08x18 - Green-Eyed Robbie

[bunniefuu]

Come on, Ernie, it's your move.

What makes you think I can play chess?

Well, you can if you concentrate.

I'm too hungry to think.

I keep seeing pie before my eyes.

Boy, I find that only chess player in the
world thinks with his stomach.

Honey, you want something?

Oh, I'm not hungry, but a cup of hot
chocolate would taste good.

Uncle Charley, what about you?

What's everybody eating for?

I just got through with the dishes.

Oh, no, you didn't.

It's almost time for Dad to get home.

Oh, my gosh.

What's the matter?

I forgot to get cream, and Steve will want
some for his coffee, and everything is closed.

What about Sally's diner?

Oh, yeah, she'd still be open.

Here, just turn on the charm, and she'll
sell you a pint of cream.

Yeah, I turn on the charm, and she'll deliver it.

Oh, look, I almost forgot.

You got an answer on that card that you
put on the bulletin board at school.

You really want to tutor some dumbbell?

Sure.

We could use the extra money.

Am I supposed to call her back?

No, I told her to come here tomorrow night.

Oh, good.

It's really a hymn.

A hymn?

Well, why didn't you say so in front of Rob?

You know how Robbie is.

Hiya, Sally.

Well, look who's here, Charley.

Yeetin' out?

No, we need some cream.

The market's closed and we're dry.

You got some to spare?

Well, we're not in that business,
but I can let you have a little.

Oh, thanks.

I realize you got handling costs and it's
going to be more than the market.

Not to you, Charley, honey.

I realize how hard it is for those cows to
get in those little bitty cartons.

Oh, very true.

I'm afraid this is the smallest house we've got, okay?

Yes.

I'll use bigger cups.

Oh, it's always a treat to see you, Charley.

I'll give you a real treat.

You can see me again tomorrow night.

I hear they got a pretty good show at the Bijou.

And I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll spring for a double popcorn with butter.

You got yourself a deal.

Right.

Let me speak...

What?

Katie...

Katie Douglas?

I thought you knew.

I knew you were married, but I didn't know your new name.

Well, come on in.

Well... Oh, she...

Rob, I'd like you to meet Craig Benson.

Hi, Craig, hi.

Hi.

Tutor.

Craig, this is my husband, Rob Douglas.

Well, I thought that, uh...

Well, uh, I've got to get to the library now.

I'll see you later.

Nice to meet you, Craig, and have fun.

Thanks.

Bye.

Bye.

Why didn't you tell him about us?

One shock at a time is enough.

Up until this very minute, he thought you were a girl.

Ha, ha, ha.

Is that really why, Katie?

Of course it is.

Don't you think he'd mind my being here if he knew?

Of course not.

Would you?

I think maybe I would.

Well, I don't know why.

All right, you and I used to go steady.

But that's all over.

Fell in love with Rob and married him.

I think he'd be the first to understand that.

I'm glad to hear that, Katie.

Because you know something?

It's sure nice to see you again.

I'm glad to see you, too.

Let's go to work.

Senorita, es muy difícil expresarme en espanol.

We'd better go to work fast.

Hi.

Hi.

Where's Katie?

Upstairs.

Probably swooning.

Swooning?

Girls always swoon when they see a real Adonis.

What?

He means Adonis.

Yeah, a real Greek guy.

Oh, you mean, uh, Craig Benson?

Yeah.

He looks like one of those statues of
Greek gods at the Parthenon.

Parthenon?

This just isn't my night.

You should have seen him.

I did see him.

I met him on the way to the library.

You went anyway?

Hi.

I thought I heard your voice.

Chip and Ernie and I were just talking about Craig Benson.

Oh?

They seem to think he's pretty devastating.

Now I bet he's got the biggest little date book in town.

Well, uh, Kate, how'd you two get along?

Fine.

Okay.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, here's Uncle Charley.

Hey, how come?

What are you guys still doing up?

Tomorrow's a holiday.

How was the movie?

Oh, pretty bad.

And don't give me that junk about tomorrow being a holiday.

It's past your holiday bedtime, too.

But we want to hear about the movie.

Tomorrow.

Come on, now, get to bed, will you?

Go on, go on.

Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Go on.

Good night.

Good night.

Gee, it's too bad about the movie.

Yeah, especially since you were trying to impress her.

Uh, spoil the evening?

No, Sally's got the greatest sense of humor I ever saw.

What's new around here?

Well, Katie began tutoring her new pupil.

Oh, good.

How'd it go, Katie?

Fine.

When are you going to take Sally out again?

Tomorrow night.

Oh, isn't that rushing things?

At our age, it's the only way.

We both still go out.

Do you go out with other people?

Sure.

We haven't got a hammerlock on each other.

I think that's a very nice attitude.

Like each other, but like other people, too.

Well, it won't work.

Sooner or later, one of you will get possessive.

You're all wrong, Robbie.

I haven't got a jealous bone in my whole body.

You know, I think I'll call it a day.

Well, good night, everybody.

Good night.

Good night.

Rob, there's something I... The only reason you think
it won't work, Robbie, is because you got a jealous...

streak in you a mile wide.

What were you saying, Kate?

What's that?

It's later than I thought.

Let's go to bed.

Charlie?

Yeah?

May I ask you something?

Sure, I got an answer for everything,
especially if it's in this house.

What did you mean last night?

When you said Robbie had a jealous streak a mile wide?

You're in college, and you can't figure that out.

It means color Robbie green.

He's always been jealous.

Oh.

Well, that's the way he is.

You worried about him and the Greek God?

Frankly, yes.

Yeah, he seemed to be taking it all right last night.

Hey!

Don't go dipping too deep in that cookie
jar this late in the day.

Take one.

Well, how about four?

Two.

Okay, three.

Uncle Charley?

Hmm?

Should I tell Rob that Craig and I used to go together?

That you and Craig used to go together?

Oh, now, come on.

The Cantonese got a saying I picked up in Kowloon.

The lotus is silent for lack of a mouth.

Does that apply to this?

Well, I don't know, but it's close enough.

Don't tell him nothing.

Make like the lotus.

Thanks, Uncle Charley.

You're welcome.

I had to talk to someone.

Yeah, well, uh, Steve won't be here for
dinner, so you'll be on time.

Oh, I won't be here either.

I'm meeting Craig at the library for some research.

Huh.

Tell Robbie dinner's at six.

Oh, he won't be here either.

He has to stay and finish some lab work.

Where am I a worker?

I'm not worrying about it.

I'm liable to end up eating leftovers by myself.

His jokes must be funny.

Every time he tells one, he laughs.

Hey, Rob, is this funny?

There was this athlete that was so terrible
at the high jump, he couldn't clear his throat?

Is that one of Uncle Charlie's?

Yeah.

He's upstairs getting slicked up for a date with Sally.

And Dad isn't home yet, and Katie's at the
library with that guy.

What guy?

Oh, the one she used to go steady with.

Oh, Craig Benson?

Yeah.

Ernie says she was talking to Uncle Charlie about him.

Didn't you know?

No.

No, I didn't know.

Hey, laughing boy, where you going?

I'm going to the library.

Well, what good will that do?

Did you know that Katie used to go steady
with that Greek guy?

Sure, and I told her not to tell you.

Well, thanks a lot.

Well, what are you getting so excited about?

You've gone steady with a few girls yourself.

Well, that was different.

How?

Why, you don't see any of my old girlfriends
coming around to see me now that I'm married, do you?

Of course, it helps being 2,000 miles away.

Well, come on now.

Let me go, Uncle Charley.

Cool down.

You'll blow a valve with that head of steam of yours.

Now, let's go down to the diner and have a
plate of eggs or something.

I'm not hungry.

Oh, come on.

Well, there he goes.

He really blew us cool.

I speak a lot to make myself understood.

Better.

Much better.

Well, that's it.

We're finished.

Gee, it would have taken me about three
times as long without you, Katie.

You've been a big help.

I was glad to do it.

Listen, it's early.

How about a cup of coffee?

Sounds good.

I didn't have time for dinner.

Okay, I'll be a sport.

I'll even throw in a hamburger.

It's definitely a deal.

Katie, I think you ought to know,
Ernie the Mouth blabbed your big secret,

and Robbie's over at the library right now looking for you.

What'll I do?

Don't finish your hamburger.

You're not going to look for you here.

Hey, Sally, come on.

We'll be late for the show.

So what's the rush?

We'll just have to sit through all those
advertisements again.

I know, but I need to sleep.

Oh, yeah, don't.

Hey, Robbie, what are you doing here?

I'm taking your advice.

You're right, Uncle Charley.

There's no point in chasing Katie and making a big scene.

I mean, after all, we...

Hey, hey.

You better wait a couple of minutes.

Just give him a chance to cool off, huh?

This is the same plot we saw at that movie the other night.

And I don't like it any better this time.

Come on.

Rob, is this the best you can do in the way of faith?

Dad, please don't give me a little talk.

I'm just not in the mood for it.

All right.

Instead of a little talk, I'll give you an anecdote.

An anecdote?

Once there was another young husband who...

who'd read a lot of romantic nonsense
about how wives fall in love with their doctors.

And he suddenly got the idea that maybe his wife was
seeing the doctor more than he thought was necessary.

This is an ex-boyfriend.

So, he thought maybe he'd better get a look at this doctor.

And sure enough, the doctor was exactly the
kind of man he thought his wife might fall for.

Tall, blonde, handsome, all the rest of it.

A regular Van Johnson.

Yeah, I know, Dad, and there was nothing to it.

Not only was there nothing to it, but his wife was seeing
the doctor because a baby named Robbie was on the way.

Well, this has nothing to do with a baby being on the way.

That isn't the parallel.

Rob, all I'm trying to tell you is how really terrible you
feel when you find you should have trusted your wife.

And you didn't.

I don't know how you do it, Dad, but you got through again.

Thanks.

I just hope she gets home soon.

I'm sure she will, Rob.

Oh, hi, Kate.

Oh, Dad.

I did the dumbest thing.

Yeah, I heard about it.

Rob came home?

Yes, he's upstairs.

Is he furious?

Well, he was upset, but he's been thinking about it, and
he's come to the only sensible conclusion he could come to.

Oh, Dad.

Katie, I'm sure everything is going to be
all right, if the two of you will just talk it out.

No, I'm never going to lie to him or evade
the issue or argue with him again.

I'm going to go up those stairs and tell
him what a boob I've been, and we're going

to be the happiest two people that ever
patched up an argument.

Well...

Well, just be sure and tuck in the outside of the blanket.

It helps break the fall off when you roll off.

Good night.

Kiki, out.

No, Katie did not kick me out.

Well, then how come you're sleeping down here?

Because, uh...

Because I feel like sleeping down here.

What are you doing up?

I dreamed I was at a big banquet.

Woke up hungry.

Hey.

What are you doing down here?

What does it look like?

Looks like you're gonna sleep on the couch.

Okay.

You win the panda bear.

Why do you want to sleep on the couch?

Because I feel like it.

What are you doing down here?

I woke up hungry.

I woke up hungry.

Are you sleeping?

Believe me, Uncle Charley, nobody sleeps down here.

I'm thinking of installing a traffic light.

So you had a big fight with Katie, huh?

No, I did not have a big fight with Katie.

Well, then how come you're sacking out on the couch?

Uncle Charley, please.

You're the last of a long line.

If you don't mind, I'd rather not go
through the whole thing again.

Well, you know me.

I'm not one to go around giving out advice
unless I'm asked.

But if you ask me, you're letting this
jealousy get out of hand.

Well, I didn't ask you, Uncle Charley.

Now, jealousy is a very childish emotion,
and you've got to outgrow it.

Now, I've never been in trouble with
jealousy myself, but if I had been,

I'd have gotten over it long before I got
to be as old as you are.

Uncle Charley, please.

It's getting late.

Do you think we could talk about this some other time?

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Good night.

I.

Don't want to talk about it anymore.

Oh, good morning, Charley.

Oh, hiya, Steve.

Sounds like we have a happy house again.

Yeah, Katie and Robbie got up early, and they were
kissing and cooing around here until I thought I'd get sick.

Girl just had a phone put in, so he's delirious.

Do I meet you?

Yeah.

You were humming when I came in.

Yeah, well, I thought I'd surprise Sally with a picnic.

Take her to Ferndale.

Maybe.

Surprise her?

You mean she doesn't know about it?

She'll go.

The minute we saw each other, it was an instant rapport.

I'll show you.

Well, instant rapport or not, don't you think
you should have given her a little notice, Chip?

That's what I'm doing.

Sally, why is a man's head like a doorknob?

No, because any woman can turn it.

Oh, she's falling down laughing.

Sally, I just put a picnic lunch together,
and I thought that we would go...

Huh?

Who are you going with?

All right, skip it.

All right, goodbye.

Charlie, I thought you didn't have a
jealous bone in your body.

I haven't.

She's going to the beach with some clown named Max.

And I couldn't care less.

Well, I guess that's better than going
over and beating him up.

Beating who up?

Max, that's what you're doing, isn't it?

Steve, I don't know what you're talking about.

I told you, I don't have a jealous bone in my body.

What could be as nice as an hour with my three sons?

How about an hour with three daughters?

Sure.

Stay tuned for Bobby Joe, Betty Joe,
Billy Joe, and everyone at the Shady Rest.

Hotel on Petticoat Junction, as TV Land's
Twice as Nice Morning continues.