07x29 - Ernie and the O'Grady

[bunniefuu]

Hey, I thought hunting season was closed.

Oh, well, it is, Charlie, but I have a
date with Helen Mitchell.

They expect to have trouble locating her?

Oh, those are for bird watching.

For what?

Bird watching.

Helen is a dedicated bird watcher, and, well,
she's taking me out today to watch a bird or two.

On a date?

Well, I know it sounds silly, but,
well, so far, it's her only peculiar

quality, and I think every girl's entitled
to one, don't you?

So, you're going out beating the bushes for birds?

Oh, no.

No, I have the whole thing very carefully planned, Charlie.

We're going to find a nice, quiet place
and sit and let the birds come to us.

And then Helen can watch the birds, and I can watch Helen.

She's very pretty.

Well, at least it don't cost much.

No, and it keeps us off the streets.

I'll see you.

Practicing.

For dinner?

It's a new dance.

It's a groggy.

I'm going over to Claudette Sue Wallstrom's house.

Don't worry, Uncle Charley.

I'll be back in plenty of time for dinner.

Where do you think you're going?

With you.

You can't.

Why not?

You just can't.

We're meeting some girls.

That's okay.

I'm getting sort of used to them.

Why don't you stay here and play with your skateboard?

I'd rather go with you.

Well, okay, but you're going to be bored stiff.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you going with that junk?

I'm taking it to a girl.

Instead of flowers and candy?

Carol's an art student.

Materials are expensive.

Is she going to sell this junk and buy paint?

No, she doesn't paint, Uncle Charley.

She sculpts.

You know, like Michelangelo.

Oh, gee.

Is she going to sell these and buy marble?

She's going to use these in her sculpture.

The thing she's working on now is called
the transience of the utilitarian.

What a kettle with a hole in it.

Naturally.

So long.

It's cozy sitting here.

You read a lot, don't you, Ernie?

I guess so.

You look very intellectual.

Hi, Ernie.

Oh, hi, Dad.

I was practicing my wobble.

Your wobble?

It's a new dance?

Wobbling's just part of it.

There's weaving and wavering, too.

It's called the groggy.

Oh.

I didn't know you were so interested in dancing.

I wasn't till this afternoon.

Claudia Sue Wallstrom thinks I'm the greatest.

She and Donna Jo Rossner taught me.

Oh.

Are these girls, uh, friends of Chip's?

Yeah.

They're real nice for girls.

How did you happen to meet them?

Well, Chip took me over to Claudia Sue's house.

He took you, or did you follow him?

What's the difference?

Well, there's a difference, sir.

I mean, if you weren't invited... Well,
Claudia Sue was very glad I came.

She was.

She was.

Look, Ernie, uh, sit down, okay?

Now, you and Chip have always gone
places together and done the same things, and.

...

Yeah.

It must be rough on kids who don't have big brothers.

Yes, I suppose it is.

But the thing is, uh, well, Chip is older now.

Me too.

Yeah, of course, you are too, but, uh...

Well, Chip and his friends are interested
in more adult things now, Ernie, and, uh.

...

Well, like the groggy.

Yeah.

Ernie, what I'm trying to say is that, well, I should
think you'd enjoy being with boys more your own age.

Well, they're okay, but it's fun to be with Chip.

Well, how does Chip feel about this?

Well, he acts like he doesn't want me hanging
around, but that's okay, because I know he doesn't mean it.

I see.

Did you want to tell me something, Dad?

No, no, no, no, not really.

Well, then I think I'll go see what Chip's doing.

What are you snooping at, Chip?

Shh, stay back, Uncle Charley, I'll see her.

There's nobody out there but Ernie.

Yeah.

Well, what's with Ernie?

He's waiting to tag after me.

It's like the ancient mariner and the
albatross we've been studying.

Well, if you don't want the albatross
following you, tell him so.

I tell him and I tell him.

Relax, Chip.

I'll take Ernie off your hands.

Oh, thanks, Rob.

Hey, you have any plans?

No, I'm just waiting to keep Chip company.

Oh, I thought you might like to go to the
college library with me and then

afterwards have a chocolate malted, the open mind.

Okay.

Uh, what about Chip?

Chip who?

Yahoo!

You gotta be kidding, Scoob.

No, there's one thing a woman can't resist.

Oh?

Tell us, oh wise one.

It's a man who can ignore her.

Is that the secret of your failure, Scoob?

Well, it's the truth, whether you guys believe it or not.

I'll tell you what, we'll leave it up to an expert.

Ernie, am I right about women?

He's right.

What more can I say, man?

Oh, when I didn't like girls at all,
that's when they liked me best.

Exactly, and now that I like girls best,
they don't like me at all.

Boy, you have got trouble, Scoob.

Did you believe Carol with a belt?

Hey, Carol!

Hey, deep thinkers.

Come on in.

Have a seat, you're just in time.

Thanks.

Here you go.

Carol Bolton, this is my little brother, Ernie.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi.

Hey, where'd you get that smile?

Oh, it just shows up when I'm having a good time.

How sweet.

Now I know where you steal your material, Rob.

Carol, would you like some coffee?

No, thanks.

I really came in hoping I could find a ride.

You have found one.

Hey, thanks.

What do you think of my treasure?

Great, what is it?

It's an honest-to-goodness milk can.

And best of all, it leaks.

It's horrific.

Well, now that I've got a ride, Rob, why don't we hit it?

Okay, Ernie and I will give you a hand with that milk can.

Thank you.

Here, Ernie, let me help you.

I can carry it.

You sure?

Sure.

Of course he can.

Look, a little thing like that's nothing
for a man like Ernie.

Okay.

See you guys at the rec center this weekend.

See you.

Take it easy.

We'll see you guys.

See you around.

Free to listen.

Listen, I do want to take you to a movie.

I asked you, didn't I?

But let's wait till there's one play and it ain't sad.

Maybe you like nothing better than a good cry,
but crying your tears ain't my idea of a fun evening.

Okay, I'll call you later.

Oh, my pardon, Charlie.

Come on, what's your rush, Steve?

Well, Helen called and there's a rare bird alert.

Rare bird alert?

The lady in the bird club thinks she saw a
Rose-breasted grosbeak this morning.

You don't tell me.

Now, look, Steve.

Now, Charley, I know it sounds silly to you and it
sounds silly to me, but to Helen it's very important.

Well, happy hunting.

Yeah, thanks.

Rare bird alert.

I wonder if they sound in all clear.

Hey.

What do you got on?

Aftershave lotion.

After what lotion?

I used yours.

You must have used my whole bottle.

Hi, Chip.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Waiting for Robbie.

I'll see you later.

Moran.

Swell.

I'm running behind schedule.

I'll see you later.

Were you waiting to go with me?

Carol's party.

I got her a present for her.

A coffee pot with a busted handle.

Oh, well, let's not keep the lady waiting.

Hi, Rob.

Oh, hi, Dad.

What's so interesting out there?

Oh, nothing.

Just Ernie, huh?

Yeah, he's waiting.

Oh, for Chip?

For me.

Oh, for you?

Dad, I've got sort of a problem.

Ernie?

You should have seen him at Carol Bolton's soiree.

Soiree?

No, that's a very sophisticated party.

Oh, yeah, here's some.

What did he do, take over your girl?

He took over the whole soiree.

How could he do that?

I don't know.

We never did figure it out.

One minute, everybody was just being nice to him,
and the next, he had us all playing follow the leader.

You just don't do that at a soiree, Dad.

Well, Rob, I'll see what I can do.

Hi, Ernie.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Say, are you busy?

Not especially.

Well, I was just wondering, how would you like
to go birdwatching with Helen Mitchell and me?

You mean it?

Sure, I mean it.

Oh, boy, would I.

Great.

Come on.

We'll just sit quietly, and who knows, we
may even see an a*s-throated flycatcher.

Ernie, Ernie, Ernie,

Ernie, I don't think we'd be... Shh.

Come.

On, Steve.

There he is.

What a beauty.

Where?

Right up there.

I don't see anything.

It's too late, Dad.

He's gone.

Oh.

Oh, it's a shame, Steve.

He was a perfectly lovely red-shafted flicker.

Well, it's too bad, but as long as you both saw it.

Oh, Ernie deserves all the credit.

He spotted it first.

Well, what do you say we go back to our bench?

Wait, Dad.

There's a clump of nanny berries over there.

Nanny berries?

What about them?

Where there's nanny berries, there's birds.

Boy, Ernie, with you, bird watching becomes bird chasing.

You have to go where the birds are.

That's your way, Er.

My way is to sit quietly on a bench and
let the birds come to me.

Steve, this way is so much more rewarding.

Sitting on a bench is going to seem pretty tame.

Well, tame or not, I'm looking forward to it.

Miss Mitchell, quick, a yellow-headed blackbird.

Come on, Steve.

Look.

Hi,

Carol, I was just leaving now.

Okay, want me to bring a frying pan?

One with a lot of character, right?

No, I'm not bringing Ernie.

I know he's cute.

I know you like him.

I know you think he's cute.

I know you think he's a lot of fun.

Look, Carol, I'm well aware that the two
of you had a great time.

But he's ten years old.

Let him find his own girls.

Three's a crowd, and when one of the three
is a little kid brother, it's a disaster.

Right.

See ya.

Bye.

So long, Uncle Charley.

I'm going over to Carol's place.

We're gonna be alone for a change.

She's doing a sculpture of me.

Very interesting.

She's using a frying pan for my head.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can see the resemblance.

It's Ernie.

We're waiting an ambush.

He's not waiting for you.

Ernie doesn't run around with kids anymore.

He and Steve are pals.

Well, maybe so, but I'm not taking a chance.

You notice Romeo never took his kid brother along.

Now, you guys are all too soft-hearted.

You don't see Ernie tagging after me.

Yeah, well, he hasn't gotten around to you yet.

First it was Chip, and then me, and then Dad.

Your turn is coming up.

Yeah?

Robbie, when the other babies were learning to say
mama and dada, I already was saying no, loud and clear.

Well, good luck.

I'm going out the back way.

Yeah, so long, Charlie.

Watch a bird for me.

What are you doing?

Oh, Ernie's out there.

So?

Well, he's waiting out there to go along
with Helen and me, and...

Well, tell him he can't, just like that.

Well, I hate to do that, Charlie.

I mean, he had such a good time the other day.

As a matter of fact, so did Helen.

Yeah, but you didn't.

Well, I just hate to hurt his feelings, that's all.

Steve, wait here.

Here, leave it to me.

Ernie, I got something to say to you.

I'm waiting for Dad.

Yeah, I know.

Listen.

Ah!

A bird call.

Beautiful.

Now you listen to me.

I'm waiting to tell Dad about a great spot
for waxwings and thrushes.

It's in the middle of a swamp.

Yeah?

Well, you're not going with your dad.

I'm not?

No, you're not.

He has.

Such nice manners.

Yeah, we never go...

Stay tuned.

Twice as Nice Mornings continues with My
Three Sons in TV Land.

Science.

Fiction movies great, Uncle Charley?

Yeah, if you like science fiction movies,
give me a good western anytime.

I really like science fiction.

Me too.

She said it's okay for me to call her Frida.

Why not?

After tonight, you know her better than I do.

She said maybe next time the three of us
could have dinner at her place before the movie.

There ain't gonna be no next time.

But Frida said... I don't care what
Frida said, I'm saying it right out.

You gotta quit horning in.

I didn't horn in, Uncle Charley.

You asked me to go along.

Sure, because you were messing things up for your dad.

Well, he asked me too.

To help Robbie.

And Robbie asked you because you were bugging Chip.

Oh, now look, Ernie.

Chip likes you and Robbie likes you.

And you know how your dad feels about you.

But you gotta quit being such a tag-along.

Now stick with your own crowd.

Kids your age.

And stop looking like you lost your last friend.

Someday you'll be glad there was one guy in this
family that was hard-hearted enough to set you straight.

Thanks, Uncle Charley.

Remember now, finish your homework and straight to bed.

Okay.

Have a good time, Uncle Charley.

Oh, you know, it's good for you to be on
your own for a change.

Yeah, sure it is.

See you in the morning.

Hi.

I thought you were going to a movie.

I wasn't in the mood.

Hi, Ernie.

Oh, I thought Ernie was home by himself.

What about the movie?

What about your date?

Well, I called it off.

Anything good on?

What?

What is it?

Is it a coffee clutch?

I guess it's just a good night for staying home, Charley.

You know, you were right.

You have to be hard-hearted.

My Three Sons is twice as nice when you see it twice.

So stay tuned for more middle-class suburban
hijinks on another episode of My Three Sons.

Next, only in TV Land.