09x22 - The O'Casey Scandal

[bunniefuu]

THE END.

Hey, Dad, did I tell you about the Battle
of the Bands at school Friday night?

No, to be perfectly honest, Ernie, you did not tell
me about the Battle of the Bands on Friday night.

Oh, man, it's going to be the grooviest.

We got the Psychiatric Ward, the
Tweeter-Whooper Trio, the beautiful

downtown Birmingham, and a whole bunch of other bands.

Well, it sounds like a really groovy evening.

Why, I'll say.

And Janet's invited me to go with her.

Well, good.

Can you drive us there?

Yeah, I think so.

Now, wait a minute.

On Friday night, I have this company
dinner I have to go to.

Oh, what time's your dinner?

Well, it's 8 O'clock, but... Oh, that's great.

You can just drop us off on your way.

Well, Ernie, you see, I won't be coming
home at all until after the dinner.

I'm sorry, Ernie.

Don't let it bother you, Dan.

Okay, bye.

Janet and I have it all figured out,
except we need a ride there.

Oh, we were thinking maybe you could drive us.

Got a date with Shannon Friday night.

Well, I don't see what difference that makes.

Well, I can't ask a high school girl to go
to something at a junior high.

She'd think I was flaky or something.

Yeah, well, um, I'll check with Uncle Charlie.

And the punctured eardrums are gonna be there in person.

Act as gentlemen.

I'm all choked up.

Janet and I have everything all set,
but we need someone to drive us there.

What am I gonna use as a car?

Guy.

Oh, well, look, I'll see if I can ask your dad
to go to his dinner with somebody at the plant.

Hey, neat!

And another thing, Uncle Charley, please, no jokes.

Janet doesn't understand funny stuff from olden times.

I won't open my mouth.

I'll just drive.

If I got anything to say, I'll write notes.

Good.

All appreciated, Uncle Charley.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thank you for taking and bringing me home, Mr. O'Casey.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, Janet, I was beginning to worry about you.

Well, we came straight home, but the show
lasted longer than I thought it would.

Introduce me to your friends, dear.

This is Ernie Douglas and his uncle,
Mr. O'Casey, my grandmother, Mrs. Brady.

How do you do?

I'm delighted to meet you.

Won't you come in and have some hot chocolate?

Hot chocolate?

Well, uh, it's kind of late, isn't it, Uncle Charley?

Well, what's the hurry?

Hot chocolate sounds pretty good to me.

Fine.

How nice of you to take the children tonight, Mr. O'Casey.

The way I see it, a night out with the kids
makes you appreciate the nights at home.

Well, that's true.

But I do enjoy the time I spend with Janet.

I don't get to visit with her very often.

You don't live here?

Oh, no.

I have my own home in Maxwell.

I'm staying with Janet now while her
parents are on vacation.

Vacation?

Oh, this is the spot for a vacation.

Have you been to the Hollywood Bowl yet?

No, I don't have any of my own friends here.

Oh, now listen, honey.

When you got Charley O'Casey for a friend,
you don't need anybody else.

Well, very nice of you, Mr. O'Casey.

Charley is a lot better.

My name is Beatrice.

Charley, could I get you some more hot chocolate?

Uh, Uncle Charley, don't you think we ought to go?

It's getting pretty late.

Yeah, I'll see you at school Monday, Ernie.

What's the rush?

Tomorrow's Saturday, ain't it?

Yeah.

Well, you can sleep all day.

Now, uh, you two stay put, while Bea and I
work on that chocolate.

Now, to heck with the Cosby.

Show me to your kitchen.

Right this way.

He called my grandmother honey.

Yeah, well, uh, maybe it's because
he doesn't like to call people, hey, you.

Oh, that busy tonight, huh?

You're looking at the hands that launched
a thousand hamburgers.

At least that's what it seemed like.

How'd it go here?

Sort of lonely.

Why don't you come and sit down for a minute?

Oh, I don't dare, honey.

I better make it upstairs while I'm still moving.

Hey, where is everybody?

Dad's still at his dinner.

Chip hasn't come home from work.

Chip hasn't come home from his date.

Uncle Charley went to pick up Ernie and his friends.

Well, that thing at school was over an hour ago.

We had most of the kids over for hamburgers afterwards.

I don't suppose anything's happened to you.

Oh, I don't think so.

You'd have heard.

How'd the babies?

They're sleeping like babies.

Honey, are you sure nothing's... Katie, they're all right.

No matter where they are, Uncle Charley's
there to chaperone them.

Come on, help me upstairs.

You've never been down to the pike at the beach?

Well, I've never been down to the pike at the beach.

I thought it was for children.

Don't you believe it.

We'll go tomorrow.

But tomorrow night we're going to a movie.

Which one?

The Pichu.

Oh, yeah, Jeff saw that and he said it was real neat.

Especially the part where the whole world blows up.

You got a girlfriend that can come and stay with you?

Yeah.

Good.

What time do you want me to pick you up?

Seven.

Seven?

Oh, we gotta have a little time to move.

Around then.

I'll pick you up at one O'clock tomorrow afternoon.

It's a date.

Good.

Got.

Home.

They were laughing and giggling.

Ernie, you've just gotta do something.

Why me?

He's your uncle.

You should talk to him.

Tell him to quit making her laugh and stuff.

Well, she's your grandmother.

Can't you talk to her?

But it's all your fault.

Because you brought him over to our house
in the first place.

Boy, we're learning about that weird logic in school.

And I think you just broke about five rules.

Just the same.

Talk to him.

Okay.

Laughing and giggling, huh?

And I thought you ought to know.

Just what are you worried about, Ernie?

Dad, you ought to see them together.

They talk about olden times and laugh like crazy.

Sounds like they enjoy each other's company.

Janet said when they came in last night,
they were holding hands.

Why?

Well, what's wrong with that?

Their age?

You know, Ernie, it's...

It's funny the way you look at age.

When I was your age, I thought anybody
Robbie's age was old, and then when I got

to be Robbie's age, I thought anybody my
age was old, but I don't think of myself

as being old now, and Uncle Charley
doesn't think he's old either.

But one thing doesn't change.

It's nice to have a friend at any age.

Well, sure, Dad.

Why can't he stick to man friends?

Well, why should he?

Well, Dad...

You know what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do.

Your Uncle Charley is embarrassing you
because you think he's too old to have any emotion.

Well, all I can say, Ernie, is that
someday you'll change your mind.

Yeah, Dad.

But right now, Uncle Charley and Janet's
grandmother are out horsing around someplace.

Well, I don't think horsing around is
quite the way to put it, Ernie.

But I think we can be safe in
saying that whatever they're doing

befits their state of health, their dignity, and their age.

Aren't you going to eat your cookies?

I don't know how you expect me to have an
appetite when we're being disgraced.

Who's disgracing us?

Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley?

What's he doing?

He's hanging around Janet's grandmother all the time.

Taking her out and stuff.

He acts like he's romantic or something.

Uncle Charley?

They go around laughing and giggling.

It's terrible.

Hey, if you aren't going to eat your cookies... Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Disgracing us?

Uncle Charley?

They don't care.

Who sees them?

What do they do that's so terrible?

Well, they laugh and giggle and stuff.

It's not dignified.

Well, I guess nobody wants to be dignified
all the time, no matter how old he is.

You know, I really should have brought
more clothes with me.

But I had no idea I'd be going out so much.

Do you have to?

Do I have to what, dear?

Go out so much.

Oh, well, I guess I don't have to,
but I must say it's been a nice change.

Well, have you thought about how it looks?

How what looks, dear?

Well, you're going out with Mr. O'Casey all the time.

Oh, I didn't know anyone was looking.

You're not acting like a grandmother at all.

Oh?

Oh, well, now tell me, how's a grandmother supposed to act?

You might wear yourself out or something,
going to the pike and all that sort of stuff.

Well, if I get tired, I can nap while you're at school.

Uncle Charley, if you wanted to have a
man-to-man talk with a guy, how would you go about it?

Well, you know me, Charlotte.

I'm not the type to pussyfoot around.

I just make up my mind what I gotta say,
corner the guy, and hit him right between the eyes.

Well, I know what I wanna say,
but I don't know how to get started.

Yeah, well, look, Ernie, stop me if I'm wrong,
but hasn't this man-to-man talk started already?

Not very well.

Go ahead and spit it out.

What's on your mind?

Janet's grandmother.

Oh, Sadie, you know something?

I was madder than a Shanghai sailor the
night I had to take you kids home.

But if I hadn't, I never would have met Bea.

It just goes to show you, you get lucky once in a while.

Well, you don't have time for the different things anymore.

Like, you're gonna make a marshmallow fudge cake.

It's on the kitchen table.

Thank you.

Besides, it's kind of embarrassing for me
to have to have a babysitter at my age.

Right.

Call Shirley and have her over again.

Gosh, Grandmother, don't you know what I'm talking about?

Yes, dear, I think I do.

And, you know, you and I must have these
little talks more often.

Aren't you worried about what people will think?

About what?

About you and Mrs. Brady.

Well, what's there to think?

Well, you're taking her out all the time,
and you're always laughing together,

and besides, you've got your health to think about.

Since when did having a good time undermine your health?

Guy, Uncle Charley, we're not going to
have a very good man-to-man talk.

If you keep twisting everything I say.

I think we'd better call this man-to-man talk off,
and you'd better hustle on with them peas, will you?

Because Bea and I want to get an early start tonight.

Well, good night, Bea.

Oh, why don't you stay a while, Charley?

It's early yet.

Yeah, what are we doing home this time of the night anyway?

Well, I wanted to be home when Janet gets
back from the library.

She's suddenly become quite concerned with my health.

Well, now, that's funny.

Ernie is worried about mine.

Did you get the lecture, too?

What lecture?

Oh, the, uh, how it looks to other people one.

Yeah, well, mine was, uh, what will people think?

Which translates into, act your age.

Well, we are acting our age.

What do people think our age is?

I think they expect a lot of fireside sitting.

Oh, well, that's for the wheelchair set,
but not for you and me.

You know, we should have stayed for that last dance.

Oh, it's just as well.

I really don't have the hang of that one step, anyway.

Which one?

The one that comes just before Swing Your
Partner, in The Sun and Star.

Oh, well, that's easy.

Come on, there.

I'll show you how that's done.

Now, you just stand here, and you watch me.

See?

It's a one step forward, and a one step
back, then swing around, and take off the slack.

Now, come on, let's try it together.

See?

Now, a one step forward, and a one step
back, then swing around, and take off the slack.

Grandma!

Oh, Charley, Mr. O'Casey was just showing me a dance tip.

How about some cake and milk?

Make mine a double.

I'd never have believed it.

When I got home, he was standing there hugging her.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

That's right.

You want some chocolate in your milk?

No, thank you.

Applesauce cookies okay?

Yeah, fine.

Ernie, you've just got to do something.

What do you want me to do?

I don't know, but you'd better think of something.

You can think of something as easy as I can.

Yeah, but it's all your fault.

Here's that weird logic again.

Don't try to weasel out of this, Ernie Douglas.

I'm not trying to weasel out of it.

Well, you'd better think of something fast.

The next thing you know, they'll be kissing.

My Uncle Charley and your grandmother?

That's who we're talking about.

Kissing?

That's the next thing after hugging, isn't it?

Hey, you know, maybe we haven't got
anything to worry about.

How come?

Maybe they're too old to pucker.

I thought I heard the doorbell.

You did?

I did.

The cleaning's here.

The guy said one of the stains in Robbie's
jacket didn't come out.

You want me to take it upstairs?

Nah, I'm going up anyway.

I'll take it.

Uncle Charley, are you going to be home tonight?

No, I'm going out.

With Janet's grandmother?

Yeah.

Why?

Oh, just wondering.

Here's your cleaning, Katie.

Thanks, Uncle Charley.

Yeah.

Where's Rob's jacket?

Oh, one of the stains wouldn't come out,
so they're running it through again.

Oh.

Have you made any plans for tonight?

Oh, as a matter of fact, I have.

Are you going out with Mrs. Brady again?

As a matter of fact, I am.

She's very attractive, isn't she?

You bet your bustle she is, and a lot of fun, too.

Why'd you ask?

Oh, no particular reason.

Is that the cleaning, Uncle Charley?

Yeah, what did you have?

My charcoal slacks.

Ah, here we are, Alice.

Thanks.

Are you going out tonight?

Yeah.

With Mrs. Brady?

Here we go again.

Why?

Well, I was just asking.

Uncle Charley, did my jacket get back from the cleaners?

No, one of the spots wouldn't come out, so they're running
it through again, and I'm going out with Mrs. Brady again.

What kind of a speech was that?

Well, I thought that way we could save a lot of time.

Oh.

You really like her, don't you?

You bet your life I do.

I wouldn't be going out with her if I didn't, would I?

I'm sorry I asked.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Steve.

What brings you home so early?

Oh, I thought you might want to get away
early for your date with Mrs. Brady.

Oh, no, not you too, Steve.

Did I say something wrong?

Oh, we've got one topic of conversation in
this house, me and Mrs. Brady.

Well, you can hardly blame us for being interested in
what I hear is the most flaming romance of the century.

What?

Well, according to Ernie and Janet,
passion is at a fever pitch.

If that wasn't the wildest thing I've ever
heard, I might feel flattered.

Is that what those kids really think, huh?

Well, they expect a full-scale scandal to
break out at any minute.

Too bad it isn't true, but I gotta set them straight.

And I think I know just how to do it.

Good soup.

Uncle Charley, it's bad enough we have to go.

But do we have to look like this?

What's the matter with the way we look?

Yeah.

What if some guys we know bump into us and
wear these corny outfits?

Look, if they get out of line, you got
my permission to stamp on their toes.

Come on, let's go.

I don't see why I have to go.

But dear, you told me you were tired of staying home alone.

But I thought you were gonna stay home.

Didn't know you were gonna drag me along with you.

Ernie will be there, too.

Big deal.

No.

Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.

Where are you going?

To sit down.

You won't have time.

But, Pete, they're just playing the record over.

Well, you guys can go on without us.

What do you want to do, wreck the Texas star?

Come on, get back there.

You tired?

There's something.

No, no, no.

How come you're asking a joke like that?

Well, because you're the last one up.

Everybody else has had breakfast about two hours ago.

What's the sense of rushing out of bed on Saturday?

Yeah, well, when I was a kid, I wouldn't
waste a Saturday in bed.

I'm going upstairs and straightening
everything up while you're eating.

Me and Bea are taking you and Janet for a
hike through the desert wildflowers this afternoon.

And you'll be ready.

Ernie?

Hey.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, hi.

You must have had quite a night last night.

Dad, have you ever square danced?

Oh, sure.

It's a lot of fun.

I guess it is.

If you're trained for it.

You're a little tired, huh?

How did it be?

Well, it was nice of Uncle Charley and
Mrs. Brady to take you and Janet along.

This afternoon, they're taking us on a
desert hike through the wildflowers.

Well, you ought to enjoy that.

Dad?

You know, I was telling you about Uncle
Charley and Janet's grandmother?

Mm-hmm.

Janet and I thought they were playing Romeo and Juliet.

Boy, well, what a coincidence.

Are we wrong?

No.

They're trying to set a new world
endurance record for vacations.

Dad, I just can't stand anymore.

And neither can Janet.

Can you get us out of that hike this afternoon?

Ernie, I'll see what I can do.

Now, eat your breakfast, huh?

Oh, and Ernie, if I were you, I wouldn't
worry about other people acting their ages.

Yeah, I know.

Janet and I will sort of act in our ages, won't we?

Yeah, something like that.