05x33 - The Glass Sneaker

[bunniefuu]

Anybody home around this joint?

Yeah, me and tr*mp.

Sorry shopping took me so long, but oh, those
Sunday supermarket drivers with their shopping carts.

What's with you, mate?

Nothing.

You sore because you weren't invited with
the family tonight?

Who wants to have to get dressed up in a
stupid tuxedo and go to a clunky old party

in a big new hotel with a named band and a
well-known singer from Broadway, The Great Beat?

You are sore, aren't you?

Uh-huh.

How would you like to go someplace with me tonight?

Where?

An old friend of mine invited me to play cards with him.

I knew him in Vaudeville when me and Bub had our act.

Where does he live?

In a hotel.

A big new hotel like the Downtowner?

A little old hotel.

Do they have entertainment?

Sure.

When they turn on the water, the pipes whistle.

You want to go, don't you?

How do we get there?

I'm the fairy godmother, Cinderella.

I wave my magic wand and make a gold coach
out of your pumpkin head.

How do you think we'll get there?

I don't know.

Street cars still run, don't they?

Yeah.

Hey, that'd be better than staying home.

Well, thanks a lot.

Can tr*mp come?

If tr*mp wants to go to a party, let him
find his own fairy godmother, Cinderella.

Come on now, get spruced up and let's go.

Come on.

You know the rules, Mr. Buffer.

We cater to theatrical people,
not animals, trained or otherwise.

I'm referring to the other half of your act,
Mr. Buffer, that you smuggled into your room last night.

Yes, I mean your trained seal.

Lamp-up.

Please, please, lamp-up.

What seal?

Well, if that ain't a seal, I hear barking, Mr. Buffer.

You need to take honey and molasses for your cause.

Yes, thank you very much.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Would you please call Mr. Larkin and tell
him O'Casey and company are here?

Yes, I'll be glad to.

Mr. O'Casey is here to see you, Mr. Larkin.

Yes, sir.

You may go up.

Room 5023, 50th floor.



It's only a two-story building.

Some hotels start with the first floor.

We start with the 49th.

Any objections?

No, ma'am.

Oh, and let me remind you.

No singing, dancing, or cooking in the rooms.

This is a respectable hotel.

Don't worry.

We're just going to have a quiet game of cards.

Gosh, Uncle Charley, it's plain and
nobody's even doing anything.

Haven't you ever seen a player piano before?

That paper roll makes it play.

Here.

Here's a couple of dimes.

Play it and enjoy yourself.

Then come up to Mr. Larkin's room.



Yours?

Chip Douglas.

You with the show?

No.

I'm just visiting here with my Uncle Charley.

He's a friend of Mr. Larkin's.

Billy Larkin?

Oh, he's teaching me to hoof.

Want to see?

Yeah.

Hey, not bad.

Like to join up for a two-act?

Well, no.

I got a squeaky shoe.

I don't think I'd be much good anyway.

I'll just keep the music going.

Save your dime.

Hey, pretty good.

Uh, Jim.

Charley, it's just like the old times.

You're still skinning the daylights out of me.

If I lost to you, I'd be cheating.

You live in this hotel?

I don't live anywhere.

Well, everybody lives somewhere.

Not when you're in show business.

You mean you in show business?

Yeah, with my mother.

Well, my grandfather and my Uncle Charley are, too.

Or were.

Glad to meet somebody in the profession.

You have a family?

Yeah, I got a dad and two brothers.

Well, as long as your Uncle Charley's upstairs with
Mr. Larkin, how would you like to go to a party tonight?

Where?

Mr. Buffer's.

It's a birthday party for Flapper.

Who's Flapper?

His train seal.

She's three.

Three?

I've never been to a birthday party for a seal before.

Really?

Not ever?

No.

Well, once we had a birthday party for my dog, tr*mp.

Oh, well, you see, this birthday party's a secret.

You see, it's against the hotel rules to
have a train seal in the apartment.

It's bad.

What happens if she finds out?

I don't know.

Miss Steps never caught anyone yet.

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Yes, we have some very lovely suites.

Sitting room, bedroom, bath.

No, no kitchenettes.

No, and no pets.

Now, first I want you to meet Sammy Smaller.

Sammy Smaller?

How did he get a name like that?

He was named after his father.

His father was a m*dget magician, too.

Who's there?

It's me, Alice.

Hello there, Alice.

Hi, Sammy.

Sammy Smaller, meet Chip Douglas.

Hi.

Hello, Chip.

Come on in, you kids.

Thanks.

Take yourself right at home.

Boy, I wish my brother was here.

He said they didn't make tuxedos in my size.

They certainly do.

I use this in my act.

Here, try it on.

Okay.

Boy, thanks.

Don't make tuxedos in my size.

Look at that, a perfect fit.

Your hat, sir.

Hey, thanks.

Here, go look at yourself in that mirror.

Okay.

Boy!

You look very handsome, Chip.

And the final touch, your feeling, sir.

Gosh, how'd you do that?

Trade secret.

You going to Flapper's party, Chip?

I guess so.

Then I'll teach you the trick, and you
can surprise everybody at the party, okay?

Hey, swell.

Boy, I sure wish I could wear this tuxedo to the party.

Go ahead and wear it.

I've got another one.

I'll even lend you a shirt and a bow tie to go with it.

Hey, neat.

Boy, my brother can only see me now.

What's on TV, sis?

Funny network.

I can't believe the dress is...

Come on, come on.

Dance, dance, dance.

Live the ball, come on.

Come on, come on.

Come on.

Please, Flapper, your time will come.

And now we have Chip Douglas in Feats of Ledger Domain.

Go on, Chip, you're on.

Hooray!

Go ahead, Chip Douglas.

Nothing on my left sleeve.

Nothing on my right.

I taught him that trick.

And now for the stars of our...
our show, Buffer and Flapper.

Well, now, Flapper, tonight you will headline the bill.

Please.

Come on.

Come on.

Here, Flapper.

Roll, roll, roll.

He's good.

Roll, roll, roll.

Well, look at her.

She's really good.

Roll.

Here, Flapper.

Here.

Up here.

Here.

Here.

What's going on in there?

Let me in.

Flapper, I want to talk to you.

In the door.

Come on.

Come on, Flapper.

Here.

Flapper?

Yes?

I want that seal out of there.

Seal?

What seal?

Do you know what seal, Mr. Buffer?

If you don't mind, I'll just take a look around myself.

But I do mind.

Have you no respect for a man's privacy?

Or a man's laundry?

Open the bathroom door.

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Ah-ha!

Hi, Miss Step.

What in the world?

I'm doing a seal bit, Miss Step.

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

Hark!

All right, Mr. Buffer.

I shall give you a sporting chance.

But I shall be back in a little while
making a check of your room.

And I would suggest that unless you wish to be evicted,
it would be wise for you to get rid of your day's laundry.

Oh, sure, Mr. I do that.

Oh, sure, sure.

Oh, that was a narrow escape.

Thank you, Chip.

But what are we going to do now?

Why don't you do the disappearing seal trick?

I never heard of it.

I just invented it.

I'll be right back.

Chip, I think you better get rid of that shoe.

It squeaks.

You're right.

I'll take it off.

Quiet.

Be quiet.

Shh.

Children, just a moment.

May I ask where you're going with that wagon?

We're going to visit Mr. Larkin.

And what's in the wagon?

It's the props for Mr. Larkin's act.

We'll be very quiet.

Well, see that you are.

That was me doing the seal bit again, Miss Tepper.

I got to leave.

Mr. Larkin!

Come in, Alice.

The door is open.

Hello, Mr. Larkin.

Hey.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

Hi.

Uncle Charley, this is Alice.

Alice, Uncle Charley.

Hi.

Meet Chip.

Hi, Chip.

Do you mind if we hide Flapper in your
bathroom for a while?

Sure, why not?

Thanks.

Who's Flapper?

Bubba's train seal.

You remember the old act, Bubba and Flapper?

Oh.

Looks like you found a place to hide.

Yeah, she can balance a ball on her nose and everything.

That's the kind of a girl to have, all right.

I think Chip means Flapper.

Well, with Chip, you can't be sure.

Well, where'd you get the monkey suit, Chip?

Oh, Sammy Smaller loaned it to me.

Uh-huh, good.

Having fun?

Yeah.

Well, we'll see you later.

Another no-brainer.

Oh, gee, Chip, I sure wish you lived here.

We could have loads of fun together.

Oh, maybe I'll come back and visit again.

If Miss Steph doesn't find out we're the ones who hit Flap.

Hello, Miss Steph.

Oh, hello, Miss Vale.

Alice.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey.

What have you been doing?

Chip and I went to a birthday party for Flapper.

Oh.

So this is Chip.

Chip Douglas.

This is my mother, Victoria Vale.

How do you do?

Hi.

He and his Uncle Charley are visiting Mr. Larkin tonight.

Oh.

Victoria Vale.

Aren't you the singer?

You've heard of me?

I heard my brother talking about you.

He said you had a great beat.

Thank you.

Were there a lot of people there tonight?

Oh, it was a big, big crowd.

My dad and my two brothers were there.

They were?

Oh.

Well, it was a very receptive crowd.

One guest in particular kept applauding and applauding.

He was very good looking, too.

I was about to go over to his table and thank him.

Then the emcee announced a Charleston
contest and he suddenly disappeared.

That's too bad.

You might have met him and liked him and... Yes, dear.

Honey, it's way past your bedtime.

It's almost midnight.

Midnight?

Oh, my gosh, I gotta go.

Hey, Chip.

I told you to let me go.

Let me know when it's getting close to midnight.

I forgot, Uncle Charley.

Oh, wait a minute, Chip.

I can't.

We'll miss our streetcar.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

Uncle Charley.

I gotta get on my shoe.

All right, come on.

I had a terrific time, Alice.

I gotta go get that shoe.

Please.

I gotta go get that lady.

I gotta go.

Oh, please.

I gotta go.

Oh, no, come on.

I gotta go.

Please.

Come back again.

He was so nice, Mother, and I'll never see him again.

Well, at least he left his shoe for a souvenir.

Sorry, midnight, you know.

Yes, we know.

We thought you might like your shoe back, Chip.

Mr. Larkin told us where you lived.

Oh, thanks.

I was just coming over to get it.

You were?

Did Miss Decker find Flapper?

No, I don't think so, Chip.

I don't think she really wanted to.

Sammy Smallers said to tell you hello.

And Monsieur Lebec, and Suzette,
and Alphonse, and everybody.

Come on in.

It was sure nice of you to come all the
way over here just to bring back my shoe.

I wanted to, Chip.

Ma, you have a lovely home, Chip.

Lived in.

So comfortable looking.

Yeah, it's okay.

Well, hello.

You live here, too?

Yes, I'm Steve Douglas.

I'm Chip's father.

I'm Alice's mother.

I saw you at the banquet last night.

I wanted to thank you for being such a
wonderful audience, but you left so abruptly.

Well, after you finished singing,
there was nothing else to stay for.

Well, thank you.

Of course, there was a Charleston contest coming up.

Oh.

Well, thank you anyway.

Jack, Alice brought back my shoe.

Uh, Alice of Wonderland?

Yeah.

Chip, I'm sorry.

I didn't believe... Believe what, Jack?

Uh, nothing, Chip.

Come on, Alice.

You can meet tr*mp.

He's a dog.

Uh, were those your other two sons last night?

Yes, uh, Mike and Robbie.

Does that disappointed polar bear have to
hang out in my galley?

That's the, uh... That's the rest of our family.

Uncle Charley, who kind of takes care of us around here.

Oh, there's just two of us.

Alice and I.

We're on the road a great deal with the band, you know.

You know, I, uh... I should attend
these alumni banquets more often.

Yes, they're nice.

Old friends get together.

And, uh, new friends.

Daddy, softly, early, uh... Have you had breakfast?

I mean, wouldn't you like a cup of coffee or something?

Oh, that coffee sounds wonderful.

But I have a cab waiting, and I have a
rehearsal today, and I...

I'll tell you, why don't you just come in
here and make yourself at home,

and, uh, I'll dismiss the cab,
and, uh, then we'll have some coffee,

and, uh, then I'll drive you wherever you have to go.

All right?

Well, that'll be fine.

I'll, uh, I'll be back in a minute.

Oh, beautiful, Chip.

Well, I better be going to rehearsal with my mother.

Do you want to come?

It's really exciting.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Uncle Charley, I'm going with Alice and her mother.

You ain't going no place, Cinderella.

Until you drive the dishes, sweep the
front room, and make up all the beds.

Boy, how could you be so nice one night
and so mean the next morning?

Because the ball's over and I turned in my
fairy godmother's uniform, that's why.

Now mush.

Well, looks like I'm back to being plain
old sloppy Chip Douglas.

Chip?

Yeah?

I can go to rehearsal any time.

You know how to dry dishes?

Best part of my act.

Well, here.

You dry, and I'll go make the beds.

Want to help, tr*mp?

Dad?

Oh, hello, Chip.

Did you want to sleep with the light on, huh?

Yeah.

Say, Chip, I, uh, I have an apology to make to you.

About what?

Well, I went to an after-theater
party tonight with Alice's mother,

and I met, uh, Suzette and Alphonse
and, uh, Sammy Smaller and Mr.

Bupper, and, well, they're real people, aren't they?

I told you that, Dad.

Did you see Flapper?

Oh, yeah, she was taking her bubble bath,
and I met, uh, Miss Stepp.

She's really very nice when you get to know her.

Why, well, it's quite a responsibility running a
theatrical hotel with that many different kinds of people.

See Alice?

Yeah, I saw her early in the evening.

She said to say hi.

Hey, you, what are you reading, Ann?

Oh, some old story about a prince who meets
this girl, and at the end they live happily ever after.

Pretty dumb, huh?

Oh, not so dumb, Chip.

You mean it really happens like that?

Well, not all the time, but, uh, a lot of times it does.

You better turn off your light and go to sleep, huh?

Okay.

Good night.

Dad?

Yeah?

Are you gonna marry Alice's mother and
live happily ever after?

Well, uh, Chip, she's a very nice lady, but, uh,
you, uh, turn off the light and go to sleep now, huh?

Bye, Dad.

Good night.