09x17 - What Did You Do Today, Grandpa?

[bunniefuu]

Okay, keep your pants on, Em.

Get her tied.

Here we are.

Doo-Dee-doo-doo.

Doo-Dee-doo-doo.

Hi, grandson.

What do you say?

Okay, okay.

Just this once, huh?

You guys are getting heavy.

Here, too, a little bit there.

Well, I wish I could stick around here and
play with you fellas, but I gotta get to the office.

Oh, you too, huh?

Okay.

All right, come on.

There you are.

You're getting fat.

I was dressed when I came down.

I don't know what's keeping them.

Well, you know how those old guys are.

They forget what they're doing.

Old?

You wouldn't say Dad was old if you saw
him hit a golf ball.

Yeah, well, let's face it.

A guy with three grandchildren ain't no kid.

Oh, but this is different.

He got them all in one bunch.

Like bananas.

Why don't you go ahead and eat, then?

Maybe he dozed off again like my grandfather used to do.

Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Uncle Charley.

Everybody gets old.

Uh, Ernie, no coffee this morning, thanks.

I'll just have juice.

I'm running a little late.

Ernie, Uncle Charley may be a few years older than you are,
but he's in great shape, and he's pretty tough for his age.

Not me, Steve.

You.

Me?

Old?

You're entitled.

You're a grandfather.

Don't let them bug you about being a grandfather.

Katie, being a grandfather, doesn't bother me at all.

See you all tonight.

Bye.

Man, is he in a rut.

He gets up in the morning, goes to work,
comes home at the same time, watches TV,

and then goes to bed.

That was my grandfather to a T.

Except he didn't watch TV.

He watched Grandma.

Mr. Chalmers sent for me.

Good morning, gentlemen.

You want to see me, Ed?

Yes.

Steve, this is Major Lodge.

Major.

Douglas.

Well, Ed, I just turned in the plans for the X-9B.

Yes, I know.

Steve, Major Lodge is here to fly you to New York.

You're taking off in eight minutes.

In eight minutes?

An Air Force security officer got me out of bed last night.

Believe me, it's urgent that you be in New
York City for lunch.

Urgent to whom?

The Air Force, Mr. Douglas.

But lunch in New York?

It's eight O'clock now.

That's going to make it a pretty late lunch, isn't it?

One of our new experimental supersonic
jets is warmed up and waiting.

We'll touch down outside New York in about two hours.

You expect me to take off for New York
without knowing what it's all about?

Yes, we do.

Do you think it might have something to do
with the X-9B project?

I would think so.

Well, in that case, do you mind if I use your phone, Ed?

I'd like to call the family.

No, you can't call anybody.

But you'll be back in Los Angeles for
dinner, if all goes well.

If, uh, all goes well?

Aspiring?

Well, General, I've read some James Bond
and a few paperbacks, but this is ridiculous.

I mean, me?

Uh, uh, aspiring?

Yes.

Mr. McAllister has been dealing with them,
posing as a traitor willing to sell top secrets.

It may seem ridiculous to you, Mr. Douglas.

It doesn't to us.

I've promised them the plans to the X-9B.

To the X-9B?

Well, I just turned in the blueprints this morning.

And you'll turn them over to an enemy
agent in a very few moments.

Well, I'm sorry, General, but I told you I
turned them in this morning.

I don't have them.

Oh.

Well, couldn't you just give them the
plans and leave me out of it?

That was our plan of action.

We don't know why, but suddenly last night they switched.

They insisted on dealing with you personally.

Well, I might say the wrong thing or talk
to the wrong people.

Well, Mr. Douglas, we're not asking you to
do anything dangerous or complicated.

You'll be protected at all times.

You will be contacted by an enemy agent
who will identify you as a suspect.

He will identify himself with the code
words, sorry, I'm late.

I was supposed to be here at 1.30 on the dot.

And you will reply, it is 1.30 on the dot.

It is 1.30 on the dot.

Turn over the plans, accept the money,
finish your lunch and leave.

That's all there is to it.

We'll take it from there.

We'll follow the plans to the top people involved.

Major Lodge should have you back in Los
Angeles in time for dinner.

Well, I guess I should be able to handle that for a while.

You had me a little worried.

Shall we go?

Yes.

Well, it's a nice meeting, you gentlemen.

We'll be waiting here for a full report.

If all goes well.

If all goes well?

I believe a reservation was made for me.

The name is Douglas, Stephen Douglas.

Oh, yes.

Table for two.

For two.

Will you wait or be seated?

I'll be seated, thank you.

Well, he, she, my guest should arrive at,
at 1.30 on the dot.

Oh.

Oh.

This way, please.

Steve, darling.

Oh, hello.

Los Angeles time.

Watch.

I have a very dry shirt.

How do you do?

May I call you Steve?

Well, yes, yes, please do, and I'll,
I'll call you Mrs. Carstairs.

Well, how were the triplets this morning?

Oh, they were, they were fine, fine.

I, uh, played with them, uh, just a couple
of hours ago, and, uh, of course,

I'm not supposed to pick them up every time they cry,
but, uh, well, you know how it is with, uh, grandchildren.

Oh, now, I guess you don't know how it is.

And how are Katie and Robbie?

Young married couples have so many
problems, and with three children.

Yes.

Well, uh, we all try to pitch in and help.

Oh, you're lucky to have Uncle Charley.

He's a kind of all-purpose assistant.

You seem to know all about my family.

I don't, uh, know anything about yours.

That's right.

You don't.

Success.

Oh, man.

Well, uh, here's to, uh, whatever it is.

I, uh, I guess you know I'm, uh, new at this sort of thing.

What happens next?

You keep smiling.

I'll put my cigarette lighter on the table.

Carelessly, I will knock it to the floor.

You will bend down to retrieve it.

And drop the envelope into my bag.

What envelope?

Oh.

Oh, the, uh, the envelope.

Oh, Steve.

Isn't that Stephanie Fraser?

Stephanie Fraser?

Well, I, I don't think I know any Stephanie Fraser.

Steve, the lighter, the lighter.

Oh, you, you, uh, dropped your lighter.

I'll, uh, I'll pick it up.

Well.

Oh, thank you, Steve.

How clumsy of me.

Well, I'm a little clumsy myself.

I'm all thumbs.

I remember once I tried to learn how to play the
banjo, and I'd, uh, get my fingers all stuck in the strings.

I suppose you know that, too.

It's a new and fascinating bit of information.

Shall we order?

Well, if you'll excuse me, Mrs. Carstens,
I'm really not hungry.

I, uh, why don't I have something on the floor?

Sanatorium on Fifth Avenue.

I have to get back to Los Angeles.

I, uh, I promised the family I'd be home for dinner.

Steve, you have delivered an envelope.

It may be filled with blank paper,
or meaningless equations, or even the

correct information, with the key formula missing.

Oh, I wouldn't do one thing like that.

After all, that'd be, uh, dishonest.

Nevertheless, our experts will check.

If the papers are in order, then you will
have your money and be on your way.

If all goes well.

If all goes well.

Uh, hi.

There you are.

Well, I was told to come in here.

I was expecting you, Mr. Douglas.

Lie down, please.

Okay.

That's it.

Steve, darling.

Mrs. Carstairs, you're not supposed to be in here.

This is the men's side.

Oh, it's all right.

I've been here before.

Oh.

Well, then you've met, uh, what was your name?

Uh, Hugo.

Uh.

He works for us.

Oh.

I'm a first-class masseur, also black belt
judo and karate expert.

At lunch today, you said you had breakfast
a couple of hours ago.

That's right.

You also said you had played with your
grandsons a couple of hours ago.

Yes, that's right.

You know, I have three little grandsons.

As I understand it, the expression couple means two.

Well, yes, yes.

There is no commercial airlines that flies from
Los Angeles to New York in less than four hours.

Uh.

Did I say a couple of hours?

I suggest you were flown here by an Air
Force plane, a supersonic jet experimental plane.

Now I break something.

Oh, no, no, no.

What was your name again?

Hugo.

Yeah, just a minute, Hugo.

Now, Mrs. Carstairs, when you say a
couple, sometimes it means two,

but on the other hand, sometimes it means more.

Like I know a fellow that went into a bar,
you know, for a couple of drinks,

and ended up where he had 11.

Of course, he had a problem.

Human.

You have a problem, Steve.

I am waiting for a phone call.

The plans for the X-9B are being carefully checked out.

If there is any flaw, any omission...
Then, uh, Hugo, break something.

Yes?

Yes?

I see.

Yes, it can be arranged.

Goodbye.

The papers you delivered to us are X-9B in full.

They are?

Well, of course they are.

So I guess we can finish our little business
transaction and I'll be on my way home.

Sorry, Steve.

We have to move on to a new meeting place.

A new meeting place?

Why?

I don't know.

I just received the order.

Please dress.

Yes.

Steve, you're about to meet Mr. X.

Douglas?

Yes.

You were in the restaurant, weren't you?

Meet Mr. X.

How do you do?

You're probably wondering why it was
necessary to bring you here.

Yes, I certainly am.

I mean, Mrs. Carstairs could have paid me off at
the restaurant, but why all the change in directions?

We decided to deal with you personally to
see if you fit into our organization.

Are you inviting me to join your organization?

Yes, Mr. Douglas.

We can make you a very rich man.

Of course, you realize, Steve,
we have a very large organization.

All these people?

No, no, no.

This is simply a convenient meeting place,
crowded village party.

Of course, there are a few of our people here.

Well, I'm awfully sorry, but I'm really not interested.

You see, it just happened that I needed a little
extra money this month with the triplets and all.

And so if you'll just give me my money, if
you'll just give me the money, I'll be running along.

Well, the envelope is in your pocket.

Well, that's quite a trick.

Oh, yes, Mr. Douglas.

We do many tricks, some good, some quite bad.

How about that?

Well, thanks for the luncheon and the
massage and the money.

I guess this is goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Douglas.

Goodbye.

Pleasant trip.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Steve.

Sorry you're not going to be with us.

Yes.

Well, maybe some other time.

Goodbye.

You!

Don't recognize me?

Look the other way as if you're talking to somebody else.

I don't care.

Where was all that protection you were talking about?

I almost got myself k*lled.

You were never out of our sight.

Waiter at the restaurant?

Yes.

The man in the massage room before you?

Oh, well, I had some pretty bad moments,
I want to tell you.

Things may get worse.

These people have a couple of K*llers waiting for
you, and we haven't been able to identify them yet.

Oh, no, no, no, they're all finished with me.

I gave them the plans, and they gave me the money, and I
turned down a position with a firm, and I'm on my way home.

On the contrary, you've met their top spy,
and they know you can identify them.

You mean they'd k*ll me right here, right here and now?

We'll do everything we can to protect you,
but you'd better try to get out of here.

No, no.

Where are you going?

Close the door.

Okay, it's all over.

Get them out of here.

You've got to get a little early for us.

Even late for Grandpa.

Let's go.

Boy, look at that.

One more thing, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, please.

Oh.

Didn't.

Dad look bushed when he came home tonight?

That's why they call it the same old grind.

It grinds you down.

Well, I can't tell you how good it is to be home.

Well?

What did you do today, Grandpa?

Same old routine, huh, Dad?

Uh, yeah, pretty much.

Had my usual diet lunch and, uh,
I did have a massage and, uh, dropped in

for a few minutes at one of those doll's c*ck parties.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.