09x27 - Two O'Clock Feeding

[bunniefuu]

I.

Was walking to gym, and I saw this kid dribbling a
basketball, like Shorty Crawford used to back in Bryant Park.

And he turned around, and it was Shorty.

The whole Crawford family moved out here from Bryant Park.

Johnny and Betty, too?

Sure, the whole bunch.

And they've got a baby, too.

They brought it along.

Did you get their phone number?

No, they haven't got a phone yet.

They just moved into the neighborhood.

Who are Johnny and Betty?

Katie, I was Johnny Crawford's best man
back in Bryant Park.

When he married Betty Turner.

Yeah, and I've known Betty ever since kindergarten.

Hey, how old is their baby?

How would I know?

It's little, I guess.

They probably had something better to talk
about than babies.

Ernie, don't you have any idea where they live?

Well, maybe Shorty will tell them he saw
me, and they'll call you.

Oh.

You want to growl at me some more?

Can I go upstairs now?

I'm sorry, Ernie.

It's just that we were such great friends.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Chip.

Hey, Chip.

I was walking to gym, and I saw this kid
dribbling a basketball like Shorty used

to, and he turned around, and it was Shorty.

Shorty Crawford?

Yeah.

Him and his family moved out here from Bryant
Park, and he got put in my school and everything.

Hey, great.

How's his sister?

Okay, I guess.

Where do they live?

Chip, don't waste your breath.

Ernie didn't find out a thing.

Didn't you even get her phone number?

Guy, you used to say she looked like a
Junebug, and she walked like a stork.

All kinds of junk.

Why would you want her phone number?

Because I've been around long enough to
know the girls who look like Junebugs and

walk like storks when they're 12 turn out to
be real grooves when they get to be my age.

Boy, you sure blew it.

Well, say, Ernie, Charley tells me the
Crawfords are in town.

Yeah.

Only I couldn't find out where they live or anything.

I was just glad to see Shorty.

I must have weird brains or something.

What's this about the Crawfords coming
over for a barbecue today?

You want me to say it some fancier way?

They're coming over for a barbecue today.

Period.

Well, why didn't anybody tell me?

The boys are over at Grandma's in Glendale.

It ain't my fault if you can't keep track of your kids.

He says we're having the Crawfords for a barbecue.

We ain't having the Crawfords.

We're having hamburgers.

Well, why didn't somebody tell me?

I've got a date with Maggie Connors this afternoon.

Well, bring her over or get rid of her.

Whichever works out best for your love life.

Here, spray.

I don't want any of those damsels
complaining about spiders.

Hey, you've seen this before.

Use it.

How come nobody got any warning?

Because guess who set it up?

Ernie?

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell us?

Well, I didn't know it myself until yesterday.

Mrs. Crawford wasn't sure.

Couldn't you just once find out where
Johnny and Betty live?

I asked.

Only there's something weird about it.

So I quit asking.

Well, what could be weird about where a
married couple lives?

Plenty.

Plenty.

Plenty.

What could be weird about it?

I know a real nice couple once in Portugal.

Lived in a cave.

Didn't the Crawfords get their phone in here?

Well, tomorrow.

I decided last night that I'm too little
to feel guilty about junk.

So you guys can yell all you want.

We'll lay off him from now on, okay, Chip?

I'm not giving any guarantee.

Right now he's fouled up my date with two different girls.

Oh, you're breaking my heart.

Come on, spray.

Sweep.

What could be weird about where they live?

And why hasn't Johnny called me?

Sweep.

How.

Are you?

Mrs. Crawford.

Hi, Mrs. Crawford.

Hi, Susan.

Hi, Shorty.

How are you, Mrs. Crawford?

Hey, Dad, the Crawfords are here.

Oh, this is my wife, Katie.

Hello.

Hi.

Chip, you remember Susan?

I sure do.

Well, let's go somewhere we can talk.

About going somewhere and talk.

Okay.

Where's Uncle Charley?

Oh, he's in the back nursing the fire.

Say, where's Johnny and Betty?

Oh, uh, they're meeting us here,
driving over in their own car.

Oh, sure would be great to see them.

Hey, Shorty, come on.

Let's go on back and let Uncle Charley yell at us.

Yeah, just like old times.

Marge, Jerry.

Hey.

Well, it's good to see you.

Welcome to California.

Oh, it's like old home, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Steve, you look great.

Plenty of sunshine and golf?

Well, not plenty.

Dad, Katie and I are going to wait outside
for Johnny and Betty.

Okay, Rob.

Marge and Jerry, come on in.

Sit down.

Well, I can't tell you how nice it is to see you two.

Oh, the coincidence of our meeting again,
Steve, is really something.

Yeah.

I need to try to figure the odds against it.

I hear that we're both grandfathers.

You're the grandfather of three.

Triplets, yeah.

How about that?

Steven, Robbie Junior, and Charlie.

We just have one boy, Gerald.

Big boy.

Big boy, though, Steve.

Nine pounds at birth.

Nine pounds, huh?

Of course, that's about what any two of ours weighs.

Steve, how do Robbie and Katie get along?

I mean, they have their little differences, right?

Oh, sure.

I guess everybody does, huh?

I mean, a little yelling once in a while?

After all, there's a lot of adjusting to
be done when you're just starting out.

Oh, Katie and Rob get along fine.

It seems when they do, when they do have
an argument, it's about nothing.

You see, honey, Katie and Robbie argue at
the tops of their voices all the time.

Oh, my.

That's nice to hear, Steve.

After all, all those adjustments young
married couples have to make.

Johnny, how are you, buddy?

Oh, it's good to see you.

Yeah, hi, Betty.

Hey!

Ah, after all, I signed first.

Hi, Betty.

How are you?

You must be Katie.

You guessed it.

Hi.

Honey, these are two of the best friends I
have in the world.

Well, it's very nice meeting you.

Rob's told me so much about you.

Come on in.

Hey, you too.

Boy, you look great.

Oh, Johnny, wait till you see my boys.

You won't believe it.

Three of them.

They're the cutest things you've ever seen.

What?

Uh, listen, the reason that we're late is
we had an argument.

Oh, we average two every day.

Yeah, but...

You being best man at our wedding,
you ought to know what's going on.

What's going on?

We've decided to separate.

Separate?

That's awful.

Yeah, and the worst part of it is we have a baby.

Oh, Johnny, how can you?

Oh, the baby will stay with her.

I'll move out.

Robbie, it just didn't work.

We don't talk anymore.

We just argue all the time.

Everybody argues.

That's part of the deal.

Believe me, we try.

But finally, you just have to face the
fact that you've failed.

We won't ruin the barbecue.

We'll smile and chatter away like
everything is sweetness and light.

Come on.

You.

Think Susan is such a creep?

Why did you ask her to go to the game with you?

Because I asked her before I found out.

All she can talk about is herself.

That's one of the things.

One of the things you better learn when
you really start going out with girls.

There's more to it than a package.

What package?

Well, it's a metaphor.

Or a simile or something.

It means the looks aren't everything.

Ready for bed, huh?

Yeah.

Well, that was a very nice get-together today, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Look over Janine.

They didn't tell me once what a big little
man I'm getting to be.

Susan's a very pretty girl, don't you think, Chip?

Sure, Dad.

You, uh, going to see her?

You going to see her again?

I guess so.

I asked her before I found out.

All she can talk about is how her dress is
cut on the bias, how she has pierced ears,

how she has to wash her hair all the time
so it'll have a great sheen.

Well, you use your own judgment.

Just remember they're our friends.

Okay, I'll go with her.

Even if it means hearing about the dress
cut on the bias all over again.

You know something, Dad?

It's pretty astounding.

If I hadn't seen this kid... this kid dribbling a
basketball like Shorty used to back in Bryant Park and it

turned out to be Shorty, none of this would have happened.

Well, I don't know exactly what that
proves, but I'll admit it's pretty astounding.

Well, guys, it's late.

You better get in bed, huh?

Good night, Dad.

Dad, I'd like to talk to you.

Have you got a minute?

Sure, Rob.

It's about Johnny and Betty.

Uh, what about them?

Well, uh...

They're separating.

They're separating?

Yeah.

Well, yesterday, they seemed like a very happy couple.

That happy couple stuff was just an act to
save our little get-together.

Oh.

I guess that's why Jerry and Marge seem to need
reassurance about young married couples, huh?

Anyway, I think their marriage can still be saved.

If somebody gets involved quickly enough.

Somebody, huh?

Rob, they tell me to mind my own business.

I wouldn't blame them.

I think it's up to the parents.

They can't talk to the parents.

Johnny gets embarrassed with her folks,
and Betty won't level with his.

But, Rob, I haven't seen these kids since
before they were married.

I can't very well talk to them about their private affairs.

Well, if you don't, there's nobody else they can turn to.

Well, maybe they're grown up enough to
make their own decisions.

But there's a baby getting the worst of it.

Well, they... Maybe next time I
see them, I... Johnny is downstairs.

Oh, yes.

It wasn't easy to get him here tonight,
but he's here, and he'd listen.

Dad, you've always told me to get involved.

Okay, I did.

Okay, I'm involved.

It's nice of you and Rob, Mr. Douglas, but I've
been over this so many times before, I'm exhausted.

Well, Johnny, I've known you and Betty
ever, well, most of your lives.

Is there any one thing that seems to be
the center of your trouble?

Well, sure, the baby.

Oh.

Oh, I know how weird that sounds.

We love him and all that.

Maybe that's the trouble.

Anyway, ever since he was born, Betty has
been, well, I guess inefficient is the word I'm after.

She's worn out.

Irritable.

She seems to resent getting up to feed him.

Oh, don't get me wrong, Mr. Douglas.

She loves that boy as much as I do, but... The weariness
brings on irritability, and irritability brings on quarrels.

Is that it?

I suppose so.

But they're bad quarrels, Mr. Douglas.

And I'm just as bad as she is.

Oh, this all sounds so stupid when you put it into words.

I wonder if many things do.

Johnny, what's the money situation,
if you don't mind my asking?

Skinny.

It's not very often that we can afford a babysitter.

Well, anyway, that's why we moved out here.

We figured my parents could help.

Here you go, Dad.

No, I don't go, Ernie.

I'm going to the coffee room.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi.

Ernie, would you mind?

Johnny and I are talking.

Oh, you mean you don't want to play?

I'd say you're under an awful lot of
pressure because of money and the baby.

Honey, bring some extra undershirts.

It's colder down here than it is up there.

What?

Undershirts.

I'm sorry.

I had to yell.

Your bath's broken.

We're going to have to have it.

Hi, Katie.

Hi, Johnny.

Katie, why are we washing the boys in the kitchen?

We could use the sink upstairs.

It's too small.

Besides, Uncle Charlie already boiled the
kitchen sink, and it's all sterilized and everything.

How do you wash the boys in the kitchen?

He boiled the kitchen sink.

He poured boiling water over it, silly.

Hey, where are the undershirts?

Oh, I forgot.

Chip, bring down three undershirts.

See you later, Johnny.

I suppose you've tried to schedule the baby's feeding.

I mean, who guts up when to do what and that sort of thing.

Oh, sure, but it never seems to work.

What do you want these for?

Hi, Johnny.

Hi, Chip.

Oh, thanks.

Chip, not these.

Undershirts for the babies.

Babies?

You didn't say anything about babies.

Besides, I've got this studying deal over Maggie's.

I'll see ya.

Say, Katie, Chip brought down the wrong shirts.

Is there anything else you need while I'm upstairs?

No.

I think maybe we've hit a little low here for a second.

Have you talked to anybody else about your problem?

A counselor or anybody?

Oh, no.

Just my folks.

And they're trying so hard to help,
they say all the wrong things.

Honey!

Excuse me.

Bring down some powder.

The others are okay, but Rob has a rash.

What?

Oh, I wanted you to bring some powder.

Rob has a rash.

Oh, and some more baby oil.

Oh, I'll get it.

Oh, no, no, I'll get it.

I'm trying to build up my calves.

Anything else while I'm up there?

No.

I just took a clean batch of diapers out of the dryer.

I'll use those.

I'm sorry.

John, when did you and Betty decide to leave apart?

Last week.

I'm at my folks' and she's in a rooming house.

Say, Mr. Douglas, is it always like this around here?

Well... Baby oil and powder coming up.

Oh, thank you.

Where are the undershirts?

Didn't I give them to you?

No.

Oh, I must have left them upstairs.

Say, is Uncle Charlie with the babies?

No, he went to the market.

Ernie's watching.

Oh, honey, as long as you're going back
up, bring some pens.

Find them in the bar of soap in the changer.

Okay.

And don't forget the undershirts this time.

Okay.

Hey, Katie, the milk's boiling over.

Of course, Betty has the baby with her at
the rooming house.

Yes, I go over and see him every day.

Mr. Douglas, is this really a normal night around here?

Yeah, pretty much, John.

Although sometimes it does get a little hectic.

Honey, they're ready to be dressed.

I think I have everything this time.

You certainly have.

You already brought the oil and the powder.

I did.

We can always use some more.

Sometimes I think they eat the stuff.

Say, have you guys got any idea of what to
do about a baby's bath that leaks?

Oh, I guess you have it vulcanized down at the gas station.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot.

Sure glad I came to you for advice.

John, I wouldn't say this is the greatest
place to try to get a baby.

Why don't we try to talk?

Why don't we go up to my room?

Oh, no, that won't be necessary.

This has been a very enlightening evening.

It has?

Oh, yes.

Say, listen, Mr. Douglas, I was wondering,
if I could get Betty to come over here,

could you talk to her the same way you have to me?

Well, sure, I'd be glad to, John.

I don't see how I accomplished anything.

Oh, you accomplished more than you think.

Would tomorrow night be okay?

Providing I can talk her into it, of course.

Well, sure, that'll be fine.

Oh, say, Rob, I want to thank you.

It was really great talking to your dad.

I hope it did some good.

Well, Betty's coming over to talk tomorrow night.

Oh, great.

Hey, there.

How'd you like to meet a little kid called
Jerry one of these days?

He says it'll be groovy.

Well, look, I better be going.

Thanks again, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, you're welcome.

He seemed pleased.

What in the world did you say to him?

I...

I'm not quite sure, Kate.

Mr. Douglas, I really don't know what I'm
doing here, but Johnny was so insistent.

Betty, of course, I can't think of
anything profound I said to Johnny, but.

...

Well, sit down.

Well, he just said, you've got to go over there.

He's even babysitting with
little Jerry to make sure... I came.

Talk to me, Mr. Douglas.

Please help me.

Well, Betty, sometimes in a marriage,
a certain chain reaction sets in.

You know, one argument leads to another,
and then you make an accusation,

and the next time you have to top that accusation.

Oh, hi, Betty.

Excuse me.

Sure.

Hey, the baby's waiting, huh?

Oh, hiya, Betty.

Hi.

Oh, just Stevie.

You can go back to bed, Uncle Charley.

I wasn't in bed.

These look like pajamas to you.

Betty, this, uh, business of trying to top
each other in an argument, uh,

well, it can really pyramid.

I'd say it's the most dangerous thing that
can happen in a relationship.

Honey, Steve will drop Junior up.

Oh, hi, Betty.

Hi.

Katie, I'll have the bottles ready in a minute.

Maybe little Charley will stay asleep.

Oh, I doubt it.

When one starts anything, the others usually join in.

Honey, why don't you go upstairs and finish your studying?

I'll do this.

Well, Katie, there won't be much studying
upstairs if little Charley wakes up.

Is little Charley awake?

No, nothing.

It's just that Stevie is restless and Robbie Junior
started the ball rolling, so he's bound to wake up.

Bad one.

I'll go check.

Say, Katie, is there only 11 bottles in here?

Excuse us, Betty.

We'll be out here in a minute.



Is it always like this around here?

Mr. Douglas?

It's funny.

Johnny has the same thing.

Yes, it's like this pretty much all the time.

Except when it gets more confusing.

Sometimes at night, the whole family gets
up with a two o'clock feeding.

Well, he's awake.

You didn't get them two out in time.

I'll take them, Uncle Charley.

You go back to whatever you were doing.

Well, look, I'm going to read.

And you guys, figure out some way to keep them two quiet
so they don't keep waking up little Charley all the time.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Kate, do you think I ought to make 13
more bottles of formula?

That'll give us two batches of 12 each.

Why don't you make one to even out the 11
and I'll make another batch tomorrow.

Okay.

Oh, it's easy there.

Betty, this won't take far.

Oh, don't mind me.

Hey, Kate, maybe they're growing teeth.

Can you imagine what it's going to be like
eight or ten teeth coming in at the same time?

Oh, by the way, the dryer broke down today.

I'm going to have to put the whole diaper
wash out on the line.

Mr. Douglas?

What is it, Betty?

Well, Johnny and I have only one baby.

And we can't...

I'm so ashamed.

Katie, I'm so very grateful.

Johnny and I are going to be all right.

Dad, I knew you could do it.

Rob, I don't think I did anything.

It turns out that, well, as they say,
one picture is worth a thousand words.

When Betty saw how you and Katie took care of her.

What's going on?

What happened?

What's wrong with you, sir?

Katie, be careful with those wings.

No, no, no, Charlie.

He's right here, Uncle Charlie.

Where are you?

Keep talking.

This I don't believe.

Your answer to this one better be good.

What are you doing?

Well, our science teacher says to get
blood going to your brain.

You gotta hang heat down from junk once in a while.

I'm sorry I asked.

I see you got the same science teacher.

Hello?

Oh, hiya, Jerry.

How are all the Crawfords?

Now, Steve is out bowling with a lady friend of his.

Tell Steve the kids are gonna be okay.

They said the big deal is all working
together and enjoying it.

And if you can do it with three babies,
they ought to be able to handle one.

Yeah, well, tell them if they want the
same setup to tell Shorty to hang upside

down on something so the blood will rush to his head.

I'm sure he's been doing that for weeks.

Anyway, tell Steve I'll be eternally grateful.

Dad.

Is Chip there?

Susan wants to tell him something.

Huh?

Oh.

Hey, Chip, phone for you.

Who is it?

Apple Annie.

It's Susan Crawford, and she wants to tell
you something very important.

Hello?

Chip, I'm so excited.

I just got a new dress.

It's a sort of russet shade, and it has a
high waist, and it's pet sort of high.

I thought it was going to be too high-waisted, but
the minute I got it on, I knew it would be just fine.