08x07 - My Wife, the Waitress

[bunniefuu]

I don't want to talk too loud, Dad.

I want Katie to be surprised.

Well, I think it's a fine idea,
Rob, but to tell you the truth,

I never heard of celebrating a fourth-week
wedding anniversary.

What are you going to get her?

A gold charm for her bracelet, with a diamond in it.

Well, I think you're supposed to wait 75
years for your diamond anniversary.

Besides, how can you afford to buy her a diamond?

Oh, well, you can hardly see this one.

Then it's got a flaw in it.

That's why I'm getting it for 30 bucks.

Oh.

Well, then you're not breaking with tradition.

I'm going to have the charm inscribed,
May this anniversary be filled with joy.

Well, that's a very nice sentiment, Rob.

Well, I'll see you tonight.

Okay.

Goodbye.

Hi, Rob.

You spend $30 on an anniversary present every four weeks.

You're going to go broke before you even have $30.

It's to be a secret, Ernie.

Oh, don't worry.

I won't blab.

Not even to Chip.

Blab about what?

Well, Robbie's giving Katie a charm for
their wedding anniversary.

Why so soon?

You've got almost a whole year to go.

It's their fourth week anniversary.

How mushy can you get?

Hey, will you two please shut up?

Okay.

Good morning, Ernie, Chip.

How are my brothers-in-law?

Fine, Katie.

When she says that, I feel so old.

Boy, how did you get most of your classes in the afternoon?

Well, maybe she told her teacher she was
going to have a very good time.

Oh, baby.

Why not?

Well, not yet, anyway.

Let's eat tonight, honey.

We're eating dinner at six on the button tonight.

That is, if your dad's plane gets in from Fresno on time.

And if it doesn't, we're still eating at six O'clock.

Okay.

So long.

Bye.

Here, you guys, your lunch.

Got your eggs boiled.

Seven and a half minutes.

Might as well eat golf ba*ls.

Well, I'm certainly glad Mr. Douglas...

Dad, I keep forgetting he's my father-in-law.

Anyway, I'm sure glad he's not going to be
out of town Sunday.

Why's that?

Robbie and I are going to celebrate our
fourth-week wedding anniversary.

Hey, congratulations.

May this anniversary be filled with joy.

Ernie, I didn't know you were so poetic.

Well, I didn't make it up.

That's what Robbie's going to have engraved on that gold
charm he's buying for your fourth-week wedding anniversary.

He's buying me a gift?

You sure fixed that surprise.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It just slipped out.

Oh, I'm glad it did.

I just intended to buy him a necktie.

Well, a necktie's good enough.

He doesn't wear them much anyway.

It's a dance.

When he has a heavy date, he can't have them anymore.

Not good enough.

Not compared to a gold charm.

Eggs are ready, Katie.

Solid as a rock.

Coming.

Your mouth is getting bigger and bigger.

I can't help it.

I'm gross.

So what if he is buying you a big present?

He's your husband, isn't he?

But it doesn't seem right.

I was only going to get him a $1.50 necktie.

Okay.

You want to feel better?

I'll lend you 50 cents.

You can buy him a $2 necktie.

Seven and a half minute dates.

Eat them before they turn to powder.

You don't understand.

This is very important.

It's the first present we've bought each
other since our wedding.

I'm going to buy him something very, very special.

You got something in mind?

Well, he was talking about a Swiss calendar watch.

They're on sale at Newcomb's.

Swiss calendar watch?

What's that?

Well, they're wonderful.

They not only tell you the time,
they tell you what day it is.

Well, if Robbie don't know what day it is at
his age, he never should have gotten married.

I have to raise the money.

And soon.

Don't think yourself a long shot at Santa, neither.

There's a horse called Stumblebump.

I'm looking to want to answer a part-time job.

Hi, Rob.

Hi, Tom.

Did you bone up on our calculus exam last night?

No, no, I couldn't concentrate.

I tried to battle all night with Ethel.

Now, how a wife can go out and deliberately buy
herself a bikini when she knows I hate him is beyond me.

You hate bikinis?

Well, on Ethel, I do.

Well, I mean, I don't like every guy and his brother.

I'm ogling my wife every time we go to the beach.

Oh, I see what you mean.

You should save your fights for more
important things, though, Tom.

How long have you been married, Rob?

Three weeks?

No, almost four.

What I'm saying, Tom, is you should save
your steam for the basic things.

Like, uh, oh, her not telling the truth,
or fudging on the budget.

You know, stuff like that.

Oh, well, we fight about those things, too.

I tell you, Rob, you haven't been married long
enough to know all the things that can come up.

Now, when you've been together for five
months, like Ethel and I have,

then we'll talk.

Just the same, Tom.

I know Katie's every move.

She knows my principles, and we never make
a move the other doesn't know about.

Part-time waitress wanted.

Pink Azalea Restaurant, Warnall Park.

I know the place.

It's lovely.

Well, it's a perfect suggestion.

Hope you didn't get lipstick on my collar.

You know, I got enough longer to do.

Well, come on.

You finish your breakfast, and I'll drive you over there.

I got some shopping to do.

We do a big luncheon business, and that's
why we've had to put on some extra girls.

May I ask about the salary?

Well, hey, mister, what is this poulet a I 'estragon?

A poulet a I'estragon.

That's roast chicken.

$4.50?

If the chickens knew that, they'd go on strike.

Please, Uncle Charley.

The salary is not much, but you should
pick up about $10 a day, so on tips.

Oh, that sounds marvelous.

When do you want me to start?

Be here at 11 O'clock tomorrow morning.

Yes, Mr. Franson.

Come on, Uncle Charley.

$2.85 for a hamburger?

They must come on very big buns.

Why don't you come in and try one sometime?

I don't eat nobody's food but my own.

That way, if I get poisoned, I'm always near an antidote.

By the.

Phone?

What note?

Oh, I guess I forgot to write it down.

He said he'd be at the bowling alley
tonight in case you want to join him.

Nearly finished, honey?

Yeah, hey, honey, do you want to go
bowling with Tom and Ethel tonight?

I'd love to.

He said no women.

He and Ethel had a big fight.

Fight?

About what?

He didn't want to talk about it.

Boy, am I glad I'm single.

I know what happened.

It was Ethel's fault.

Oh, she did one of the most unethical
things I've ever heard of.

What's that?

She went out and bought a bikini without even telling him.

What's wrong with that?

Boy, she knew he didn't want her to.

It'd be like you cheating on the household money
or going out and getting a job without telling me.

Or meeting an ex-boyfriend on the sly.

You know, I hate those things.

So you wouldn't do them?

Well, just the same.

Making a fuss over a bikini is ridiculous.

Ridiculous?

Well, and as far as those other things you
mentioned are concerned, well,

there could always be extenuating circumstances.

You women really stick together, don't you?

You never admit you're wrong.

I mean, even about a long-established principle.

Well, what's wrong with a woman wearing a bikini?

Lots of them do.

And lots of women do those other things you mentioned,
too, but, well, it doesn't exactly make them sinners.

Well, some husbands don't go for it.

Like me and Tom, for instance.

Ha, ha.

And that's Tom and I.

Katie, I don't like you ha-ha-ing when we're right
in the middle of a serious philosophical discussion.

Ha, ha.

I think that little remark calls for an apology.

I'm not going to apologize to a man who
can't see the humor and a little ha-ha.

Well, I don't think much of a wife who implies that
her husband is a square without a sense of humor.

I'll see you later.

Where are you going?

You haven't had your dinner yet.

I'll eat at the bowling alley.

What's with him?

He's angry because I gave him a simple little ha-ha.

Well, there's an old Cantonese saying,
a wife should never give the husband a

ha-ha until they've been married at least a year.

Oh, hi, Katie.

Hi, Dad.

Welcome home.

Oh, thanks.

I just ran into Robbie out there.

He said he was taking off to go bowling.

Yeah, he took off all right for a pretty silly reason.

He did mention something about a ha-ha.

It was more than that.

We had an awful argument, all because Tom
Bridge's wife bought a bikini without telling him.

Well, Katie, I wouldn't take it all so seriously.

I mean, after all, it's Tom's wife's problem.

And mine.

I got a job today, and I can't tell Robbie
because it's against his principles.

Just like it's against Tom's principles about the bikini.

Well, if he knows, it'll spoil everything.

Absolutely everything.

Katie, would you mind slowing down?

I mean, I just got off of the freeway,
and that's confusing enough.

Well, I'm taking a part-time job to earn
enough money so I can buy him a Swiss

calendar watch for our fourth-week wedding anniversary.

Uh-huh.

And what happened to the bikini?

Oh, that's another subject.

I'm going to be a waitress during lunch at the Pink Azalea.

Well, it's only for a week.

Uncle Charley knows, but no one else.

At least you could have honked your horn,
Steve, and let me know you're back home.

I'm home, Charley.

Nobody tells me anything around here.

You sure bowl fast.

I think I'll go up and unpack.

Honey, I'm sorry I blew my stack.

Ethel's bikini is none of our business.

Mr. Franson, we just got a call from
Millie, our cigarette girl.

She's in Las Vegas.

Las Vegas?

What's she doing there?

She eloped last night.

Won't be back for a week.

Probably right after the divorce.

Oh, fine.

So who will we get at the last minute that
can fill that costume?

Very close.

Here I am.

Oh.

Why don't you just put this on,
my dear, and then report back to us.

Thank you.

Hi, Tom.

Hi, Robbie.

Where's Katie?

Oh, beast me.

Doesn't she always have lunch with you?

Well, no, not this week.

She said she had to catch up on her lab
work during lunch hours.

No, you must have misunderstood her.

Katie finished her lab work last week.

All of it?

Well, every bit.

Well, she said lab work.

Lab work, lab work.

Oh, I got it figured out.

Professor Morgan invited a bunch of his students down to
Kelsey Chemical this week to watch an experiment he's doing.

Oh, well, that's where she is.

Well, uh, I've got to get a bite of tea.

Hey, uh, listen, how about, uh, being my guest?

You're kidding.

You mean you're gonna spring for lunch?

You're always broke.

Well, I bowled high game last night and
first prize was a fancy lunch for two.

Great.

Where are we going?

It's a new spot, but we gotta go by my
house and pick up some ties.

Oh, it's that fancy, huh?

Oh, the fanciest.

You know, Rob, it's nothing personal, but, uh, I kind
of wish it was Ethel I was taking to lunch instead of you.

You'd call her off.

How about?

Well, I tried that and she wouldn't return that bikini.

And any wife of mine that's gonna parade around
half-dressed in public is gonna be taught a lesson.

You know what, Tom?

I'm with you.

Excellent.

You expect me to wait on tables like this?

Oh, you're not the waitress.

Our cigarette girl didn't show up and you're
gonna take her place for the luncheon shift.

Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't do that, Mr. Franson.

Oh, but we're stuck.

Besides, it's just for one day until we
get a regular cigarette girl.

Actually, you should be very happy.

You'll make twice as much in tips.

Think of it this way.

It's a lot less revealing than, say, a bikini
which you young ladies wear all the time.

A bikini?

Well, if it's only for one day.

Well, fine.

You get your tray over there.

The young lady will fill you in.

He just had an oil well come in.

If you don't take it, you'll spoil his fun.

Oh, I wouldn't want to do that.

This way, please.

Hey, you have a real sexy voice.

Please don't say that to me.

I bought it.

Excuse me, I'm very busy.

Just a moment.

I want to know what my wife... Don't make a scene.

I want to know what my wife is doing in this bunny outfit.

I'm Natalia, and I work here.

Not anymore.

Don't you... You're getting dressed, and we're going home.

Sir, if you don't stop annoying this young lady,
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Well, you don't have to ask.

I'm on my way.

Come on, son.

Rob?

Rob?

Rob?

Why wasn't he going to tell you?

Well, there's a perfectly logical
explanation why I'm working here.

Well, I don't want to hear it.

Well, then I won't tell you.

Gee, Rob, I sure feel better about Ethel now.

At least she was going to wear her bikini on the beach.

Fresh college, kid.

Come on in back, honey, and rest for a while.

I can't.

I have to make some more money.

Cigarettes?

Cigarettes?

Cigarettes?

Come on.

Charley?

Where is everybody?

Oh, hi, Ernie.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Where are you going?

Such a hurry.

Oh, I have to get some empty glasses for the wall.

Glasses for the wall?

Yeah.

We're bugging Katie and Robbie's room.

They're having a fight, and we can't hear too good.

What are you?

I'm not working there anymore.

Will you kindly lower your voice?

I don't want the other members of the
family to know that we're having a battle.

We're going to stay here and battle until
we solve this thing.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Dad.

You're home.

Yes, I'm home.

You know, I'm really surprised at you two.

What are you surprised about?

Well, listening in on a private
conversation between a husband and a wife.

Look, I could settle this whole mishmash,
only I'm a man of honor.

You surprised me, too, Chip.

Now, wait a minute.

Katie made me promise I wouldn't say
anything to Robbie about why she took that job.

Well, I didn't promise.

A silly argument like that can lead to something serious.

Where'd he go, Dad?

I'm going to straighten those kids out.

But you said you were one father.

A mother-in-law is never going to act like a mother-in-law.

I thought it was going to be a rule, you said.

There are exceptions to every rule, Ernie.

Oh, I'm coming with you.

I'm her brother.

You stay right here.

And all of you stop that.

Not important.

Not important?

Listen, when a wife refuses to explain to her... Rob?

Yeah?

May I come in?

Well, we're sort of busy right now, Dad.

We're having an argument.

Why?

I thought you wanted to keep it quiet.

That's what I want to talk to you about.

Now, don't get me wrong.

It's all right to have an occasional argument.

It's part of being married.

In a way, it's healthy blowing off steam.

Can he blow off steam?

Why?

You're not so bad yourself.

But there's one part of marriage that can
be sort of dangerous, and that's when a

husband and wife keep secrets from one another.

Now, the secret I had in mind is your fourth
week wedding anniversary coming up next Sunday.

Oh, by the way, Kitty, did you know that Rob
bought you a gold charm with a diamond in it?

Dad, you just spoiled the whole thing.

Oh, well, as long as I spoil it,
why don't you give it to her now?

Now?

Well, sure, it can be your third and a
half week wedding anniversary.

Well, since you let the cat out of the
bag, I guess I have to.

Here it is, honey.

There's an inscription on the back.

What a beautiful thought.

You haven't read it yet.

Well, coming from you, it has to be a beautiful thought.

May this anniversary be filled with joy.

Mosh!

Well, Katie, as long as we're on the subject of
secrets, why don't you tell Robbie what you're getting him?

Well, I bought it already.

When they made me a cigarette girl instead
of a waitress, I earned a lot more money.

All in one day, with the help of a nice
gentleman and a darling old oil well.

I hope you like it, Robbie.

There will be, as soon as I can think of
something nice to put on it.

Well, just say, with love, to my fat-hidden husband.

Thank you.

Much.

Well, the game's over, fellas.

Turn in your glasses.

Might as well go downstairs and film with you.

Good idea.

I hope we don't have to go through this on
their fifth week anniversary.

Hey, uh, how about a kiss?

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