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07x28 - Ernie's Crowd

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Three Sons". Aired: September 29, 1960 - April 13, 1972.*
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Widower Steve Douglas raises a trio of boys.

07x28 - Ernie's Crowd

Post by bunniefuu »

Boys and girls, there will
be no written homework assignment for tomorrow.

Yay!

I want you to give some thought to your
projects for the annual science fair.

Yes, Greg.

Mrs. Hobbs, I hear the best project gets
to go to the city finals.

That's right.

I hope you'll each turn in such a good
project, I'll have a difficult time choosing.

Children?

You haven't been dismissed.

Very well, you're dismissed.

What are you going to work on?

I'll have to ask my father.

He's a doctor, he'll think of something.

I guess your dad will be if I help you.

Hi.

Hi.

Well, what's new in the wonderful world of Ernie Douglas?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing.

We're just having this science fair at
school, and I'm in it.

How come they picked you out?

Oh, everyone's in it.

You have to or else.

When I was in his grade, Dad helped me
with an aerodynamic project, and I got an A.

Well, if you need any help, I used to fool
around with those science gizmos when I was a kid.

Gee, Uncle Charlie, I didn't think they
had science that long ago.

What do you mean they didn't have science?

Oh, I get it.

Well, anyhow, the one thing I remember
making was a crystal radio.

I could help you make one of those.

Crystal radio?

What's that?

It was one of those radios that when you got it
to work, it didn't play that crazy yeah-yeah music.

Well, thanks for the offer, Uncle Charlie, but
Dad and I will have everything under control.

Salud, mis amigos.

Hi, Rob.

Boy, I'm exhausted.

College must be pretty rough, huh?

Boy, muy difícil.

That means very difficult.

Ernie's gonna do a project for the science fair.

Are they still having those kid science fairs?

I remember I made a wind tunnel.

Did Dad help you?

Sure, I wouldn't have gotten an A without him.

If you want to make a wind tunnel, I'm your expert.

The kid doesn't need any help from us.

Right.

Dad's gonna help me.

It figures.

Why should he do business with us Indians
when he can deal with the chief?

Yes, sir.

I didn't want to disturb you.

Oh, well, that's very thoughtful of you.

Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?

I mean, without disturbing me?

Well, they're having the science fair at
school, and each kid has to turn in a project.

You know.

Yeah, I sure do, Ernie.

Well, you let me know when it is, and I'll be there.

Well, in case you want to make notes.

Oh, I don't think I'll need that.

I'll just keep a date in my head.

What do you think we ought to work on?

Ernie, I don't think we ought to work on anything.

You mean we're not going to turn in a project?

We aren't.

You are.

But you helped Robbie, and you helped Chip.

Yes, I know I did.

Now it's my turn.

Ernie, I did help Rob and Chip, but I really
shouldn't have because, well, I did most of the work.

I guess so.

But it makes it kind of rough,
me against all those fathers.

Uncle Charley?

Now, heat me those pillows.

Remember yesterday?

When we were talking about science?

Come on, tuck in the sheet down there on that corner.

Well, you said you knew how to make a
crystal radio, whatever that is.

Come on now, make it neat, make it neat.

Well, I got to thinking, it's a pretty good idea.

I don't know, crystal radio's pretty old-fashioned.

Here, spread it out on your side there.

Well, if you think it's old-fashioned,
how about a crystal television set?

It can't be done.

Well, then how about a... Look, Ernie, be a one-man crew.

That's the only way you're gonna learn anything.

I think I learned something already.

What's that?

Dad got to hurt you guys before I did.

Hey, what are you doing?

Thinking.

Can't you think with the light on?

I'm having very dark thoughts.

Shouldn't you be working on your science project?

That's what I'm thinking about.

It's not fair, Chip.

Dad helped you and Robbie.

Yeah, but that was wrong.

You explained that, didn't you?

Well, it's still not fair.

It's like I'm not part of the family.

Hi, guys.

Dad, we were just talking about Ernie's science project.

Couldn't we make some suggestions to Ernie
on what to work on?

Well, we could, Chip, but Ernie wants to use
his own mind and ingenuity from start to finish.

Right, Ernie?

Hey, Ernie.

Why don't you prowl around the hobby shop?

Maybe you could pick up a few ideas.

Yeah.

Yeah, and Dad could give me the money.

I could buy one of those model kits where it's all there.

I'd just have to glue it together.

Neato.

Well, I don't think I'd do that.

I mean, you'd hardly call assembling a
model kit building a science project.

What we're trying to do here is build both a
science project and little character at the same time.

Boy, I'll bet somebody suggested the
steamboat to Robert Fulton.

Yeah?

Well, it wouldn't hurt if we steered him a
little bit, would it?

Now, Chip, you just wait till you see the
look of pride on his face when his

project, whatever it is, is working, and it's all his.

What are you making?

A clock.

A clock?

Where'd you get a nutty idea like that?

Well, the clock at school stopped when the
electricity went off.

I figured if it was on a battery, it would keep on going.

Sure is a funny-looking clock.

Hey, what's that?

That's part of the motor.

Listen, why don't you go work on your
industry revelation report?

That's industrial revolution, and I'm not bothering you.

You're sitting there.

Yeah, but I'm not helping.

Even if I saw you doing something wrong,
I wouldn't tell you.

Hey, young Tom Edison, I presume.

No, just old Ernie Douglas.

Oh, you're making the face of the clock, huh?

Yeah.

As soon as I finish this, I'll put everything
together and show you how it works.

Great.

You sound as if you're enjoying this project after all.

You know, Dad, at the beginning, I didn't
think I'd ever be able to do this without you.

But you see, you've done it.

At least you've almost done it.

Dad, I don't want you to feel that I don't
need you anymore.

I just don't need you for this.

Oh, I understand.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Rob.

Hey, what are you making?

A motor.

Chip told me you're making a clock.

Please, Rob.

I work better without a group watching me.

One person isn't a group.

It is when you're bigger than me.

Okay, I can take a hint.

Come.

On, Ernie, will you?

Let's get started.

Yeah, hurry up.

Come on, cut it out.

This isn't going to be a ball game.

This is going to be a scientific demonstration.

Hey, here he is.

Make room for the young Thomas Edison.

Boy, that's what I call a project.

Ladies and gentlemen.

There aren't any ladies.

There aren't even any girls.

It doesn't matter.

All speeches begin that way.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here for a
very important reason.

We know all that.

The important reason is I finished my project.

I did all the work by myself, as you all know.

And I want my family to be the first to see it.

That a boy.

And now watch closely, and you'll see the
world's first handmade battery motor driven clock.

Ready?

Ready.

Now watch closely.

Uh, could your batteries be weak, Ernie?

No, I just bought them new.

I'll bring in the lemonade and the donuts,
uh, that ought to do the trick.

How's that going to help?

Well, it wouldn't hurt.

Maybe there's a loose connection.

I'll tighten the terminals more.

I think I'll go work on my industrial revolution report.

Call me if you get it fixed, Ernie.

I've got a few phone calls to make.

I'll use the phone upstairs.

Hi, Dad.

Well, how's the project coming?

Have you got it finished?

It doesn't work.

Oh, it doesn't work, huh?

Can you just show me what's wrong?

Ernie, you know what we discussed about
doing this on your own.

But I tried on my own.

It doesn't work.

All you have to do is show me what's
wrong, and then I'll fix it.

And please, Dad, I won't tell the other guys you helped.

Honest.

Ernie, I wish I could, but, uh... Well, you just
stick with it, now, and I'm sure you'll find the trouble.

But, Dad, you just don't know how hard it is for me.

It's harder for me, Ernie.

Where's Ernie?

He'll be late for school.

He says he's not going.

He says he doesn't feel well.

I don't think anything hurts.

Oh, nothing you can call the doctor for, anyway.

What are you doing with Ernie's clot?

I have to take it to school for him,
so he doesn't get an F.

Dad, today is the science fair.

I thought so.

Yeah.

Tonight, all the parents are invited to come
and see the job, just like when I was a kid.

Chip, go upstairs and tell Ernie I want him down
here in the double, dressed and ready for school.

Okay.

And about tonight, I have a meeting,
so I'll have to meet you fellas there,

and I'll expect Ernie to be there.

Dave, you can't blame the kid.

He's probably ashamed.

Ashamed of what, Charlie?

Oh, now, come on, Steve.

You know the kid's been fiddling with it
all week, and Big Ben still don't work.

The kid struck out.

There's nothing wrong with striking out,
Charlie, if you strike out swinging.

Hmm, not a bad turnout.

Let's go look at the projects.

Do we have to?

We better have to.

I gave up a sorority dance for this.

Ernie, you did your best and you did it
yourself, and that's good enough for us.

Hey, look at that.

Oh, boy.

Now there's a production.

Kenny Dennis.

All he had to do was dust it off.

What is that supposed to mean?

Kenny's father made it for Kenny's older brother.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, his brother is Larry Dennis.

I thought that solar system looked familiar.

DNA, orange.

Hey, it's full of initials.

Must be some new kind of eye chart.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi, Griff.

Hello, Mr. O'Casey.

Hi.

You like my project?

Yeah, it's very professional.

It should be professional.

His father's a professional doctor.

Well, uh, where's yours, Ernie?

In the back someplace.

Well, let's go and see it.

Ernie's folly?

Why do you call it that, Ernie?

Because the folly's something you believe
in, but it doesn't work.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please take your seats now?

See, I told you they started speeches with
ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to our science fair.

I think you'll be amazed by some of the
projects you will see here this evening.

Yes, much.

Just the preliminaries.

This is the main bout.

Our boys and girls have put a great deal of
time and effort and imagination into their exhibits.

And if their work is any measure of the
quality of our scientists of tomorrow,

we'll not only land on the moon,
but probably hold a science fair there.

And now, on with the fair.

Our first junior scientist is Donna Manning.

Donna, will you tell us about your work?

I made a telescope, and it really works.

Can you explain how it works, Donna?

It makes things look closer, only they're really far away.

How did you make it?

Well, my father brought home a telescope
kit, and we put the pieces together.

First you take part A, which is this thing here.

This is the Earth.

The Earth takes a whole year to move around the sun.

The other planets are moving around the sun, too.

Take Mars here, Kenny.

How long is its journey around the sun?

Well, my father didn't tell me that.

Anyhow, nobody lives there except on television.

This is a chart showing the information of the genetic code

on the DNA molecule being carried
from chromosome to ribosome.

By means of a variety of RNA that is formed in the nucleus.

He's either a memory expert or he's a genius.

Tell us exactly what the chromosome and ribosome are, Greg.

I didn't know I was supposed to.

So much for the genius.

Thank you, Greg.

And now, Ernie Douglas.

This is a homemade battery motor-driven clock.

The batteries are supposed to give energy
to drive the rotor.

Attached to the rotor is the gear drive
shaft, which is supposed to turn the

gears, which is supposed to turn the hands of the clock.

Only it doesn't work.

Maybe there's an honesty award.

I can see you gave this a lot of thought, Ernie.

It's a shame it doesn't work.

I tried everything.

Like the wires on the rotor are supposed to
reverse the current when the brushes touch them.

I must have adjusted them 50 times.

Nothing happened.

So if you want to know the time,
you better look at the clock on the wall.

I still say you could have congratulated
Greg for winning first prize.

I did.

When you congratulate someone, you smile.

What's there to smile about?

Well, you won honorable mention.

Large deal.

Everyone who didn't get a prize won.

Everyone who didn't get a prize won honorable mention.

Tell Dad I went to bed.

Ernie's young.

He'll get over it.

Yeah, I've gotten over a lot of honorable mentions.

Where's Ernie, Charlie?

Upstairs in the soaking room.

Hi, Ernie.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Ernie, I thought...

Maybe we should have a little talk.

About me being a failure?

No.

No, because, well, having failed at something,
Ernie, isn't the same as being a failure.

Then I'm the next best thing.

I'm not a success.

All the great inventors and scientists had
some disappointments, Ernie.

I know Thomas Edison tried a lot of things
that didn't work right off the bat.

And so did Marconi and Pasteur.

And so did Ernie Douglas.

Well, if it had worked and I would have
won, you would have been proud of me.

I was proud of you anyway.

As far as I could see, you were the only one in the
whole class who had any idea what their project was about.

I guess that was because I was the only
one in the class who did it by myself.

Well, isn't that something to be proud of?

Well, maybe not succeeding isn't the end
of the world when you put it that way.

Right.

I'll just put Ernie's folly in the closet.

I'll figure out how it should work one of these days.

Sure you will.

Dad, look.

It's working.

Ernie, what did you do?

I don't know.

When it wasn't working, I didn't know what
was wrong with it.

Now that it's working, I don't know what's right with it.

Well, anyway, Ernie, you're a success.

It's working, and you did it all by yourself.

But I don't know how I did it.

How do you like that?

I'm even a failure at being a success.

This Saturday night, TV Land throws you in the clink.

It would be advisable to pay attention.

Fall in for 10 hours of back-to-back
Hogan's Heroes Invertivision.

This Saturday night, starting at 8 O'clock
Eastern, 5 Pacific, only in TV Land.