09x21 - Goodbye Forever

[bunniefuu]

I tell you, Steve, it's just like a jungle.

Those women are grabbing at the freshest
bread and picking out the best vegetables and.

...

Are you sure you want to do the marketing for me?

I think I can handle it, Charlie.

Oh, you gotta be on your toes in the market, Steve.

I had a woman rush up and yank an eggplant
right out of my basket.

Hit and run, huh?

And then there's a dame that's got an
extra long fingernail and she slits open

all the junk that's wrapped in cellophane and smells it.

Okay, I'll keep an eye open
for the... The cellophane slitter.

And watch out for the old dame that passes
out free samples.

Before you know it, she'll be selling you
three tons of salami.

All right, I'll watch it.

Well, I think you've briefed me fairly well, Charley.

Yeah, well, I don't believe in sending a
rookie to the market without a plan of attack.

Now, here's your list.

Okay.

Hi, Ann.

Isn't anybody gonna see how I look like I
just lost my best friend?

Okay, so you look like you just lost your best friend.

I'm about to lose my best friend.

Gordon's moving.

Gordon next door is moving?

My first friend in California.

They just put up the sold sign in front of their house.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Ernie.

Yeah, I didn't even know the Derings had
to join up for sale.

They'll probably take a ride off for
Arkansas or Pomona or someplace.

Yeah, well, I don't want to sound corny.

I don't want to sound corny or anything, but
you have to learn to live with things like this.

Uncle Charley, I know you're trying to help,
but those old-time sayings never work on me.

Well, Ernie, just because they have a sold sign in front of

the house doesn't mean they're
moving out tonight or anything.

I mean, they have to go through escrow,
and, well, it could be days.

So why don't you perk up and spend as much
time as you can with Gordon and have fun, hmm?

Well, is it okay if he spends the night?

Well, I don't know why not.

Okay, Charley?

No, sure.

I'll go tell him.

Pretty tough on a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember when my best friend moved
away, we promised we'd see each other again.

Did you?

No, never.

He just disappeared.

I had a friend that disappeared for ten years,
and when they got out, it just wasn't the same.

Remember what I told you, Steve?

Those women shoppers, that supermarket, it's dog-eat-dog.

You know what this moving away is like, don't you, Mom?

It's like busting up Laurel and Hardy.

What's that other one we thought of?

Oh, yeah.

Me being without Ernie is like Huntley
being without Walter Cronkite.

Brinkley.

Like Huntley being without Brinkley.

Now, you know I'm sorry, Gordon.

I told you it wouldn't get them sad enough
to change their minds.

You know, Katie, I really don't want to wrench them apart.

I know you don't.

It's just that, uh, uh, Gordon has a knack
for making me feel tremendously guilty.

Ernie?

Oh, hi, Dad.

Well, uh, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm not gonna run away or anything.

Well, I didn't figure you were.

I'm going over to Gordon's to spend the night.

Oh.

But we did discuss running away.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

We thought if we ran away, we could stay together.

Well, I don't think that's a very practical solution.

I know.

We figured it'd be stupid to be best
friends out on the road, starving to death.

Ernie, I know this is kind of a rough
situation for you fellas.

It's always tough to lose a friend.

Yeah.

Gordon's the only friend I ever told about.

I don't know about having a crush on Mrs. Felton.

On Mrs. Felton?

Oh, she's a librarian that I used to blush
at every time I checked out a book.

I guess Gordon always has been your closest confidant.

Not only that, I used to tell him everything.

Dad, you couldn't ask Mr. Deering not to move, could you?

No, I couldn't very well do that.

Well, what if somebody told Mr. Deering
there was oil on his property?

Do you really think that'd work?

No.

Me and Gordon were gonna go out in his
backyard and yell, black gold!

But Mr. Deering's not that dumb.

Ernie, I'm afraid there's really nothing
we can do about this.

As I understand it, the Deering house has
already been sold.

You mean you came up here to tell me I'd
just better face it?

Well, that's about all I can do.

But can't you come up with something that'll cheer me up?

Well, Ernie, why don't you look at it this way?

You and Gordon have had a wonderful friendship up to now.

And it'll be something nice for you both
to look back on and remember.

Yeah.

Well, I gotta go now, Dan.

Good night.

Good night.

Dan?

Yeah?

Uh, if you can come up with anything to
cheer us up better than that, I'll appreciate it.

If I can come up with anything better than
that, I'll appreciate it, too.

All right.

All right.

Googly-goop-goop-goop.

Every time I see Ernie lately, he's shaking his
head and saying me and Gordon are just like brothers.

Yeah, the kids hung up on it.

Did he tell you the analogy about the Wright brothers?

Oh, yeah.

He said if Mr. Dering was Orville Wright's father, he probably
would have moved away before they invented the airplane.

It's reaching a little bit, but I guess he's
worried about the finality of the situation.

Separation.

Don't get fancy, Rob.

The kid's hung up.

Poor guys.

Can't we come up with something?

I'm getting kind of tired of sleeping on the couch
so Gordon and Ernie can get dramatic at each other.

Well, how about throwing a going-away party for Gordon?

That'd cheer him up.

Yeah, we can invite some of the guys who know Gordon best.

And they'll slap onion dip all over the carpet.

But I'll go for it.

Did you get a bubble out of yours yet?

No, not yet.

How do you like that?

Three babies and not one burp.

You know, they're not making kids like they used to.

I'll set up a party list.

We can make it tomorrow night.

You think Ernie will go for it?

Oh, sure.

And Gordon ought to love it.

They better like it.

I'm forfeiting my carpet.

What's going on now, don't you?

Well, Gordon's mom is packing the silverware.

Ernie, we have something to tell you.

I never thought packing silverware would
make me sad, but it did.

Ernie, you know what we're going to do?

We're going to throw a going-away party for Gordon.

How's that?

You guys bought this stuff for me and Gordon?

Of course.

Ernie, this is Saturn packing silverware.

I'm with some girls at my going-away party.

Well, how come?

Because they cry a lot.

What kind of reason is that?

Look, a guy doesn't move away.

I don't move away all the time.

And I'm with some crying girls,
so I know somebody will miss me.

You mean all the guys will miss you?

Yeah, but guys are too embarrassed to cry.

Okay.

And since you're my best friend, I think
you ought to give me a going-away speech.

You mean I have to give a going-away
speech in front of all those girls?

Well, I'm not breaking your arm to do it.

When a guy takes off for the Philippines, I
think there ought to be a going-away speech.

The Philippines?

Look, Ernie, you know my dad when he makes up his mind.

Well, did he say the Philippines?

No, but if he does...

Okay, I'll give you a going-away speech.

That's a nice cake, Uncle Charley.

Yeah, well, I showed it to Gordon and Ernie.

Ernie liked it, but Gordon hated the wording.

What's wrong with Bon Voyage, Gordon Dearing?

Not sad enough.

He thought it should say, Goodbye,
Gordon Dearing, probably forever,

in black frosting.

Gordon does seem to be milking the situation.

Poor Ernie.

What's wrong?

Is the party a dud?

No, everybody's having fun.

It's just that Gordon's pushing Ernie into
that farewell situation.

Ernie's a lump of nerves.

Come on, Ernie, make the speech.

My hands are full of sweat.

Look, I'm never going to see any of these people again.

Get their attention.

Can I get your attention?

Can I get your attention?

Can I get your attention?

My voice is falling apart.

Hey, you guys.

Somebody turn off the music.

Uh, Ernie wants to say something.

Come on and get serious.

Gordon's leaving and we're all here to say goodbye.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Ernie just blew the speech.

Better bring in the cake.

Uh-huh.

He's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly
good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow,

which nobody can deny.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, your speech didn't get too many people
crying, but I think that cake might get to them.

And when we brought that cake in,
there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

Well, you can imagine how it is out there now, Charlie.

Mm-hmm.

Those are two of the felonious-looking
kids I've seen in a long time.

Yeah, felonious is just the word, Charlie.

You want to shake hands or anything?

No.

We better wait.

Sure is a big moving Van.

Yeah.

Hey, uh, could you hold that cart in a minute, please?

This is the one I've been waiting for.

Oh, come.

I wanted you to remember me.

Hi, Gordon.

My uncle got it in Chicago.

It cost $23 wholesale.

Yo, well, my prison's not that expensive,
but, uh, here's my key ring.

Boy.

I found the keys in a trash can,
so I don't know what they fit.

Yeah, but that skull looks great.

That's the part that I thought would k*ll you.

It kills me, all right.

That's a whole load.

My mom says I have to go with the moving men.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, kid, we're ready to leave whenever you are.

All right.

I guess tr*mp wants to say goodbye to Frank.

Well, I got the engine running.

Yeah.

You want to shake hands yet?

I guess.

I guess.

Tailgate up.

Tailgate up.

Ernie?

Ernie, it's me, Katie.

I'm not going to eat.

I know how you feel.

You do?

Sure.

Sure.

When I was younger, my best girlfriend moved away.

Did you feel like eating?

No.

But I knew I couldn't just stop everything.

This sort of thing happens all your life.

I'm too young to be that sensible.

Look, Ernie, why don't you sit up and
we'll talk this thing over?

Are you going to laugh?

Of course not.

Why should I?

It reminds me of Gordon.

Well, then you wear it all you want.

I understand.

His uncle got it in Chicago.

Twenty-three dollars, wholesale.

Wasn't it thoughtful of Gordon to give you
something that meant so much to him?

Yeah.

Because Gordon was always cheap about his stuff.

The more I think about how he gave me this
mask, the more sad I get.

It was really the friendship that you and
Gordon had that counted.

When you say the friendship we had, that makes me sad, too.

Listen, Ernie.

When my best girlfriend moved away,
we used to write letters to each other

once a week and would tell each other what
we were doing, and it worked out fine.

Well, letters are okay, but it's not the
same as having a friend in person.

I'm not getting anywhere, am I?

I don't think so.

Well, can I convince you to come
downstairs and have dinner with us?

Yeah.

Well, good.

I'm only going to eat because I'm starting to get hungry.

I'm not changing the sad part about Gordon.

Well, we'll all try to eat.

We'll try to get you through this thing, Ernie.

Okay.

Call me down when dinner's ready.

Okay.

Great dinner, Uncle Charley.

Yeah, thank you.

Did you see how Ernie shot through his broccoli?

Oh, I can see Ernie's spirits lifting like crazy.

Honey, tell Ernie that joke you told me last night.

The one about the Martian.

Oh, yeah.

This Martian comes floating down in a
spaceship, and he lands in this deserted gas station.

I already heard it.

Come on, Ernie, we're trying to cheer you up.

You sit there like you escaped from a soap opera.

You've never had your best friend take off
from New Zealand.

Hi, Ernie.

Hey.

I thought you were in the South Seas.

No, I'm just over in the next block.

But you said that I didn't know about it.

That's why my mom said I'd like the new place.

Why?

After all the junk meeting you went
through, I just moved around the corner.

Yeah.

So, uh, here's your key ring, and I'll be
needing my catcher's mask back.

Uh-oh.

All I heard was, I'm taking off for
Trinidad, I'm taking off for Bolivia,

and then he moves in the next block.

Well, Ernie, you've got your best friend back.

Isn't that really what you wanted?

Well, my mind got used to him being gone.

Think that one over for a minute, will you?

Okay.

Okay, that part's silly.

But he wants his catcher's mask back.

He wasn't even gone over six hours.

Ernie, I've never forced you to do anything.

Would you call him if you were a kid like me?

Well, I'd hate to think my whole
friendship depended on a catcher's mask.

Then you think it's stupid for me to be
mad at my best friend.

Ernie, I'm going to let you answer that question yourself.

I don't know if dads ever know this.

Sometimes it would be easier if he got forced to do junk.

Oh, maybe.

But this time you're on your own, Ernie.

He's getting close, Dad.

He's not doing it.

Maybe the kid was right, Steve.

Once in a while, you fathers ought to
force the kids to do stuff.

We'll see, Charlie.

Yeah, Dad.

We all know this is one of the dumbest
things Ernie ever got mixed up in.

He's picking up the receiver.

And now he's down.

Gordon?

Ernie?

Want to meet me outside?

I got something for you.

Okay.

Oh, I thought I'd go over and scoot around
with Gordon for a while, okay?

Okay, Ernie.

Go ahead and, uh, you better start
working on your fastball and your slider, huh?

Huh?

Well, you know, for every, uh,
catcher, there has to be a pitcher, right?

Hey, Sheriff!

Hey, Sheriff!