08x10 - Ernie, the Bluebeard

[bunniefuu]

Who's dad?

I don't know where your dad is.

And where's Chip?

I put the breakfast on the table.

It's up to them to come and eat it.

Morning, everybody.

Morning.

Hi, it's about time.

I'm sorry, Charlie, I overslept.

I've got a meeting with Harv Gregory.

He's the head of the engineering section.

I'll see you.

No breakfast?

I'll grab something at the snack bar out at the plant.

That's not breakfast.

It's ballast.

Good morning, everybody.

Morning.

Hey, how about sitting down?

I haven't got time.

Trudy Barker's picking me up.

Her brother's driving us to school.

Now the girls are driving the boys to school.

I'm on the way for them out front.

Don't forget your lunch.

Trudy's bringing lunch for both of us today.

There she is.

See you guys.

Ah, the younger generation.

Look who's there.

Talking.

Well, Steve, uh, this is the general idea we're going for.

It'll be up to you to get the kinks out of it.

How long do you think it'll take?

Well, it all depends upon how many kinks
we have to get out of it.

How long we got?

We, uh, should have the rough plans by Friday.

By Friday?

On Saturday, uh, Ed Shelton, our
production vice president, is coming out

from New York to give us a go-ahead or
thumbs down the whole project.

Well, that doesn't give us much time, does it?

I, uh, thought you might want someone from my department
to work with, so I've arranged for our top engineer, Talbot.

Good.

She, uh, said she'd be here at 9 O'clock.

She?

Oh, don't get nervous.

She's not the run-of-the-mill lady engineer.

She's an MIT graduate, but you'd never
know it to look at her.

Oh, see for yourself.

Good morning.

I'm sorry to be late, Mr. Gregory.

Eileen?

Eileen, this is Steve Douglas.

Steve, Eileen Talbot.

How do you do?

Hello.

I was just telling Steve you're,
uh, not like the average woman.

Oh, don't believe it.

I'm strictly average.

Steve's gonna mastermind the overall engineering
on this, uh, landing gear modification project.

It's a tough assignment because of the
limited time element.

Oh, yes.

Everything has to be done in a week.

Well, this one's different.

We have four days.

Take as long as you like, as long as it's
ready by Saturday.

Let me know when you're ready.

Oh, if you need any help.

Oh, sure.

Mr. Douglas doesn't look like the kind of
man who calls for help.

That's why he's in charge.

Keep me posted.

Yeah, we'll do that.

Well.

Yes.

Oh, don't you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, is this, uh, your family, Mr. Douglas?

Oh, yes.

Yes, this is the boys, Uncle Charley,
and these are my three sons, Chip and

Ernie and Robbie, and this is Robbie's wife, Katie.

Is, is this the, uh, the hole?

Family?

Yes, it's the whole family.

Oh,

it's gonna be late for school.

I'm coming.

Hey, and I go, it's for you, too.

Oh, I got plenty of time.

Yeah, well, you'll get plenty of time in
the principal's office if you don't shake a leg.

Now, get going.

How do you like the sweatshirt?

What does that USC stand for?

Well, University of Southern California.

Oh, neat, huh?

That could be ill*gal, impersonating a college student.

Dad, you look like a fashion plate this morning.

Why, yeah.

What are you talking about?

I've had this suit for, well, I guess I
haven't worn it lately.

And this tie one of you kids gave me for Christmas.

Pretty snazzy for a guy going to work.

Oh, come on, Charlie.

Want a ride to the plant, Dad?

Oh, no thanks, Rob.

Uh, Talbot's picking me up.

Who's Talbot?

Uh, one of the engineers.

Well, that's, uh, Talbot now.

Oh, that's Trudy and her brother.

Yes, that's, uh, Trudy and her brother.

I told you.

I'm coming.

Bye.

Bye.

Dad?

Hmm?

Is, uh, Talbot by any chance Miss Talbot?

Well, as a matter of fact, she is.

She's a lady engineer.

A lady engineer?

And very well qualified.

Well, there she is.

And it might be better if she didn't get the idea that you
were all just standing there waiting to get a look at her.

Oh, uh...

Good morning, Steve.

Well, Miss Talbot.

You know, I wasn't sure this was the right house.

And then I saw one of your sons.

Driving away with a girl and another boy.

Chip, wasn't it?

Yes, that was Chip.

Well, Miss Talbot, come in and meet the rest of the family.

Oh, please.

Not as Miss Talbot.

I mean, the boys, Uncle Charley,
Ernie, Robbie, and Robbie's wife, Katie.

Oh, we weren't staying here to get a look at you.

No.

It just happens to be the time when
everybody's about ready to go to school.

Except Charley, of course.

Right.

Uncle Charley runs the house.

Yes, and from what I hear, he does a marvelous job.

I do.

I do, and I can get this mob out of here.

Well, we're just leaving, Charley.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

Boy, she's a looker, all right.

Yeah, she's neat.

Yeah.

What did you think of her, Katie?

She's very nice.

What's wrong with her?

Nothing.

She said you didn't like her.

She said I didn't like her.

Well, I liked her.

Fine.

What were they talking about, Uncle Charley?

I don't know.

That happens sometimes when you're talking to a woman.

Yeah.

Well, Talbot, I think we finally licked
the problem in the retracting mechanism.

You haven't moved from these plans in hours.

I think you've earned a coffee break.

I think we both have.

You know, when I told my mother I was going to be an
engineer, she said, be sure and get a handsome fireman.

She thought I was going to work for the railroad.

Now, a half teaspoon of cream and one lump.

Well, how'd you know that?

I have a stool pigeon in a snack bar.

Thank you.

Another one of my silly pastimes is astrology.

Oh?

Yes.

When's your birthday, Steve?

Well, it's this month.

As a matter of fact, it's Saturday night.

Well, I'll have to look that up in my chart.

Hey, Uncle Charley and the kids always
make a big thing of birthdays at our house.

Kind of a family tradition.

If you're not doing anything Saturday night,
why don't you come to my birthday party?

Oh, thanks for asking me.

But you should be with Charley and Katie and the boys.

I'll send you a funny card.

Okay.

Well, the invitation's open if you change your mind.

More coffee, Steve?

No, no, no, thanks.

Personal question.

Go ahead.

Why have you never been married?

Well, I thought about it a couple of
times, but when I took the prospects home

to meet the family, they turned thumbs down.

The family, that is.

I know that's a pretty silly reason for not
marrying someone, but we're a pre-coast family.

That's a perfectly good answer.

I always was pretty good on that science stuff.

What's the problem?

Well, this is about liquids and gases and all that.

So?

You turn on the water faucet, that's liquid.

You turn on the gas, that's gas.

What's the next problem?

Charlie, I've got a problem.

What problem?

What's wrong there, Casanova?

Where can I get $11?

$11?

Yeah.

Trudy wants to go to the Shaboom Saturday night.

What, for Pete's sake, is a Shaboom?

It's a concert where the Esteemed Indians are playing.

It's $5.50 a ticket.

Now maybe you'll get smart.

That's why she's been buttering you up all week.

Riding you to school and giving you the
sweatshirt right off her brother's back.

You young squirts are real pigeons.

Boy, thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot, Uncle Charley.

What's the next bar book?

Hello, Katie.

It's Talbot.

Oh, Katie, please call me Eileen.

All right, come in.

How's the project going at the plant?

Oh, it's hours and hours of work.

But Steve's doing marvelous things with it.

He has a meeting late tonight.

So I told him I'd stop by and pick up a
fresh shirt for him.

Sure.

Excuse me, I'll go up and get one.

Would you?

Well, hello there.

Well, if it isn't that Miss Talbot.

No, it's that Eileen.

Please, sit down.

Thank you.

How are you, Charlie?

Well, I was doing all right until Ernie
here got me hooked on this general science.

Oh, is science giving you trouble, Ernie?

Well, they got some dumb questions in here.

Like what are the three forms?

Water, Paul.

Well, uh, can be a gas, a liquid, or a solid.

Whoever heard the solid water?

How about ice?

Yeah, how about ice?

When water is ice, it isn't water.

It's ice.

Well, I, uh, I think the question was confusing.

You see, all things exist as a gas, a liquid,
or a solid, depending on the temperature.

Even air becomes liquid when it gets cold enough.

Yeah, a liquid air, like liquid oxygen
they put in spaceships.

Right.

I got it now.

I could have told you that if they hadn't
worded the question so weird.

Hi.

Oh, you must be Chip.

Afraid so.

He's down in the dumps because his
girlfriend wants to hear the steamed onions.

The esteemed onions.

I've heard of them.

A new rock group from Chicago.

They're very big right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See, she knows about them.

They want $5.50 a ticket for their concert.

Well, how many tickets do you need?

Well, two.

You call your girlfriend, tell her it's all set.

I'll talk to the publicity department at the plant
in the morning and get you two tickets for free.

Why, thanks a million, Miss Talbot.

Eileen.

Yeah, Eileen.

Boy, wait till Trudy hears about this.

Hears about what?

Well, guess what?

Eileen's getting me two tickets to these steamed onions.

Yeah.

And she got the answer.

That's my science problem and nothing for that.

They've been keeping you busy.

Oh, I've really done nothing.

Thank you, Katie.

Any, uh, any messages for Steve?

Yes.

Tell him all work and no play makes Steve a dull boy.

I'll tell him.

Bye now.

Bye.

Thanks again.

Yeah, thanks for the help.

You're more than welcome.

Bye.

Bye-bye, darling.

What does she mean?

Yeah, she's the greater.

Steve could do a lot worse, don't you think?

She's very nice.

I heard that.

She's very nice.

Now, why can't you just come out and say
what's wrong with her?

There's nothing wrong with her.

Nothing at all.

That means she can't stand her.

I ain't no kiddin'.

She's saying that her intuition is telling
her that Eileen's no good for Dad.

But no logic, just intuition.

Huh, honey?

I don't know.

I think she's fine.

How much longer is she and Dad going to be
working together?

Just until tomorrow night.

Good.

Just that your father, that sweet, wonderful,
strong man, is so helpless around a woman like her.

Have you ever decided what she does that annoys you?

Yes.

She does this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

When she walks.

And any lady engineer that walks like that
is no lady engineer.

And another thing.

He's home.

Robbie, I'm going to talk to him.

What about?

What are you going to say?

I'm going to talk to him about the facts of life.

Someone's got to tell him about women.

Katie, now you come back here a minute.

Well, for one thing, you shouldn't
interfere in people's lives.

But I love him.

And I'm going to be careful what I say, so quit worrying.

Well, hi, Kate.

Yeah, it's a little late.

I thought you were in bed asleep.

May I talk to you for a minute, Dad?

Oh, sure.

Come on in.

What's on your mind?

Well, maybe you better sit down.

Okay.

Well, as you know, women are built different.

Different shapes.

Different hearts.

Different heights.

Different colored hair.

They're built different.

Yes, I seem to have noticed that.

Women also think differently.

Well, I mean, well, you're a very attractive man.

Oh, thank you, Kate.

That's okay.

What I'm saying is some girls,
women, aren't as honest as they should be.

They are.

Gets pretty bad with some of them.

I know you think I'm being overprotective,
but later on in life, you'll see I was right.

Well, I just want you to be alert and everything.

And, well, um...

Well, I...

That's all I wanted to say.

I'm glad it's over.

Well...

Did you understand what I was driving at?

No.

You didn't?

Maybe I did, Kate.

But the main thing, Kate, is thanks for trying.

That I understood.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Katie.

Good night.

Don't touch that dial.

My three...

Hello, Charlie.

Hello!

You're just in time for dinner.

We're having corned beef and cabbage.

It smells delicious.

How's Steve?

Is he going to finish that job tonight?

Well, he'll finish sometime tonight.

I'm out gathering up dinner to take back to the office.

Well, you sure came to the right place.

Well, I thought Steve would rather have your
cooking, Charley, than some ordinary restaurant food.

There sure ain't no comparison.

Oh, hi, Miss.

Eileen.

Hello, Robbie, Katie.

Uncle Charley, here's your ice cream.

Thanks, and don't give me any more trouble
about my cooking.

Look here, they're coming from the plant to get it.

Corned beef to go.

This is a treat for your father,
the last night on the project.

Well, that's right, this is Friday night.

And that reminds me, Robbie, how would you
all like to spend this weekend at Lake Arrowhead?

Well, we'd like to, but... We sure would.

What's the deal?

Well, my brother has a cabin on the lake,
and he'd just love to have you use it.

You could go up early in the morning and
come back Sunday night.

It's only a couple of hours drive.

That'd be great.

How about it, honey?

One problem.

Tomorrow night's Dad's birthday.

Fine gully it is.

The date snaked up on me.

Well, of course you wouldn't want to be
away for his birthday.

Well, maybe another weekend for the cabin.

Here's the grub.

You'll find a horse ravish in the bottle in the basket.

Oh, thank you, Charlie.

I know Steve will love it.

Oh, just one more favor.

Could I bake the birthday cake for tomorrow?

Why, sure.

Why not?

Oh, that'd be great.

Oh, that's darling of you.

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Oh, boy.

Hi.

Well, I just got out of the meeting.

Would you like a report?

Oh, if it's bad news, don't tell me.

No, no, it's good.

Shelton okayed the project, and it goes
into production within 60 days.

Oh, Steve, I'm so glad for you.

Well, we both did it, you know.

No, you did it, Steve.

I could never keep up with a man like you.

Most women are basically helpless, haven't you noticed?

Somehow, I never put you in that category.

Oh, well, maybe it's time you did.

Anyway, I hope Mr. Shelton is pleased with the work we did.

Oh, he was.

Oh, by the way, he's coming by the house
tonight before dinner.

Why don't you drop by?

What?

I just thought it might be a nice gesture if you did.

He's a bachelor, and he's a very attractive, looking
guy, and he is the executive vice president of the company.

I just thought you might like to meet him.

You must have set some kind of a speed record, Steve.

How long did it take you?

Only four days, wasn't it?

No, no, only three days, and 23 hours and 18 minutes.

Of course, Dad had some pretty competent help.

I'll get it.

I think your pretty competent help is here, Dad.

Well, hello there.

Hello, Charlie.

Charlie, I baked a birthday cake for tonight.

Well, fine.

Come on in.

Happy birthday, Steve.

Thanks, Charlie.

She baked a birthday cake for you, Steve.

I'll put it in the kitchen.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Hello, Robbie, Katie.

Ed?

Yes.

Eileen, this is Ed Shelton.

This is a pleasure, Mr. Shelton.

How do you do?

Well, so you're the lady engineer Steve's
been talking about.

Oh, obviously.

I've been spending too much time back east.

May I?

Yes.

You know, when I told my mother I was going to be an
engineer, she said, be sure and get a handsome fireman.

She thought I was going to work for the railroad.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Okay, here.

Thank you.

Yay!

Did you make a wish?

I sure did.

I wished Eileen and Ed Shelton much happiness.

Much happiness?

Just because he took her for a ride?

All us guys were sure wrong.

Katie had her pegged.

Yeah.

Well, she did get me those tickets and she baked us a cake.

Well, that's true.

Well.

Hey, Dan.

Hmm?

What's that say?

Happy birthday, Steve.

What do you know that?

Oh.

Baked?

Baked by Joseph Cromire, Baker to the star.

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