07x07 - Robbie's Underground Movie

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Dad.

What's going on?

Welcome to movie land.

Oh, wouldn't you do better with a camera?

I'm making a study of some technical stuff.

Very complicated, Dad.

Your dad works on some very complicated stuff sometimes.

It looks to me like you're working on a
whole movie about Charlie Shelling Peas.

A whole movie?

Dad, this is for college.

Oh.

Well, what are you studying?

Movies or garden vegetables?

Movies.

It's a new class I started today.

Cinema 1.

What's her name, Rod?

Her name?

Yeah, the girl who got you interested in
studying movies about Shelling Peas.

Gina.

You think the two of you might eventually
wind up in Hollywood?

Hollywood?

Where they make all that commercial junk?

I see.

This class is devoted to the more artistic
efforts, far above the taste of the masses.

You know, Gina told me that my family wouldn't understand.

One of these days, you guys will all realize that
what we're doing in this class has validity, honesty.

So now it's art movies.

Yeah.

Miss Gina must be a very pretty girl.

Thank you, Davidson.

Let's see, your film was called,
uh, What We Anticipate, Seldom Occurs.

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, as you know, I'm reserving my
comments until I've seen all the class films.

Any other comments?

Douglas?

Well, uh, I thought it had validity,
of course, but, uh, well, it didn't seem

to me like anything happened of a probing nature.

Oh.

Well, of course nothing happened.

That's the whole point of my film.

Unrealized potential.

It speaks with muted eloquence of our common frustrations.

I tried to reduce contemporary life to a single symbol.

Well, I mean, uh, well, that's what I liked about it.

All right, Liz, I believe your film is next.

Yes, sir.

I don't see anything.

I mean, isn't that great?

Mr. Bartlett, we don't seem to be getting a...

audience to project its own images.

Of course.

In.

The class, don't you, Robert?

Well, uh, it sure gives you a lot to think about.

Robbie, I feel such a strong bond with you,
because we're united in our search for the same thing.

Reality.

I guess so.

When are you going to strike your blow for
honest filmmaking?

Well, uh, I had an idea of making a
picture about my, uh, my family.

Of course.

Turn the honest, unflinching eye of your
camera on family life.

Show it for what it is.

Yeah, yeah, I thought so, too.

Oh.

See the daily denial of reality, of beauty.

Expose the home for what it is.

An Incubator for conformity and hypocrisy.

Yeah, well, Gina...

You had an inspiration, and now I have one.

I'll be your contrast.

My contrast?

You can alternate scenes of drab,
meaningless family, routine, with

breathtaking images that celebrate
freedom, honesty, the unconventional,

personified by me.

Why, I think it'd be great.

We'll strike our blow together.

Ha, ha, ha.

Well, I'm home.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Steve.

What you got?

Well, I got a little present from Mr. Pritchard, the
chairman of the board, just to show his appreciation.

That's about time.

All those extra hours you put in.

What, fish?

Yeah.

Labistis reticulatus.

They look more like guppies to me.

Well, that's what they are, Charlie, kite-tail guppies.

Mr. Pritchard's a fish fancier,
and he says they're quite rare.

Two more mouths to feed.

Well, they don't do so much trouble, Charlie.

And they are from the chairman of the board.

At least fish is quiet.

Why do we call them Pat and Mike?

Oh, I know a couple of jokes about Pat and Mike.

Who doesn't, Charlie?

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Rob.

How was the workaday world today?

Well, not too bad.

I got a little bonus.

Fish.

Libistes reticulatus.

Well, they look more like guppies to me.

Oh, that's what they are.

Hey, I wonder.

They make stars of collies and monkeys and even lions.

Why not fish?

Life in a fishbowl, symptomatic of the
meaningless swim round and round and round.

Yeah, it's possible.

I could cut from the fish to the family, back and forth.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, fellas.

Hey, Dad, Rob, tell you, we're all going
to be in the movie.

Yes, I just found that out.

I always said I was the Marlon Brando type.

Hey, Ernie, look.

Yeah, they're laviscus ridiculous.

Hey, guppies.

That's what I said.

I'll use you all in my film.

You ever hear my Italian accent?

Mamma Mia.

What's the matter?

You know, bring me the spaghetti.

Can I wear a beard?

Rob, I realize this is an expose of family
life, but what is the story?

Story?

Dad, I'm going to try to capture reality.

Oh.

Actually, Gina Rose Lauterbach is going to
be the star of the picture.

Oh, I gathered that.

Well, then what are we?

Like it says in the ads.

Starring Gina Rose Lauterbach.

And a cast of thousands.

Us.

Gina Rose Lauterbach is a kind of long
name for a movie star.

Yeah.

Robbie, just where does the family fit in?

Well, Dad, Gina Rose is going to represent
one kind of life.

Everything that's imaginative, honest, and real.

Where does that leave us?

You guys just be yourselves.

You know, the typical family.

Prisoners of conformity.

Mechanically going through your drab, meaningless routines.

Ignoring what's true, important, and human.

Sounds to me like we're the bad guys.

I don't know what he's talking about.

Neither does he.

In my film, I'm going to show the truth.

The truth that most people are afraid of.

I'm going back to the drab and meaningless
routine of fixing your dinner.

And you two prisoners of conformity can set the table.

Now, Dad.

See, Dad, I know it isn't easy for the
family to accept the raw, naked truth,

but, uh, well, I think it's better to face
things as they really are, don't you?

Oh, yes, yes, absolutely.

I'm for that.

All the way.

I saw a neat movie once about a family like us.

They were all cattle wrestlers.

Well, at least they've got them outdoors.

I know how you feel about it, but I think
we should cooperate with Robbie.

Cooperate?

I thought you were going to quarantine him
after all them rotten things he said about us.

Well, he's going to... He's going
to have to dig out the truth about

us, so maybe he'll dig out a little
truth about himself along the way.

You ready?

Ready.

Okay.

Into My Three Sons in TV Land.

You ready?

Ready.

Okay.

Action!

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

That's it.

Now, Gina, slowly, slowly come toward me.

That's it.

Now, the balloons, the balloons, you feel like floating.

They're carrying you upward.

Freedom, freedom is calling off.

A little smile, maybe, maybe even a laugh.

You feel like laughing.

That's it.

That's it.

In the weightlessness, the luscious, wondrousment of space.

Meckoning now.

You're going up into the sky.

The clouds, the balloons are carrying you up higher.

That's it, Gina, higher.

Higher, Gina.

Rob.

Yeah, but I think I broke something.

No, the camera's fine.

It should be a wonderful effect.

The camera sees me and goes wild.

Life in the raw.

Hey, Robbie, I got an idea.

Let her take your picture.

I think you're more raw than she is.

Don't pay any attention to him, Robbie.

Every artist has to contend with the master.

Let's do the whole shot over again.

Fall off the ladder and all.

Dad, why did you say hi, Rob?

Well, that's usually what I say when I see
you when I come home, isn't it?

Yeah, but I was sh**ting you for my film.

You weren't supposed to know I was here.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do you want me to go back to the car and try it again?

No, no, that's okay.

I guess I'll just get the stuff with Gina first.

Oh, the real, imaginative, honest part.

Yeah.

Then I'll try to sh**t the family stuff
without you guys knowing it.

Well, that should be interesting.

Just try not to sh**t anything too candid, will you, Rob?

After all, we are going to be exposed to the world.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Ready.

Action!

Gina, maybe you ought to walk more now.

I'm moving toward the birdcage now.

That's it.

You look at the bird and you're sad.

Gina, sad, not miserable.

Now, you open the cage door.

That's it.

And the bird flies away.

The bird flies away.

sh**t.

sh**t.

Maybe if you wave at it a little.

Everybody wants to be free.

Robbie, I just cannot perform and do
justice to my art with this dumb bird.

Well, how are Pat and Mike doing?

I don't think it's Pat and Mike.

I think it's Pat and Michelle.

Look at that.

Holy smoke.

The way things are going, kite-tailed
guppies are going to be a lot less rare.

Mr. Pritchard didn't tell me this would happen.

Now look at all the mouths we got to feed.

Ernie, do you think maybe some of your friends might like
to have a few of these formerly rare kite-tailed guppies?

Sure, dear.

How many can I give away?

Well, why don't we keep two?

Now you're talking.

Charley, why are you walking backwards?

Force of habit.

Best side to the camera, you know.

Gina, I don't know whether this is such a good idea.

Robert, we both agreed that this would be
the perfect cl*max for the film.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now, are you ready, Gina?

Wait, where's the sign we made?

Oh.

That makes it officially forbidden and all
the more liberating.

Now, I'll start on the sign.

When I say action, you get into the pool.

Okay.

Ready?

Ready.

Ready.

Action.

Free.

Free.

I'm free.

Yeah, free.

Here we will dissolve the chains of conformity.

Hey, can't you read?

Oh, oh, oh, don't pay any attention to the sign, officer.

Huh?

It's my job to take care of wise guys that
don't pay attention to signs.

Officer, we put that sign there ourselves.

Oh, did you now?

Well, that's a new story.

Well, it's not a story, officer.

It's the truth.

You see, we're making a movie here.

Now, get out of that pool, young lady.

I will not.

Gina, I think you better do as the officer said.

Oh, my comb!

Oh, favorite!

Oh, it's in here.

Wait, Gina.

I'll get it for you.

Oh, officer, could you please hold this, please?

Don't worry.

It's right here.

I'll get it.

Eric, just...

Hi, Eric.

Hi, Dad.

Ernie, what's all this?

I got this.

Well, I can see that, but I thought you were going
to keep two and give all the rest away to your friends.

Well, I did.

I gave them two each.

But you know what happened.

All their moms said they could only keep the two.

I had to bring home all the new ones.

Why couldn't Mr. Pritchard have given me
an ice pen or a watch or something?

Yeah, good.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Rob.

How's the cold?

That's better.

Oh, still stiff from falling off the ladder.

Yeah.

Boy, I guess a movie director isn't a very
good insurance risk.

Well, your search for the truth has been strenuous.

Oh, see, Dad, are you real busy?

No, no, I was just sitting here
contemplating the population expl*si*n.

Well, I'd like to ask your advice about my picture.

Oh, well, Rob, I really don't know much
about movies, particularly college movies.

Well, Dad, the picture's all finished.

Well, good.

Did it turn out all right?

No, no, not exactly.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Oh.

Well, look, if the pictures of the family
aren't any good, don't use them.

We won't mind.

We were just trying to help out.

Well, it isn't that, Dad.

It's Gina.

All the stuff I shot with her turned out pretty bad.

In fact, she's pretty bad.

Oh, I see.

Professor Bartlett was helping me put the
film together, and he kept laughing.

There's nothing wrong with a good comedy.

But, Dad, he was laughing in all the wrong places.

He said the stuff about the family was just fine.

Our dull and meaningless routines?

It didn't turn out that way.

The family pictures turned out real and honest.

The stuff with Gina is dull and phony.

Well, I guess it's pretty hard to tell
anything about a picture.

You've got to put it together and actually see it, huh?

Yeah.

Well, anyway, Dad, what am I going to do about Gina?

How's she going to feel if I cut her out of the picture?

Well, from what you tell me, Rob,
her favorite word is honest.

She practically owns it.

Well, under the circumstances,
why don't you try being honest?

I'll be honest with you.

So, I wasn't worried because I know that
what comes first with you is the picture.

And, well, you'd be the first person to say, if
it'll make it a better picture, then cut me out.

Right, Gina?

Poor Robert.

You've gone commercial.

Commercial?

It's a pity.

But you'll do all right.

Those who sell out always do.

You know what?

I was hoping that if I honestly told you... I'm afraid
honesty means two different things to you and me, Robert.

Yeah.

I guess it does.

You go your way and I'll go mine.

As a matter of fact, I already promised
Strother Weems I'd help him with his film.

Oh.

Well, I wouldn't go back to the park.

As a matter of fact, Strother has a really
revolutionary concept.

We're sh**ting the entire film upside down.

I ran it this afternoon for the class.

Oh?

I thought there was going to be fighting
and k*lling, like in the real movies.

All we did is what we do anyway.

It ain't a fighting and k*lling kind of film, Ernie.

Robbie, you're going to have to do it.

He just wanted to show his pals at college
what a low-down family he has to live with.

What do they think of it, Rob?

They voted it best in the class.

Oh, great.

Only one vote against.

Gina?

Gina.

I don't care what those goofy guys think.

I don't think our family's so bad.

Well, neither did they.

Gina said I didn't belong in the cinema
class, but Professor Bartlett said I did.

He said that I'd made a film with
something I really believed in.

And, you know, Dad, I was kind of a knothead,
but I hope this film told you how I really feel.

I think it did, Rob.

Next time, I'm going to comb my hair different.

And I'm going to wear a beard.

Wait till you make me switch to talkies
and you hear my Mexican accent.

What?

The whole family was in the picture.

It's up the guppies.

Hey, I've been so busy with my movie.

What happened to the guppies?

Oh, I took them all down to the city aquarium.

All of them except Pat and Michelle.

But, Dad, by next week, you'll have a whole mob again.

No, well, I don't think so, Rob.

No, I don't think we'll have any more little
libistes reticulatuses, or reticulatus eyes.

They're little fish.

Up next in TV Land, Harvey Korman guest
stars on The Munsters.

Stay tuned.