05x06 - One of Our Moose is Missing

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred MacMurray,
and as Bub, William Frawley.

I think you'll approve of my wing design, Mr. Summers.

The problem was the leading edge.

I worked out a new angle of camber.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Bub.

Oh, Mr. O'Casey.

What are you doing home?

I thought you and Mr. Summers were going
to do some work over at the hotel.

Well, they had a convention there, the M.M.

of S.F.

I nearly forgot the merry men of Sherwood Forest.

When those guys get together, they really
have a convention.

I don't blame you for coming home.

Now, Mr. Summers, this chart shows the
variant of airflow with minimal turbulence.

And you'll see by this blueprint here.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Harry.

You did.

She did?

Who did?

Are you kidding?

Boy.

Now, you see?

Yeah, I have it right here.

Hang on.

This Friday, they've just gotten out of school.

Come dry your eyes.

Forget about his lies.

The devil, now you know.

You should have listened when I told you so.

Music.

Read blueprints, bud.

I'll take care of it.

Be me tall and handsome.

Robbie.

But he never really felt for me.

Rob, Mr. Summers and I tried to do some work in there.

What are you doing?

Harry and I are writing a song, Dad.

Well, couldn't you write it over at Harry's house?

Hang on, I'll find out.

But, Harry, Dad wants to know if we can meet at your place.

You did?

Who did?

I did.

Harry, Robbie will be over to your house in a few minutes.

Goodbye.

Well, boy, I bet you they never chased
Beethoven off the phone.

I'm sorry, Mr. Summers.

I don't think we'll be disturbed again.

Have you run out of children?

Well, we still haven't heard from Chip yet.

Soap!

What do we need soap for?

I don't know.

That's what says in the Boy Scout handbook.

It doesn't say you have to use soap.

It just says you have to pray.

I don't think so.

Oh, like a first aid kit, huh?

Be prepared.

Fellas.

Fellas, Mr. Summers and I are going to be
working here at the house over the weekend.

Now, would you try to hold it down a little?

Sure.

We won't be home.

This is our Scout camp out weekend.

Oh, fine.

Then it'll be nice and quiet.

But you won't be home either, Dad.

Don't you remember your promise?

What promise?

You promised to lead the guys in the moose
patrol on our first camp out.

Oh, I did, didn't I, Chip?

I'm sorry, but I... Well, it
completely slipped my mind, Chipper.

I...

Now I'm tied up with Mr. Summers here, and, uh...

Well, I just can't make it.

But, Danny... Well, now, don't worry.

We'll think of something.

I'm sure one of the other fathers will be glad to take you.

I'll, uh... I'll call your father, Ernie.

Don't ask my dad.

He's still scratching poison Ivy from the family picnic.

Well, let's see, uh...

Why don't I try Kenny Simpson's father?

How about Andy Brennan's father?

He's a good camper-outer.

For a father.

Why don't we just forget the whole thing?

It's not that important.

Well, now, Chip, uh...

Ernie, I... I think maybe Bub
bakes some cookies this afternoon.

Why don't you go out and take a look in the jar, huh?

Mr. Douglas, if you want to have a
heart-to-heart talk with your kid, just say so.

You don't have to make excuses.

Chipper, I promise you next weekend I'll
be free, and I'll take you and the Moose.

Patrol any place you want to go, okay?

Don't worry about it, Dad.

I realize business is more important than a kid's camper.

Well, no.

No, it isn't more important, Chip.

I'm just sorry I forgot about it, and...

But I just can't walk out on it.

Mr. Summers, can I?

And we couldn't very well take him along, could we?

Or, uh, could we?

What's that supposed to be?

Oh, that is the official call of the Moose Patrol.

I want to thank you for being such a good
sport about this, Mr. Summers.

I'm not being a good sport.

I need that design before Monday.

I'd have gone to Alaska to get it in time.

Well, I'll get the boys started setting up
camp, and then we can get right to work.

All right, boys.

How do you like this place?

Fine, Dad.

Yeah.

What was that supposed to be, Ernie?

Assembly.

Oh, well, you're all assembled.

I know, sir, but it says in the handbook.

Oh, yeah, fine.

Mr. Douglas?

Yeah, Ernie?

According to the handbook, a campsite should be
gently sloping so that the rainwater drains off easily.

Oh, well, I don't think it's going to rain, Ernie.

This is a fine place to set up camp.

There isn't any water supply.

And according to the handbook...
Oh, we'll, uh, we'll dig a well, huh?

Douglas, let's get to work, huh?

Okay, Mr. Summers.

Just getting the desk out here.

You fellas got things set up now, huh?

Oh, let's probably just check over that
ragged installation.

Yeah, uh, where did I... I'll look at it.

I'll be right back.

What?

Hey, haven't you fellas got a fire going yet?

It's about time to start dinner.

Well, you were supposed to teach us that, Dad.

Oh.

Uh, Mr. Summers, I'll be a little while.

I've got to teach the boys how to start a fire.

No, no, Douglas, I'll do that.

You better get back here.

Okay.

Well, fellas, I hereby appoint Mr. Summers honorary father.

That makes it official, huh?

I, uh, just made you an honorary father.

Thank you, thank you.

Okay, Moose.

Believe it or not, I used to be a Boy Scout myself.

I'll show you how the Beaver Patrol used to build a fire.

Gosh, sir, did they have Boy Scouts in the olden days?

Yeah, they had.

Uh, they had Boy Scouts in the olden days.

I got a merit badge for dragon slaying.

That's a joke.

Oh, you mean about the dragons, huh?

Now, the first thing we've got to do is get some wood.

No, it isn't, sir.

The handbook says, first you have to clear out the area.

Well, clear out and get some wood.

Well, that's all the tinder we need.

Some dry leaves, a few twigs, bark, things like that.

Well, we're ready to start.

As soon as we get the tinder lit, we'll add the kindling.

No, sir.

I beg your pardon?

You can't use a cigarette lighter.

The handbook says all you can use is two matches.

I do it the hard way.

No matches at all.

What does the book say about that, Ernie?

Nothing.

I think he's got us.

Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe they mean you can't use anything but two matches.

What are you talking about?

It says you can use flint and steel.

And how about that gizmo up to two sticks?

We're not supposed to use a fire that isn't official, sir.

We'd better ask Mr. Douglas.

Don't bother him.

But we need him.

He's supposed to teach us trekking and trailing now.

Who said so?

Mr. Comstock, our scoutmaster.

Okay.

Here we go, trekking and trailing, but under
no circumstances do we bother Mr. Douglas.

Trekking and trailing, men!

Hold it, fellas.

Hold it.

I'm going to show you how we used to Blaze a trail.

Somebody lend me a knife.

Here, sir.

Oh.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now... Did you know Daniel Boole, sir?

No.

Do what?

No, I didn't know Daniel Boole, sir.

You cut a hunk of bark out of the tree so
that a white spot shows.

You cut a live tree, sir?

Naturally, a white spot wouldn't show on a dead one.

Take your knife.

Sorry, sir.

What's the matter now?

A Boy Scout never cuts into a live tree.

A Scout is trustworthy, loyal,
helpful, friendly, courteous, kind,

obedient, cheerful, thirsty, brave,
clean, reverent, and doesn't cut into trees.

Where does it say that?

In the handbook, sir.

Now, fellas, let's have a demonstration of first aid.

Anybody got a first aid kit?

He does.

You never let me down, do you?

No.

A Scout is trustworthy, loyal,
helpful, friendly, courteous, kind,

obedient, cheerful, thirsty, brave,
and doesn't cut into trees.

I know.

I know.

Now, fellas, first aid.

We're out on the trail.

We've got a sick moose on our head.

Ernie here has dislocated his jaw.

How do we bandage him?

Put a tourniquet around his neck.

Yeah.

No.

First you have to immobilize the jaw.

Around like so.

So.

That's right.

Hold it there.

Are you comfortable, Ernie?

Perfect.

Can you talk?

Perfect.

Not a... Not a word, huh?

Uh-huh.

Fine.

Well, back to tracking and trailing.

I was saying, before Ernie dislocated his jaw, you
take your knife and you cut a blade from the tree like that.

That's how you can find your way back.

See, when you come back along the path, you
see where the blazes are, and we're all home free.

Where are you going, boys?

I know we're not supposed to bother my dad.

But it's time for him to tell ghost stories.

What?

Something ghost stories.

It's scout tradition, sir.

No, no, no.

Let him alone.

Come on.

I'll tell you a ghost story.

Oh, boy.

Mr. Summers is going to tell stories.

Yeah, yeah.

Make yourself comfortable.

Let's see now.

Once upon a time, many years ago,
in a little town in New England,

there was this haunted house.

And every night, just at midnight, when
the church bells tolled, this terrible ghost.

...

I once read a book on the supernatural.

There's no such thing as ghosts.

A ghost is just an apparition.

It's something you think you see,
but you don't really see it.

It's like a UFO.

What's a UFO?

A UFO's an unidentified flying object.

People think they see them all the time.

Sure, look at the astronauts.

Carpenter saw all that stuff up in space,
and what did it turn out to be?

Vapor condensation.

Look, you guys.

If Mr. Summers gets a charge into telling corny
old ghost stories, the least we can do is listen.

Go ahead, Mr. Summers.

What about your haunted house in New England?

Oh, forget it.

Now, listen to this.

Once upon a launching pad, there was this
haunted Atlas Titan m*ssile.

That I can believe.

This m*ssile had already made three trips to Saturn, two to

Venus, and this time it took
off right out of the Milky Way.

Oh, it was a corker, boys.

Oh, boy!

Then the mysterious stranger from the
planet Virus X signed the trade agreement.

They all got into their spaceships and
flew back to their individual galaxies,

where they lived many happy light years thereafter.

Sir, that isn't how it ended on television.

This is the way I tell it, and this is the way it ends.

I'll bank the fire.

You go to bed.

What a way to get a new wing design.

My wife.

Gets into a girdle easier than you get
into that sleeping bag.

Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.

A couple of more hours work on those
designs, and I thought I haven't finished.

Good night.

Good night.

Ernie!

Thomas, according to the handbook... Ernie, go to bed.

Yes, sir.

What's the use of having a handbook if
nobody pays any attention to it?

Right now, I'd settle for the peace and
quiet of a nice hotel convention.

Mr.

Douglas?

Yes, Larry?

What now, the Indian rope trick?

Is this a good sheep shank?

Well, it looks pretty good to me, Larry.

I don't imagine a sheep could have shanked a better one.

Yes, sir.

Well, now that we've had our sheep shank
break, what about the wing?

Well, I've run into a little problem here, Mr. Summers.

If I can reduce the Reynolds number.

Ernie, if there's anything there you don't
understand, I want you to feel perfectly free to go away.

What is it, Ernie?

We're out of water.

Out of water?

What happened?

You said you had plenty this morning.

But you made us wash.

Who figured on that?

Please, Ernie, don't bother us.

Go find yourself a reservoir or something.

Should I, Mr. Douglas?

Well, no, Ernie.

I'd better find some water.

Ernie, you round up the canteen.

Oh, Steve.

I'll be back in a few minutes.

We're only going to be out a couple more hours.

We can get him a cold drink on the way home.

I used to camp in this area years ago.

It seems to me I remember water over in
that direction sometimes.

You want us to go with you, Dan?

Oh, no.

You stay here and practice your knots.

I'll be back in a little while.

How do you explain to a corporation that you can't...

You can't start manufacturing a plane because
the designer's out finding water for the moose patrol.

There's nothing about that in the handbook, sir.

Help!

Help!

Any luck?

Nope, no luck at all.

Didn't you find him?

No, I went all the way to the top of the
hill and I didn't see him.

That proves it, he's lost.

My dad never gets lost.

He always knows where he is.

He's been gone for over an hour,
And he wouldn't leave us alone that long.

He doesn't know that Mr. Summers gave up and left.

I'll bet you he didn't even find any water.

Maybe he needs some help with the canteen.

I'm gonna go look for him.

I'm the patrol leader.

No one looks for anybody unless I say so.

Okay.

What do we do?

Well, I guess we go look for him.

If we're going on a searching party, the handbook
says we have to bring all our emergency equipment.

The patrols fall in.

What's up, Larry?

You know what?

I think we're lost.

How can we be lost?

We're all together.

Maybe my dad could hear us if we give the moose call.

Are you ready?

Go!

Hoo-ah!

Hoo-ah!

Hoo-ah!

Hoo-ah!

Hoo-ah!

Hey, it's Mr. Douglas.

Sounds more like a real moose.

Don't be dumb.

How could a real moose get lost?

That's my father.

I'd know him from a moose, wouldn't I?

I don't know where that'd come from.

Let's get over there on that double.

Hey, come on up here!

Moose patrol, forward!

What's.

The difference?

It's not my father.

Come on.

What's that count?

What are you doing in the woods?

What do you think?

He's lost.

How can a cow get lost?

We're supposed to be smarter than cows and more lost.

What's.

That?

We not only found milk, but we found water, too.

Dad must be around here somewhere.

Let's try the moose call again.

Uwah!

Uwah!

Uwah!

Chip?

Hey, fellas!

Hey, it sounds like it's coming from over there.

Where?

Where, where?

Dad, where are you?

I'm down here!

You said he wouldn't find water, and he did.

Dad, you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Get me out of here, Chip.

Come on, come on.

Get a rope or something.

We brought a rope for emergency cliff scaling.

Do you want us to pull you out?

Yeah, I would appreciate it if you would.

Let's tie a bow and a knot for Mr. Douglas to hang.

A bow and a knot?

You know, a lube.

Hurry up.

Why a bow and a knot?

The handbook says I vote for a square knot.

Why?

Because I don't know how to tie a bow and a knot.

Look, tie any kind of a knot, will you, fellas?

Just put the rope down here and get me out of here.

Come on.

Heave!

Heave!

Heave!

Heave!

Heave!

Mr.

Douglas, you're too heavy.

Hey, Dad, I got an idea.

We can get you out real easy.

We'll be right back.

Stay right where you are.

Yeah, I'll do that.

Hit it.

We're just going to have to fall.

Come on, give me a hand.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Thanks a lot, fellas.

Don't move.

You're in shock.

Who says so?

The handbook.

Page 197.

Quote, every accident is accompanied by shock.

Unquote.

Well, Ernie, let's leave the shock
treatment for the next camp out, huh?

Would you settle for artificial respiration?

Thanks, fellas.

I'm all right.

Dad, Mr. Summers got mad.

He's hitching a ride back to town.

Well, I can't say I blame him.

Let's fill these canteens and get back to camp.

Okay.

We can go around that way.

Excuse me, men, but could you please
direct me to the state highway?

Would you like a drink of water first?

I could sure use one.

And then maybe we could get back to work.

Okay.

I want to apologize, Mr. Summers, for the rough weekend.

Oh, no, I'm the one who should apologize.

I've got to respect a man who honors a prior
commitment, especially to an 11-year-old son.

This is great.

Where'd you get this idea?

Well, you'd be surprised how much thinking
a man can do at the bottom of a well.

I thought I was dried out, but I guess I'm not.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as
this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.

♪♪.