07x10 - The Awkward Age

[bunniefuu]

Come in.

Oh, Douglas.

Dr. Baker, you said I could drop by and talk to you.

That's right.

What's the problem?

Well, you see, sir, after I graduate,
I had planned to go on for my master's.

Fine.

Fine.

I hope you make it.

Well, that's just the point, sir.

Sir, I'm not going to make it unless I do
better in your class.

It's the only subject that's giving me real trouble.

Oh?

Well, what was your midterm grade?

C.

You got it with you?

Yes, sir.

Sit down, Douglas.

I can't raise your grade on this paper, Douglas.

Well, I know, sir.

I just thought perhaps you could advise me
on how I could bring up my grade.

The only solution I know is to find someone to help you.

Perhaps a tutor.

A tutor?

Could you suggest a good one?

You know Harper?

No, sir.

I've never met him.

It's a her.

Jerry Harper, chemistry instructor.

Miss Harper?

Oh, Robbie Douglas, Dr. Baker's class.

He recommended you for some chemistry tutoring?

Oh.

Come in.

Please excuse the way the place looks.

I've been catching up on my house cleaning.

Uh, anything I can do?

Why, thank you.

Yes, uh, you could hand me the curtain.

Oh, all right.

Here you go.

So, you're in Baker's class, huh?

Yeah, he's tough.

Uh, tough and the best.

How'd you do in your midterm?

C.

Oh, that's not too bad.

That's not good enough if you want to make graduate school.

Oh, one of those.

Well, I charge $5 a lesson, or $3.50 an
hour if you take six lessons.

It's a deal.

Six.

Maybe I should give you a reduction in
rates for helping me with the curtains.

Just get me through the finals.

Well, we can start now if you like.

Fine.

The sooner the better.

How are you in acid base and oxidation reduction reactions?

I'm rotten.

That's good.

Good?

Well, if you weren't rotten, you wouldn't
be here, and I need the money.

Your tutoring sounds like a good idea, Rob.

If you need some extra money, let me know.

Thanks, Dad.

I can handle it so far.

Do you think this Miss Harper can help you?

She's a whiz.

One lesson and I already understand some of this stuff.

Well, sounds like a bright woman.

Very intelligent.

I remember I had a lady Latin tutor once.

She was on the track team.

Put the shot.

Muscles.

I think Miss Harper is more the tennis anyone type.

Well, just remember, you're there to
improve your chemistry and not your back end.

Okay, you guys, wash up.

And tell Robbie I got something that'll
make him think better.

Fish.

Call him, Ernie.

Robbie, fish!

I could have done that.

Come on, go get him, will you?

He's concentrating.

Okay.

Always me.

Snap it.

You know something, Chip?

Chemistry I never could understand.

What did they use all those crazy symbols for?

Well, Robbie told me that H2O means water.

The letters of the chemical elements, oxygen and hydrogen.

Everything is composed of various elements.

You take salt, for instance, sodium and chlorine.

But it's easier to write NACL.

You just reminded me.

What?

To put some NACL into my H2O or you won't eat the S-O-U-P.

Hello, Ross.

Come in.

Miss Harper, you look wonderful.

You look pretty good yourself.

Come on.

Did you dress like that just for my chemistry lesson?

Not exactly.

I have a date after the lesson and I won't
have time to change.

You know, you don't look much like a
tutor, at least my image of a tutor.

Well, I'll try to think like a tutor.

Should I get started?

First, we'll review the last lesson.

What is that you're wearing?

Oh, it's a little something I bought last year.

No, I mean the perfume.

Like it?

Yeah, I like it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You know, I like your hair.

Well, now that we've concluded the anatomy
lesson, shall we turn to chemistry?

Suppose I check your formula.

That's very good, Robbie.

You make it almost easy to understand.

I'm glad.

Next lesson, we'll start on the heavy metals.

Hi, Don.

Hi, Jerry.

Oh, Robbie Douglas, this is Don Lennox.

I'll just get my coat.

Glad to know you, son.

How do you do, sir?

I hope I didn't interrupt your lesson.

No, no, we just finished.

Well, Jerry tells me how important this
tutoring is to you college kids.

Oh, yes, sir.

Well, I better be going.

Nice to have met you.

Goodbye, Miss Harper.

Bye, Robbie.

I'll see you Thursday at 7.

Oh, goodbye, son.

Bye.

It got kind of quiet all of a sudden.

Yes, it did.

I'm sorry, but in the rush of mumbled
introductions, I didn't catch your name.

Steve Douglas.

Steve.

I'm Jerry Harper.

Jerry.

Well, it's nice to meet you again, Jerry.

I have a student by the name of Douglas, Robbie Douglas.

You don't mean to tell me you're Robbie's Miss Harper?

Yes.

Well, I'm his father.

Oh, my.

Well, Rob didn't tell me that you were, uh, well...

Thank you for what I'm jumping to the
conclusion you were going to say.

Brains and beauty.

You're talking.

Well, if I'd had a teacher like you back
at Midwest, I'd have majored in chemistry.

You are nice.

Seems to be an inherited trait.

Well, Jerry, I've never, uh, asked for the chemistry
instructor before, but at least not on purpose.

I've never danced with a student's father before.

On purpose.

Ah, hi, Steve.

Ah, morning, everybody.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Hi.

Well, how was your date last night?

Oh, she was very nice, Sally.

Oh, I, uh, I happened to meet someone else
very interesting, Rob.

Your tutor.

Miss Harper?

Yeah.

You didn't tell me, Jerry.

He was young and very pretty.

Jerry?

Pretty?

How can a teacher be pretty?

Mr. Murphy's my teacher.

He has a mustache.

I'll see you, Dad.

Oh.

So long.

Goodbye.

Yes, I'm seeing Jerry again tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah, we sort of hit it off.

You know, uh, you know how it is, you meet somebody
and you start talking and all at once you're old friends.

In five minutes.

Oh, I'm sure you do, Rob.

I suppose to you she seems like an old
middle-aged woman, huh?

Yeah, yeah, middle-aged.

Excuse me.

Hi, Rob.

It's kind of late.

What are you doing up?

Oh, I couldn't sleep.

I thought I'd read a while.

Oh.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah, I had a very nice evening.

Where'd you go?

Oh, uh, went to dinner and a show.

Did she invite you in for coffee afterwards?

Well, yes.

As a matter of fact, she did.

Stay very long?

No.

Uh, why all the questions, Rob?

Oh, nothing.

I just wondered if you had a good time.

Oh.

Yes, I had a very nice evening.

Thank you.

You know, it's funny.

I used to wait out for you and ask all the questions.

Kind of a switch, isn't it?

Good night.

Good night.

Rob?

Hi, Miss Harper.

This is for you.

Oh, thank you.

What's the occasion?

Oh, I just felt like it.

Oh.

You helping it?

Oh, sure.

Go ahead.

Oh, you really shouldn't, Deb.

Oh, chocolates.

Oh, you're supplying the coffee and sandwiches.

I thought I should contribute something.

That's very sweet of you, Robbie.

This is a big year for me with the Douglas family.

You're very large with Dad, too.

You know, I just can't get over it.

What?

Steve being your father.

Yeah, he's quite a guy, isn't he?

For his age.

For his age.

Chocolate?

Thanks.

Now, let's move on to the halogens.

If you move your chair up close to me,
you can read with me.

Let's start here.

The halogens, fluorine, chlorine,
bromine, iodine, and astatine,

have seven electrons in the valence shell
with configuration S2P5.

The elements are all non-metallic and form
diatomic molecules, such as F2 and Cl2.

At room temperature, fluorine and chlorine are gases, bromine
is a volatile liquid, and iodine and astatine are solids.

Clear?

Huh?

Zero.

Good.

Repeat.

Repeat?

Halogens.

Oh, uh, halogens.

Fluorine, uh, bromine, iodine, uh...

I'm sorry, Miss Harper, I forgot.

What's the matter, Robbie?

I don't know, I just don't seem able to concentrate today.

Is something on your mind?

I guess you could say that.

Do you want to talk about it?

No.

Why not?

I thought we were friends.

Perhaps I could help you.

Uh, thanks.

It's just something that I should handle on my own.

Hi, Dad.

Rob, could you do me a big favor?

I'm stuck here at the office tonight, and I've got a
date with Jerry to take her to an important dinner.

Could you fill in for me?

Jerry?

To dinner?

Me?

Oh, thanks, Rob.

Eight O'clock.

Oh, uh, I'm glad you said yes, because
I've already told her you'd take her.

Okay, Dad.

I'll be glad to help out.

So long.

Dad's stuck at the office tonight.

I thought he had another date with that female chemist.

He did.

He had to ask me to help out.

Dad's sending you in to pitch it for him?

Uh-huh.

When a team has a weak bench, it's in trouble.

I better get dressed.

Hey, it's only four O'clock.

I have to shave.

Between now and dinner, you can shave one hair at a time.

What's up, Robbie?

Hi.

Oh, you look great.

Thank you.

Uh, this is for you, Miss Harper.

Oh, oh, it's a beautiful corsage.

And please call me Jerry tonight.

Okay.

Here, uh, let me pin it on, Jerry.

Here, uh, let me pin it on, Jerry.

You did that very gracefully.

I bet Steve would have been all thumbs.

No, he seems to do all right.

There.

Uh, may I?

No, Robbie, I'm afraid this is going to be
one of those typically dull faculty

get-togethers, so don't blame Steve for chickening out.

Well, I'm sure if he had a choice, he'd be here.

I know I'm here because I want to be.

Well, let's go.

Hello, Dr. Baker.

Oh, Douglas.

Are you helping out here this evening?

No, sir, I'm a guest.

I'm here with Jerry.

Jerry?

Miss Harper.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Oh, thank you, Robbie.

Jerry?

Dr. Thornton, this is Robbie Douglas.

How do you do?

I'm in one of Dr. Thornton's classes.

Oh?

Yes, which one?

American Lit, 135.

All I recall is a mass of hostile faces.

Dr. Thornton, would you like some punch?

Yes, thank you.

Robbie, if you're interested in American
literature, we were just talking about

Henry Robinson, you know, that new writer who became an

expatriate because he found
everything here so vulgar and crass.

One of those.

As I recall, it was Henry James who first
left America because he felt our culture

was too shallow and based on false values of materialism.

That's right.

You seem to know quite a bit about James.

One of my favorites.

Not one of mine, I'm afraid.

Women don't like him.

They think he didn't understand them.

Well, Gail Hamilton liked him.

Hamilton?

She was ten years older than James.

I believe that she was secretly in love with him.

That's very interesting, Robbie.

Come and see me, Douglas.

I'd like to talk to you some more about this.

Thank you, sir.

I never get a chance to be well enough
acquainted with my good students.

Excuse me.

It's pretty obvious you don't need any
tutoring in American Lit.

I owe it all to my dentist.

Your dentist?

That's where I read all this stuff about
James while waiting for my appointment.

In a magazine article called Interesting
Literary Sidelights.

Jerry, I want to thank you.

Thank me?

Well, for not telling everybody I'm filling in for Dad.

It took something not to make excuses for
being here with a student.

Robbie, I'm very proud to be here with you.

Really?

Or are you just being polite?

Not at all.

I value your friendship.

And I hope you'll still call me after
we've finished the tutoring.

Jerry, why don't we sit down?

Fine.

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Personal?

What is your opinion of people marrying
when there's quite a big age difference?

Well, I don't think that age matters, Robbie.

You don't?

No, compatibility isn't a matter of age.

It's more a matter of... Comparable maturity?

Yes.

A man can be mature at 20 or childish at 40.

Jerry, uh, tonight may I come in for a cup of coffee?

Uh, well, uh, sure, though I think you
ought to wait until we get home.

Stay tuned.

Twice as Nice Mornings continues with my...

Well, I thought you might sleep right through breakfast.

Late date last night, Uncle Charlie.

Jerry.

Jerry.

Steve and the boys are gone, and so is the bacon.

Just coffee.

I've got an 11 O'clock chem lab.

Oh, speaking of chemistry, uh, kiss her goodnight?

A gentleman doesn't tell.

I know that.

Kiss her goodnight?

No.

I'll bet your dad doesn't need her.

You know, sometimes I think that Ernie's the
only member of this family getting any action.

We had a serious talk.

She invited me in for coffee after the party.

How does she feel about, uh, dating a kid
and his father at the same time?

She doesn't think I'm a kid.

Maybe you better tell me what you got in mind.

Uncle Charley, you'll hear the big
announcement when everyone else does.

When it's official.

Like, uh, maybe tomorrow.

Hear what?

You're going steady again?

Big deal.

Oh, hi, Ron.

Hi, Dad.

Sit up late studying tonight, huh?

Yeah.

Well, uh, don't stay up too late.

Good night.

Dad, uh, how was Jerry?

Oh, she's fine.

Rob, I didn't want to bring it up tonight,
but, uh, well, as long as you seem to be

in the mood for conversation, Jerry told
me what you did, and, uh...

Well, it was pretty embarrassing, Rob.

What I did?

Yeah.

Asking her how she felt about marriage
when there's a big difference in ages.

She knew who she was driving at.

You did?

I mean, she did?

Well, yeah.

So, we might as well get the record straight, Rob.

I enjoy being with her, but I'm not in love with her.

Oh, Dad, that's great.

Well, we're just good friends.

So, uh, it's a little premature to be sounding
her out on whether she thinks I'm too old for her.

But, Dad... Luckily, she has a sense
of humor, so we laughed about it.

She laughed at what I said?

Well, naturally.

It is a little unusual for a young man
your age to be shopping around for him.

A mother?

A mother?

Well, yeah, that's what she'd be if she
married me, even with an age difference.

So, uh, well, if anything like this comes up
again, Rob, let's, uh, let's talk it over first, huh?

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Okay.

Good night.

Night.

She thinks I was asking her to be my mother.

I'll get it.

It's the mailman.

Oh, Rob.

Somebody get his license number.

Hey, who locked the door?

Oh, nobody.

It just got stuck there.

Oh, again?

Yeah.

I hoped you were the mailman.

Well, I'm sorry I'm just your father,
Rob, but here's the mail.

Oh, I'm expecting a letter from the college.

I thought they might have sent it
registered or something like this.

Oh.

Let's see.

There it is.

That's it.

This is my grade in the chemistry final.

Oh.

An A.

I got an A.

Well, congratulations, Rob.

That's great, Rob.

Rob, why don't you call Jerry and tell him?

She'd be proud of you.

Yeah.

Come and get a victory celebration.

Well, I made it for you, Rob, to celebrate your A.

Well, if he hadn't gotten an A,
then I would have eaten it myself.

What kind of cake, Uncle Charley?

Oh, a little H2O and some NACL and junk like that.

Too bad Miss Harper doesn't give lessons in algebra.

I could use her.

Yeah, Jerry's a very nice girl.

I thought so.

Do you ever see her around the campus?

Yeah, sometimes.

She asks about you.

Whatever happened, Dad?

Oh, nothing, Rob.

She got wrapped up in finals, and I got
tied up at the plant.

Yeah, she's a great girl.

Too bad she's at the awkward age.

The awkward age?

Too old for you and too young for me.

I never thought of it in that way.

The awkward age.

Well, what are we going to do?

Stick around.

I'd be glad to.

There's another episode of My Three Sons
straight ahead on TV Land's Twice as Nice Morning.