04x04 - The Voltron Show!

[bunniefuu]

[Shiro]
Good news.

There's been an upsurge in planets

that have been liberated
from Galra control

by the Blade of Marmora
and the rebel forces.

Convincing these planets
to join our coalition is priority one.

-Oh, does that mean more Voltron events?
-Yes.

Believe it or not,
the Voltron show-of-arms

goes a long way
in inspiring others to join the fight.

The green clusters you see here,
here, and here, represent planets

and, in some cases, entire star systems
that have joined the coalition.

Not coincidentally, those are also
the areas we've personally visited.

All right! Razzle-dazzle time!

For the w*r effort, of course.

-Coran, can you set everything up?
-I know just where to start.

[Shiro]
All right, the last column's in place.

Now, this hospital can service
the entire sector.

But that's only the first step
in helping these injured w*r veterans.

Come on in, it's time.

[monitor beeping]

Everyone check your wrist devices.
I uploaded a script onto them.

-What is this?
-Yeah, there's barely anybody out there.

I scaled down the show
so we can do it indoors for the patients,

you know, to lift their spirits.

This isn't even factually accurate.

Well, this is the Legend of Voltron,
not the documentary of Voltron.

Speaking of which,
Allura, you'll be playing Keith.

[groans]

The word of Keith leaving the team
hasn't really spread yet,

so I didn't want to confuse anyone.

Besides, playing Keith is easy.
Just act really moody.

[growls]

There! You've done it!
Come on, everyone in positions.

Just follow the script.

Ladies and gentle-aliens,
bear witness as the Paladins of Voltron

attack Zarkon's base
to save the helpless Princess Allura!

-[fanfare playing]
-[high-pitched electronic screeching]

[indistinct chatter]

[Coran]
Shiro, you're on!

Uh...

"I will save the princess,

even if it means taking on
the Galra Empire with my bare hand."

"And you won't have to do it alone
because you'll have me, Hunk."

"And me, Pidge."

And me, Lance!

"Holds bayard dashingly."

Oh.

"And me... Keith."

"Thank you, team, for always being
by my side, through thick or thin."




"Now, come along. Together, we'll..."

[all]
...defeat Zarkon!

[in high voice]
My heroes!

[crickets chirping]

[Hunk]
Well, that bombed.

Yeah, speaking of bombs,

we need to get back to doing air shows
with explosions and lasers... and bombs!

[sighs]
I was hoping to expand our horizons.

Hey, there, friend.
You look like you could use a little help.

I know you.
You ran the Unilu swap shop in the mall.

I saw that space wreck
of a show you put on.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Then stop thinking and be concious-neezy!
Concious-neezy mind enhancers!

Pop one of these babies
under your pillow at night,

and when you wake up in the morning,

your brain will be filled
with brilliant thoughts and ideas.

They seep while you sleep!
The price is 12,000 GAC.

-Would you take a used left shoe?
-I'll accept the yellow Voltron bayard.

How about 14 nose hairs?

I'll take your left arm, plated in luxite.

A firm handshake
and a pat on the back, then?

I get to ride on your shoulders
for one deca-phoeb.

Well, how about I give you 600 GAC
and don't tell the staff

you're running an unlicensed swap shop
in an intergalactic hospital?

Deal!

Coran, you comin'?

[moaning in high voice]

[Coran]
Voltron air show, here we come!

[Lance] I hope you booked
a larger venue this time.

I'm not sure if these are
the best conditions for a show.

Well, if it isn't Team Voltron,
a day late and a fertronium short.

I'm sorry, is there a problem?

Is there a problem? Yes!

Yes, there is a problem!
You were supposed to be here yesterday!

It was the one day out of the year
we have clear skies.

The other 720 days are like this!

Oh, I see my mistake.

-I forgot to calculate for time dilation.
-Oh, you made a mistake?

The entire planet was out of their burrows
for Clear-Day, just waiting.

"Where's Voltron?" they kept asking.

Okay, th-that's on me.

I said, "Don't worry, they'll show up,"
but did you? No!

Then, everyone starts turning on me.
"You said they'd be here!"

-[rumbling]
-[all grunting]

What was that?

[rumbling]

It's a Swathian meerakeet.

They show up every day of the year
except one. Guess which day?

-Okay, we get it.
-Clear-Day!

Ugh.

Don't worry.
They'll chase any beam of light.

I'll lead him away
while we get out of here.

[Coran sighs]
I'm really sorry about that.

Coran, if we're going
to expand this coalition

in the short amount of time that we have,

we can't afford these kind of mistakes.

That last show was pretty lame.

I don't know if you're cut out
to be managing this whole thing.

Just give me one more chance.
I promise to turn it around.

[creature squeaking]

[squeaking continues]

[squeaking]

[squeaks loudly]

It's official. We've reached rock-bottom.

[Shiro] Yeah, I don't know
if this is the best place

to get our message out
to the widest audience.

Shiro, baby, you're right.
And I want what you want, man.

But I've had some epiphanies,
some ideas, some realizations.

What we have to do is broadcast a show
across an entire galaxy.

We could reach the largest viewership
in the history of intergalactic showbiz.

Aw, yeah!

But we need to workshop some things
before we can take it to the next level.

You with me, kid?

-You seem different.
-[chuckles] You mean "better."

Look, it's my mission to make sure
our message really sings.

Beautiful aliens from here to Vlexlar
will know your name.

And your coalition will put
the Galra's army to shame.

-Well, it rhymes, so it's gotta be true.
-[sighs] I guess we'll give it a try.

Okay, we have got the air show down,
which is great!

But we need to add
a theatrical element to expand.

The hospital performance was a disaster,

but I think it can work
if you follow my guidelines, guys.

Rule number one,
never walk onto stage, all right?

You gotta leap onto stage,
roll onto stage.

I'm talkin' explode onto stage!

Yeah!

[wheels squeaking]

Oh, no! A laser-eyed monster!
We need the Paladins of Voltron!

-[rock music playing]
-[gasps]

[both grunt]

[grunting]

[both grunting]

[grunts]

[grunting]

-[chuckles]
-Your time's up, monster!

[all cheering]

Number two, don't just say your line.
You gotta shout that line.

Remember, louder is better!

[rock music playing]

-Keith, I need your help!
-I'm on it!

Look out! He's firing his lasers!

[siren wailing]

[gasps]

And, finally, strike a pose
after every movement.

Everyone loves a pose.

[all grunting]

[grunts]

[grunting]

-[grunts]
-[Coran] Spread the word!

The Voltron Coalition needs you!

I would like to join
the Voltron Coalition!

[cheers, applause]

-At least, the crowd stayed until the end.
-Mm-hmm.

-That... actually went really well.
-Yeah, you're trending galaxy-wide!

I mean, you're a four-quadrant hit!

Your plus sevens are plus ten!
But that's just the beginning!

[moaning in high voice]

[Coran]
This is our first stadium,

so let's get out there and really win
some hearts and minds today!

Bi-boh-bi-bi. Bi-boh-bi-boh.

All right, you heard Bii-Boh-Bi.
Five doboshes. Let's go! Places!

[Coran]
Hello, bii-bohs and boh-biis!

Tonight, the Paladins of Voltron
take on Zarkon

on ice!

[translating]
Bi-boh, bi-bohs!

Boh-bi-bi Paladins of Voltron

bi-bi-bi Zarkon.

-[all cheering]
-Bi-boh!

Oh, no, it's Zarkon!

And the evil witch, Haggar!

[Bii-Boh-Bi]
Bi-boh-bi-bi Zarkon!

Boh-boh-bi Haggar!

It is I, the greatest force of evil

this universe has ever seen!

Sire, soon, you will defeat the paladins,

and Voltron will be yours.

-Not if I have something to say about it!
-[audience cheering]

Take that, Zarkon!

[grunts]

[whimpers, grunts]

[all laughing]

-[grunts]
-[Coran] Look, it's Pidge!

Don't worry, Hunk, I got your back!

She'll use her math and calculations
to defeat Zarkon!

Bi-bi Pidge!

Bi-bi-boh Zarkon!

[Pidge panting]

[grunts]

[muffled grunting]

[Coran] Oh, no! The witch's magic
has counteracted Pidge's math!

What are they going to do?

[rock music playing]

We need teamwork!

The only way to defeat Zarkon
is with Voltron!

[audience cheering]

[Hunk]
Does anybody feel kinda stupid right now?

[Lance]
Shut up, Hunk! They're lovin' us.

[rock music playing]

[party horns blowing]

I'll get you next time!

[all cheering]

How many of these appearances
do we have to put on?

I know they seem humiliating,
but Coran's ideas are working.

Every performance draws
more people to the cause.

-Exactly. All that stuff.
-[all chattering indistinctly]

Okay, all right, let's go, come on!
We've got business to discuss!

First of all, great job.

Tonight was a big success.

Now, we're back on track,
better than ever!

There's no doubt about it, you're stars.

But, to go supernova,
you gotta push it even further.

-A supernova is an exploding star.
-And what's brighter than that?

Here's the deal. I've worked up
very specific personas for each of you.

This is gonna help the audience connect

on a much deeper level
with each team member.

-There's Loverboy Lance.
-Loverboy Lance?

-It's perfect because it's true.
-You're Science-Wiz Pidge.

Whoa! Look out, big brain!

We've got Lone Wolf Keith.
That's you 'cause you're Keith.

And I'm thinking your catchphrase
could be like a howl.

[growls]

Well, that's more of a growl,
but you'll keep working on it.

Hunk, from now on,
you'll be Humorous Hunk.

And last but not least...

Shiro, the Hero!

[rock music playing]

Remember, you're Humorous Hunk,
so be funny.

Yeah, okay.

How do I do that?

Don't worry, all right?
I got you covered.

Bii-Boh-Bi, engage Humorous Hunk.

-[Bii-Boh-Bi] Bi-boh!
-[grunting]

-[grunts]
-[audience laughing]

[loud farting]

That-- That wasn't me. That--
I don't know who that was.

-[farting]
-[all laughing]

[rock music playing]

[Coran]
Look how popular we've become!

[audience applauding]

[Shiro]
Coran!

I think it would go a long way
if I can deliver a speech

about how we're trying to unite a front
and build a coalition.

What? Stop talkin'!
You're Shiro, the Hero.

Heroes don't speak. You're silent ninja.

-Wh-- But--
-Shh! Zip it.

Muscles speak louder than words. Right?
It's always been my motto.

Now, put on this super tight shirt
and get out there!

-[audience cheering]
-[rock music playing]

Hey, Coran, I'm having real issues
with the science you put in the script.

-It doesn't make sense.
-Oh, it doesn't need to.

But I hate saying
all these made-up scientific words.

Isn't the audience gonna be confused?

Oh, they'd be confused
if you used the real words, too!

[rock music playing]

What just happened?

"I just re-configured
the flytzal mac protocol

to reverse-quadrant
the spectrum harfinger."

Mm-hmm. I guess Pidge just defeated
the Galra with science!

-[farting]
-[groans]

-[sad trombone playing]
-[audience laughing]

[Coran growls]
You're great, Loverboy Lance!

[chuckles]
Thanks, Red.

Guys, the recruitment rallies are amazing.
Look at all the green on this map!

We certainly had our doubts at first,

but I have to admit, Coran,
your plan is actually working.

Why, thank you, Keith!
I like to keep you in character.

And it's only gonna get better
with a few improvements.

-More improvements?
-Please, no more farts.

Hear me out.
First, it's time Voltron starts to talk.

Everyone's dying to hear
what the big guy sounds like.

Next, we'll introduce new weapons
and new outfits for each of you.

Coran, what are you talking about?
We only have one more show.

After the big intergalactic broadcast,
we're done.

What are you talking about?

We're just getting started here!
We can't stop now!

[breathing heavily]

-Uh, Coran, you feelin' okay?
-Yeah, you seem extra twitchy.

You must realize that we need
to get back to fighting Zarkon.

We are fighting Zarkon!

Six nights a week
and twice on the astral conflux!

Bi-bi-boh bi-bi-bi-bi-oh
bi-bi-bi-boh-bi-bi.

I don't care
if the new laser show is here!

What have I told you about walkin' in
when I'm talking to the talent?

Boh...

Coran, we have to do our next event,
but, after that, no more shows.

You're a bunch of quitters! Quitters!

I'm a visionary! I have thoughts, ideas!

I don't need you anyway!
I'll rewrite the show!

Get rid of the whole lot of ya!
Replace you with new paladins!

And the show will be better
than ever before!

Except for you, Shiro.
I'll never get rid of you.

You're our most popular character.

But the rest of you will never work
in show business again!

Wait...

You're the most popular character?

[all sigh]

-[rock music playing]
-[audience cheering]

All right, remember, guys,
this is being broadcast galaxy-wide.

It's the final piece in our plan.

So, let's make our last appearance
our best appearance.

-I'm concerned about Coran.
-[scoffs]

He was getting crazy.
He'll realize that soon enough.

Bi-boh bi-boh-bi.

I have no idea what Bii-Boh-Bi is saying.

[grunts] They think they can stop
this dream machine? Not on my watch.

This show's going on forever and ever.

It's done when I say it's done,
and it's not done.

I'm saying it's not done,
and we're doing it now!

[roars]

This next performance
is gonna be longer, better, bigger!

You're about to steal the show!

[rock music playing]

[yelling]

Ah! Mm! Yeah! So cool!

[loud rumbling]

Did you hear that rumbling?

According to my thermal calculations,

there's only one thing
that can cause a sound like that.

-A Galra robeast!
-[audience jeering]

Zarkon has sent a robeast
to try and destroy us and the planet!

We'll show him
who's going to destroy whom!

Everyone, we need to form Voltron!

[male voice]
I am here to defend the universe.

Boh?

[male voice]
What was that?

[crowd cheering]

Wow, Bii-Boh-Bi has really upped
his effects game.

Bi-boh?

A new star is born!
Time to steal the show!

-Yee-haw!
-[growling]

Mm-mm.

-[roars]
-[screaming]

[continues screaming]

[groans]

[creature squeaking]

-[audience cheering]
-[snarling]

[audience yelling]

[roars]

-I don't remember rehearsing this.
-Who cares? They're lovin' it.

[grunts, gasps]

-[grunts]
-[snarling]

[groans]
Must help Voltron.

[grunting]

Must put on the biggest spectacle
in the history of the universe!

-[Bii-Boh-Bi panting]
-[Coran grunting]

Get away, Bii-Boh-Bi!
You'll ruin the show!

[grunts] Help me, Bii-Boh-Bi!
You're my only hope!

[grunts]

-Bi-boh!
-[sighs]

-[grunts]
-You saved me.

[blows, grunts]

Bi!

They think it's all part of the show.
I have to warn them!

Paladins, that monster
you're fighting onstage is real!

I know because I brought it!

-What?
-A brain worm talked me into it!

I'll explain later about that bit.

[Hunk] Wait, that's not
just really great special effects?

[Shiro]
Pidge, put up the shield!

[all grunting]

[Pidge]
The lasers aren't working!

[Lance] That thing took a direct hit,
and we barely did any damage!

I've got an idea. We can use
the lights from the hover screen

to lure the monster away from the crowd.

I've got this.

Nice job, Keith!

[Coran]
I'm so sorry, guys.

I shouldn't have trusted
that strange Unilu.

Looking back, it seems
like such an obviously bad decision.

Yeah. Worm pills? Gross!

I didn't mean to take us
this far off mission.

Well, believe it or not, the plan worked.

-Our coalition is bigger than ever.
-What? Really?

Boh! Bi!

Bii-Boh-Bi!

What have I told you about interrupting
when I'm talking to the talent?

Boh-bi.