08x15 - You're Driving Me Crazy

[bunniefuu]

So, uh, so Bob and Sally will be up at the
lodge for two weeks, and they asked me if

we wanted to use their apartment while they're gone.

Have you seen my notepad?

Yeah, I think Ernie borrowed it to make
some plans for a model airplane.

Well, I've got some important notes in it.

It's probably got my compass, too.

I can't find it.

I can't seem to find anything around here lately.

With so many people living in the house, it's no wonder.

Their apartment.

Do you want to?

No, I'm tempted.

Now, where is my pen?

Uncle Charley's got it in the kitchen.

Oh, I guess it would be uncomfortable
living in a strange apartment,

not knowing where everything is.

Eddie, see my sweater?

It's right there on your arm.

Well, anyway, I'll just tell him thanks,
but we're very happy here.

Well, we're going to be late.

Hey, Rob, I'm sort of in a bind.

You got any shoelaces?

Oh, I saw some a minute ago.

Let's see.

Yeah, here.

Oh, thanks.

It's all right.

Lose something?

Yeah, I can't seem to find my silver tie clip.

The one with the basketball on it?

Yeah, have you seen it?

Yeah, I borrowed it last week.

I didn't think you wanted to wear it anymore.

What do you mean, a married guy wearing a
tie clip with a basketball on it?

Well, never mind.

Okay, thanks for the laces.

All right.

Hey, how about the front page?

I just started reading it.

There's the sports.

Yeah, thanks.

Huh.

I guess they were on the back of the
sports quiz and already put it in an envelope.

Want me to go get it?

No, never mind.

Oh, sorry, Rock, but the earliest postmark counts.

You could have waited till the post office opened.

Hey, Waffles, what's the occasion?

No occasion.

I just thought it would be nice for a change.

Oh, Mia, I thought we were getting waffles.

This ain't Sunday.

Waffles are for Sundays.

Oh, Robbie's got waffles.

Yeah, how come he rates and we don't?

You'll have to talk to Katie about that.

Aren't you having waffles, too?

No.

I don't have enough flour.

Oh, well, here, have some of mine.

I'll eat oatmeal.

Well, you hate oatmeal.

I'll take some of your waffles.

Ernie, there's only enough for Robbie.

Gee, honey, I don't know why you just made
me waffles, not the rest of the family.

Well, there wasn't enough flour to go around.

Are you still crabbing about that flour?

Well, she wasn't crabbing.

She was just explaining why... Never mind, Rob.

It's not important.

Well, look, I don't want to make a big
issue out of this, but I'll have oatmeal just like.

...

Just like everybody else.

Well, I made waffles especially for you.

Well, I know, and I appreciate it,
honey, but I just wouldn't enjoy eating

them when you're eating oatmeal, which you do hate.

I don't hate oatmeal.

I would have made waffles for everybody,
only somebody used up most of my flour.

I didn't know it was your flour.

It didn't have any reserve sign on it.

I'm sorry.

I guess I should have told you.

Oh, good morning, everybody.

Ah, good morning.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, waffles, huh?

Yeah.

Just for Rob.

Katie was going to make waffles for
everyone, except Uncle Charley stole her flour.

No, he didn't steal it.

He borrowed it.

Yeah.

I like you borrowed my tie clip.

And last week, my sports jacket.

And the week before that, my tennis racket.

Boy, Rob, I apologized already.

If a guy has to keep apologizing all the
time, he doesn't sound sincere.

Yeah, right.

I, uh, I think I got started off on the
wrong foot this morning.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna be late.

Me, too.

Bye.

You're welcome.

Do you have a feeling there's a little
tenseness around here this morning?

Nothing that a good fight wouldn't cure.

You need dinner, Uncle Charley?

It was about the gloamiest dinner around
here since all three of you guys were

taken down with the mumps at the same time.

Your dad's lucky he's working tonight.

I thought we had a good time.

Was something wrong?

Everything's fine, Ernie.

Except asparagus.

Okay, so I don't like asparagus and everyone else does.

I'm not complaining.

Well, Dad says now that things are different
around here, we ought to make up a schedule.

We already got a schedule.

On Wednesdays, we're having asparagus.

Well, maybe we could... We could
have something Rob likes on Thursdays.

What do you like, Rob?

Well, Lima beans, mostly.

We'll have Lima beans on Thursdays.

I got Lima beans down for Fridays.

And what are you all of a sudden?

I was just trying to help.

Are Lima beans okay on Fridays, Rob?

Oh, yeah.

Except Lima beans give Katie the hiccups.

Oh, great.

Why don't I make up a big chart of what everybody won't eat
and hang it on the kitchen door where I can throw dots at?

I don't mind eating Lima beans, Uncle Charley.

I just told my brother.

Hello?

No, she can't come right now.

Can't she call you back later?

Okay.

Goodbye.

Is that for me?

Yeah.

It was some girl.

She said she'd call back later.

Well, why?

I'm sitting right here.

I didn't think you wanted to talk right now.

I don't think so.

I mean, you're arguing with Uncle Charley.

I wasn't arguing with Uncle Charley.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we quit this jolly conversation
and look at something pleasant on TV?

Like a nice horror picture.

Move over.

Come on.

Come on.

Ah, hi.

Studying again?

No, I was just looking through some old
magazines while I wait to see the dentist.

What kind of a smart cr*cker is that?

No, I'm sorry, Uncle Charley.

No, you're not.

Lately, you've been meaner than the guy with a sore tattoo.

Both you and Katie.

I'm so sorry.

Now, look, if your nose swells up, take an ice cube
and put it in a tea bag and press it up tight to it, see?

Now, take the tea bag and put it in a
tea bag and press it up tight to it, see?

We'll see you out first, though,
unless you don't care about the stain.

All right.

All right.

Oh, boy.

Can't even go through a door around here
without smashing into each other.

You all right?

Yeah.

I made you some popcorn.

Oh, good.

I would have made my fudge that you like, but,
well, I didn't want to mess up Uncle Charley's stove.

Yeah.

Hargis being considered works both ways.

Oh!

What's the matter?

You didn't pop all the kernels.

Well, you always miss a few.

A few?

Look at them all down there.

Millions.

Don't exaggerate, Robbie.

There couldn't be more than 20 in that bowl.

I told Uncle Charley I was waiting to see
the dentist, only I thought it was a joke.

Should we have Congress whip you up a purple heart?

Katie, if you don't pop all the kernels, you ruin teeth.

You should remove the duds before you k*ll somebody.

If you pop all the duds, then the others start to burn.

You can't have your duds and fluffies, too, Robbie Douglas.

You can't have your duds.

And fluffies, too, Robbie Douglas?

What is that, some kind of profound philosophy?

Or is it something you just dreamed up to
get out of the responsibility of breaking my jaw?

Well, aren't we the little soldiers?

Shall we call in the medics and have you
taken from the b*ttlefield?

Or just have a psychiatrist tell you that
nobody ever died from eating popcorn?

Nobody ever died from eating your fudge, either.

That doesn't make it the eighth wonder of the world.

What's wrong with my fudge?

You put the nuts into it in big hunks.

That's what's wrong with it.

Oh, God.

Boy, I can't even have an argument by
ourselves around here.

Boy, the popcorn.

Hi, Steve.

Hi, Charlie.

You eat downtown, or do you want me to rustle something up?

No, I'm eating, thanks.

Hey, it's pretty quiet around here.

Yeah, Chip's on a date, and Ernie is doing his
homework in his room, and Katie and Robbie are upstairs.

Everything going well?

Everything going all right today?

Sure.

Only the kids had a beef about popcorn
that you could hear in Kansas City,

but that's all over.

Well, I knew we could work it out, Charlie.

That's the important thing.

Sorry, Dad, but we're moving out.

Moving out?

That's right.

I'll explain it later.

It's about the 10th time you've bought my album.

So what do you want me to do?

Meet left-handed?

Come on, fellas.

We share the big teams of lefties and righties.

Excuse me, Dad.

Oh, sure.

More coffee?

Oh, not for me, Katie.

I've had plenty.

Cake was wonderful.

Thank you.

Anyone else?

I think we're all fine, honey.

Good.

I don't think I could get around to serve anyway.

Excuse me.

Oh, sure.

I'm sure glad we didn't bring tr*mp.

Yeah.

He could k*ll us wagging his tail.

Well, that's because the whole family's here.

I'm sure just the two of you get along fine.

We didn't know what to do with all the room.

Well, filling it up with people sure ain't the answer.

Excuse me, Dad.

Oh, yes.

You know, the more I think of it, the
more I'm convinced you did the right thing.

I'm glad you understand that.

We knew that when we had a fight about a
stupid little thing like popcorn,

we had to move out.

Well, I guess that old cliche about too
many heads under one roof still applies.

Well, Katie, we hate to, as they say,
eat and run, but I think we'd better go.

The boys have to get up for school.

Sure.

It was a wonderful dinner.

Thank you.

Enjoy it.

Never get out.

Let's see, where's my jacket?

Oh, I think it's in here.

Oh, go ahead.

What's a man doing in the closet?

It happens all the time.

No, no, excuse me.

Yeah.

You know, sometimes it even falls up when we're sleeping.

Yeah, it does.

Oh, sorry.

We'll help you clean this.

Oh, that's right there.

I'll get your coat.

Well, let's go.

Come in.

I don't want to say anything.

Oh, thanks, Katie.

Hey, Katie, is everything all right?

I mean, well, what happens when
Bob and Sally... Charlie, get back.

We'll just have to come to that when it gets here.

I hope you know that our moving out had
nothing to do with you.

I think you're the most wonderful man.

Oh, thanks.

Come in.

Katie.

We're taking our pots and pans,
but we left you a few things.

Where is she?

She'll be out in the middle, Charlie.

Thank you, Charlie.

Good day, kid.

Yes, good to see you.

Okay, what's going on?

I'll get the door here.

Ready?

Squeeze up a little.

There you go.

All right, don't push.

I'll get the door.

I'll get the door.

I'll set that.

I'll set that.

Oh, come in.

See, now, look.

Just remember, you're still part of the
family, and we'll come over any time.

Just don't feel you need an invitation.

Okay, Dad.

Thank you, Dad.

So long.

Good night.

Let's get the dishes out of the bed.

Well?

Well, this bolt is bent.

Well, can't you get it out?

Yeah, sure I could get it out if I had a wrench.

Well, why don't you go like that?

I tried to go like that.

That's how I ripped my shirt.

Well, what are we going to do, sleep on the couch?

No.

I know where we can get all the tools we'll need.

Well, Chip and Ernie, it's late,
so you better get right up to bed.

We'll take those things out in the kitchen.

Good night.

Good night.

Charlie.

Charlie.

Did we leave the lights on when we went out?

Hi.

Wow.

Either we just left you on the other side of town, or
you got a twin sister who just fed the wrong family.

Robbie needed a wrench, so he came over to
borrow the tool kit.

I guess we drive faster than you.

Hi.

Hi, Rob.

See, Dad, is it okay if we stay here for a while and study?

We don't have a set of encyclopedias at the apartment.

Of course, Rob.

Make yourself at home.

Thanks.

Yes.

You know, honey, this is kind of small.

But it's all ours.

No, temporarily.

What's for dinner?

I've been thinking about that.

Tonight will be our first meal in our own home.

What about last night?

Oh, that doesn't count.

Our family was here.

Oh.

I mean, our first meal alone.

We should have something special.

We should.

But can we afford it?

No.

I bought some eggs and milk and bread.

I can make an omelet.

Oh, good.

Great.

Why don't you put on some coffee, too, honey?

Oh, forget it.

They don't have a coffee pot.

Oh.

I guess the Warrens aren't coffee drinkers.

I don't think they're egg eaters, either.

I can't find a frying pan.

Oh.

Oh, well, uh, milk and toast would be just fine.

Well, I suppose I could make toast in the oven.

I could figure out how to use it.

No toaster, either?

I thought everybody got toasters for wedding gifts.

Bob and Sally sold all their wedding gifts
so they could afford the apartment.

Well, at least we have milk.

I know where we can find a spare coffee pot.

A frying pan, too.

Might as well.

Okay, I'm all set.

I'll bring them back tomorrow, Uncle Charley.

Just a minute, honey.

This is good.

Well, we can watch it at home during dinner.

Sure we could, if the Warrens had a TV.

What's happening?

That guy in the black suit has been paid
to k*ll the other guy.

Only the other guy doesn't know it.

Who's the girl?

I'm not sure.

She seems to know why the guy in the black
suit is after the other guy.

Only she hasn't said yet.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Who?

Oh, I know.

You want me to say who, who, so that you
can say who, who, I'm an owl.

But I'm not going to who.

Are you going to use the stove this afternoon?

Oh, not for about six potatoes from now.

Can I use the oven?

I want to make a casserole.

Would your oven break down?

No, but I don't trust it.

Yeah, well, some ovens are tricky.

They wait till you're not looking, and then they reach.

They reach out, and they burn everything.

I'm used to this one.

I want dinner to be perfect since we're having company.

Well, help yourself.

Thanks.

I brought everything except the tomato sauce.

Oh, that's in the cupboard up there on the first shelf.

Thanks.

I didn't know you had all these little cans of mushrooms.

I wish I thought of those.

Take as many as you want.

Thanks.

It's.

Not to bother you for one more thing.

Who's counting?

Uh, Department.

Robbie, remember to return the mixer?

Yep.

Good, because I'll need it for this.

How'd the tablecloth work out?

Oh, it's just the right size.

If you don't need it right away, I'll wash it
when I bring over the next load of laundry.

Don't worry, and you might as well keep the napkins.

Oh, by the way, are there any messages?

Robbie already picked up the ones for today.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Rob.

I'm making dinner.

Uncle Charlie tells me you picked up the messages.

Anyone?

Why didn't he call me?

Why didn't he just hand them to you?

The last time I saw him, he was flaked out
on the bed up in your old room.

Rob, where are you?

Well, I'm downstairs in the kitchen.

Why didn't you call me on the phone?

No, I didn't call you.

Well, somebody must have called somebody.

Hello?

Who is this?

I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number.

No, well, he's my husband.

Rob, you explain.

That lady must have thought we were crazy.

Uncle Charley, can I use the cheese grater?

Sure.

This is some dish you're making.

Who's coming to dinner?

Didn't Robbie tell you?

You are.

At that apartment?

Oh, there's not enough room over there.

I thought I'd serve it here.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi.

Meeting let out pretty late.

Yeah, sorry I couldn't make it home for dinner.

Did you eat?

Yeah.

I grabbed a bite on the way home.

How are the boys?

All right.

Ernie got an A in spelling and Chip met a new
girl, which ain't much of a bulletin come to think of it.

Well, I think I'll go upstairs and climb
in bed and finish my book.

I'll bet he's the one who did it.

I know he did.

I've seen it three times already.

See you in the morning.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Rob.

What are you doing here?

I mean, uh, yeah, I was right the first time.

What are you doing here?

We've been back for two days.

No kidding.

Well, sure.

Nobody noticed us, so we didn't bother to mention it.

We were over here all the time anyway.

Katie said that you said, uh, well, some very nice things.

Oh, I just told her she was a member of the
family and didn't need an invitation to come back.

I'm glad she took me up on it.

You know, Dad, uh, someday we'll really be on our own.

But, uh, well, for now, we'd kind of like to be a
part of the traffic around here, if you don't mind.

Oh, you don't mind.

We missed you, Rob.

I'm glad you're both back.

Good night.

Isn't she cute?

Yeah, she's cute, Rob.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

What could be as nice as an hour with my... My three sons?

How about an hour with three daughters?

Sure.

Stay tuned for Bobby Joe, Betty Joe,
Billy Joe, and everyone at the Shady Rest.

Hotel on Petticoat Junction, as TV Land's
Twice as Nice Morning continues.