05x28 - The Sure Thing

[bunniefuu]

Good morning.

You can sit in your dad's chair and start in on his stack.

He left a note that he took off for golf.

I'm ahead of you.

I already got the note.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Good morning.

Sit down.

Galley closes in half an hour.

What's up?

Cook going ashore?

Cook.

The cook's also the dishwasher behind the vacuum cleaner.

And the gardener.

There ain't enough bells on the ship's
clock to squeeze in all that work.

Hi, everybody.

Howdy.

Well, where are you going all dressed up?

To a dance or something?

Maybe he's going to get married.

Oh, no, he's already spent this week's allowance.

I'm going out to the Bryant Park racetrack.

The racetrack?

You going to the racetrack?

Yep.

I've got a date out there this morning with a girl.

She just moved into town.

She's something else.

What is she doing hanging around a racetrack?

Well, Anita's grandfather owns and trains racehorses.

A trainer?

You know somebody on the inside at the track?

Well, I guess I'll meet her grandfather
while I'm out there.

I'm going with you.

This is the chance of a lifetime.

Charley, I thought you said there weren't enough
bells on the ship's clock to... Are you kidding?

This is my first chance to meet a real trainer.

He knows which horses are ready, which horses are stiffs.

Rob, get that girl on the phone and have
her leave an extra gate patch.

I don't know, Uncle Charley.

It's kind of tough to get in when the
trainers are working their horses.

Anita had trouble getting me a pass.

Tell him you're underage and I have to accompany you.



That's terrible.

She sure misses Cosmo.

She just doesn't have the same old speed without him.

I'd try to move her, Colonel.

Okay, Johnny, take her in.

She just hung like a blanket all the way.

Well, I know we need the money, but I
think we'd better scratch her from the stake.

She's just way off her feet.

Well, I guess we'll have to, Grandpa.

Hi, Ada.

Oh, hi, Robbie.

Hi.

Robbie, this is my grandfather, Colonel Parker.

This is Robbie Douglas.

Glad to know you, son.

How do you do, sir?

This is my great-uncle, Mr. O'Casey.

Hiya, Colonel.

How are you, Mr. O'Casey?

Robbie and I met in chemistry class,
so I invited him out to look around.

Gee, it's really nice out here, like a park.

Afraid you just missed leading lady's work out.

She just ran five furlongs.

Oh, we watched her.

She's a very pretty horse.

Oh, she's good leather, all right.

You should have seen her last year.

Why, she'd have breezed in 101.

A little disappointed because she ran five slow.

Five slow furlongs.

Holding her back, huh?

Pretty smart.

You make believe she saw her something and then wham!

No, no, Robbie.

Stable secrets are part of the game.

Now, Mr. O'Casey, the boy took that filly all out.

Had to carry her the last 16th or she
wouldn't even run 104.



I don't know what that means.

That means you're looking at a very worried trainer.

Come on, Robbie, I'll show you the statement.

Anita, I've never been inside a racetrack before.

It's pretty exciting.

Tell me, is leading lady a favorite or a long shot?

Favorite or a long shot?

Robbie, don't you know anything about horses?

Well, I worked one whole summer as a
ticket taker on a merry-go-round.

Uncle Charley follows the horses just like Bub used to.

Your Uncle Charley and Grandpa seem to be getting along.

Getting along fine.

Yeah.

The nag does look kind of beat, but I'd
be dragging my anchor if I ran five furlongs.

Why, she used to go a mile and never even
break out in the ladder.

Well, she just hasn't got it anymore.

What's her trouble?

Bum legs?

No, her rabbit ran away.

Her what?

Her rabbit, Cosmo.

He was her mascot.

You know, thoroughbreds are...
They're high-strung, nervous athletes.

Oh, she has her whims and her fancies that
you have to cater to.

Now, you take sea charger there.

That's his hand.

Long as that hand's around, my sea charger's ready.

Now, there's Brandywine.

That tin can chore is Brandywine's mascot.

Well, horses are just like people if they
like anything, even a rabbit.

Why, it pays to have the rabbit around.

Pretty square, huh?

Yeah, but you ought to hear the Bobby
Erickson record where he does the vocal.

It really sings up a storm.

You like Bobby Erickson?

No, there's this one part where he just
sends chills up and down my back.

I'll bet you it's this next part coming up.

I give you my word and my word is good.

Looks like you're on the spot.

Yeah, big race comes up next Saturday.

Hey, look at that.

It's the lady, lady.

Maybe her rabbit came back.

I hope he did.

Cosmo, Cosmo.

I don't see him anyplace.

I can count on you.

I just won't.

Oh, I wonder.

Could be.

Hold it a minute, son.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't know it bothered the horses.

Robbie, come here.

I got an idea.

Yeah?

Now, Robbie, you sing that song again,
but this time, don't sing it to Anita.

Sing it to Leading Lady.

You're kidding.

Come on, Robbie.

I'm sure Grandpa's serious.

Yeah, I'm serious.

I give you my word and my word is good.

I'll do everything that every lover should.

Honey, I think we got another Cosmo.

And?

Robbie, Leading Lady loves your singing.

Robbie, if she likes you the way I think she
does, why, we gonna have another winner.

Robbie, I'm sure of it.

All you have to do is sing to her
sincerely and she'll win the race.

Well, Anita, I don't know.

I mean... Oh, please, Robbie.

Now, here, son, now, don't talk anymore.

Now, you just save that golden throat of
yours for old leadin' lady here.

Yeah, just nod your head.

Charlie, you heard him, Robbie.

You can do anything that Cosmo can do.

Come on.

Fifty-eight and change.

Wow!

Did you see her eat up that real estate?

Robbie, this workout proves it.

With you for her rabbit, well, she can't lose.

Robbie, this is the chance of a lifetime.

You can come out right after school,
do your homework here, sleep in the stall.

Robbie, I don't think you realize how much
this means to us.

Well, to me.

Well, you're a miracle, man.

You're better than the rabbit.

You really think she did it for me?

I'm gonna make you a business proposition,
Robbie, and we're in business right now.

Well, I better think that over, sir.

Oh, please, Robbie.

Well, uh, will my friends have to know
that I'm replacing a rabbit?

No, we'll just say that you're working for us as a groom.

Okay.

Robbie, you'll have to go all the way out now.

If there's any doubt in your mind, why, tell me right now.

I give you my word, sir.

The deal.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

We, uh, finished dinner, a half hour ago, you know.

Don't you racetrack characters eat?

Oh, Dad, I don't care anything about races.

I'm just doing this to help Anita.

I think Anita's a girl, Dad.

Robbie isn't in love with a horse after all.

Now, what did you mean by that?

Uh, nothing, Rob.

My brother, the rabbit.

Well, now, how did you find out?

There's got to be only one way.

Uncle Charlie!

Uncle Charlie!

Don't blame me.

They promised they wouldn't say a word.

Rob, I think it's really a compliment.

I mean that a horse would like your singing.

I guess we just haven't appreciated you around here.

You know, it happens every time.

A guy tries to help somebody out,
and all he gets is the needle.

Hey, Rob!

How's the horse lullaby business?

All right, just keep on ribbing me.

But I gave my word I'd see this thing through, and I will.

Well, that's very admirable.

Rob, this does sound a little silly, though.

Let him laugh.

I left dinner in the oven for you.

I got a date and a meeting.

See you later.

Thanks, Uncle Charlie.

See you, Johnny.

Rob.

Tell us, how did you get hooked into this
singing to a horse?

Well, what's the difference?

I said I'm going to do it, and so I'm going to do it.

Horse laughs or no horse laughs.

Robbie.

Hi, Anita.

Say, how about a hamburger and some fries?

What are you doing here?

I'm inviting you for a hamburger and some fries.

Well, you can't leave Lady alone.

Get back to her.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

It's okay, okay.

Give me time to tune up.

La.

Daytime, nighttime, anytime.

Jason, I hear you.

She had a great workout, 58 and change.

You know, that's quite an improvement.

How do you explain it?

Oh, you know how it is with a class horse bird that she was
off her feet for a while, but, oh, she's in good shape now.

I've been bringing her up to the race.

I heard about a rabbit, Cosmo, running away.

When we're far apart, I hope I... Hey, kid.

Mind, I'd like to talk to Mr. Parker.

Yeah, you can practice after a while, Robbie,
or, uh, uh, uh, Bert, this is, uh, Robbie Douglas.

He's, uh, uh, well, he's a new groom around here.

This is, this is Bert Henderson.

He's the top handicapper on the morning glue.

How you do?

Hi.

The leading lady's really in great shape.

I think she's got a good shot at the money.

Mr. Henderson, you could bet on it.

As long as we've got Robbie.

What's he got to do with it?

Haven't you heard about our singing mascot?

Why, he makes Cosmo look like a...

Stuffed monkey.

You mean this kid sings to leading ladies?

That's right.

And that's why...

Wow, what a story.

Human mascot.

Now, wait a minute, Mr. Henderson.

You can't print that, Bert.

Robbie's just doing it as a favor for Anita and me.

Sorry, Jason, I couldn't possibly pass up
a story like this.

I'm going to get a great picture of the kid with
the chicken and the goat and all the other mascots.

I'm going to have a photographer up here in a hurry.

Photographer?

You bet.

You know, I've been writing racetrack
copies for 20 years, kid.

This is the first time I've ever seen a human mascot.

Excuse me, Jason, I've got to get to the phone.

I'm sorry, Robbie.

Colonel, the deal's off.

If this gets out, I'd be laughed right out of school.

Robbie?

Mr. Parker, I'm sorry, I thought Robbie
would like his picture in a paper.

Where's Robbie going?

Home.

And there goes the Dev steaks.

I know, I know he's gone, lady.

I can sing, I would.

Robbie?

Robbie!

Hi, Uncle Charlie.

It's one O'clock.

Why aren't you out at the track?

I quit.

You quit?

I'm not going to have the whole town laughing at me.

Laughing?

I think we're going to put it in the paper.

My picture and everything.

Can you hear the guys at school?

Robbie the rabbit.

But, Robbie, without a mascot,
leading lady's going to lose.

A lot of people will get hurt.

Well, who, for instance?

A lot of people bet on these races, you know.

Bet everything, even porn things.

Like their wristwatches and brushes and antique pistols.

What kind of people would do that?

Uh-oh, there's Molly.

Robbie, please.

Please.

Uncle Charley, why should I?

Why should I go out and make a fool out of myself?

I'm no replacement for Cosmo the rabbit.

Not all over town, at least.

Okay.

I guess I understand.

I just hope Molly does.

Those g*ns I brought him may be loaded.

Hey, Rob.

Yeah?

Do you think that horse job is still open?

I guess so.

Why?

Well, I like horses, and Ernie can sing pretty good.

Well, if I hear they're holding auditions,
I'll let you know.

Hi.

Hi, Dad.

Did you hear about Robbie quitting his horse job?

Yeah, I just bumped into Charlie on the
way, and he seems a little upset about it.

Why should he be sh*t, then?

Well, I guess it's the first time he ever had any inside

information on a horse, and
he was kind of excited about it.

Yeah, he was so excited, he even forgot to
put on his watch before he went to the track.

Well, I gotta go find Ernie.

See you later.

I'll see you, Chip.

Rob, what time are they running the big
race out at the track?

About 4.30.

Why?

Well, I just thought it'd be fun to go out
and see how your horse does.

But under the circumstances, I imagine
you'd rather stay away from the track, huh?

Dad, you understand why I quit, don't you?

Oh, sure, sure.

Mr. Parker wasn't paying any salary or anything.

Not a cent.

Well, then I don't suppose anybody could
say you had an obligation.

Right.

I thought the whole thing was pretty silly anyway.

Well, yeah, except the horse was a loser,
and with me around, she was a winner.

They made such a big deal of it, I said I'd stick with it.

Well, nobody can sue you for changing your mind.

Well, that's right.

There was no money, no written contract.

Oh, you just gave your word.

And I don't suppose anybody can expect you to
keep your word to do a ridiculous thing like that.

Uh, Dad, I get the feeling that you're agreeing
with me just to convince me that I'm wrong.

Oh?

It was ridiculous, wasn't it?

Yeah, I said it was, didn't I?

What.

We brought you.

Come on, lady, come on.

Look at the cute little thing.

It's no use, Grandpa.

She just doesn't like raccoons.

She loves Robbie singing and nothing else will do.

Can we try it now, Parker?

Well, if you hurry, because I've got to
scratch her right away.

Come on, Mother.

Dun!

The campground ladies sing this song.

Do-da, do-da.

The campground racetrack nine miles long.

Do-do-da-dun.

Nothing.

Can we try an encore?

Yeah, how about the Wabash Cannonball?

Gentlemen, please take all horses for the
Dendriton Stakes to the receiving bar.

Well, how about it, Anita?

Should we scratch her?

No, Grandpa, we paid the nomination fee.

And besides, Lady might get a third or a
fourth with a little bit of racing left.

All right, she's in.

If you don't mind, I'd rather not watch the race.

I'll meet you at the paddock.

Anita.

Hi, Roger.

What are you doing here?

Where's leading lady?

I'm going to sing to her.

I gave my word and nothing else matters.

Just because Cosmo's a fink doesn't give me an out.

It's just a few minutes before post time.

She's out on the track for the first race.

Couldn't hear you.

It's our only chance.

What are you going to do?

Come on, let's go to the end field.

The flag is up.

There they go.

Lady, lady, we're on the way.

Come on, lady.

At the start, it is... Come on, come on.

Come on, lady.

They begin to hang around the building.

And lady, lady, Fred.

She's either a quarter of a mile behind or
three quarters ahead.

Take your choice.

Lady, pick it up, lady, pick it up.

Ready for the far turn.

It is Laurie Ann by one length.

Boy, not a minute too soon.

Soon as the light may be gone,
Emerald Hills, oceans blue on the right.

Lady, lady, Fred.

Where's leading lady?

Oh, she's way behind.

Sing.

Daytime, nighttime, anytime.

Boy, look, singing.

You can count on me.

And there goes leading lady on the extreme outside.

She's moving up.

Yes, she's moving up.

Lady, lady, lady is moving up fast.

It's Lorianne Sweet Boyer.

Come on, lady.

Come on, lady.

It's Lorianne Susan Delight and Lady.

Come on, lady.

What about leading lady?

Without her, I couldn't have done it.

Hi.

Hi, Rob.

Hey, here's the idol of the racetrack.

Our answer to Cosmo the Singing Rabbit.

Don't knock it, Buster.

I've got a needed day to clear through
till Easter vacation.

Well, Rob, I'd like to shake your hand.

What do you want to do that for?

You've met each other.

I want to shake the hand of a man with a $25,000 handshake.

You know, I think this calls for some kind
of a celebration.

Yeah.

Why don't we go and tell Charlie that he's
taking us all out to dinner?

I understand he's come into quite a chunk of money.

All right.

All right.