08x20 - Ernie, the Jinx

[bunniefuu]

I'm okay, Mr. Cameron.

I'm glad for the team.

It wasn't my idea.

You know that.

Yeah.

We finally won a game.

Ernie, I'll bet we'd have won even easier
with you in right field.

Yeah?

Well, then how come those 11 lost us in a row?

Well, I'm the manager, and I never blamed you.

Everybody else did.

I'm a jinx.

Ernie, there's no such thing as a jinx.

No?

Well, put it this way.

With me in, we lose 11.

With me out, we'll win enough.

But that's baseball.

Mr. Cameron, did they give me the game
ball for not playing or didn't they?

They did.

Ernie, I won't deny that those kids think
you're a jinx, but it's up to us,

you and me, to prove there's no such thing.

See you at practice.

Ernie, I still say there's no such thing.

Sure.

You looked up.

Yeah, well, I made the putt.

Oh, hi, Ernie.

Hiya, champ.

Turn.

Get it?

We said hi.

Oh, hi.

Boy, when that team of his loses, it's the end of the game.

It's the end of the world.

I didn't play.

Do you want to tell us about it?

Well, there's nothing to tell.

I stayed on the bench.

What did you do?

Talk back to the umpire?

I just decided not to jinx the team.

Well, saves me washing the uniform.

Ernie.

Tell what happened.

Come on, tell us.

Dad, ever since I started playing, they haven't won a game.

You can't win them all.

You can lose them all if I'm on the team.

I'm a jinx.

Ernie, that's ridiculous.

There's no such thing as a jinx.

Well, then how come every time I'm in a
game, somebody drops an easy five?

Or the pitcher gets stung by a bee?

Or Ronnie Slangle, who's batting 900,
strikes out three times in a row?

Well, that happens all the time in baseball.

Then how come it didn't happen today?

I stayed out of the game and they won.

You won?

I didn't.

The team did.

Well, not because you're a jinx.

Why else?

Steve, maybe he's right.

I remember when I was in the Merchant Marine.

This radio operator, Spocky Monaghan,
best radio operator in the service.

And a good thing he was, because any ship he was on, what?

Now there was a jinx.

Look, Ernie, lots of times winning a ball
game depends on the breaks you get.

Maybe next Saturday you'll get the breaks.

I'm not playing next Saturday.

I'm turning in my uniform.

Did they ask you to quit?

No, I volunteered.

It's for the good of the team.

Nobody needs a jinx in the lineup.

Charlie, have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?

Ernie, a jinx.

It could be.

Maybe Ernie is another Spocky Monaghan.

Spocky Monaghan.

Hey, Dad told me about the game today.

I know.

You don't believe in jinxes.

Listen, Ernie.

Our team in the small fry league was so
bad that, well, if we came close, we'd celebrate.

It has nothing to do with jinxes.

Thanks for trying to make me feel better.

I'm a jinx.

Hi, Ernie.

What's new?

Dad told you.

Told me what?

Whenever you ask me what's new like that, you already know.

So I already know.

Jinxes are kid stuff.

Ernie, if you really were a jinx,
well, you'd mess up everything,

not just baseball.

I haven't tried everything.

Ernie, I've got a date tonight with Donna Barron.

Movies and a hamburger.

You're coming along.

You flip.

If I'm a jinx to a bar club, I'm sure to
be a jinx on a date.

Well, would Chip take you with him if he
thought you jinxed it?

Would you?

Of course not.

This is a very important date.

I think it's pretty nice of Chip to try to cheer you up.

It's like Dad says, Ernie.

There's really no such thing as a jinx.

Well,

that was a good move.

I guess it was, Chip, but it would have
been nice if we could have sat together.

If I hadn't been along, he would probably... Ernie,
when it's a good movie, you've got to expect a big crowd.

Well, what'll it be?

Three hamburgers, medium rare, and three root beers.

It'll be a while, just as you three came in, the
cook got sick and I have to help in the kitchen.

See, Chip?

Forget being a jinx, Ernie.

What about the drinks?

Well, I'm awful busy.

It's all right if you get them yourself.

Three root beers coming up.

Tells me I made another believer.

Chip, what happened was not Ernie's fault.

Right.

And those typhoons weren't Spocky Monaghan's fault.

He's a smart kid, Dad.

If he says he's a jinx, he knows what he's talking about.

Ernie isn't a jinx because there are no jinxes.

Everything that happened had a natural cause.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, Ernie
has too many natural causes to be natural.

It was just a string of coincidences.

By now, Ernie's examining everything that
happens to him and blaming it on the jinx.

I think all it takes... All it takes
is somebody to cheer him up.

We're going shopping tomorrow.

We'll take Ernie along and, well, you'll see.

Nothing will happen.

Nothing will happen.

Spocky Monaghan's very words.

Charlie.

You'll have a safe trip.

Spocky Monaghan.

Spocky Monaghan's not aboard.

And don't get seasick.

There's no such thing as seasickness.

Goodbye, Al.

Bye.

Goodbye, Ernie.

So long, Al.

Bye.

Have a good trip.

Bye.

Isn't Ernie lucky?

Yes.

Imagine sailing on the maiden voyage of the Titanic.

I can't find my other shoe.

Well, it must be around here somewhere.

Uh-oh.

Well, let's put it back up on the shelf.

If there's something, there aren't any up.

I sure seem to be one.

Vern, this doesn't prove a thing.

Of course not.

We never had an experience like that before.

Welcome to the Jinx Club.

Now, you're all overlooking one thing.

No, we know there's no such thing as a jinx.

That's right.

But isn't it a little weird the way
trouble seems to follow Ernie?

Maybe he's got the evil eye.

More superstitious folklore.

Charley, there's an old saying.

Superstition is the religion of feeble minds.

What's that supposed to mean, Dad?

It means that superstition is the religion of feeble minds.

Superstitions offer an immature individual an excuse
for blaming something or someone other than himself.

Yeah?

Did you ever hear the old saying, people
who don't believe in jinxes get cloppered?

Who said that?

All of Spocky Monaghan's shipmates.

Evil eye is the name used for a superstitious belief that
some people can cause harm or bad luck just by looking.

This belief still has... This
belief still has many followers.

That's why today we have dozens of counter
charms to break each spell or jinx.

They are usually sold by fortune tellers.

They are usually.

Sold by fortune tellers.

Any new disasters?

Not usual.

You gotta keep on remembering.

There's no such thing.

Chip, how do I get rid of this awful jinx I haven't got?

How about gypsies?

You know any?

No.

No?

But I passed by a couple.

I passed by a couple stores near the beach.

And they have those funny signs,
fortune telling and all that junk.

Of course, if Dad found out I suggested
it, he'd clobber me.

Chip, I've been reading up on gypsies and stuff.

They've been around a lot longer than child psychology.

You have a problem.

And so you wish to consult with Madame Arushka.

That's pretty good.

Please, be seated.

Which do you prefer?

Phenology, palmistry, or crystal ball?

Well, whatever you've got to stop me from being a gypsy.

Oh, you have the evil eye.

Well, I think I'm evil all over.

Yes, there are lateral vibrations.

Madame Marushka can sense it now.

You are a jinx.

I knew it.

We must rid you of the dark spirits.

We must exorcise them.

You mean do push-ups?

It has been verified by the crystal ball.

The solution is clear now to Madame Marushka.

What are you going to do?

You must wear these mystic beads.

They will keep the evil away.

Keep my friends away?

I can't wear beads.

An ancient incantation has been chanted over these beads.

As long as you wear them, they will draw
the evil away from you and keep it imprisoned.

Well, all right.

Savings!

An ancient incantation has been chanted over these beads.

They will keep the evil away from you and
keep it held in you.

Then if you have these beads, you will be free.

All right, ma'am.

Thank you, Clyde.

Thank you, pas Solutions.

Well,

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Well, bye-bye, everyone.

Three.

Oh, thank you, Sonny.

All right.

Oh, thank you.

See you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

You really are a jinx, kid.

I never met a real jinx before, but this kid's a jinx.

You're a jinx, kid.

You're a jinx.

You're a jinx.

I ended up, a policeman came in and arrested her.

I could see the beads didn't work.

Two bucks down the drain.

I volunteered to quit the small-fired league team.

Maybe it's time for me to volunteer to quit the family.

Oh, come on, Ernie.

Well, the family still has a roof over their heads.

You better go to bed, Ernie.

I bet you'll wake up tomorrow just bursting with good luck.

These things always even out.

Yeah.

Well, if California falls into the Pacific Ocean
during the night, don't say I didn't warn you.

Come on.

Well, Captain, it's been a most uneventful
campaign so far, hasn't it?

Yes, sir.

This seems to be our lucky w*r, sir.

Yes.

The new recruit has arrived, sir.

You may step forward.

Private Ernest Douglas reporting for duty, sir.

Welcome to the regiment, Private.

You'll enjoy it here.

Thank you, General Custer.

Oh, hi, Ernie.

Oh, I've been thinking.

Ernie, you're not still thinking
about the... You're still not convinced?

Come over here and sit down.

Now, Ernie, listen to me.

I don't ever want to hear the word jinx again.

Think of it as a state of mind, a series of coincidences.

Well, how come there's a coincidence wherever I go?

Well, I admit there is.

I mean, there's an element
of luck involved, but... All bad.

I wouldn't say all bad, Ernie.

Otherwise, why would I ask you to caddy
for me at the club tomorrow?

Well, tomorrow's your club tournament.

That's right.

You want to take me?

Sure.

Then we'll have a wonderful day together.

Jinx, you say there's no such thing,
then there's no such thing.

That's right, Ernie.

There's no such thing.

Right.

Well, Ernie, it's... You know that?

There goes the tournament.

I'm still a jinx.

No matter what the Chamber of Commerce
says, it does rain occasionally in California.

Hey, it's raining.

We know that, Charlie.

But the papers said fair and warmer.

Well, somebody jinxed the weatherman.

You're looking at him.

Ernie, even if you are a jinx, you've got one thing going.

There's one thing going for you that no other jinx has.

Whatever it is, how long can it go on?

Dad, Dad, the roof is leaking.

The rain's coming right through the ceiling.

I mean, the jinx strikes again.

You could be a full-fledged warlock with
two horns, an evil eye, and a bag of

spells, and it wouldn't make any difference around here.

Because you're a member of our family.

Honestly, Ernie.

That goes double for me.

You may be a jinx, Ernie, but you're our jinx.

I know lots of spells for the evil eye.

We haven't even tried yet.

See, I.

Don't want to make any more trouble for you.

You love someone in spite of trouble, Ernie.

Because that's, well, that's what love is.

I hate to say it, but I think the water heater blew up.

The water heater blew up.

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