonder what it is.

Oh, it's an egg timer.

Oh, thanks so much.

That's great.

I don't know what to say.

Hey, I've never seen so much loot.

Meat thermometers, egg timers, frying pans, cookbooks.

Oh,

I love that dumb dog.

Maybe we better try and get him outside again.

We'll be in real trouble if he doesn't stop barking.

Come on, tr*mp, come on.

I promised myself I wasn't going to give Sally
anything practical, and I've kept my promise.

We've got to get him out.

He's just not going to move.

The trouble is, those cats are all the way
up the stairs where he can smell them.

I'll tell you what, you hold tr*mp and I'll
try to chase the cats away from the door.

Okay, watch it.

Come on, get out of here.

Come on.

Go out the door.

Robbie, the cat, please.

Here they come, hurry up.

I ought.

To use my belt.

Sally's got two more of them cornered up in Dad's room.

I found this one under my bed.

Put it in the garage with the rest.

Oh, Humane Society said they're sending a truck over.

Look, Bob's show for my closet.

Bob says put them in the garage.

I hope that truck gets here pretty soon.

These cats are getting nervous.

Ouch.

Hold still, I'm not going to hurt you.

Gee, Bob, I'm sorry.

How was I supposed to know you went ahead
and bought the cat for selling?

Well, you know everything else.

Can I look at him?

Sure, you can have a look at him.

When are you going to give it to her?

Oh, as soon as the roundup's over.

Where did you get the extra money at?

Oh, I sold something.

What did you sell?

Oh, an old key I didn't hardly need anymore.

Boy, isn't she a beauty.

She sure is, yes.

Oh, you darling.

You beautiful, beautiful thing.

Me?

Both of you.

You're beautiful and he's a darling.

I mean, the other way around.

Oh, I don't know.

I kind of liked it better the first way.

Mike, it's the one we saw, my Persian.

I know.

You're elegant, impractical, green-eyed Persian.

I suppose you think I should have given her a mousetrap.

Now it's my turn.

This is for you, Bub.

A sort of thank you, with all my love.

Oh, Sally, you shouldn't have.

That's what I told her.

In that case, I'm glad she did.

It's a chain, so you can wear the key Mrs.
O'Casey gave you.

It's beautiful.

Is it really all right?

Well, I, uh, I... Well, go get the
key so we can see how it looks.

Mike can put it on the chain.

I'll do it for you.

Maybe I'd better get the kitchen tidied up.

Well, Bub, I'll think you don't like it if
you don't put it on.

Don't ever think that, Sally.

Just don't ever think that.

Oh, how'd the shower go, Bub?

I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but...

Hey, you got your chain, huh?

Sally gave it to me.

Well, where's the key?

Let's put it on and see how it looks.

I sold the key to get enough money to buy the cat.

You sold the key to...

Well... Expensive cats and gold chains.

Of all the impractical, useless... Mike, if you're
gonna start needling me... Now, don't get mad, Bub.

I just came in to give you my gift.

Everybody's giving gifts around here like it's Christmas.

So, here.

My key.

I saw it in the window at Simpson's
Jewelry Store, so I went in and checked.

And I, uh, I knew that Sally was going to
give you the chain.

So, uh, being the practical type, you, uh...

Well, I, I couldn't stand the thought of someone having a
gold chain and not having anything to put on the end of it.

All right.

Now, here, Bub, let's put it on the chain
and see how she looks, huh?

Where is everybody?

In here, honey.

Oh, Mr. Douglas.

Well, just look at what Bub gave me.

Oh, it's a wonderful gift, Bub.

Isn't it?

Well, Sally, what do you think?

Well, the chain is a perfect match.

Open your coat, Bub.

Let's put it on.

All right.

There you are.

Well, how about that?

I think it's great.

Gold chains, my Persian cat.

What a wonderful day.

I wish somebody had given you something
impractical, too, though.

Well, honey, I got the most impractical,
most beautiful gift of all.

A white hyacinth.

White hyacinth?

That's right, Bub.