07x31 - So Long Charley, Hello

[bunniefuu]

Hiya.

Uncle Charley, whose turn is it to clip
the hedge this week?

Yours.

That's what I thought.

When it's a fella's turn, it's his turn,
whether he has a big football game or not.

That's right.

Well, so what if we don't win because I'm not there?

The hedge has got to be done.

It's done.

I did it.

Huh?

Boy, you're a pal, Uncle Charley.

The team will win this one for you.

You can't lose if you pull those fake plays against them.

Boy, I ought to have my head examined.

Keep talking to yourself and you might have to.

What's the problem?

That party for Cynthia tomorrow.

It's her birthday and I haven't even bought her a present.

You've got plenty of time.

That isn't it.

I'm practically broke.

How much do you need?

No, no, Uncle Charley.

I already owe you $8.

I'll trust you.

What can I buy her with 48 cents?

Oh, a box of candles and I'll bake her a birthday cake.

You will?

Boy, thanks, Uncle Charley.

Hey, that's a great idea.

What would this family do without you?

Fall apart.

All right, all right, I'm coming.

Yes?

Ahoy, Charley.

Cappy Angstrom, you old sea dog.

Come aboard.

How are you?

How are you, anyway?

Ship shape and spinnaker's flying.

Cappy, you old sea monster.

What are you doing in Bryant Park?

Well, didn't you get my letter from Bimini?

Oh, blow me down if you ate it.

Sight for sore eyes, huh?

Oh, of course, you're getting a little
flabby there, midships.

Cappy, old boy, never thought I'd see you on dry land.

Come into my galley.

Aye, aye, sir.

Last time I heard you were sailing the South Seas.

Aye, aye, and that's what a seafarer man should do.

Stick to the sea.

Oh, excuse me.

Dad wants to know if you can sew a button on his shirt.

Okay.

So, washing, ironing, Charley.

You know, I'm gonna take you away from all this.

Out to sea again.

I don't know what you're talking about.

All right, I tell you.

I'm on my way to Florida.

I got me hold of a smart, spanking little boat.

Gonna go into the charter boat fishing
business, shipping out of Key West.

What's that got to do with me?

Everything.

Don't you see?

You're gonna haul up anchor here,
get back to doing a man's job again.

I need a first mate I can depend on.

Sounds great.

Good.

Good, we'll ship out tonight.

Come on in and meet the family.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, Charlie.

I brought this sweater down.

It's got a button on it, too.

Yeah, well, we'll play button, button.

Who's got the button as soon as you meet
my old pal and shipmate, Cappy Engstrom.

Hi.

Hi, my days.

This is my crew, the helpless Douglases.

Here they are from the top deck to the hole.

Steve Douglas.

Hi, Steve.

Glad to know you, Cappy.

Likewise.

Robbie, Chip, and Ernie.

How do you do?

Hi.

Well, sit down.

What's going on?

Thank you.

Let me get this out of your way.

Thank you, sir.

Cappy Engstrom?

Uh-huh.

You're lucky to be alive.

How's that?

Uncle Charley told us how you fell
overboard during that hurricane,

and he had to jump in and save you from
all those hungry sharks.

Sharks?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I almost forgot about them, saving me from them sharks.

You know, right after that, we had a fight
off a band of bloodthirsty pirates.

Twenty years we shipped together.

When we first met, he was a cabin boy and
I was a second cook.

Yeah.

And now I've come to ask your Uncle
Charley to take a berth with me again.

Yeah, how about that?

First mate on his fishing boat.

Six months sailing out of Key West, Florida.

Uncle Charley, you're going to leave us?

I didn't say that.

Shove some of your gear in a sea bag and
hop on that plane with me tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah.

If you go away, Uncle Charley,
we'll help me build the treehouse.

And what about that cake you were supposed
to bake for Cynthia tomorrow?

Ah, you'll have to count me out, Cappy.

I'm moored here to the Douglas dock.

Now find yourself another first mate.

Oh, Charley, come on now.

Oh, don't you know things ain't gonna be
the same without you?

Can't you remember all them great times we had together?

I gotta go along with you on that.

Charley, did you ever tell him about that native?

The native feast we was invited to in North Borneo?

Yeah, we was supposed to be the main course.

Oh, and hey, speaking of food,
I gotta do shopping for dinner.

Oh, can you have dinner with us, Cappy?

Been a lot of this, Steve, thank you.

I don't have to shove off about 10 O 'clock.

Good.

Ah, fine, come on, you can go shopping with me, Cappy.

We got a lot of things to talk over.

Oh, a million of them.

Hey, never mind that French's and Samoa.

Remember that time the typhoon come up,
we was on a desert island?

The fellas, come here a minute, will you?

We've got to have a little talk about
Uncle Charley and that proposition.

What for?

He said he's not going.

Well, that's what I want to talk about.

You know, this family put him in a terrible spot.

Well, how, Dad?

Making him turn down something he really wants to do.

He wants to go along with his old pal more
than anything else in the world.

Then why didn't he say so?

Because we didn't give him a chance.

Instead, we made him feel like he'd be
walking out on us, letting us down.

Yeah, I guess we were pretty selfish.

What should we do about it?

Well, now, look, we all love Uncle Charley,
and I know we'd all hate to see him go.

But we have no right to stand in his way.

So it's up to us to make him go.

Convince him it's a great idea.

It's a great idea.

Well, that's fine, honey, except when you say it to
Uncle Charley, try to look as if you're happy about it, huh?

Okay.

Okay.

I'll have to practice.

Like a couple of kids.

I'm glad we talked Charley into going.

Do I still have to say it's a great idea?

Of course you do, Ernie.

Here they come.

Well, we're off.

We're off for six months on the Spanish main.

It's a great idea.

Look, no fond farewells and no weeping goodbyes.

Well, if that's the way you want it.

Charlie?

There's the taxi cab now, Charlie.

Keep a taut ship in the straight course while we're gone.

We'll do it, Charlie.

Well, goodbye, mateys.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Goodbye, lovers.

I'll take good care of them.

Well, we did it.

Some great idea.

Oh,

but a cousin of one of the Pearl Divers, you know.

Charlie, listen.

Let's go back here for a bit, huh?

Get up, Barron's.

Oh, and you see that tidy little boat of mine.

It is just like old times, isn't it?

Forget old times.

This is new times.

Hey, Captain.

You remember Nalamani down in Pango Pango?

Oh, boy, what a doll.

Wasn't she, though, huh?

Only, uh, Charlie, her name was Malahani.

I got a buck says it's Nalamani.

All right, you're on.

Come on, it's your money.

Read it and weep.

That tattoo is faded.

I can't see it.

You can see it.

My dear madam, would you be kind enough
to read off this name to your sea dog over here?

Malahani.

Really?

And people talk about teenagers.

Come on, play on.

Flight 34, ready to board in five minutes.

That's us, pal.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You know, I think I'll take this buck and
buy some goodies for us, huh?

Do that, Cappy.

I like gumdrops.

Gumdrops?

Show it up back here.

Better yet, haven't had any since I moved
in with the Douglases.

Good enough.

But Uncle Charlie, you're supposed to take
us scouts on a sleep out next week.

If you go away, Uncle Charlie,
we'll have you build a treehouse.

What will this family do without us?

They haven't got any.

Any what?

Sure, the bag.

Cappy, I, uh, I ain't going.

What did you say?

I said I ain't going.

I knew it ever since that time you got hit in the
head by that flying jibooma on the old sea with you.

There ain't never been a second.

I didn't do it before.

I didn't do it in Miami.

Charlie, that's us.

We can still make it.

You can still change your mind.

I'm not sailing with you.

I'm sorry.

Charlie.

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Did you miss the plane?

No, I didn't take it.

Where's Cappy?

On his way to Florida.

You two didn't have a fight or anything?

No, no, I changed my mind.

It's mine.

I can change it, can't I?

Why, sure, Charlie.

He's here.

Have respect.

Call me Uncle Charlie.

Uncle Charlie, you're here.

What are you doing home?

This is where I live, isn't it?

I guess so.

Well, you better know so, because this is
where I'm staying.

Hi, you guys.

I really had fun.

Uncle Charlie, you're home.

I thought that you were... Well,
you got another thing coming.

Your Uncle Charlie changed his mind about going, Rob.

Why?

I don't have to give any explanations.

I did, that's why.

But, Dad, I'm hungry.

Well, you'll find some cookies in the lower cupboard.

Uncle Charlie, you're back.

You don't have to stare at me like I'm Goonie or something.

Well, Charlie, it is a little odd
after your plans to... I changed them.

I'm staying here and that's that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get into my bed.

It's your move.

No, it isn't.

It's your move.

We should all move out so I can get
cleaned up and get out of the kitchen.

I already missed half the Saturday night movie.

I've got it.

That's Buzzy.

Come and pick me up.

Hey, I didn't even see that.

I've got a special delivery letter for you, Charley.

It's from Florida.

It's got to be from Kathy.

Maybe shipwreck.

If you shipwreck, you send an SOS.

You don't write a special delivery letter.

Get a load of this, you landlubbers.

Dear Charley, the SS Coral Sea is all
rationed and ready to shove off for parts unknown.

Oh, boy.

Only thing missing is you, Matey.

You've got till Wednesday to change your mind.

So take off that apron and get into some...

Hey, Steve, what's that word?

Get into some dungarees, isn't it?

Yeah, and get into some dungarees and head
with old Cappy for the open sea.

Cappy.

Well, old Cappy doesn't take no for an answer, does he?

I guess when he got down there,
things were as good as he hoped.

I remember those starlit nights out on the
Caribbean, wind soft as silk.

You could practically reach out and touch the moon.

Boy, Uncle Charley, it sounds like you're
missing something.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, you just said that... Never mind what I just said.

I'm not going.

Charlie, if you still want to change your mind...
Anything I can't stand is people putting words in my mouth.

I'm staying right here and that's that.

Boy, for a guy who's yelling at us all the
time, he sure loves us.

Yeah, I think you're right, Ernie.

That's the problem.

What do you mean, Dad?

Come on in the living room, fellas.

Does he want to go or doesn't he want to go?

Of course he wants to go, Ernie.

Well, we told him he could go.

But his conscience told him he couldn't.

He thinks we just can't get along without him.

Well, can we?

Of course we can.

We can get along somehow.

Now, there's just one way to get Uncle Charley to Florida.

Take him there ourselves?

No.

We've got to prove to him that he's not
indispensable to the Douglas family, right?

I guess that's right, Dad.

Well, when do we start?

Well, we'll start first thing tomorrow morning.

Now, we'll all get up a little earlier than we usually do,
and so when Uncle Charley gets up, we'll have the beds made.

Good morning, Uncle Charley.

Listen, you kids, I don't want you taking off
to Sunday school looking like a couple of...

Like a couple of what, Uncle Charley?

Nothing, nothing.

You look very good.

We brushed our teeth, and I cleaned my
glasses, all the stuff you tell us to do.

Yeah, well, I'd better go up and make the beds.

We did that, too.

Huh?

Well, I'll go check.

Did Dad check?

Oh, he did, huh?

Well, I'll go out and bring in the Sunday paper.

Nobody else does around here.

Good morning, Uncle Charley.

Here's your Sunday paper.

Oh, thanks.

Mmm, Dad's breakfast sure smells good.

It sure does.

Smells greasy to me.

Here we are.

Here we are.

All right, Charley.

Boy, Dad, you sure know how to make blueberry pancakes.

They're as good as Uncle Charley's.

Well, I ought to know how to make them.

I've watched Uncle Charley make them often enough.

Right, Charley?

Aren't you going to sit down, Uncle Charley?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

You know, if I do say so myself,
the bacon turned out just perfectly.

Crisp from end to end, not a sag in it.

Are you implying that I cook saggy bacon?

Oh, no, no, Charley.

I fried it exactly the way you do.

Then why do you think we made our bed so good?

Because you taught us.

You could have slept till noon around here,
and it wouldn't have made a bit of difference.

Right, Dad?

Well, Ernie, I wouldn't put it exactly that way.

I think he put it pretty good.

You don't need me around here.

Now I can take that job with Cappy,
like I always wanted to.

Well, you're making the right move, Charlie.

Yeah, Uncle Charley.

We'll get along just fine without you for six months.

Yeah, of course, Busy.

In fact, we're just tickled to death as you're going.

Not as tickled as I am.

And once more, it might be more than six months.

A year.

Forever.

Forever?

If you guys think I like hanging around
here scrubbing, ironing, and washing,

and being a chambermaid, you're all off your noggins.

I'm going out to the airport to get my ticket.

As soon as I get dressed.

You're going to have a wonderful new life
in Florida, Uncle Charley.

Yeah, and you deserve it.

I should have done this a long time ago.

Well, we'll take your stuff out to the car.

Come on, Chip.

We'll say goodbye here.

No weepy stuff at the airport.

That's exactly the way that I want it.

Boy, I don't know how we're ever going to
get along without Uncle Charley.

Now, Ernie, you stop that.

You're going to spoil the whole thing.

Now, here they come.

Well, all set, Uncle Charley?

Yeah.

Well, you'll be aboard the SS Coral Sea before you know it.

Yeah, well, the sooner the better.

For a seafaring man like you ought to be,
sailing the ocean blue.

Yeah, you said it, Dad.

That's right, Uncle Charley.

You should not.

Ernie.

Well, I don't care.

I'm not like the rest of you guys, trying to be unselfish.

I'm selfish.

I want Uncle Charley to stay.

What is this unselfish bit?

It's nothing, Uncle Charley.

Come on, let's get out to the airport.

I'm with Ernie.

I don't want you to go either.

Frankly, neither do I.

Well, now, wait a minute, fellas.

All that stuff we did this morning, that was to
show you how we could get along without you.

So you could go to Florida with Cappy,
like you've always wanted to do.

That's right, Charley.

What makes you think I always wanted to go to Florida?

Well, you said so yourself, and you said forever.

Ernie, I thought you all wanted to get rid
of me, so I wanted to get rid of all of

you, but you didn't mean it, and neither did I.

Well, I guess we all got off course.

Boy, we're sure a crazy, mixed-up family.

Yeah?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well,

just don't all stand around here.

Come on, unload this cargo.

Come on.

Up next in TV Land, Jesse White guest
stars on The Monsters.

Stay tuned.

The Monsters.