05x24 - The Teenagers

[bunniefuu]

I've been saving for another year or so.

Not the way it's gone already.

I got a date this afternoon with a real old girl.

Hey, who is she?

Her name's Eloise Patterson.

Oh, Tim Patterson's kid sister?

Kid?

She's a teenager.

Eloise is a teenager?

Yeah, she was 13 yesterday.

Boy, this stuff stinks.

Do I smell older?

Yes.

How'd you happen to meet an old girl like that?

Well, I bumped into her and knocked all her books down.

And yesterday I held the water faucet for her.

I got it all over her face.

It was really funny.

And that's how it happened, huh?

Yeah.

She said she'd be at the malt shop today after school.

Maybe I ought to grow some sideburns.

No, that's out, Chip.

Beards are coming in now.

No kidding.

Micah?

Well, he thinks she's really tough.

I'm tired.

Yeah, you know, the best.

Great.

Oh, I thought maybe she was a lady wrestler or something.

What?

It can happen these days.

Oh, Charlie, I forgot to tell you.

I'm eating dinner at Sally's tonight.

Tell her not to slice the meat too thick
for the stroganoff.

Hey, how did you know she's making stroganoff?

She called here for my recipe.

Oh.

Are you ready, Dad?

Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'll get the car.

Oh, boy, pancakes!

Hello, Shepard.

Say, I hear you have a date with little Eloise Patterson.

Little?

Dad, she's 13.

Oh.

Dad, I have to act like a teenager,
and I don't know how to.

Good.

Let's keep it that way.

Well, I'll tell you what you do, Chip.

You ask Robbie about it.

See you later.

Bye, Dad.

Rob, first, can I borrow your pants?

Boy, they'd be too big.

Well, I'll cut them off at the knees like
I see some of the big guys wearing.

Not my pants.

Anyway, only the kids who are far out do, though.

Well, what about tennis shoes?

Fine, just don't have them too clean.

Hmm, that'll never be a problem.

Rob, what do I say to an older girl?

Well, a teenage girl likes to hear about herself.

Tell her how pretty she is.

Yeah, I'm gonna get sick or something
right there in the mall shop.

Women like good manners, Chip.

You know, like helping them out of a car
and pulling back their chairs,

stuff like that.

No kidding.

You mean I gotta do all that junk?

Well, you can't go around pushing them out of your way.

Boy, this is gonna be a mess.

Can I tell her what to order?

No.

You let a girl order what she wants.

Well, suppose she orders everything in the whole place.

Then you don't see her again.

Here's your milk.

And another thing.

Teenagers always act like they've been around.

Around where?

Just around.

You know, brag about all your other dates.

I've never had a date with a teenage girl before.

Well, make it up.

Being a teenager is a new world, Chip.

Oh.

I gotta go.

Good pancake, Uncle Charlie.

Thanks.

Better get going, Chip.

Better get to school while you can still
make it without a cane.

Come on.

I'll see you later, Uncle Charlie.

Right.

Adam Smith published an inquiry into the
nature and causes of the wealth of nations.

Chapters five and six will be your assignment for tomorrow.

We have a few minutes before the bell to
discuss the homecoming parade float.

Any suggestions?

Barney?

How about an astronaut sitting on a rocket
going to the moon?

I thought we were going to come up with
something different for a change.

Pete?

Maybe we could have hula girls.

Oh, brother.

Now that is UN-tough.

I have to agree with Robbie.

We did that one when I was in high school.

Yeah, but we'll use different girls.

Well, the girls may be new, but the theme won't be.

Harry?

Why don't we have a giant dragon with its
head moving from side to side?

Harry, we can see that every Chinese New Year.

All right, then.

Since Robbie is so critical, let's make him
chairman of a committee to come up with an idea.

Yeah!

I didn't mean that.

I didn't come up with any better ideas.

I just...

You mean you can't play with me on account
of some goofy girl?

No.

Us teenage guys have to quit playing around with kids.

I wouldn't be taking Eloise Patterson to
the mall shop if I was still a kid.

Sounds kind of scary.

No, Robbie told me all about how to act like a teenager.

Want me to come in with you for a little while?

Uh-uh.

I have to put on my dirty tennis shoes.

Robbie's surfer shirt.

I guess I won't be seeing much of you anymore.

I guess not.

Okay.

Bye, Chip.

Bye.

We'll be friends again as soon as you get to be a teenager.

Okay.

See you then.

Hi, Chip.

Been waiting long?

Yeah, 15 or 20 minutes.

It was such a problem deciding what to wear.

I don't care.

Now that I'm 13, it makes a difference.

Yeah, I can tell.

How can you?

You got gobs of lipstick on.

Hi, Rob.

Want to sit here?

Wait a minute.

What are you sitting way out there for?

You're supposed to push me up to the table.

Hey, no kidding.

Uncle Charley didn't say anything about that.

Boy, you're heavy.

How old are you, Chip?

I'm going on 13.

You're so young.

It's okay.

My brother told me how to act.

This is the toughest, Chip.

Yeah.

All us teenagers hang out here.

You've been here before?

Yeah.

I come here lots of times to tell my brother
Robbie, Uncle Charley, he's looking for him.

You better get home quick before he gets yelled at.

Okay, kid, what do you have?

Root beer and a hamburger.

Double malted and a giant hamburger.

My sister told me not to order much when
I'm on a date with a boy.

Otherwise, I would have had pie, too.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Rob.

Guys, this is Eloise.

Eloise, this is my brother, Robbie, Pete, and Barney.

How do you do?

Hi.

Hi.

Won't you join us?

We can get some extra chairs.

Can't we, Chip?

Yeah.

Sorry, Eloise.

We've got some important business.

I'll see you around.

I certainly hope so.

Robbie's so cute.

Yeah, but he's real old.



I like Pete, too.

Also, Barney.

Eloise, I thought you wanted to be here with me.

I do, Chip.

But my sister said a girl has to be a real operator.

I've got it.

I've got it.

Yeah?

We picked the six prettiest girls in the senior class.

Hey, now, that I crave already.

I'll do the picking.

And we put them in bathing suits.

And?

Yeah, we put them on the float.

Yeah.

Go on.

What do you mean, go on?

That's it.

You've got to be kidding.

I thought you were supposed to come up
with something different.

What's different about girls in bathing suits?

Okay.

We didn't hit it.

Yeah.

Can you do the wa-toosie?

The wahoo?

The wa-toosie.

It's a dance.

Is that what they're doing?

Uh-huh.

Looks like they've got ants crawling all over them.

All I know is social dancing.

You know, one, two, three, four.

I don't think I could ever marry a boy who
couldn't do the wa-toosie.

You know, would it be okay if I went
outside and talked to my brother for a minute?

I've got something important to ask him.

Sure.

Hey, I heard you asked that kid if he
could do the wa-toosie.

Uh-huh.

Can you do it?

Sure.

Can you?

Try me.

Hey, Rob!

Can I borrow a dollar?

That Eloise sure eats a lot.

Yeah, sure.

Here.

Thanks.

Rob, can you teach me the wa-toosie?

Here?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Thanks.

What's the matter, kid?

Somebody steal your date?

Why didn't you sock him, kid?

Yeah, give him a hairy eyeball, kid.

Say, uh, is Chip here?

Oh, no, he's not home yet.

I saw him with Eloise at the mall shop.

How was he doing?

Well, they had to borrow a dollar from me
because Eloise ate so much.

I could have to get him a credit card, huh?

Uh, Dad, have you got any ideas for a
school homecoming float?

Float?

What kind of a float?

Root beer?

I criticized what the other kids
suggested, so they made me chairman of the

float for the homecoming parade, and I'm
trying to come up with something different.

How does a float with six girls in bathing suits hit you?

I'll take root beer.

Uh, six girls in bathing suits, huh, Rob?

You know, that doesn't sound like a
particularly novel idea.

Yeah, I know, though.

Have you got any suggestions?

Well, let's see.

I remember once when I was in college,
I was chairman of the decorating committee

for our fraternity, and we fellas got together and we...

Well, what was it, Dad?

Maybe I can use it.

Uh, they brought it up in the yearbook.

Anyway, we fellas got together and...

Well, come on, Dad.

You know, now that I think of it, it was pretty silly.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Chipper.

Well, how'd everything go today?

Eloise left me to dance with some older guy.

Oh, boy, that was a dirty trick.

Some big guy who could dance that stupid
new dance they're doing.

Didn't she ask you first?

I went outside to borrow a dollar from her.

For Robbie, on account that she ate like a horse.

When I got back, she was with this big guy.

Oh, did you just stand there and watch them all this time?

No, some big guys made fun of me, so I left.

Well, I wish I'd have been there then.

Then I went over to Ernie's to tell him
that I'd be able to play with him tomorrow.

Then I just walked around for a while.

Dad, I don't feel so good.

Okay, you guys, how about dinner before my
rack of lamb gets too racked?

Uncle Charlie?

I'm not hungry, excuse me.

Not hungry?

He's sick or something?

No, Eloise dropped him for an older man.

I wasn't afraid of that.

These May-December affairs never work out.

Charlie, hold dinner for a few minutes, will you?

Okay.

Hey, bikinis.

Chip?

Oh.

Chip, I don't feel too bad about what happened today.

Yeah, but after I paid for a giant
hamburger and a double malt?

Dad, she's a real teenager.

Cheats as much as Robbie does.

You know something, Chip?

The same thing happened to me when I was about your age.

No kidding?

Yeah.

I took this older girl, she must have been
at least six months older than I was.

Anyway, I took her to a carnival and she wound up
riding the Ferris wheel all afternoon with a much older boy.

What'd you do?

Well, I finally left her there with him and went home.

Boy, that really hurt.

I was sure I'd never get over it as long as I lived.

What was her name?

I don't remember, Chip.

Well, how come?

I thought you said you'd never get over it.

That's what I'm trying to point out to you, Chip.

What happened today with Eloise seems very
important to you now, but when you get

older, you won't even remember Eloise's name.

I won't, huh?

How about that?

It's kind of a clunky name anyway.

And when you get to be a teenager, I mean a
real teenager, you won't even remember this.

You'll be so busy dating other girls.

Like who, Dad?

Oh, I don't know who, Chip, but there'll be a lot of girls.

Because by dating different girls, a fellow
finds out what kind of girl he wants to marry.

Does that make sense?

Guess so.

Well, what do you say we go down and get some dinner?

Okay.

What if I see Eloise in school?

Oh, well, be nice to her.

Be polite, but don't ask her for any more dates.

Okay, Dad, I'll forget her.

Grab the phone, Chip.

Tell her I'm not going back later.

Tell her yourself, it's Eloise.

Eloise?

Hey, Chip, why don't you...

Whoa, Eloise?

Yeah, this is Chip.

Okay, if you want to.

But none of that giant hamburger and double malt stuff.

I'm in hock now.

Okay, bye.

Hey, Dad, that was Eloise.

Oh.

Well, she called me and asked me for a date tomorrow.

Guess she really liked me, huh?

Well, I don't suppose she would have
called you otherwise, Chip.

Or maybe she got hungry again.

Did that girl you left on the Ferris wheel
call you back for a date, Dad?

No, she didn't, Chip.

Yahoo!

What girl on what Ferris wheel, Dad?

Oh, I told you about her, Rob.

You did?

Yeah, when you were about Chip's age.

Oh.

You know, Rob, I went through the teenage
bit, first with Mike and then with you,

but the thought of going through it a
third time frightens me.

Just a little.

Mr. Douglas?

No, he isn't home.

Anything I can do for you?

I'm Mrs. Thomas, Barney's mother, and you can
tell Mr. Douglas I think Robbie's idea is shameful.

What's the matter with Robbie's idea?

Young boy suggesting something like that
for the homecoming float.

Well, it's disgraceful.

Are you talking about those six girls he's
going to put in bathing suits?

Well, then Mr. Douglas did know about it.

Sure, Robbie told us about it last night.

We got no secrets around here.

And Mr. Douglas approves?

Haven't you read the morning paper?

No, I've been busy with my housework.

Well, read it.

Some of the other mothers will be calling you, I'm sure.

What's wrong having pretty girls in bathing suits?

Topless suits?

Every parade has...

Topless?

Steve, this is Charley.

We got an emergency here.

What kind of emergency do you have this time, Charley?

I'm not kidding.

It's right here in the paper.

Announce topless bathing suit, homecoming float theme.

And right off the bat, it mentions Robbie's name.

Robert Douglas, senior at Bryant Park High
School, announced that the theme for the

homecoming float this afternoon would be
the new topless bathing suit.

Topless...

Charley, it's got to be some kind of a joke.

Then you better attend the next PTA
meeting and laugh it up.

But the ladies have already started complaining.

Charley, I have every confidence in Robbie's good taste,
and you can tell that to anybody else who comes around.

I'll try to get home early.

Yeah, yeah.

A float with girls with topless...

I remember when I was in school, we...

Something like that.

Ouch!

Sorry.

I thought that guy you were dancing with
yesterday was really goopy looking.

He was not.

You mean you liked him?

I thought he was tough.

I thought you thought I was tough.

Chip, I'm afraid you're too young for me.

What'd you call me up for?

To say goodbye.

Oh.

And to apologize.

For what?

Because I left you alone yesterday.

Yeah.

I did feel kind of dumb hanging around
while you were doing that silly dance.

My mother told me to say something else, too.

What?

I want you to know that I'll always remember our
friendship as one of the nicest things in my childhood.

Tell your mother I said thanks.

Bye, Eloise.

Hi, Fred.

This is Chip.

Hi, kid.

Hi.

Bye, Eloise.

Bye, Chip.

You look real fit today.

Well, I'm home.

And am I glad you're home.

That phone has been ringing all day long.

Now you can take care of the beefs about
that topless float.

Charley, did you tell them all that I trust Robbie?

Yeah, but they don't trust you.

They all wonder what kind of a parent you are.

You know, Charley, that bugs me.

Everybody presumes teenagers are guilty
without even hearing their side of the story.

Now, I just know, Robbie, wouldn't be able
to have your date with Eloise?

Yeah, she just wanted to say goodbye.

Oh, where's she going?

No place.

She said she's too old for me.

And she ought to date older guys like that
weirdo Fred she was dancing with yesterday.

How are you taking it, Chip?

Okay?

Yeah.

I got to thinking about what you told me last night.

About how I'd be going out with lots of Louisa's name.

That's right, Chip.

Come here.

Don't.

Okay.

Well, I guess I'll go upstairs and take
off these stupid clothes and get into my

house in two weeks to fool around with these girls.

All right.

Bye, Chipper.

Bye.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Charlie.

Hear about Robbie's float?

Hear about it?

They've been beating my eardrums about it all day.

How do you know about it, Mike?

Sally, she saw the float and said it was wonderful.

Imagine that.

Topless bathing suits.

Sally said it was wonderful?

Yeah.

She said everyone's laughing about it.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Mr. Douglas.

Hi, Mr. Gator.

Hey, did you hear about our float?

It was great.

Bob deserves all the credit, Mr. Douglas.

He came up with the idea.

Okay, Rob.

What's with these topless bathing suits?

Where are the girls?

Girls?

Show him, Pete.

Pete was one of the six guys on our float.

Six guys?

Mm-hmm.

Ta-da!

Oh, those topless suits.

Boy, what a great idea, Rob.

Well, I got it from Dad.

From me?

Yeah.

I was going to use girls in bikinis,
but then I saw in your yearbook where you

came up with a shapely leg contest for boys.

Well, I told you that was pretty silly.

Dad, when I get to be your age, I
guess I'll think this was pretty silly, too.

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