08x19 - Charley's Tea

[bunniefuu]

And what do you think you're doing?

Getting breakfast.

Robbie and I are going to live here.

I think I ought to help out when I don't
have an early class.

If you and Robbie are going to live here,
the best thing you can do to help is to

stay out of the kitchen until I tell you
breakfast is ready.

What's that junk?

Scrambled eggs.

By the time the men get down here to eat it, that
stuff will be so tough you can sew your shoes with it.

Now, you don't scramble eggs around here
first, you do them last.

Maybe if we put them in the oven.

No, no, no, come on, put that down, will you?

I'll fix the breakfast, you get out.

Come on, out, out, out, out, scramble.

What happened to you?

Uncle Charley hollered at me.

Look, honey, don't let him bother you.

That's just his way.

I just don't think he likes me, Robbie.

Sure he does.

When we got back from our honeymoon,
first thing he hollered at me.

He just doesn't like me.

Look, Kate, the reason that he hollered at you just
now is because he's kind of grouchy when he first gets up.

That's his before breakfast voice.

All right, breakfast is on the table.

Let's get somebody down here to eat it.

You see?

We're on our way.

Come on.

We're looking alive up there.

Hey, Uncle Charley, what's coming?

Morning, Uncle Charley.

Hi.

Morning.

You know, they said back in Bryant Park
that people move slower in California.

I'm beginning to believe it.

Doesn't seem to have slowed you up much, Charley.

Well, the further west you go, the slower people get.

It's the temperature, does it?

It is.

Back home in the winter, you had to keep
moving or you'd freeze solid.

If everybody moves slower out here, how come there's five
guys on my track team that can run 100 faster than I can?

You're not adjusted to the gravity yet.

They got more gravity out here.

Here.

And eat the crust, you guys.

Anything I hate is middle-of-the-toast eaters.

You know, speaking of eating, there's a country
in South America where you vote by the pound.

The more you weigh, the more votes you get.

I suppose the politicians pass out candy
bars to their constituents.

Sure, fatten them up.

A woman counts double.

If a woman weighs 200 pounds, she gets 400 votes.

That'd make me lose interest in politics.

There's still lots of places where women can't vote at all.

We're studying about that woman suffrage junk in school.

It was a big step forward in America when
women were given the vote.

It may have been a step forward in America,
but it was a big step backwards for civilization.

Any bonehead knows that a woman's mind was
created to think about shoes and clothes and lipsticks.

Oh, come on, Charlie.

There are a couple of pretty good women in Congress, and
there was a woman who was secretary of the treasury, right?

Sure.

And look what happened to our money.

Uncle Charlie, tests have proven that
women are equal to men in intelligence.

Ah, horse feathers.

I never heard of such proof, and I don't
think anybody else did either.

That's true, Uncle Charlie.

What do you mean that's true?

All you women do is read lady magazines.

This information doesn't come out of a magazine.

The tests were done at the university.

Impartial tests.

Yes.

That school was full of women.

It's like a fox looking for a fair trial in the hen house.

Well, Charlie, the bacon's just right this morning.

Chipper, everything okay at school?

It's a big drag.

They put me on the homecoming committee.

Me and four girls.

You see, four against one.

And I suppose they call that a fair deal.

Have a nice day, Dad.

Oh, Katie, I know Charley upset you this
morning, but sometimes he has a way of

saying things that all I'm trying to say
is don't let it bother you.

I'm trying not to.

You know, Charley comes from the school
that teaches yell first and think later.

But he loves you just as we do.

I hope so.

He's never seemed to do anything right
where he's concerned.

Oh, you do everything right, Katie.

It's just...

It's hard for him to admit it before 10 a .m.



Yeah, those are his grouchiest hours.

Now, stop thinking about it, will you?

He thinks the world of you.

He really does.

Thanks, Dad.

I feel a lot better now.

I hope so.

Bye, Dad.

Oh, uh, can I give you fellas a lift to school?

Oh, thanks, but it'll look kind of freaky, a
guy my age being driven to school by his dad.

Oh, sure.

How about you, Erin?

I'll risk it.

Hey, come on, get going.

No wonder five guys can run the hundred
faster than you can.

Takes you forever and a day to get started.

You heard the man.

Bye.

Good night.

Good night, Dave.

Takes me 24 hours to get everybody out of this
house, and that don't leave me any time for my work.

Uncle Charley, will you take it easy?

Oh, take it easy, he says.

That's a joke.

The way work's piled up around here, I'll be lucky
if I find time to go to the store and do my shopping.

You're wearing that channel number five.

Is it too strong?

Really, is it too strong?

No, no, it's not too strong.

Come on, don't be late for class.

Bye, Uncle Charley.

Have fun.

Robbie, do you think my perfume's too much?

Ah, it's just right.

Look, don't pay any attention to Uncle Charley.

He's just not used to perfume of any kind.

What's the matter?

I guess I'll just have to forget it.

Forget what?

Well...

Tell me on the way.

There's something I wanted to do,
but now I... Does it involve money?

Very little.

I was thinking of giving a tea.

A tea?

For some of the girls at the sorority.

Mrs. Eldridge, Dean of the women at the university.

They're also wonderful to me.

I'd like to invite them to a tea.

Oh, go ahead.

That's fine with me.

I'd have to have it here at the house.

I don't think that would go over very big
with Uncle Charley.

You know, I don't know why you're so afraid of him.

It's your house, too, you know.

If you want to give a tea, give a tea.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh, I'm Chip Douglas.

They told me to come here for a meeting of
the homecoming committee.

While I was waiting for the other members to show up, I
thought I'd get things started, lay out some posters and stuff.

Oh, we're the other members.

Oh, well, hi.

I'm Gwen Morton.

This is Laurie Streeter, Robin Granville, and Margo Myers.

Hi.

Well, I think the first thing we ought to
do is lay out a schedule of the day.

What happens on homecoming day, where it's going to
happen, who's... Wait a Mickey Mouse a minute, Mr. Douglas.

Yes, uh, who appointed you to run this committee?

I was just trying to help.

You're new at this school, aren't you?

Oh, well, sort of, but... Don't you
think you're being just a little bit pushy?

Well, gee, no, I was just...
And don't put anything up to it.

I'm not going to vote, because I'm chairman of this committee,
and we have you outvoted before you open your mouth.

Any more questions?

Oh, no, but... Then why don't you just
sit down and become one of five, okay?

Sure.

How come you're using the vacuum cleaner
in the living room at 4 O'clock in the afternoon?

I had a little extra time.

I thought I'd help out.

Well, to begin with, you're doing it all wrong.

That's the furniture nozzle you got on there, and
you can't vacuum the floor with the furniture nozzle.

You can't?

No, you can't.

It's like percolating tea.

Shall I put on the other nozzle?

No, I got a special day in the week that I
vacuum the living room, and today isn't the day.

Come on, Kate.

A wife should tell her husband what's bothering her.

It's Uncle Charley.

Tell me.

We hollered at him again.

What for?

He was trying to help with the house cleaning.

I offered to go to the market.

Everything I try to do, he hollers at me.

Look, I've told you over and over again
not to pay any attention to Uncle Charley.

That's the way he is after three O'clock.

He gets a little exhausted at the end of
the day, and he's kind of grouchy.

He's grouchy before ten.

He's grouchy before noon.

He's grouchy after three.

What time of day isn't he grouchy?

Well, I'll admit he has been a little louder lately.

I just don't think he likes me, Robbie.

I think he hates me.

Oh, come on now.

He doesn't hate you.

I give him my word.

He just talks that way.

Well, I won't be talking to you that way
anymore, even if you and I have to move.

Move where?

Went with my mother.

But your mother's back east.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Well, hi, Rob.

Good evening.

In fact, it's been an exceptionally fine day, and...

What's wrong with you two?

I'd like to talk to you, Dad.

Rob wants to talk to you, too.

Go ahead, Rob.

No, you were here first, Chip.

You go ahead.

I don't suppose it's possible... for
you to both talk to me at the same time.

No, what I have to talk about is personal.

Go ahead, Rob.

Well, I imagine mine is just as personal as yours, Chip.

Well, I'll tell you, I'm going to clean up.

I'll be upstairs and available.

Why don't you flip a coin to see who kicks off?

Come in.

Ah, the winner.

Well, Chip, what's your problem?

Is it that personal?

You know Ernie and his big ears.

You're pretty serious.

Remember those four girls I told you about
this morning on the homecoming committee?

Oh, the ones who outnumber you.

Yeah.

Well, we had our first meeting today,
and they clobbered me.

I mean, they really got sore just because
I tried to get things started.

I had a lot of stuff all ready to go,
and they came in and got sore.

I'm not going to let them push me around.

The trouble is, they're all pretty neat girls.

Come in.

Chip, I'm sorry, but do you think you
could talk to Dad later?

I just decided that my problem is more
important than yours.

You don't even know what mine is.

Well, Chip, I suggest you start off a
little slower with the committee.

I mean, after all, you are our new comrade at
school, and why don't you just play it cool for a while?

How can I do that?

If I sit in the background, they'll think I'm a blob.

Excuse me, Chip, but Dad, if we don't do something about
Uncle Charley, I'm going to have to live at Katie's mother's.

Well, she lives back east.

Exactly.

Charlie treats Katie the same as he does the rest of us.

She's just not used to it.

Well, how would you like to be with a
bunch of girls and have to just sit there?

Well, you may have to do that for a while, Chipper.

He's really giving her a rough time, Dad.

Every time she tries to help around the
house, he hollers at her.

The poor girl was crying this afternoon.

Uncle Charley hollers at everybody.

Chip, Katie's my wife.

Now, what if he hollered at your wife?

My wife?

I'm having enough girl trouble just showing up at school.

I'll tell you, Rob, I'll have a little talk with Charley.

I can't remember what I said to Katie.

My words ain't that immortal that I record
them for prosperity?

Well, whatever it was, Charley, I'm sure you
didn't mean to, but I'm afraid you hurt her feelings.

Now, how could I do a thing like that?

You know me, Steve.

I'm the soul of diplomacy at all times.

Well, your diplomacy has always been fine
with the boys and me, but now that Katie's

here, Charley, maybe you ought to try to
be a little more tactful.

Tactful?

She thinks you don't like her.

That I don't like her?

Where did she ever get a crazy idea like that?

Well, she must have misunderstood something you said.

Anyway, why don't you try to be a little more friendly?

Maybe do something extra nice for her.

All right.

Well, what do you do for a 19-year-old female?

Well, you'll think of something.

Thanks a million.

I'll think of something.

Robbie, I got to thinking last night.

It must be kind of hard for Katie getting
plunked down into a man's household like we got.

It probably never occurred to you that
she's not used to living with a bunch of

men and not having any of that girly stuff
like she had at home.

Well, somebody better start thinking around
here, and it looks like it's going to have to be me.

Uncle Charlie, what are you driving at?

Well?

Since nobody else around here seems to give a
hoot, I decided I'm going to do something for Katie.

Something real nice, just for her.

Now, what do you think she'd like?

Beats me.

How about a trip to the grape festival at Azusa?

I don't know.

Or maybe we could catch the bus to San
Diego and take in the zoo.

Hey, I'll tell you what she'd like.

What?

She was saying something about giving a tea.

A tea?

If you want to do something for Katie.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Oh, if you want to work on your motor, I'm not late.

That's okay.

I was just adjusting the carburetor.

Oh, Katie, I was wondering, you've never
brought any of your friends to the house.

How would you like to have, well, a tea party
with your friends and with all the trimmings?

Oh, I'd love to, Uncle Charlie.

All right, it's a deal.

You invite your friends.

You invite your friends, and tomorrow
afternoon, I'm giving you a tea.

You're going to give me a tea?

Sure.

I know all about tea.

All my ancestors were big tea drinkers.

In fact, they put on the biggest tea party
ever held in Boston.

You see?

It's after ten and before three.

Boy, is Katie going to be surprised?

When she sees how we fixed up the house for a tea?

Yeah, if I do say so myself, it looks downright beautiful.

You know, it reminds me of the electric
waterfall at the Chicago World's Fair.

If you think it looks sassy now, why
don't you see it with the tablecloth on it?

What?

It's the same as me.

And don't forget the paper napkins.

And don't forget to wipe off the chairs in
case they got peanut butter on them.

The first thing at homecoming is always register.

Registration.

Well, then, why don't we put the
registration table in front of the

cafeteria so the old grads won't have so far to walk?

This is what they call a centerpiece.

Ernie, you've got a real artistic touch.

Yeah, the girls are crazy about flowers.

And Katie and Robbie wasn't sure I know
how to put on a tee.

Hey, the tee?

Where's the tea kettle gonna be?

I thought of that the very first thing.

You're gonna put it on the table?

Sure, that's the latest thing.

It's called boil and serve.

You know, Katie's sure lucky we got you
around, Uncle Charley.

Well, it's a sure thing.

Nobody else would have thought of doing it like this.

I couldn't contribute much today anyway.

I gotta leave early.

My uncle's giving a tee.

Your uncle's giving a tee?

Yeah, for Katie.

She's my sister-in-law.

I have to stop by the market and pick up some donuts.

Donuts for a tee?

Oh, sure, for dunking.

Whose idea was this?

Oh, my Uncle Charley.

Charlie, he and Ernie are gonna decorate
the house with crepe paper and balloons.

Gonna make it look real jazzy.

I gotta get going.

Something tells me he's gonna need some help.

What are we waiting for?

Ladies, you wouldn't believe it, but I
never had a decorating lesson in my life.

We believe it.

But, uh, Mr. O'Casey, Uncle Charley, uh, would you
mind too much if we gave you a couple suggestions?

No, let's hear them.

Well, it just might be that, that all this
might overpower Katie and her friends.

I threw too much talent at them, huh?

I think too much is the word for it.

You see, we're kind of familiar with how a girl in
college like Katie would like to have things for a tea.

So, if you don't mind...

Oh, go ahead.

Oh, great, let's get to it.

Let's go.

Come on.

Hey, wait a minute.

Come on.

Come on in.

It's so nice to meet you.

Here we are.

Oh, hello.

Well, beautiful.

So nice to come.

Now, uh, before we go in, I want to warn you.

This tea has been prepared by my Uncle Charley.

He absolutely insisted.

Well, I don't know what it's going to look
like, so be prepared for anything.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, he's pretty cool.

Well, how do you do, ladies?

Welcome to tea time at the home of Katie Douglas.

Oh, thank you, Uncle Charley.

You're too wonderful for words.

I know.

Oh, hi, Katie.

Hi, Dad.

Did you see the boys?

Yeah, they're all out working on Robbie's car.

It smells kind of nice in here.

Uncle Charley's tea.

Oh.

Well, give me the bad news.

Oh, no bad news.

Good news.

It was perfect.

In every way, absolutely perfect.

You're kidding.

Emily Post herself couldn't have done it more beautifully.

I was so happy and proud, I almost cried.

And, uh, Charley did it?

Mm-hmm.

Our Charley?

Well.

Come on, you guys.

Upstairs and clean up good.

And don't touch the walls.

The wall's on the way up.

And that vote's for you, too, Robbie.

I don't care how married you are.

You should have come in this afternoon during the tea.

I would have scalped you.

You should have seen it, Dad.

Talk about fancy.

Yeah.

They even had lady fingers.

Except they didn't look like lady's fingers.

Come on, upstairs, you guys.

You're a menace to the sanitation of this joint.

Go on.

You're the nicest, Uncle Charley.

The very nicest.

Hey, hey, Steve.

Oh, it's all right, Charley.

I know her husband.

But tell me.

Where did you ever learn the fine points of giving a tea?

Oh, I've been around, and I had a little help.

You're a darling.

By the way, Charley, what's for dinner?

Donuts.

Donuts?

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