07x16 - Both Your Houses

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Chip.

Hi, Eric.

How about I give him a catch?

Oh, I can't.

I've got to pick Louise up to the library.

The library?

On Saturday afternoon?

I'm taking her out of, not into.

Characteristics of living matter.

Let's see.

Assimilation, reproduction, mobility, and... Robbie?

Irritability.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi.

How about knocking out some grounders?

I am otherwise engaged.

On a Saturday afternoon?

What's this world coming to?

I'll catch you after.

Oh, you surprised me, Ernie.

How about a little pepper on the sidewalk?

Just the two of us.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ernie, but I'll have to
take a rain check on that.

Oh, Deb?

You said a man your age needs exercise.

Oh, that's true, Ernie, but... Well, I have a goal.

So that'll have to be my exercise for the day.

Next time, okay?

Okay.

Uh, did you try Robbie or Chip?

I tried them.

No luck.

Oh.

Well, uh, I guess only Uncle Charley and
tr*mp are left, huh?

Yeah.

Hi, tr*mp.

Well, maybe tr*mp's volunteering.

He can catch in his mouth, but he throws like a girl.

At least he's willing.

What a way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Come on, tr*mp.

All right, tr*mp, here's your big chance.

Go get it.

What kind of outfielder are you?

Go get it, if you want.

It looks like an inside-the-park home run, tr*mp.

Get it on.

Come on, we can take him sliding into the play.

tr*mp!

Hey, tr*mp!

Well, you're not much of a fielder,
but you can sure locate.

You're so big-talent, you can bark.

What you barking at?

Hey, guys, Paul, big time.

What's the matter?

You'd never believe it unless you saw it.

Come on, I need witnesses.

I want you guys to see this for yourselves.

What is it?

A good time or something?

It's right there.

It's gone.

It's gone.

The electronic disc.

It was right there.

I saw it.

tr*mp saw it.

The what disc?

Electronic.

Metallic body of some sort.

You mean a flying saucer?

You saw a flying saucer?

Whatever you call it.

I saw it right there.

Ernie, any little green man come out of a
little spaceship and talk to you?

Weenie weenie little green man?

No, all I saw was the disc.

Sure you did.

Ernie, I think you should tell it to somebody important.

Like your head shrinker.

Come on, let's go.

We did see it, tr*mp.

We didn't imagine it.

We did see something.

You saw a what?

It went beep, beep, beep.

I told some kids about it.

But by the time we got back, it was gone.

They called me a weirdo.

I wouldn't worry about that.

All the wise guys said that Columbus was a weirdo.

At least you could believe tr*mp.

He barked at it.

I believe you saw something, Ernie.

I think a lot of these things are coming
here from other planets.

Why shouldn't one come to Bryant Park?

Thanks.

Now let's forget it.

I've learned to keep quiet about it.

Hardly.

Look, we're not going to forget a
world-shaking event like this.

We're going out right now and get some evidence.

You think we should open up a whole can of peas?

Do you remember where this place was?

Sure.

Okay, I'll peel the potatoes later.

Come on.

Come on, Charlie.

That's exactly where I saw it, Uncle Charlie.

All right, let's go down and get a closer look.

What are we looking for?

Maybe they left something.

Some tracks or a message or some sign.

Hey, look, see?

What did I tell you?

See?

The grass.

The grass.

See how it's blackened?

That big spaceship was parked right here.

Anybody can see that.

Wow.

It must have blown the grass when it took off.

You're right, Ernie.

And look, the grass is crushed.

Absolute proof.

The flying saucer crushed it when it landed.

You're sure right, Uncle Charlie.

This grass is burned.

Yeah, the flame exhaust.

How can anybody doubt it was a flying saucer?

Who proved it, didn't we?

Maybe now those kids will believe us.

Well, the test is whether a scientific
mind would believe us.

I sure wish we knew somebody like that.

Are you kidding?

Come on, let's go home.

We got one of those in our living room.

You saw a what?

Flying saucer.

Well, I think maybe we'd better examine
the facts carefully.

What's there to examine?

The kid saw it or he didn't?

I say he did.

A flying saucer, Charlie?

Trouble with you scientific guys.

You got no imagination.

If it isn't in the book, it doesn't exist.

Tell Dad about all the evidence.

What evidence?

All the grass was all squashed down.

Sure, the flying saucer flattened it.

Or maybe some kids flattened it.

What else?

How about the broken branches?

Same kids, playing in the trees.

Look, one scientific mind at a time is enough.

What about where the ground was burned?

Yeah, how about that, huh?

Huh?

What else but the exhaust fire from this
saucer when it took off?

Or, uh, possibly a campfire.

That's the trouble with having a scientific mind.

It's too scientific.

Okay, Ernie, you didn't see a thing.

Oh, boy.

Well, then I guess you think I'm a weirdo, huh, Dad?

No, Ernie, uh... I do.

Flying saucers.

Daddy's just using his imagination to attract attention.

Now, uh, wait a minute, Chip.

Ernie, it was a pretty hot day, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Now, heat waves can create strange
illusions, like, uh, mirages.

You've heard of them, haven't you?

Yeah.

Only I never heard a mirage going, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Ernie, maybe your mirage was wired for sound.

Okay, you guys, kid me all you like, I'm used to it.

But I thought you'd believe me, Dad.

I do believe you, Ernie.

At least I believe you saw something.

But I don't believe you or anyone else saw a flying saucer.

Okay, okay, I didn't see it.

I'm strange in the upper story.

A genuine weirdo.

So stay tuned.

You know something, tr*mp?

It's lucky you can't talk, or all your dog
friends will be calling you a weirdo.

Me?

I don't care about those kids.

Or even Robbie or Chip.

But I'd sure like to show Dan.

He.

Headed out for the woods, and this time he took his camera.

It would have been easy to pretend I
believed him when he said he saw a flying

saucer or whatever it was, but Charley has to
learn there's a line between fantasy and reality.

We all do.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so I got carried away.

So there's no such thing.

Here he comes now.

I got it!

I got it, Dad!

You got what, Ernie?

The pictures, right here on the film.

You took pictures of the whatever it was?

I kept sh**ting till it flew away.

Right here.

Steve, you're going to feel pretty odd if
the kid got pictures of his fantasy.

Well, I'll tell you what we'll do.

When I go to work tomorrow, I'll take this
into the lab and have it developed.

Then we'll see, hmm?

If the thing's on film, then I won't be a
weirdo, will I, Dad?

Ernie, I never thought you would.

A weirdo, but, uh, well, I am anxious to
see what we'll find on here.

We did it, tr*mp, we did it.

We got the pictures.

Come in.

Oh, Mike.

Well, uh, did anything show up?

Definitely.

I made a blow-up, to be sure.

Some, uh, sort of reflection?

You tell me.

I wouldn't even try to guess.

What happens now?

I think, uh, I think we'd better leave that up to the air.

Of course, Mike.

Of course, when my son told me, I just didn't believe him.

I knew he'd seen something.

I knew he was telling me honestly what he thought he saw.

But this?

Sit down, Mr. Douglas.

How old is your son?

Ernie's ten.

Would he accept your word that he didn't
see a thing, that he must have been

dreaming, that perhaps it was the sunlight glinting oddly?

Oh, come on, General.

Ernie didn't dream that picture.

All you have to do is to tell him that all
these pictures are blank, light struck.

He'll soon forget about the whole affair.

Just another flying saucer, Oaks.

General Karst is.

I saw the picture.

The code name is Moonbeam.

Then it is an Air Force project.

Top secret.

Top secret?

You mean flying around in the woods outside of Bryant Park?

Saturday, the Moonbeam vehicle was headed
for a testing site being operated by remote control.

Something went wrong on the computer and
had to make a forced landing.

That's when Ernie saw it the first time.

Right.

We were able to jog the computer's memory
and finally get it out of there.

Of course, we had no idea it was being observed.

Well, then why did it go back again on Sunday?

There's a TV transmitter about a half a mile away.

Anyway, impulses from this transmitter
could have caused the computer malfunction.

We had to find out.

So you repeated the same flight?

Yes.

It wasn't the TV transmitter.

The follow-up was in the computer,
and we're working on that now.

So, now you understand.

Yes.

But I don't think you do, General.

You just don't know my son, Ernie.

What is there to know?

Well, his integrity and his word have been questioned.

He thinks I don't believe him.

Mr. Douglas, I'm not going to over... dramatize this
thing and tell you that national security is threatened.

As a matter of fact, I'm sure that any other
interested nation already knows about Moonbeam.

It's simply a matter of no official
announcement until our tests are completed.

Then, if we're successful, we'll probably
boast about it to the whole world.

General, my son Ernie is a little bulldog.

Now, he's not going to give up until he
proves to me that he's no, as he says, weirdo.

Well, that seems to be the current word for a kook.

But he doesn't know what he saw.

He saw an unidentified flying object.

Now, you know, General, a lot of people
want to believe in flying saucers.

Now, it's going to be very easy for them
to start asking questions.

I suppose so.

It's happened too many times before.

Well, what do you suggest?

Let me tell him the truth.

Let me tell him it's top secret.

And explain to him why silence is so very important.

A ten-year-old boy?

Yeah.

This ten-year-old boy.

Seven O'clock.

I'll be there.

I'm only ten years old, but my dad will drive me.

I'll bring the pictures.

Dad is getting them developed.

Goodbye, sir.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Ernie.

Dad, you have to take me to the TV studio at seven.

I'm going to be on the news program.

They're going to interview me and show my pictures.

Let's see them.

Did they turn out good?

The light was fine.

Boy, I'll show those guys.

Ernie, slow down a minute, huh?

Sit down there.

Now, let's talk this thing over.

What's there to talk over?

The guys made fun of me at school, so I
told them about the photographs I took, and Mr.

Nelson heard me.

And he asked me if it was really and
truly, and I told him it sure was.

So he called this guy that does the news program.

So let's go right after dinner.

Are they in your briefcase?

Ernie, I had one of your pictures blown up.

I took it over to General Carstairs of the Air Force.

Now what you saw wasn't a flying saucer.

What you saw, and what you photographed,
was a secret Air Force project.

The code name is Moonbeam.

Moonbeam?

Air Force project?

I assured General Carstairs that if you understood
the importance of what you'd seen, you'd cooperate.

Okay, I'll only show the pictures on the
TV program to the kids at school.

Nobody else.

No, Ernie.

Then just on the TV program.

You can't even show the pictures to Robbie
or Chip or Uncle Charley.

You can't even see them yourself.

I can't?

Why?

Because, now Ernie, I suppose this is what
we might call a white lie.

But as of now, there are no pictures.

There never have been.

You understand what I'm saying?

I guess so.

But what about those big dumb kids?

And the TV program?

You saw a flying saucer.

The same as other people have claimed they have.

And if they want to, they can believe it.

Or not believe it.

Oh, no.

I'm a weirdo again.

But you and I know the truth, Ernie.

Well, I'm not going on the TV program.

I'll call him and tell him the pictures.

They just didn't come out.

Now, wait a minute, Ernie.

That's one way.

But they just might jump to the conclusion that you've been

silenced or something, so I think
you'd better go on the program.

But, of course, it's up to you.

You want the whole town to figure me for an oddball?

Only if you think it over and agree.

Ernie, I'm sure that when Moonbeam is
announced publicly, the general car stares

will explain all about the pictures you took.

But, of course, that won't help you tonight.

Boy, now I know how Nathan Hale felt.

Well, it is certainly nice having you on
the program, Ernie.

We have you down for a two-minute interview.

Now, I'd like you to be with me at the
beginning of the program and sit off-camera.

Then I will cross over to you, ask for the
pictures, and we'll chat informally, okay?

Okay.

Fine.

Now, may I see the pictures?

Um, Mr. King, I don't have them.

I don't have any pictures.

You don't have any pictures?

When I talked to your teacher, or
when I talked to you, you said... Yes, sir.

I thought I did, but when the film came
back, I couldn't see a thing.

Maybe you'd like to call the whole thing off.

Call it off?

I've been making spot announcements all
day long about the flying saucer photographs.

Look, Ernie, are you willing to come on and
explain to the audience what you thought you saw?

Yes, sir.

All right, fine.

Let's get set up.

And now, as I promised, ladies and
gentlemen, we have a young man in the

studio who claims that he saw a flying saucer.

This is Ernest Douglas.

He's 10 years old.

He's the son of an aeronautical engineer.

Now, Ernie, tell me, you go to the Bryant
Park Grammar School, right?

Fifth grade.

This morning, one of your teachers called
me to say that you had taken some

photographs of an unidentified flying object.

Yes, sir, but I don't have any pictures.

All right, so explain.

Awesome, but you can't see anything.

Well, perhaps your flying saucer was made out
of a non-earthly type material that doesn't reflect light.

Yeah, maybe.

Now, let's reconstruct the scene.

Think very carefully.

You were out in the woods, just north of Bryant Park
with your dog, and then suddenly you heard something.

Beep, beep, beep.

There it was.

This flying saucer.

All kinds of different color lights flashing on and off.

How, uh, how large was the saucer, Ernie?

Fifty feet long?

A hundred feet?

Well, I'm not sure.

Could you see inside?

Well, not the first time, but when I went
back the second time... To take the pictures?

Yeah, because nobody believed me the first time.

Well, even if you didn't get a chance to
take any pictures, you might have had an

opportunity to talk to some of the
creatures from outer space.

What creatures from outer space?

Well, the ones that always talk to people
who see flying saucers.

Oh, those.

Well, I've been exactly talking.

Your dog talk to them?

No.

They talk to me.

Only I couldn't understand them.

Well, at least you saw what they looked like.

Like anybody else, except Green.

Green?

TV aerials.

He said he hears.

Naturally.

Naturally.

He's talking down Ernie like he was an oddball.

Well, what else?

I don't understand, Dad.

Does the whole town have to know?

The purple suits were sort of pretty.

With the green.

Little bitty guys.

About a foot high, Ernie?

Smaller.

Now, Ernie, concentrate on this last, last question.

Could this have been a dream?

Well, I was kind of dose enough,
but the little green guys woke me up.

Thank you very much, Ernie Stubbs.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, there goes
another flying saucer story.

Did I do okay, Dad?

You did fine, Ernie.

I'm very proud of you.

I'll try and remember that at school tomorrow.

Hey, Ernie, we saw you on TV.

My dad said you were an unidentified flying oddball.

Huh?

Unidentified flying oddball?

Ernie Douglas?

Just because he talks to little green men in purple suits?

Why didn't you bring your little friends to school?

We can meet them, too.

Yeah, we can take a ride in the flying saucer.

Maybe the flying saucer had a blowout on the freeway.

Fly, saucer.

Ernie Douglas, he really is a guy who
thinks he's ridiculous.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Ernie.

Tell me, how did everything go today?

Rough.

I imagine it was a little difficult not to speak up, huh?

A couple of times.

Good night, Chip.

Good night, Dad.

Hey, you guys read this?

Last night, this fellow in Maine saw a
great big orange thing, like a flying cigar.

What?

Well, he'd be sorry he told anybody.

If you ask me, he saw a real flying saucer.

But go fight City Hall.

Well, a man has to stick to what he believes in.

Now, in this house, we'll take Ernie's
word that he believes he saw something.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Hey, you guys, I just saw this great big
round iron thing rising up in the air all by itself.

Where?

Where?

Out in the back?

In the kitchen.

Uncle Charley, it's lit on your pot of rice.

It's boiling over.

Whoa!

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