08x13 - The Aunt Who Came to Dinner

[bunniefuu]

Douglas residence.

No, Charley Bruton doesn't live here.

I said this was the Douglas residence, didn't I?

Something tells me I should have stood in bed.

Look, mate, I said this was the Douglas
residence, didn't I?

Now, look, I don't know who it is you want
to talk to, but...

Oh, I'm sorry, lady.

I thought you were the fathead who just called.

Hold it.

It's for you, Katie.

Some warm.

Hello?

Kathleen, my dear, how are you?

Aunt Cecile.

What on earth are you doing calling all
the way from Boston?

I'm right here in California.

I arrived for a little vacation only last night.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Really wonderful.

I didn't know Katie had an Aunt Cecile.

I didn't either.

She never mentioned her to me.

It's my mother's sister.

I haven't seen her in years.

Yes.

Yes, I'm fine.

Thank you.

Well, I have an appointment with my
psychology professor at noon, so...

Katie, why don't you ask her out to the
house for dinner tonight?

That'll solve a lot of problems.

Oh, I wouldn't want to do that.

I mean, I wouldn't cause anyone any trouble.

Wouldn't be any trouble.

Charlie, you'll just set another place at
the table, right, Charlie?

Yeah, bring on the Marines.

Oh, really, I don't think...
We'd all like to meet her, Kate.

Tell the old dragon to come over.

It would be so much simpler if
I just... Katie, you're overruled.

Hello, Aunt Cecile, this is Katie's father-in-law.

We'd all like you to come out to our house
for dinner tonight.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Mr. Douglas, but I
wouldn't dream of barging in on you like that.

Believe me, it'd be our pleasure.

Besides, I'm leaving for Sacramento after dinner tonight,
and it might be the only chance we have to get acquainted.

Well, that'll be fine.

I'm.

Cecile Blackman.

Hi, I'm, uh... Don't tell me.

You must be Robert.

Yes, well, Robbie.

I don't know why, but I would have known
you anywhere, Robert.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Mrs. Blackman?

Miss Blackman, dear.

Oh, sorry, Miss Blackman.

This is my Uncle Charley and my brother Chip.

Of course.

Of course.

Uncle Charles and Chip.

How do you both do?

How do you do?

It's a pleasure.

Is Chip a nickname?

Yes, ma'am.

What's your given name, dear?

Richard.

Fine, Richard.

Oh, I thought I heard the doorbell.

Hello, I'm Steve Douglas.

How do you do, Mr. Douglas?

So kind of you to ask me.

And this is my youngest son, Ernie.

Hello, Ernest.

Oh!

Oh, hi!

Oh!

I didn't know who you meant for a second.

Well, I guess that's everyone except your niece.

Rob, where is Katie?

Right here, Dad.

Kathleen.

Ceil.

Ernie, Chip, let's hoist anchor and get dinner on the road.

Rob, why don't you take Aunt Ceil's wrap
and I'll pour us a little wine?

Sherry, if you don't mind.

Well, that's just what we happen to have.

Thank you.

Well, don't you look wonderful, Kathleen.

A little thin, Pat.

Perhaps.

And you've changed your hairstyle from the
old way I used to adore.

But still.

Come sit beside me, Kathleen.

I just love your new family, dear.

And don't let anyone tell you that being the only girl
in the house is inconvenient because I just know it isn't.

Well, here we are.

You didn't chill those glasses, did you?

Uh, why no?

I knew you wouldn't, Mr. Douglas.

Call me Steve, huh?

Fine.

Thank you, Steve.

Oh, do let me make the toast.

A woman in the home is a smile in the home.

A rainbow bright and g*y.

A woman in the home is a smile in a home.

Let's hope it stays that way.

Thank you.

Well, Charley, that was a good dinner.

It was simply marvelous, Mr. O'Casey.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thank you.

But how come you didn't touch the stewed tomatoes?

I must say they look delicious.

But frankly, I'm allergic to tomatoes.

Naturally, you had no way of knowing that.

No.

Hadn't we better get you to the airport, Dad?

Hey, we've got to leave here in about three minutes.

I'll bring the car around front.

All right, you guys, come on.

Get to the dishes.

Get to the kitchen.

Come on.

Robbie and Kate were going to drive into
the airport, but I was thinking,

maybe you and Kate have a lot to catch up
on, so why don't you stay here and talk?

I'd love that.

Hey, we can do better than that.

How about if Cecile saves a couple of bucks on her hotel
room and takes over your room while you're away, Steve?

Why, I'm sure that'll be all right.

That's very kind of you to offer.

But I wouldn't hear of it.

No, of course not.

I mean, she's already checked into
the hotel, and her things are there, and.

...

Nothing to it.

Just check out of your hotel for three days.

Robbie can pick up your luggage after he
takes Steve to the airport.

Okay, Steve?

Well, sure, that sounds fine.

After all, it is Katie's home, too, and
I'm sure she'd love to have you stay.

Wouldn't you, Katie?

Well, of course.

Love to.

That settles it.

Well, I don't know what to say, Stephen, except thank you.

Well, oh, there, that's better, isn't it?

How.

Much longer is this show?

Only about another 40 minutes.

Isn't that a pity?

Sure.

I want to watch Pistols West.

Want me to drive you?

Oh, it's just a few blocks.

I can walk it.

Going out, Kathleen?

Can't sleep.

Just over to the Edwards house.

Tonight's my night to tutor their son.

High school Spanish.

Katie's helped him a lot.

What a sweet gesture on your part.

Oh, they pay me for it.

Well, not very much, but I'll have a little bit of help.

You understand.

Oh, completely.

When the husband isn't working, well, I
guess the wife just has to pitch in and take over.

Good night, Katie.

I'll see you later, okay?

Good night.

Good night.

See you in the morning.

Sleep well, Mr. O'Casey.

Well, there's one ray of sunshine peeking
through this storm.

We only have to put up with her for
another day in the world.

Yeah.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hi.

I'm glad you're both on.

See, I just got back to the hotel and
there was a message that my plans here

have been changed, so I won't be getting
home the day after tomorrow.

So, uh, Cecile, you'll be able to stay out
for a few more days, huh?

Remember that ray of sunshine I was talking about?

Yeah.

Forget it.

So I told the coach to switch me to guard
instead of forward because I thought I had

a better chance of making the traveling squad there.

Yeah, only playing forward is better
because you get to sh**t more that way.

Or maybe you get to sh**t less, but playing
any position is better than not playing at all.

Mike, what is this?

April Fool's Day?

All right.

Who did it?

Who did it?

That's all I want to know.

Well, I see you've noticed my handiwork.

You mean you did all this without asking anybody?

Thank you for your concern, but I'm
stronger than you think.

Yeah?

Only how come?

I wanted to surprise you.

And you'll be amazed how much more
practical this arrangement is.

Sometimes I wish it only took 24 minutes to make a date.

Are you still upset because she moved all
the furniture in your bedroom?

Why don't you give a guy a warning?

Twice now, I've turned down my rubber
plant and watered my lamp.

Hello?

Who's calling, please?

Charlene Mason?

Well, Chip isn't available right now, Miss Mason.

He's doing his homework.

But I'll tell him that you called.

Goodbye.

Aunt Cecile, is that for me?

It was for you, Richard, a young lady named Charlene Mason.

So what happened?

Richard, you weren't thinking of
socializing during your homework hour?

That wouldn't be fair to your grades, dear.

But Charlene Mason is the best-looking girl in my class.

The homework could have waited a little.

Now, believe me, Richard, Aunt Cecile knows best.

And next time, let's comb our hair before
we come thundering down the stairs.

One never knows who may be in the parlor.

Can I see that calendar?

You got it finished, Kate?

Ask me next week.

Maybe I'll be halfway done by then.

Just wanted to say thanks.

For kissing you?

Of course not, silly.

You know why.

Why do?

Robbie, Douglas, stop playing games.

I just turned down the bed a few minutes
ago and I found it.

Found what?

Hey, listen, Katie, I don't know what you're talking about.

Scout's on it.

All right, I'll go along with the gag.

I suppose it just flew in the window all
by itself and landed here.

You mean you think that I...
Well, who else could have done it?

Well, Dad's out of town and I doubt if Uncle Charley,
Chip, and Ernie could raise five bucks between them.

Now, that leaves only the Tooth Fairy or...

Or Aunt Cecile.

Oh, she never knows when to stop.

Now, you can say that again.

She wanted you to buy something for yourself.

Something that I couldn't afford to buy for you.

Darling.

Robbie, where are you going?

I'm gonna take a walk around the block
before I say something I don't want to.

Robbie!

You.

Can come back any minute.

Aunt Cecile.

I don't know how to say this.

Did you put this envelope under my pillow?

Oh, you've found it, yes.

Stand up straight, dear.

Aunt Cecile.

Aunt Cecile!

Raise... I can't take the money.

Well, I'd love nothing more than a new
dress or two right now.

Now, every girl dreams of owning a cashmere coat.

Only when I get mine, I want it to be from my husband.

Well, that's quite understandable, dear.

Rather touching.

But let's be practical.

As long as Robert is going to school and can't accept
a job, we'll never be able to afford these little luxuries.

I think Robert's a darling, but
right now... His name is Robbie!

Kathleen, it's something... The other morning,
when you called, I was glad to hear from you.

I really was.

From the moment you stepped into this
house, my stomach, it felt like a million

butterflies were all cooped up inside of me.

You know why?

Because I knew that your famous non-interference
would make a shambles out of everything.

A shambles?

Well, I was only trying to help.

It just moved a picture on the wall, or...

or the dog's dish.

I wouldn't have said anything.

But when your interference destroys
someone's pride and self-respect,

someone that means more to me than anything in
the whole world, I just can't keep quiet any longer.

I'm sorry.

Well?

Good evening, Mr. O'Casey.

Isn't it a little past your bedtime?

Oh, I had some thinking to do.

I couldn't sleep.

I get that way sometimes.

Are you allergic to salami?

Yes, I'm afraid.

No.

I rather like salami.

Good.

I'll slap a sandwich together for you.

Mr. O'Casey, Mr. O'Casey, Mr. O'Casey, did
any of your nephews ever take issue with you?

Say that in English.

Or bore you out.

Did any of them ever bore you out?

They'd better not.

That happen to you?

Yes.

Katie really gave me a going over.

And the horrifying part of it is, I'm afraid she's right.

What did she say?

She pointed out that I mean well, but that I...

They interfere with people's lives.

Did they seem that way to you, Mr. O'Casey?

In spades.

Come on, now, don't go bawling.

You asked.

Well, yes, but when people ask questions like
that, they don't really expect such direct answers.

You like milk?

Then drink it.

Here's the way it is, Cecile.

When you came to the door that night, I
said, now, there's a real good-looking chick.

And then you started straightening the
napkins and moving the furniture all

around, and right there, honey, you lost me real fast.

But isn't that helping?

Telling the kids things, that's okay.

But that other junk, you know,
every time you move this knife from here

to here, you're telling me I didn't do it right.

I imply criticism.

Is that what you mean?

Right.

Now, I always didn't live in this house either, you know.

I walked in here one day just like you did,
and I did the same dumb things you're doing.

Really?

Well, yes.

I tried too hard.

I butted in.

I straightened them out when they didn't
need straightening out, and they hated me.

Oh, surely not.

Well, maybe they didn't hate me,
but they weren't passing out any luck.

They weren't loving cops either.

Here, come on.

Eat your sandwich.

And then I remembered one day as a guy said
in Singapore, love can't be whipped into the heart.

Love can't be whipped into the heart.

Our Western thinking can't compare to the Oriental, can it?

What Oriental?

The guy that said that was a bosom from San Francisco.

Charlie, you've taught me a lot tonight.

Sure, but don't get all carried away by
trying to reform too suddenly.

You know, there are times when you have to butt in.

When I butt in, I do it direct and they
know what I'm talking about.

That's what you gotta do.

Don't just sit there.

Eat your sandwich.

I'll eat my sandwich when I feel good and
ready, Charlie O'Casey.

Ha ha.

That's what I'm talking about.

You gotta let them know where you stand.

Well, just like you say, it's really quite
simple, isn't it, Charlie?

You, um, you thought I was a good-looking chick, eh?

You'll do.

Come on, uh, have some mustard.

I've just loved it.

Thank you.

See you soon.

Next time you come to Boston, huh?

Bye.

Goodbye, Cecile.

Goodbye.

Hurry back.

Well, I'm sorry your aunt had to leave
practice the minute I got back.

I would have liked the chance to get to know her better.

I have a feeling you will.

Yeah, I invited her back at the end of the semester, Dad.

I didn't think you'd mind.

Oh, no, of course not.

I'm just glad to hear you all got along so well together.

Yeah, especially the last couple days.

She even watched Pistols West with me last night.

I don't know why, but something changed her.

I haven't got to answer my own phone calls.

How was your trip, Dad?

Oh, it was really a merry-go-round this time, Rob.

That's why it's always good to get home
when nothing's changed.

That reminds me, Steve, I've been meaning
to talk to you about something.

What's that, Charlie?

Well, I've been thinking, you know,
we're getting in a rut around here.

Now, I'm no interior decorator,
but supposing we were to take the couch

and we were to face it, and then take this
easy chair and put it over there and then

take the TV set and face it towards the
couch and then, well, come on in the

kitchen and I'll diagram the whole thing out.

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