08x26 - Honorable Guest

[bunniefuu]

Well, what's up when you're tired?

Well, Ernie, this is supposed to be a gray
hackle, yellow body.

Well, what time are we leaving?

Well, I think we ought to get out of
here about 5 O'clock in the morning, Ernie.

They'll get us up in the Sierras around noon.

You're fishing stuff okay?

Yeah, it's okay.

Well, got the bait and everything?

Well, I'm going to be doing a little fly
fishing, Ernie, but your bait's in the icebox.

You feel okay, Dad?

Yeah, I feel fine.

I'm not catching a cold or anything.

No, not that I know of.

Why?

Well, I was worried something might come
up and you'd have to call the trip off.

Now, don't worry, Ernie.

We're all set.

Dad, I never wanted to go anyplace so much in my life.

Three days camping, packing in, living on horseback.

Man, they call it Ernie's dream.

Well, tomorrow's a school holiday.

I've had the car checked.

I got a call from the packer station and
they're expecting us, so everything's all set.

Now, relax.

I can't relax.

I know something will come up.

I know it in my bones.

Now, will you cut that out?

What could go wrong?

Well, disasters you never expected.

Like Katie could have a baby.

Well, Ernie, I think we might have noticed
if Katie were going to have a baby.

Now, Robbie leaves tonight for his two
weeks Army Reserve training.

Katie's going to visit her mother.

And Uncle Charlie and Chip and you and I
will be up in the high Sierras until Sunday night.

So just take my word for it.

Okay.

Well, we'll be away from our
phone for the next few days, but,

uh, well, if you want to call us, we'll be home on Monday.

All right, Dad.

So long, you guys.

So long.

Take it easy.

All right.

Bye, Katie.

See you soon, Dad.

Enjoy your trip.

Thanks.

Bye, Katie.

Bye, Katie.

My best to your mother.

I will.

Well, I'll take care of that.

Ernie, you got me jumpy with all that doom stuff.

He's got me looking over my shoulder for
something awful to happen.

I'll tell you, Ernie.

Why don't you go and turn in?

Set your alarm clock and go to sleep, and
when the alarm goes off, we'll be on our way.

Okay.

But I'll believe those high Sierras when I see them.

Hi, Mr. Charley.



Well, if 5 O'clock comes off early,
I think we'd all better hit the sack.

We're about to turn off the lights,
and the ceiling hasn't even fallen in.

Man, that Ernie.

What's that?

Yeah, isn't that your old pal, Ray Wong?

Yeah.

No, it's Ray and Alice and little Lisa.

Well, they live in Bryant Park.

What are they doing here?

I don't know.

Uh-oh.

There goes the camping trip.

Now, Charley, there's no reason to owe yet.

Ernie had a feeling all along.

Now, Chip.

Well, Ray.

Hello, Steve.

Good to see you.

Hello, Steve.

Alice and little Lisa.

Well, it's, uh, it's the Wongs.

Good day, Alice.

Hello, Chip.

Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley.

Well, Ray, this is certainly a surprise.

The plane landed an hour ago, we rented a
car, and here we are.

I can't tell you how many times we've
thought of you since we left Bryant Park.

We thought of you, too, Steve.

My, what a beautiful home, Steve.

Yes, it is.

Well, thank you.

Tell me, Ray, what are you doing out here in California?

We're on our way to Hong Kong.

Plane leaves Saturday night.

Not till then.

Well, that'll give you two full days here
before you have to leave.

We have never been in Los Angeles before.

It's gigantic.

Alice, you look lovely as ever.

Thanks.

You all seem so relaxed and settled.

California has agreed, would you, Steve?

Suntan.

So you're going to Hong Kong.

I know some people in Hong Kong.

So do we, Steve.

What's with Lisa?

She seems pretty tired.

Oh, travel doesn't agree with Lisa.

She gets motion sickness in a rocking chair.

Mother.

Oh, I'm sorry.

She's not supposed to say things like that, but she does.

That's too bad, Lisa.

Sit down, would you, Ray?

Thank you, but we can only stay for a few minutes, Steve.

I didn't make a hotel reservation.

We'll have to find a motel near Chinatown
for a couple of nights.

Oh, but Chinatown's miles from here.

Oh.

Then we'd better be on our way.

It's late for Lisa.

We just wanted to say hello.

Well, now, wait a minute.

You can't come all this way just to say hello and leave.

Please sit down.

Uh, Lisa, think you can stay awake here
for a few more minutes?

I'd like to, Daddy, but I don't feel so good.

We'd better get Lisa to bed.

Maybe we can phone Steve from the motel
and he can drive down tomorrow.

Steve may have other plans for the weekend.

Other plans?

Oh, no, no, I...

I noticed a fishing tackle box open.

Maybe you're planning a fishing trip.

A fishing trip?

Oh.

No, no, Ray, I was just tying up a few flies.

You know, I want to be ready in case we do
get a chance to go fishing sometime.

Okay, then we'll be on our way, and I'll call you tomorrow.

Now, I won't hear that.

Ray, I don't want you driving around this
time of night looking for a motel.

Now, we have plenty of room here,
so you're staying right here with us.

You can use Robbie and Katie's room.

Robbie's away on army maneuvers,
and Katie's visiting her mother.

It would be silly for you to go to a motel.

Sure.

Give us the business.

Ray.

Would it be all right?

Don't forget, we... Alice, it's all settled.

Chip, why don't you go out and bring in
the Wongs' luggage, and, uh, Charlie,

maybe you could make some, uh, broth or something for Lisa.

Now, come on, I'll show you up to your room.

I can't tell you how good it is to see her again.

Steve, are you sure we're not imposing?

Of course not, Ray.

We've got all this real pain in
the... There goes the camping trip.

Zomp.

Why?

Why?

All he had to do was tell them the truth.

Why didn't he?

Because he's Mr. Nice Guy.

And in this world, nice guys get clobbered.

And since that day, he never worked again.

Well, here we are.

Hot chicken broth.

Lisa, thank Uncle Charley.

Thank you, Uncle Charley.

Well, I guess you guys have been talking
over old times, huh?

Yeah, Ray's been bringing me up to date on
some of our old friends back in Bryant Park.

Well, Ray, we'll get out of here and let
you folks get settled.

We've got a big day tomorrow.

Steve is taking a day off to show us the
points of interest around Los Angeles.

Tomorrow?

Friday?

That's right, Charley.

Well, then, why not?

He hasn't got anything else to do.

We're so lucky, just hitting town when you
could spend time with us.

Right.

Hong Kong will be an anti-cl*max after Los
Angeles and the Douglas family.

Now, Lisa, you feel better tomorrow?

I will, Uncle Steve.

And finish your broth.

Good night, Ray.

Good night.

Good night, Steve.

Good night, Uncle Charley.

Good night.

Daddy?

Ray!

Shh!

Don't make such a loud noise.

If people hear you, it's no use.

We'll talk later.

Let me call my brother.

While you were up to that plane host, I phoned the
Packers station and canceled the horses and the gear.

They said positively no dice on returning your deposit.

Well, Charley, it just can't be helped.

Dad, after I brought in their luggage,
I went next door and told the Deerings not

to bother about feeding tr*mp or watering the lawn.

Okay, sir.

And I changed the no milk note in the
bottle to five quarts.

Dad, why couldn't you just tell them?

Well, Manny, they're our old friends, and
when you have friends, you go out of your way.

I'm glad I don't have to be a good example for my kids.

I can be a rat and go on trips.

Chip!

Chip, wake up!

We overslept!

Huh?

What?

Dad!

Dad, we overslept!

Oh, we got Uncle Charles!

Quiet, Ernie.

It's the middle of the night.

Dad,

was that Lisa Wong?

Uh, Ernie, the Wongs arrived last night
when you were asleep.

Yes, that was Lisa.

You mean they're going to stay in our house?

Will we go to the Sierras?

Well, no.

Well, they're not going to stay in our house?

Ernie, uh, you didn't oversleep this morning.

I shut off your alarm last night.

But why?

I don't quite know how to tell you this.

You see, the Wongs dropped by on their way to Hong Kong.

They're leaving Saturday night, and...

Well, if they could tell you they were going to Hong
Kong, couldn't you tell them we were going to Hong Kong?

We're going camping?

No.

Well, I can.

Why didn't I tell Lisa, and she can tell her parents?

No, Ernie.

Well, if I did it right now, there'd still
be time to leave.

No, Ernie.

We've canceled everything.

Even the horses?

Yes.

We're not going, Ernie.

That's what I figured from the word go.

Somehow, it was fate.

I'm sorry, Ernie.

I know how disappointed you are,
but there'll be other times.

I know that doesn't help much now, but...

Well, Ernie, I just thought it was the
right thing to do, to ask them to stay.

I did.

Better get back to bed now, hmm?

Okay.

And, Ernie, I want you to promise you won't
say a word about the fishing trip to the Wongs.

Okay.

But if they can read minds, they're in for a shock.

I don't want to sit home all day staring
at that goofy Ernie.

I want to see the sights.

You know you get carsick.

Lisa, Steve is taking the trouble to drive us around town.

I want you to stay here with Ernie and
make him think you like it.

He may think so, but nobody else will.

I can't see why we don't tell him the truth.

Shh.

Okay, okay.

Aren't we going to do anything?

I thought we were reading comic books.

Want to play hide-and-go-seek?

No, it's no fun with just two.

Then invite some friends over.

Well, they're probably leaving for the weekend.

Fishing.

Packing in on horseback.

Camping in the high Sierras.

That's what people do in California.

Uh, I'm glad I don't live here.

You want to play cards?

Nope.

Well, then what do you want to do?

Eat lunch.

Uncle Charley made up a mess of sandwiches
and stuff to eat in the mountains.

For who?

Us.

Just in case we went to the mountains.

Come on.

Help yourself.

You don't even have chop suey.

Oh.

We have Bologna.

Egg salad.

I see a package of cheese.

You wouldn't like it.

I adore cheese sandwiches.

Well you can't have that cheese because we're saving it.

What for?

Well for... for the family project we almost did.

What are you going to do?

Catch mice?

Well, go ahead.

The trout aren't going to get it.

You might as well.

You California people sure have to k*ll
your family projects.

We're going to the mountains.

It was awful, Dad.

The most horrible day of my whole life.

Oh, come on, Ernie.

It couldn't have been as bad as all that.

Well, how would you like to spend hours
and hours cooped up with a girl?

A girl that eats your bait?

Your bait?

The cheese, Dad.

We were going to catch the trout with it.

Oh, that bait.

Well, I'll tell you, Ernie, next time we
plan to go fishing, we'll get some more.

What?

I wish we'd been going fishing for bluegills.

Right.

Well, then we'd have had worms in the refrigerator.

Serve a right.

And then we played Old Main.

She stuck me with Dirty Dora every time.

Well, I'm sorry you had such a rough day,
but I hope you remember to be a good host.

Boy, there were times when I felt like
telling her they ruined our whole vacation.

Well, when it's all over, you'll be proud you
were part of a nice weekend for the Wongs.

Dad, be honest.

Wouldn't you rather be up there fishing?

Now, Ernie.

Okay, Dad.

I'll be proud.

All right.

If you'll be proud, between you and me,
I'd rather be up fishing.

You don't know what it was like.

Ugh, that Ernie.

Lisa, I'm sure he was trying to be nice to you.

How come he tried to stop me from eating his own cheese?

You had no business helping yourself.

Well, if I had waited for him to ask me,
I would have starved.

He said the cheese was for a family project.

A family project?

Do you suppose they were going to carve something from it?

Like the way our people carve elephants from ivory?

Alice, what would the Douglas' want with a cheese elephant?

Ray, it's about time you called Uncle George.

He'll be wondering what happened to us.

Why can't we tell the Douglas' we plan to
visit our relatives in Chinatown?

I'll tell Steve I have to run down to the
drugstore for Lisa's medicine.

I'll call Uncle George from there.

I hope he understands.

Hey, hey.

Hey, Douglas, is she cheating?

Robbie, you baby, young lady, chung ni ah.

Oh, Uncle George, please forgive me.

Okay, okay, I'll cable some of our relatives in Hong Kong.

Let them know how you treat blood relations.

I couldn't sleep a wink thinking how Uncle
George doesn't understand.

Ray, why don't we just explain to Steve
that we had plans to see our relatives?

I don't think they're our relatives anymore.

Daddy, you promised we'd go to family banquet.

I like Chinese food.

Lisa, now get this straight.

We will not be rude to the Douglases.

Today, I'm going with Steve to look over his plant.

Mommy is going shopping with Uncle Charley.

And you, young lady, you are staying here
with Ernie and liking it.

Yes, Honorable Father.

Shoppy as you say.

Because you're both bigger than I am.

Your move.

I don't see why they call this Chinese checkers.

I bet nobody in China plays it.

What would you rather do?

Go to a Chinese banquet?

Look, my father said I had to stay here and entertain you.

In spite of everything.

Play.

I will not.

Go play Chinese checkers with your father.

That was out and out rotten.

You'd out rotten, too, if you had plans for a
Chinese banquet and you got cheese sandwiches.

Chinese banquet.

We were supposed to be visiting my Uncle George in Chinatown
and having a banquet and everything before we left.

Firecrackers.

Little cakes.

That's living.

You mean you didn't want to stay here in the first place?

Of course not.

We were just stopping by to say hello and
then heading for Chinatown.

It was all arranged.

But my dad couldn't hurt your dad's feelings.

Why?

That's funny.

Funny?

No, our relatives aren't speaking to us in Los Angeles.

And when we get to Hong Kong, they won't
speak to us there, either.

Or I strive.

So all the time we were running there,
Chip, they were running ours.

If only somebody had opened up around here.

I guess we've all been too busy protecting
each other's feelings.

Well, now we can tell them about our camping trip.

That ought to bring a few laughs.

Now, that's just it, Charlie.

We can't.

Why not?

Well, don't you see?

They'd feel terrible if they found out
they ruined our weekend.

We feel terrible already.

Can't we at least break even?

No, Charlie.

They're never going to do that.

No, they spoiled our plans.

Uh, Dad.

I figured we'd have to keep quiet, and you'd
want to smooth things out down in Chinatown.

So?

Oh, what's this, sir?

The relative's name is George Wong.

He runs a gift shop down in Chinatown.

I got it from Lisa.

You can take it from there.

Thank you.

Oh, come in.

Come in.

I will soon be closing up, but take your
time and look around.

Mr. Wong?

Yes?

Hold him up.

Ding Hao.

You speak Chinese?

Well, that's about the extent of it, Mr. Wong.

I have Chinese friends.

My name is Steve Douglas.

From Bryant Park?

Yes.

The family my nephew prefers to his own people?

Well, not exactly.

Look, Mr. Wong.

I didn't know anything about race.

He didn't tell me his plans to stay here in Chinatown.

He didn't tell me.

And I practically forced him to stay with us.

And Ray was too much of a gentleman and a friend to refuse.

Which proves he has forgotten honorable
oriental tradition of respect and allegiance for family.

No, that's not true, Mr. Wong.

I think Ray was sure his family would understand.

And he didn't think his friend would.

A thousand pardons, Mr. Douglas.

Douglas, you have made me understand the error of my ways.

But there is much we can do about it.

The family banquet has been canceled.

And the Wongs are flying to Hong Kong tonight.

But they don't leave till midnight, Mr. Wong.

Now, I thought if you could make a few
phone calls that possibly they'd...

Oh, Ray, why didn't you yell?

We could have given you a hand with these things.

Well, I thought we'd get packed before dinner, Steve.

Oh, we hate to see you go.

As the Chinese say, meeting is the beginning of parting.

I can hardly believe it.

It's Saturday night already.

The time really flew.

I can't thank you enough, Steve.

Yeah, right on time.

Excuse me.

Come in.

Uncle George!

Uncle George!

Uncle George!

Uncle George!

My humble kitchen bids you welcome.

You're so...

Surprise.

Steve, how did you find out about my relatives?

It is written, one friend should not spoil
the visit of another.

And it is written, who can't keep a secret in our family?

If there's anything I like, it's Chinese food.

We never get it at home.

Well, the Woms are off to Hong Kong.

And they never found out they spoiled our vacation.

Well, Charley, maybe we lost a vacation,
but I think we gained a lot of satisfaction.

I'd still rather have gone up to the Sierras.

Now, let's be honest.

Don't you all feel better for having done a good deed?

No.

Well, look at here.

Father, who followed a fishing trip, promises
to take family to high Sierras in very near future.

Where does it say that?

Right there.

It's in Chinese, and you can't read it.

Maybe there's one in here that says,
I get a new fishing pole.

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