08x21 - Ernie and Zsa Zsa

[bunniefuu]

Katie, will you please come on?

We're going to be late for our class.

I'm having trouble with this darn zipper.

I'm sorry.

Look, I'll stand still and you go around.

Yeah, right.

I've got a date with a zipper.

I'll be right with this, Steve,
as soon as I put these towels upstairs.

Okay, Charlie.

Come on, Charlie.

Goodbye, then.

Goodbye, Charlie.

You got to talk faster than that if you
want to say anything to these kids.

It's a good thing you didn't have more kids.

I might never make it up these stairs.

Well, Ernie's still up there.

Oh, him I can handle.

Ernie!

Yes, Dad?

Ernie, what are you doing?

I'm looking at this map where the movie stars live.

Chuck gave it to me.

Well, do you know what time it is?

I mean, why aren't you dressed?

You're going to be late for school.

I told you three weeks ago.

Don't you remember?

What did you tell me three weeks ago?

I told you every year the grade school
teachers have to go to some kind of

meeting where they talk about us kids all day.

Yeah, I guess that's right, Ernie.

I just forgot.

So we get the whole day off, too.

Neat, huh?

Well, yeah, it's neat, Ernie, but,
uh, well, I've got to go to work and Uncle

Charlie has to go downtown for a few hours
and, uh, well, you'll be here all by yourself.

It's not a big deal.

I can take care of myself.

Oh, I know that, Ernie, but, uh, well, I'd
just feel better if somebody was here with you.

What about tr*mp?

He's somebody.

All right, Ernie, but, uh, at least get
dressed and get out in the fresh air, huh?

And, uh, stay around the house, don't go
wandering off and getting lost or something.

And, uh, well, just don't do anything
you're not supposed to do, huh?

Hi, Dad.

Make it sound like I'm some dumb little
kid that doesn't know better.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound like that.

I'll see you.

Come on, Charlie.

Oh, you're.

Really lucky, you know that?

You don't have to go to school or anything.

Just lay around here every day with nothing to do.

What do you do around here all day with nothing to do?

Hey!

I know what we can do.

tr*mp, we can take this man and go look for movie stars.

He said not to go wandering off.

We're not going to be wandering.

We'll know exactly where we're going, okay?

Come on, tr*mp.

They ought to call it Beverly Mountains
instead of Beverly Hills.

Come on.

Am I thirsty?

How's.

That his adventure?

Why, that's Marlon Brando's house.

It says so right there.

I bet you'd give us a drink of water if we asked him.

Come on.

tr*mp, can you stay here and guard my bike against crooks?

And I'll go check it out, okay?

Perhaps tomorrow.

No, I can't do it this evening.

I already have a date.

I'm going out with an old family friend.

I used to be married to him.

Darling, I think something fell in the pool.

One moment.

Maple, Maple, go and see what fell in the pool.

Yes, ma'am.

Sorry, darling.

I'm afraid I built my pool to close to the retaining wall.

Everything for us in small animals, everything.

Miss Gabor, this small animal seems to be a little boy.

A little what?

A little boy.

Freddy, call me back tomorrow.

We have a small boy in the pool.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Is this mess some kind of estate secret?

No, ma'am.

It was just a dumb old map that was
supposed to tell where the movie stars live.

Well, I haven't seen it.

I haven't seen a single solitary one.

Oh, really?

Is that what you were doing?

Looking for movie stars?

Yes, ma'am.

What is your name?

Ernie Douglas.

What's yours?

Zsa Zsa Gabor, but you may call me Zsa Zsa.

I think I've seen you.

No, just on to new.

I am a movie star.

Hey, wow.

Honest?

Uh-huh.

Hey, do you know John Wayne?

Can you get me his autograph?

Yeah.

Marlon Brando?

Lee Marvin?

Hey, did you see that picture where he went
down to Mexico to rescue some stupid girl?

When they came after him, he blew up a whole mountain.

Pow!

Of course I saw it.

Too much fighting, not enough love.

Love?

Yeah.

You weren't in that one, were you?

I'm afraid I wasn't.

I don't do very many westerns.

The stupid producer thinks I'm not the type.

I didn't think he did, but I wouldn't know.

When I go to the movies, I don't watch the ladies.

I don't watch the ladies much.

Wait until you grow up.

Ernie!

Ernie!

Ernie!

That kid must be in trouble.

He's never missed a meal in his life.

Hey, tr*mp!

tr*mp, come here.

Not a bite.

Not a bite.

I told you to show me where you left Ernie.

Oh!

And so then we all came out from Bryant
Park and Robbie got married.

I love marriages.

Tell me some more.

Well, that's about all.

Here we are.

Excuse me, Miss Gabor.

It's almost time for you to leave for the studio.

Thank you, Mabel.

By the way, are my little friends clothes dry yet?

Yes, ma'am, they are.

Well, Ernie, it was most interesting to meet you.

And next time, when you drop in, please
try not to drop into the swimming pool.

There must be an easier way to get a drink of water.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm sorry.

Ernie, how would you like to have lunch
with me in the studio?

The studio?

You mean a real-life, genuine movie studio?

Oh, boy, would I?

Yeah, I mean, I mean, yes, ma'am.

Thank you very much.

Well, then call your Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley?

He gets mad if you call him Charley.

All right, then call your Uncle Charley and tell
him that you're going to spend the day with me.

Yes, ma'am, you bet.

Mabel, my leopard outfit.

I hear the producer's a big game hunter.

I'll be back very soon.

All right, Rin Tin Tin, make like a hero.

Still doesn't answer?

No, ma'am.

Well, doesn't your family have an answering service?

Oh, no, ma'am, except Uncle Charley.

I don't like to take you in the studio
without your family knowing it.

Oh, it'll be all right, Miss Zsa Zsa, honest.

Well, all right, I suppose you could call from the studio.

Yes, ma'am, I could do that.

Well, if he can lend me a dime, I'll pay you back.

I get my allowance on Friday.

Well, I suppose I could manage that.

That is, if we don't tell it to my business manager.

Oh, boy.

That's nice.

Come along, Ernie.

Come along.

Hey, Ernie.

Where are you?

Come on, answer me.

Ernie.

Hey, Ernie, come on.

Answer me.

Steve, I'm worried about Ernie.

Well, nothing's happened to him that I know of.

He's just disappeared, is all.

These people here in Beverly Hills are
letting me use their phone.

Charley, what do you mean?

What do you mean he disappeared?

Well, where did you find his bicycle?

I just followed tr*mp, and he led me up in
the hills here, north of Sunset.

Now, Charley, where are you?

I mean, what's the address?

I'll be right up there.

You.

Can't understand this at all.

Does your father let you run around like a
wild rabbit like that?

Oh, just when he's busy working.

Well, then call him in the office.

I'll call him in the office.

Since you can't reach that Uncle Charles of yours.

Uncle Charley, Miss Joshua.

He gets... Yes, I know.

He gets positively furious when you call him Uncle Charles.

Yes, ma'am.

Go on, Ernie.

Call your father in the office.

Somebody must be somewhere where you can reach them.

I would like to have a bird or two with
that casual father myself.

Ernie!

Ernie!

I looked all over there, Steve, and I couldn't find him.

Well, I looked all through down there.

Well, this here's the hill part of Beverly Hills.

You could fall down and break a leg and
nobody would find you for days.

Well, let's look up in there, Charlie.

It isn't like Ernie to just run off.

If we don't find him pretty quick,
we'd better call the police.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

Ernie!

They say he's gone for the day.

Just like that?

Yes, ma'am.

He's crazy about golf.

Sometimes he goes out and plays in the
afternoon when he's got nothing else to do.

From about... I come from a
father who'd be rather with his son.

Oh, no, Miss Yasha.

I don't play golf very good.

All right, Ernie, wait for me here.

I hate to leave you, but I have to go to
my producer's office to pick up my script.

They say it's sensational.

Frank, I think we'd better try it again.

He.

Doesn't care.

Wears braces on his teeth and wears horn-rimmed glasses.

We'll search the area, Mr. Douglas.

If necessary, we'll call in an air rescue helicopter.

We'll find him.

Fine, thanks, Uncle.

Why weren't you a bloodhound?

Ernie!

I'm sorry, Ernie, you didn't stay in the
studio longer to meet the movie stars,

but it was your idea to come back in such a hurry.

Who are you?

Well, you know, I thought maybe, well,
you just didn't want to be bothered anymore.

Bothered by a sweet, young gentleman like you?

Thank you.

You know, Ernie, you are so sweet and so considerate.

It's a pity of father.

Well, goodbye, Ernie.

Goodbye.

And thanks for the lunch and everything.

You're...

You're real neat.

You know, Ernie, between all the
compliments that men have paid to me,

your neat is the most groovy.

Well, goodbye, my sweet little new friend.

Wow!

What's going on?

Oh, some dumb kid got himself lost
somewhere in those hills.

Yeah?

Yeah.

There's a search party out there with
walkie-talkies and everything.

If they don't find him pretty soon,
they're going to send for a helicopter.

Man, at least I got a seat.

Charley, look.

Ernie!

Dad!

Hey, what are you doing here?

What am I... What are you doing?

Oh, I'm helping him look for some dumb little kid.

They got lost.

I'll see you later.

One falsehood leads to another, Ernie.

And each time you tell them, it becomes easier.

Pretty soon, you're telling them all the time.

But, Dad, this wasn't exactly a falsehood.

I said I wouldn't wander, and I didn't.

I knew exactly where I was going all the time.

Now, Ernie, that is what is called the letter of the law.

But you and I both know you disobeyed me, right?

I guess.

Well, I guess that's all.

Oh.

Of course, you know I'm disappointed in you.

Well, the next time, Dad.

Ernie, let's just be sure there isn't a next time, hmm?

Can I have a sandwich to spoil my dinner?

No.

A glass of milk?

No.

It figures.

When a kid goes bad, nobody has a kind word.

Well, you sat down pretty good.

I guess your dad didn't give you a whack.

No.

We just talked.

Oh, oh yeah.

Ernie, disobeying your dad and wandering
in those hills was bad enough,

but you went too far making up that goofy
story, visiting a movie star and her

taking you to a studio and all that baloney.

Everybody knows you can't get within a
mile of a real movie star.

Movie star.

Okay, I don't expect you to believe me.

Who's gonna believe a rotten kid?

Hey, I guess a glass of milk wouldn't k*ll you.

Or half a sandwich.

I said half.

Yes?

Are you Mr. Douglas?

Why, you're just... I'm, uh, I'm sorry, Miss Gabor.

What was that question again?

Are you Mr. Douglas, Ernie's father?

Uh, oh, yes, yes, I am.

Well, come in, won't you please?

Oh, hi, Mr. Douglas.

Hello, Ernie.

I was worried.

I wanted to be sure that Ernie got home safely.

Oh, yes.

Well, we were pretty concerned about him.

Yes, but not enough concern to give up a game of golf.

Golf?

Mr. Douglas, how could you prefer playing golf
to an afternoon with that wonderful son of yours?

You and that Uncle Charles person.

Uncle Charles person?

Oh, yes, yes, I know.

He gets positively furious when you call him.

Uncle Charles.

Miss Shasha, Dad wasn't playing golf.

He was looking for me, with the police and everything.

He really cares a lot.

He was, really?

Yes.

I guess I did the dumbest thing I ever did
in my whole life.

Well, Miss Gabor, it's very nice of you to be so concerned.

And I am so embarrassed, Mr. Douglas.

I'm afraid I owe you an apology.

Oh, no, no.

But I think maybe we all owe Ernie an apology.

Yeah.

Say, Dad, you know, Katie was just looking
out the window, and she thought she saw...

She did.

Miss Gabor, this is my son, Rob, and his wife, Katie.

Hello, Katie.

I was just putting the milk bottles out,
and I thought I saw...

I... I... I did.

So you must be the famous Uncle Charles.

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Charley.

That's right, Miss Gabor.

Well, it's so nice to meet Ernie's family.

You must meet my sisters, too.

You might remember me to your mother.

I will.

By golly, Ernie was telling the truth.

Oh, here's the dime for the telephone, Miss Shasha.

Thanks for trusting me and everything.

You're welcome.

Will you come to visit me in the studio again?

Heck, yeah!

I mean, I'd be delighted.

All of you are invited.

Oh, thank you.

Well, goodbye, Ernie, darling.

Goodbye, everybody.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Mr. Moore, it was nice of you to take the time to come by.

I'd just like to tell you that, well, you've
been one of my favorites for years.

Yes, darling.

I'm just a favorite of speech, Miss Moore.

Shasha.

Shasha.

And, Ernie, when you come to the studio,
don't forget to bring your beautiful father.

When do you want to go to the studio?

Well, Uncle Charles, I don't think we
should appear too eager.

How about first thing in the morning?

Tomorrow night, saddle up your pony and
join us when Teenyland goes west.

It's where you'll find Daniel Boone, the
Lone Ranger, Johnny Ringo, and Gunsmoke.

Vantage TV Westerns, tomorrow night
starting at 9 O'clock Eastern,



Up next, more My Three Sons, Invertivision.

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