08x24 - Uncle Charley's Aunt

[bunniefuu]

And you may find somebody kind to help and
understand you, someone who is just like

you and needs a gentle hand to guide them along.

So maybe I'll see you there, we can forget
all our troubles, forget all our cares and

go downtown, things will be great when
you're downtown, don't find a place for

sure downtown, everything's waiting for you.

Downtown, downtown, downtown, downtown.

Hey, I was all right, honey.

Hey, that sounded pretty good.

Yeah, it wasn't too bad.

Well, Rob, you not only gained a wife,
our group gained a vocalist.

She gives us a lot of cool.

Thanks, now I really feel like one of the family.

Yeah, it didn't sound bad at all.

We started together and we finished together.

Almost good enough.

Almost good enough for what, Uncle Charley?

The Frolics, our lodge show.

The boys voted me in as entertainment director.

What are the Frolics?

It's a deal that Uncle Charley's new lodge
puts on every other year.

You know, the men do skits and, uh... Well,
this year's gonna be nothing but real pros.

None of this amateur night stuff.

See, I got Joe Ciavelli and his grace
notes playing between the acts.

Joe Ciavelli?

Ciavelli and his grace notes?

Man, what a group.

Listen, Buster, they play real music, and
they don't have an amplifier in the carload.

If you young dudes couldn't find a wall
socket, you'd be out of business.

Uh, fellas, haven't you got something to
do upstairs or someplace?

Come on, Ernie, skip the stuff.

Let us know when the show goes on, Uncle Charley.

Rob and I will buy the first two tickets.

Oh, no, we won't.

We're getting in for free.

We know the entertainment director.

I'm sorry I yelled at Chip, Steve, but, uh, you
know, I've been working hard on this large show.

It means a lot to me.

I'm sure it does, Charley, but, uh, well, I
just hope you know what you're getting into.

I know how these things work.

Everybody gets all excited at the first committee meetings,
and then when the work really starts, nobody shows up.

Not with this bunch, Steve.

That lodge is full of the hardest working
guys you ever met.

I got Fred Furman doing his magic act, and
Sawyer Preetock, is writing 12 funny sketches for me.

Sawyer Preetock?

Yeah, you know, the well-known writer.

He had that column in the shopping news
before it went out of business.

Oh, that's it.

Sawyer Preetock.

Now, Steve, I'm all set.

Hello?

Oh, hiya, Chevelli.

You can't?

Well, work is work.

No kidding.

Goodbye.

Joe Chevelli got a job on the night of the show, huh?

Yeah, but look, I haven't got anything to worry about.

I got about 40 guys just dying to fill in for me.

Yesterday, Sam Plowman just begged me to use his group.

Three banjos and a flute.

I'll call him now.

Poor Uncle Charley.

He's been on that phone all day long.

Yeah, everybody's conking out on him.

Well, we just might have to help him out.

The pudding looks good, Kate.

Thank you.

How can we help him out?

Honey, you haven't been around here long
enough to know the family psychology.

Now, Uncle Charley already said we weren't
good enough to play for his lodge.

Remember?

Well, I know.

Also, he can't go back on his word.

He can't ask us to play even if he needs us.

It's a mysterious syndrome called the O
'Casey Mule Motivation.

How do you like that, boo?

He times his vacation right in the middle of my frolics.

When did I cook dinner?

You didn't, Charley.

Katie did.

Why don't you sit down?

I'll get yours and the other one, Uncle Charley.

Well, Charley, how's the show coming along?

Oh, great.

Just great.

You know, I got a couple other musical
groups lined up, you know, to play between acts.

And Ted Dollinger is bringing his dog over
here for me to see the night.

Everybody's just pitching in fine, Steve.

Well, that's great.

Well, looks like we'll have to find someplace else to play.

By the way, what are you talking about?

He means our family group ought to have
some public exposure or something.

Yeah, honking around the living room
doesn't do much for our stage presence.

What stage presence?

Well, Charley, I guess what
the boys mean is that they think

somebody else should hear our
orchestra besides the neighbors.

Well, if you want somebody else to hear you,
why don't you play between acts down at the lodge?

You mean it?

Sure, I'll call a couple of the other groups.

You know what I mean?

The family comes first.

I don't know why, but all of a sudden I'm hungry.

Come on, use your head, will you?

What good is he if he can't do anything?

Well, he saved a cat's life and he got him the paper.

That's what he can do.

What am I supposed to do?

Have the emcee come out and announce,
here's the dog that saved the cat's life.

And then have the dumb dog come out and
stare at the audience?

Why not?

I...

Oh, hi.

Hello.

I'm Steve Douglas.

Quiet, tr*mp.

Get him out of here!

I've had it, O'Casey.

I wouldn't let Arthur in your show if you
got on your knees and begged me.

Put him in your show.

He barks real good.

Steve, that dumb dog of his couldn't even sit up.

Oh, things will get better, Charley.

You'll see.

Look, I got no worries.

Thanks a lot, tr*mp.

Both of them?

Light cases, but they'll have to stay in bed.

Chicken pox sounds like nothing,
but we don't fool around with it.

But my show goes on tomorrow afternoon.

We're sorry, Uncle Charley.

Yeah.

But you still got Robbie and Katie and Dad.

Oh, sure.

My uncle will understand.

Right.

Okay.

See ya.

Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley, something's just come up.

I'm waiting.

Well, I just found out that our, our biology, our
biology field trip is tomorrow instead of next week.

Well, both Katie and I have to go.

It's half our grade, Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley, are you all right?

Sure.

Thanks.

Put me down for next week in your office.

Well, what's wrong with you, Mr. O'Casey?

I'll be coming in for a nervous breakdown.

We all feel as bad about it as you do,
Charley, but things will work out.

They usually do.

But the show is tomorrow, Steve.

Tomorrow matinee.

And you know what I got?

One magic act.

And I saw him, Steve.

He couldn't make money disappear.

And I got five Floridora guys plus me.

It's going to be the worst show in the
history of the lodges of America.

Maybe it'll all look better when you sleep out, Charley.

Well, who can sleep with troubles like I got?

What are you going to play?

We're not going to play, Charley.

I mean, the kids have chicken pox and Rob
and Kate can't make it.

I didn't mean the family.

I meant you.

Me?

Yeah.

Can you handle something tough like Darden Ella?

Well, Charley, I can't get up there on the
stage and play the saxophone all by myself.

Sure you can.

It's called a solo.

I know that, Charley.

But, well, in the first place, I'm not that good anymore.

And have you ever heard a saxophone played
without an accompaniment?

I'll get a piano player to back you up.

I'm sorry, Charley, but I just can't do it.

O'Casey, skip it, Steve.

You know, I can play around the house
here with the kids, but... All right, Steve, forget it.

I'm sorry, Charley.

And.

Now, for the Between the Acts Entertainment, we
bring you that wonderful family, the musical Douglas.

The Douglases.

Charley, where's the piano player?

His wife is having her hair done,
and he had to stay home and mind the baby.

You told me there'd be a piano player.

Get out there.

You're holding up the show.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

I felt a little ridiculous out there all
alone, but Charley needed me.

I left as soon as my solo was finished.

One thing.

I find that dads feel just as stupid as
kids do when they have to do dumb junk.

Well, I think you could have worded that
a little differently, Ernie, but you're right.

Dads do feel stupid when they have to do New dumb junk.

Well, now, eat your soup, huh?

What is Uncle Charley now, Dad?

Well, I imagine he's breathing a sigh of
relief because the show must just about be over.

Well, that's it, fellas.

Hey, my Apple Annie b*tch turned out good after all.

Well, the Grand Vizier is making his speech now.

That ought to take about three hours.

Yeah.

Hey, you fellas hang up those costumes and
don't get any knots in those wigs.

You want me to hang around until the
speech is over, Charlie?

No, no, you fellas go on home and have dinner,
and I'll stay here and lock up after the speeches.

Okay, see you tonight.

Yeah, have a good dinner.

Come on back.

Get here a little earlier.

See you later.

When we get together here, our activities,
the good work we do, the way we help young

men to better jobs, all of these things
are important to the community.

Now, nothing can be done without fun.

You've been enjoying yourself here,
and enjoy yourself out here.

I'd better get in there and change.

I'll be right back.

I don't understand it.

The show must have been over a long time ago.

Hey, maybe they're having a party
backstage to thank him for all his work.

Well, maybe.

But I wish he'd call.

I'm getting a little worried.

Ernie.

Ernie.

Ernie.

It's your turn to change the record.

Not me.

My chicken pox are beginning to chicken or something.

Well, here's more of what the doctor ordered.

Plenty of liquids.

Well, Uncle Charley isn't home yet.

How did the hi-fi get up here?

We went down and got it.

Yeah.

We knew you didn't want us going
downstairs to play records.

Well, now, that was a pretty silly thing to do, wasn't it?

I guess that was, though.

Well, hey, Dan.

Yeah.

As long as you're up, would you mind doing me a favor?

Put on my Herbert and the Gorillas album.

Herbert and the Gorillas?

Ernie, you can do me an even bigger favor.

You put it on after I leave the room.

Nice afternoon.

Very nice afternoon.

I don't think I've seen you in the park before.

You come here often?

Once in a while to watch the boys.

That's real sweet.

I'll have to keep my eye open for you, Grandma.

Grandma?

You calling me Grandma?

Well, yeah.

Would you rather me call you Honey?

Honey?

That does it.

What's he doing down there?

I see.

Well, I'll be right down.

Thanks for calling.

Steve, am I glad to see you.

Sergeant, this is Steve Douglas.

He'll tell you why I'm dressed like this,
and I'll explain why I had a belty old geezer.

Sergeant, what's going on here?

Well, you see, Mr. O'Casey... Mr. O'Casey was locked
out of his large building, Mr. Douglas, and he was forced

to walk home because his clothes were
locked inside the building.

Oh.

Well, if you believe me, how come you had to keep me here?

Well, we have to have actual
identification, regardless of what we believe.

Now, Mr. Douglas, will you verify that this is
Mr. Charles O'Casey and that he does reside with you, sir?

Yes, Sergeant.

Here's my identification.

Now, what's this about belting some old geezer?

Well, the gentleman is impressing charges.

He just thought that Mr. O'Casey was a nice lady and...

he wanted to make her, uh, his acquaintance.

He got a little forward and I had to belt him.

Did you bring a change of clothing for Mr. O'Casey?

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even think of it.

I was so anxious to get down here.

Come on, let's get out of here before the
whole world sees me dressed like this.

Okay, Chuck.

Thank you, Sergeant.

May I suggest you take him right home, sir?

Well, I promise you, we, uh, we won't be
stopping along the way.

Charlie?

Hmm?

Wow, this is heavy.

I don't think my chicken pox can take much more of this.

Well, Charlie, you might as well stop talking about it.

It's all over.

Uncle Charlie, is that you?

One crack out of you guys and you got
trouble coming like you never had before.

What do you two fellas think you're doing?

We knew you didn't want this upstairs, Dad.

Yeah, well, we thought it would be easier going down here.

Well, I'll take it.

Now, you get back up there and no more getting out of
bed without orders from the doctor or me or Uncle Charlie.

Now, is that understood?

Yes, sir.

Come on, quiet, quiet.

Well, Charlie, it's been quite a day, hmm?

I never want to go through another one like it.

Well, I'd better throw some hamburgers on
the fire and then we'd better be on our way.

Good.

On our way where?

Back to the lodge.

That matinee was just a shakedown.

The main show is tonight.

You mean I have to get up there by myself
and do the same thing all over again?

Not if you don't want to.

Oh, good.

Maybe you'd like to take a crack at Dardanella.

Hey,

good show, Steve.

Thanks.

All.

Right, turn them off.

Now, would you explain it?

We're not sleepy and you said to stay in
bed, so we're listening to music.

And he plays creepy stations.

So we get under the covers.

That way I can't hear what he's playing.

And he can't... I think I get the picture.

Now, let's put the radios away, turn
out the lights, lie down and go to sleep.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Let's see if we can't get rid of the chicken pox.

Good night, guys.

I'm not dead.

A death?

Yeah, Chip.

Me and Ernie.

Ernie and I, that is.

Oh, we noticed that you didn't yell at anybody, even once.

And we think that's neat.

Well, thanks, fellas.

I guess I'm starting to get old enough to
notice weird things.

I like that.

I hope I can be a dad like you someday.

And he's not trying to apple Polish you so
we can listen to the radios, neither.

Either.

Boy, Chip, quit trying to be a father so soon.

Well, I don't want to sound like I'm
making a speech, but I just want to say

you kids make it pretty easy to be a good father.

All fathers should be as lucky.

Good night, fellas.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Dad.

Boy, Chip, you almost had me bawling when
you said all that stuff to Dad.

Knock it off, Ernie.

Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Every Saturday in April, the fools of TV
land are right here.

Bob Newhart, Tim Conway, Flip Wilson, Joey Bishop and more.

And some of their most foolish episodes
coming up this morning starting at 10 O

'clock Eastern, 7 Pacific on the wonders of TV land.

♪♪.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪.

♪♪♪♪.