05x05 - Dublin's Fair City: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred MacMurray,
and as Bub, William Frawley.

How do you do, Tom Keating?

Ah, the balance of the day to you, Paddy Brophy.

It looks like a grand day for the O 'Caseys, huh?

Ah, we're proud of Will and Mickey.

Imagine them winning so much money.

Well, I'm the party who deliver the
sweepstakes money to Mr. Michael O'Casey.

I suppose you know that.

And Mickey sent half the young Will in America.

I am aware of the situation, Postman Brophy.

They're up in that room.

I can't find them.

What a goofy thing to lose.

Maybe Bub can stand behind something when
he makes a speech.

Bub, maybe you didn't even bring them.

Are you sure you packed them?

Sure, I'm sure I packed them.

And Ann came to pass for me.

Well, I pressed them and I put them on your bed.

Well, then where are they?

I'll go up and take a look.

Dad, I just looked.

I'll look again.

Welcome or no welcome, I'm not going to stand out there
while the breeze whistles Makushka through my bloomers.

I'll thank you not to stand around in this
condition in front of Gilbride and Sullivan.

Boys, turn the other way.

Turn the other way.

That's a good idea.

Here, let me help you out with your bike.

I can get off the wheel by myself, Tom Grogan.

Now, there's no need to bake me head off, Mary Kate, love.

Because I once had the weakness of
intellect to become engaged to you.

There's no reason for you to call me other
than Mary Kathleen Connolly.

Mom, they're probably all the way there.

Did you find them?

Yeah, they're up in the window.

Yeah, I found them.

Well, come on, Mama, hurry up.

Mary Grogan's come to lead us to the parade hall.

What a day for the O'Caseys.

Tom Keenan's even brought his cart.

Fine, now where's your coat?

Now, come on, Mama.

Where's my coat?

Oh, it's right there.

Get ready to go.

I got your hat.

It's a bicycle, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's go.

Who's got my hat?

Robbie's got it.

Rob, where's my... He's got it.

Anyway, you don't want to hear from me.

You want to hear from the prodigal himself.

So without further ado, I give you young Willow... O'Casey,
who became rich and famous, winning the Irish sweepstakes.

Citizens of Farnsey, I want to thank you from
the bottom of my heart for this glorious welcome.

I paid a slight visit the other day over in
County Sligo to my little pal, Jerry Finnegan.

Jerry, I said, that's a grotesque-looking
pair of socks you got on there.

One all green, the other all red.

He says, yes, it is grotesque.

He says, I want to tell you a secret.

I got another pair at home just like them.

Dad, if he starts telling those vaudeville
jokes, we'll be here all day.

Then there was the day he walked into the pub.

But he ran out of.

So Casey, there had the population in stitches just now.

Yeah, it's pretty much at home on the stage.

Boy.

Is there anything wrong, Stephen?

How much farther is it back to the fence?

Only three kilometers.

I guess I'm a little out of condition.

It's been quite a while since I've ridden a bicycle.

You're out of practice.

Yeah.

You know, I just can't get over the beauty of this country.

Everywhere you look.

Now, what's the name of that lake?

Lake?

In Ireland, we don't call that a lake.

That's just O'Brien's Pond.

Oh.

Well, back to the fence.

Stephen.

Why don't we go over there and sit a bit?

You can rest your legs.

Well, they could use it.

Fine.

Ah.

Oh, I warn you not to breathe so deeply.

You'll not notice the stench so much.

Stench?

The mosses and the dead leaves and the
rotting logs are not exactly perfumes from Paris.

If you've no imagination, you can even get used to it.

I guess I have no imagination.

It smells like perfume to me.

Hey, you guys, wait up.

What's the matter?

I think I got a flare.

Oh, boy.

Chip, how come you're always the one who
winds up with a flat tire or pours an oak or something?

No.

It's my fault.

Okay, okay, you guys.

Why don't you quit acting like a dad just
because you're going to get married?

Picked up a nail.

Hey, you guys, there's dad.

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

Now, wait a minute, Chip.

You come alone.

What are you, a professional wet blanket or something?

Well, Hank, if I was stuck out there with a
girl, I'd want him to come and rescue me.

You know, Chip, in about two years, you're going to
wonder how you could ever make a dumb remark like that.

It's all right.

Just get out of here.

I mean, you guys are going to leave your
father out there all alone with her?

Well, let's put it this way, Chip.

If she gets smart with him, he can always beat her up.

You know, I've heard about the wonderful
fishing in Ireland.

Do you suppose there are any fish in this pond?

Oh, nothing but trout.

Tell me about your home city.

Do you have great wide streets with giant
American cars like we see in the films?

I'm afraid we do, Mary Kathleen.

There are trout in here, huh?

Jumping wiggly things.

So many of them, they get into each other's way.

That's all.

Do you attend many parties?

Uh, no.

Filled with trout, huh?

And here I am 4,000 miles away from my trout rod.

Well, we could borrow a pair of fishing
sticks of my brother's.

Fishing sticks?

You mean a trout rod?

Sure.

Well, let's go.

Come on.

My brother's place is over this strong
shore around the bend.

Wonderful.

Well, the trout, huh?

Is Bozo Bryant a care if we fish there?

Oh, he won't find.

Oh, good.

Well, hi there.

Hi there.

What do you think of this?

Oh, it's a barred rod.

It went fishing.

But I've never seen fishing like this.

I caught him in less than a half an hour
just standing on the bank.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, where can I put him, Aunt Kate?

We'll have him for breakfast, huh?

Stephen, go to your room.

Bribery will not save you.

What?

Mama has rules about appearing in time for suffering.

Oh, well, I'm sorry I'm late for dinner,
Aunt Kate, but the fish didn't start

rising until about an hour ago, and,
well, it was still daylight, so I thought.

...

Here we eat by daylight, so as to save the black
and tans from having light to work by in the night.

Black and tans?

Aunt Kate, Ireland's been a free state since 1921.

I'm aware of that.

Tis but a tradition with us.

Tis also a way to save electricity.

Tis also a fact that you will not interfere
when your elders are conducting discipline.

March!

Aunt Kate, Dad was just letting that
red-headed lady show him around.

Yeah, well, now, let's not get carried away.

Go ahead, Kate.

No, fellas, Aunt Kate's right.

Rules are rules.

Good night.

Stephen, come back.

I'll be here when I talk to you.

But you weren't talking to me then.

Well, I meant to talk to you.

You were with Mary Kathleen Connolly this day, right?

Yes, yes.

She was showing me the countryside.

We'll have a serious discussion at an early date.

March!

Well, good night, all.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Steve.

Steak me up a sandwich, will you, Mike?

Boy, I'll bet he's the only dad that ever
got sent to bed without his supper.

Well, you're the only boys whose uncle got
sent to the woodshed.

Well, sure, but that was when you were a kid.

It was yesterday.

Yes, Aunt Kate?

You didn't tell me.

Where are you off to?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just going to ride into the village.

Mickey said it was all right if I used his bike.

Not bike.

My cycle.

Oh, I'm sorry.

The man who abbreviates always humiliates.

Remember that, Steve.

Yes, I'll do that.

Do you hear a hissing sound?

Oh, that'll be Gilbride and Sullivan conversing.

Well, I'll see you later, Aunt Kate.

What were you going to tell me?

Well, nothing that I know of.

I could have sworn you had something to tell me.

No.

No?

All right, maybe I'll put you on.

Well, goodbye.

No, it was me.

I was going to warn him about Mary Kathleen.

I wonder if I'm getting old.

Oh.

Well, Chip was about two.

Bobby was eight.

Mike was 11.

And so Will O'Casey became the boy's
mother, in a manner of speaking.

That's right.

I don't know how he would have gotten along without him.

I suppose you'd have married again.

Yeah, maybe.

Have you no female person you're interested in, Stephen?

Back home, I mean.

No.

Oh, I have dates now and then,
but... There's no one in particular.

That's nice.

Oh, Mr. Douglas, and how are you this fine day?

Oh, good morning, Your Honor.

Mary Kathleen.

Mr. Oh, I'm sure Mr. O'Neill... Oh, it's all right.

It was just an accident.

Oh, Tom Brogan.

Well, I... Let's be off, Stephen,
before he drowns the entire village.

Well, I'm sure he did.

I'm marked to fight.

Don't worry about it, please.

It'll dry right off.

Might as well smell like a brewery.

Give me your left hand.

That goes right there.

Now, the right hand, over there.

Now, you overlap with a little finger.

Keep your left arm straight and turn back.

Oh, no, no, keep your head down.

You have to keep your eye on the board.

Hey, another acorn.

We're not even under a tree.

Tom Grogan.

Mayor.

Of your village?

Yes.

Well, what's he doing here?

Oh, I don't know.

We'll have a bit more.

Not my cup of tea.

You've had enough.

I'll take a little myself.

Well, that was my only venture into foreign climes.

My father took me there on a swim.

Well, tell us, Aunt Kate, what was Paris
like in those days?

Oh, it was lovely.

With fine horses clopping about and
beautiful ladies loping along.

Oh, we couldn't stay long.

There was a w*r.

Napoleon was fair put out about it.

Napoleon?

Oh, Aunt Kate, did you get to meet Julius
Caesar on those cars?

Well, I might have, little friend.

Of course, I was nine years of age at the
time and people came and went.

Oh.

Oh, Napoleon III, she means.

That's the Franco-Oppression w*r.

Well, I didn't know it had such a fancy name.

Okay, Mama, open up.

I'm sorry we called Gilbride and Sullivan too fat-head.

Forget it, Mickey, forget it.

It's no use.

Once you've been sent to bed without your
supper, that's it.

I say, Gilbride and Sullivan are getting ready for sleep.

I think it's time the little people did the same.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Well.

Thanks, Aunt Kate.

Thanks, Aunt Kate.

Very much.

You're welcome, boys.

Good night.

I hope you're comfortable in the loft.

Sure.

God bless you.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, boys.

Off to bed?

Yeah, back in the hangar.

Well, good night.

Oh, Stephen.

Did you have a nice stroll?

Yes, it's a lovely night, Aunt Kate.

I'll fetch you a cup of tea.

Oh, thank you.

Lovely little town.

Lovely people.

Did you find Mary Kathleen a charming girl?

Yes, she's a lovely girl, Aunt Kate.

Did you know that she's engaged to marry with Tom Grogan?

The mayor?

Wow.

No, I didn't know that.

I don't think she's entirely happy with the situation.

She has the restlessness.

Yes, I felt that.

This is not to belittle you, Stephen, but I think Mary
Kathleen would marry a toad to get away from Ireland.

She would.

I hope I'm not rippling your feelings.

No, no, of course not.

Now, Stephen, here's what you do.

You tell Mary Kathleen that this is a dirty
little village and a miserable place to abide in.

Oh, but that's not true.

Of course it's not true.

Aunt Kate, I've always taught my boys to
face a problem directly.

We're facing the problem directly in a roundabout way.

Well, I'm not so sure I like this psychological approach.

Psychological, me foot.

Now, come on.

Aunt Kate, why don't I just tell her she's a beautiful,
charming girl and she ought to stay right here in Farnsworth.

No.

Will you do as I say now?

And if it doesn't work, you'll bring her back here to me.

And I'd beat her around the shoulders with this stick.

Oh,

I think it's a very pretty little village.

Quaint, has a lot of charm.

Of course, there is a lot of poverty.

Well, there are some parts that have poverty.

I suppose it's quaint because the water's
so isolated from everything.

It's not all that isolated.

We read books and magazines.

Oh, sure, sure.

But, uh, well, you have to admit that it
is pretty primitive.

Granted that you have in America many
things that we don't have here.

Yeah, I suppose you can't miss something
if you've never had it.

You know, Mary Kathleen, as long as you're
going to have to live around here,

you'll just have to get used to that
terrible smell of the rotting peat moss.

You seem to have changed your mind, Stephen.

Hmm?

You once said you thought it smelled like perfume.

Well, I guess it kind of grew on me.

It doesn't smell like perfume to me now.

Boy.

That isn't all that bad.

And, uh, you'll just have to get used to
the fact that Farnsey is primitive and

underdeveloped, and the roads are a mess
when it rains, and the pigs run all over

the place, and, uh, and the people are, uh... Well,
don't get me wrong, they're wonderful people, but, uh, this

acorn-throwing mayor of yours, this Tom Grogan...

That acorn-throwing mayor happens to be in love with me.

Oh.

Well, I suppose in one of these days he'll
ask you to marry him and expect you to

settle down in Farnsey like all the
generations before and lived in the

thatched cottages and the pigs will run
all over the place and, you know,

I admire a place that won't change no
matter what the rest of the world does.

That's right.

Tom Grogan will not change and the mud
will not change and the pigs will not

change and friends will remain friends and
honest neighbors will remain honest

neighbors and the hearts of these good
folk will not change and...

Stephen Douglas.

I think you've been leading me down the
garden path, so to speak.

That I have, Mary Catherine.

But it wasn't my idea, it was Aunt Kate's.

You know, I sometimes think the dear woman
has been touched by the gifts of the little people.

Or you could look at it this way.

Maybe when we get to be 103 years old,
we'll be just as wise as she is.

Here you are, falling like cotton at a feeding.

Now, the truth is, they came and we made them welcome.

Now, that's the sight of it.

Come down, you great, handsome devil, and give me a kiss.

You're a wonderful woman, Aunt Kate.

Good luck to you, darling.

Thank you.

And you, now, young man, watch your racking cough.

And don't follow them up with your Sunday best.

I'll try not to, Aunt Kate.

All right.

Take care of yourself, now.

And do that, dear.

I'll never be the same.

Where's the boy?

Where's the boy?

Goodbye, dear.

Goodbye, Mary Kathleen.

I'll not say goodbye to you, Stephen.

Goodbye, Stephen.

Goodbye, Tom.

Good luck to both of you.

Thank you.

Nick and the child.

What are you crying for?

It occurred to me we may never see young Will again.

Well, you have some money left from the
sweepstakes, haven't you?

Aye, Mama, in me mattress.

Well, then, inquire us to visitors' permits to America.

For next year!

You're watching Fandemonium Weekend,
where all episodes are fan-selected.

And even better, coming up next is another
episode that ranked among the top ten most popular.

It's sure to provide TV satisfaction.

Satisfaction guaranteed, so stay tuned.