10x04 - A Ring for Barbara

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

What are you doing, Charley?

Oh, nothing.

For a minute, I thought you were sitting there dead.

I, uh, I bought something for Barbara yesterday.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Something expensive?

Well, uh, yeah.

Well, it's about time.

Yeah, I think so, too.

When are you going to give it to her?

Oh, I thought maybe tonight.

Look, Steve, do it right.

Find a nice romantic spot, and let the
moon horse around a while.

Then give it to her.

Well, I, uh, I don't really think all
that's necessary, Charley.

Do you want to see it?

Oh, sure.

Something tells me you're about to get a
new mama around here, pal.

Dodie!

You didn't even see me.

No, I was a million miles away.

Are you sick or something?

No, I'm just fine.

Grandma said you would be acting kind of
funny because you're in love.

Boy, I hope that never happens.

Never happens to me.

Come on, sweet pot.

A ton.

Of ladies' irons, sandweds, and three woods.

Golf clubs?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Don't you think they're too personal?

Too personal?

Charley, what are you trying to say?

Eat your cereal.

Don't you think I ought to give them to her?

Sure, and while you're being personal, how
about a nice set of monkey wrenches for her car?

Oh, I'll bet I know what you've been thinking.

You've been thinking that I was going to
give her an engagement ring, right?

Eat your cereal.

You think because I've been going out with Barbara all
these weeks, it's about time I ask her to marry me, eh?

Sure.

You know, sometimes I think you're the only one
around here that doesn't know you're in love with her.

Eat your cereal.

Hey, look.

I thought I'd give it to her sometime this weekend.

Son of a g*n.

And I, uh, I'm going to take your advice, Charley.

I'll wait until the moon is horsing around
in the sky before I ask her.

Son of a g*n.

Son of a g*n.

I'm afraid you would, honey.

Then how come you're doing it?

Well, because these golf clubs were given to me as
a gift, and I want to please the man who gave it to me.

Mr. Douglas?

Right.

I thought we'd have lunch at, ooh,
Babe Ruth couldn't have done better.

Babe Ruth plays baseball, Mother.

I know, dear.

Does my heart good to see you ruining your sacroiliac?

Because Mr. Douglas wants you to play golf.

Well, he doesn't want me to just play golf
with him, Mother.

He wants me to kind of share the game with him.

Oh.

Golf clubs are kind of expensive.

He hasn't... No, Mother.

How did you know what I was going to say?

Because I know you.

Are you sure he doesn't... No, Mother.

Now, get back.

Back.

Over there.

Now.

The backswing...

Is.

Mr. Douglas that he taught you to wreck the lights?

Well, as long as I kept my head down, I think I would.

Ben.

Yeah, Ernie.

If you're busy, I can talk to you later.

No, no, I'm just reading the paper.

What's on your mind?

Well, look, I was just wondering how tall
you thought I was going to grow.

How tall?

Yeah.

You can exercise in two ways.

For beef, in case you want to play
football, or muscle stretching,

in case you want to play basketball.

Yeah, I suppose that's true.

Now, if you think I'm going to grow tall, I'll
work on the muscle stretching exercise for college.

For college?

Yeah.

I figured I'd try for an athletic scholarship
so the drain won't be so heavy on you.

Well, fine, Ernie.

Thanks for the thought.

I'd say you're... you're already
a lot taller than you think.

Huh-huh.

Well, I guess I'll concentrate on the
muscle stretching exercise.

Ernie.

Oh, yeah, Dad?

Do you know where Chip is?

I think he's messing around over at Marsha
Mae Gibson's house.

Would you go over and get him?

You mean haul him home?

Yeah.

I'll come.

Well, just go and get him, will you?

I'll explain later.

Okay.

If he asks me why, I'll tell him I'll explain later.

After you explain later.

Charley, something just occurred to me
that I hadn't considered before.

Hit me with it.

Well, he's been talking about college.

Listen, if that kid makes it through high
school, it'll be a miracle.

Well, that's not the point, Charley.

The thing is, he's... He's thinking of his
future in terms of the family the way it is now.

So?

So, if I'm going to take an important step
like asking Barbara to marry me,

you and the boys and Katie should at least be consulted.

I'm going to see if I can get Robbie and
Katie over here right now.

We going to have a family meeting?

Yeah, something like that.

Dad?

Out here in the kitchen, Chip.

Ernie said you wanted me.

Yes, that's right.

Where's Ernie?

He's playing handball over at the playground.

At the playground?

Well, didn't he understand that I wanted
him to come back with you?

I guess not.

Oh, boy.

I haven't been able to get hold of Robbie and Katie.

I wonder where they are.

I don't know.

What's going on, Dad?

Well, I'll tell you when the whole family gets together.

If I can ever get them together.

Now, would you go back to the playground and get Ernie?

Sure, Dad.

And you come back with him.

Okay.

Barbara, this is Steve.

Say, I'm afraid I'm going to be a little
late picking you up for dinner.

Yeah, well, I'll get there as soon as I can.

Right.

Well, I quit playing handball and I had to trace him
to the drugstore where he was reading comic books.

You should have told me you wanted me to
come back with you.

Well, I just thought you would, Ernie.

You didn't go by Katie and Robbie's, did you?

Well, why should I?

Well, uh, Charley?

Yeah?

Did you get in touch with Kate and Rob?

No, you've been tying up the phone.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll try him again.

What's going on?

He's not going to tell us until the whole
family's together.

Did I hear the phone ring a while ago?

Yes, it was Steve.

He's going to be a little late.

Oh?

Mother, don't act so mysterious.

He's just going to be a little late.

Was I being mysterious?

Yes.

Every time Steve's name is mentioned,
you get a faraway look in your eye.

That makes two of us.

Barbara, what would you do if,
and mind you, this is strictly an if,

if Stephen asked you to marry him?

He hasn't, and he won't.

But just suppose he did.

Mother, we are going to have dinner
at... at that little Italian restaurant.

And then he's going to bring me home early
because we both have a heavy work day tomorrow.

End of speculation, okay?

Okay.

Well, there's still no answer.

Dad, couldn't you maybe tell us whatever
it is without Robbie and Katie?

Yeah, for some reason I'm starting to get nervous.

Well, we'll wait a few more minutes, but...

I'd better call Barbara again.

Here they are.

Hi.

Oh, Bob, Katie.

Hi.

Oh, come on in.

I've been calling and calling you.

Where have you been?

Oh, we were over at Katie's folks in Glendale.

They're babysitting the boys tonight.

Now, why didn't we think of Glendale?

Same reason we didn't think of Indianapolis.

Dad wants to have a talk with all of us.

Yeah, that's right.

What is it?

You seem worried.

No, no, I'm not worried.

Well, come on, let's sit down.

You two are.

I, uh, I wanted to talk to all of you
because, uh, well, as you know,

we're, uh, we've always been a very close family.

What I mean is, uh, we've always been very, uh...

Close.

Yes.

Now, uh, at first, uh, it was just us
fellas here in the house, and,

uh, well, then Rob married Katie, and she sort of
showed us what it's like to have a, a woman in the house.

And then, uh, of course, the babies came along,
and, uh, I think it even made, uh, our family closer.

You know what I mean?

No.

Well, what I'm trying to say is that in a
family like ours, when one of us is going

to do something important, I think he
should ask the others how they feel about it.

Steve, this is getting to be a filibuster.

Say it.

All right.

What would you all say if I told you I was
going to ask Barbara Harper to...

That's fantastic, Dad!

That's great!

I don't believe this!

Terrific!

Wow.

After all these years... Wait, uh, now, there
are a couple of things you ought to be aware of.

Huh?

First, uh, Barbara has a little... A little daughter.

A little daughter?

That way!

There are too many men around this house.

Hey, when are you going to ask her?

Well, if... Tonight, I guess.

Tonight?

Why, no, everybody, everybody, everybody.

Don't forget, if I hadn't been rotten in
history, you never would have met her.

Hi, sir.

Show him, show him the rock.

Show him the rock.

Oh, yeah, let's see the ring.

Yeah, I just happen to have it here in my pocket.

Wow!

Oh, is that a beauty game?

That's gorgeous!

Yeah, that's a beauty game.

That's a beauty game.

Dad.

Uh, there's something nobody's thought of.

What's that, Ernie?

Well, suppose she says no.

If you were going to ask somebody to marry
you, what would you say?

I don't know.

Think you'd get down on one knee like they
do in the Late Late Show?

Ernie, you're making me blow my composition.

Okay.

I wonder what Dad's going to say to her.

Just figure out what you would do in Dad's place.

I'd croak.

It isn't easy to look dignified eating spaghetti.

No.

No, it isn't.

Tonight they do not talk.

They eat.

But even before they eat, they do not talk.

They've been here many times.

This is the first time they do not talk.

So?

To be in love and not to talk, that's a bad sign.

Or is it a good sign?

Perhaps he's nervous.

Perhaps tonight he popped the question.

Go play, Chaser.

There's something with moonlight.

And to really put him in the mood,
we pick up the check tonight.

Oh.

It's, uh, good, but I'm not very hungry tonight.

Me either.

Are you teaching tomorrow?

Mm-hmm.

At a grammar school over in the valley.

Fourth graders.

I suppose fourth graders are easier than high school.

Yes, they are.

Uh, Barbara.

Would.

You like to go for a little drive?

Well, as soon as...

As soon as he's finished.

Did you arrange for a full moon?

I, uh, guess I must have done something right.

Rob.

Hmm?

Do you remember your mother?

I just barely.

I was pretty little.

I was pretty little when she died.

Chip doesn't remember her at all.

Why do you ask?

I was just thinking.

Barbara must be very special to have broken that barrier.

Well, I don't think there was a barrier.

But I agree about the pretty special part.

She's sure gonna break down those stories
about the ugly old stepmother.

Oh, she is?

Honey, you have nothing to worry about.

I say you're still the prettiest girl in
the Douglas family.

What Dad says is his business.

I wonder if he's asked her yet.

Well, that's his business, too.

I hope he picks someplace romantic.

Somewhere they'll remember the rest of their lives.

Yeah.

Music?

Music?

That's better.

Oh, Steve.

Look at the lights of the city below.

Barbara.

Come on, Alice.

It's time for bed.

It's 1130.

Hey, you remember that new mama I promised you?

Well, she oughta be all wrapped and ready
for delivery any time now.

Come on, tr*mp.

Let's go.

Barbara, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Good evening.

Good evening.

What are you people doing here?

Doing?

We're not doing anything.

We were just talking.

At midnight on Mulholland Drive?

Mulholland Drive?

Can I see your license, please?

Yes.

Sure.

That's funny.

You know, I'm afraid I don't have it.

I think what I changed to close tonight,
I forgot to put the wallet in my pocket.

You don't have a license, sir?

Well, no, I'm afraid I don't.

And when we had dinner tonight,
the lady who owns the restaurant picked up

the tab, so I just didn't realize I didn't have it.

How tall are you, sir?

About six foot two.

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to get in the police
car and come along with me to the precinct station.

May we ask the charges, officer?

Yes, ma'am.

What is your name, sir?

Douglas, Stephen Douglas.

This is your car?

Of course it's my car.

Officer, you haven't answered the lady's question.

Why do I have to go to the police station?

You're parked on private property, Mr. Douglas.

You do not have the proper identification.

Your description fits somebody who's been
robbing the houses in this area.

Robbing houses?

Do I look like the kind of a fellow?

Would you come along with me, please?

I'll follow you in this car, Steve.

Okay.

Mr. Douglas, you have the right to remain silent.

You give up the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used.

Thanks, gentlemen.

Back again, Floyd?

The arresting officer give you your rights?

You go along with Officer Gordon.

He'll see you get a nice bed for the night.

I'm putting you in this position.

It's all right, Steve.

No, it's not all right.

After all... Douglas!

Yes?

Turn.

Ah, Douglas.

Parking on Mulholland Drive.

No license.

A man your age parking on Mulholland Drive?

In the first place, I didn't know it was Mulholland Drive.

And in the second place, even if I did, what's
wrong with stopping the car and looking at the lights?

Well, those lots belong to somebody, Douglas.

And fortunately for you, the man you were
supposed to resemble was picked up 20 minutes ago.

Well, good.

However, you did park on Mulholland Drive.

You did park on private property,
and you had no identification.

Now, look, Sergeant, a man can only stand so much.

All evening, I've been trying to talk to this lady.

Now, first in the restaurant, uh...

Well, you wouldn't be interested.

All evening long, I've been trying to find
a quiet place to...

Here.

You see that?

It's an engagement ring.

All evening long, I've been trying to find a
quiet place so I could ask her to marry me.

Oh, yes!

Oh, it's indeed.

The lady says she'll marry you, Douglas.

Why don't you give her the ring?

Oh, yeah, I guess I'll do it.

Put it on her finger and kiss her or I'll
book you on a 621A.

That is beautiful.

All right, Douglas, you can take her home.

Oh, wait a minute.

On second thought, you don't have a license.

You can't drive her home.

Oh, well, but I have a license.

Then you drive him home.

Okay.

Thanks, Sergeant.

Oh, uh, Sergeant, just what is a 621A?

Who knows?

Oh,

Barbara, it's so beautiful.

I just had a feeling he was going to ask you tonight.

Isn't it funny?

You know, they say that women are supposed
to have an intuition about things like this.

And I never had any idea.

How did he ask you?

What did he say?

Well, he was yelling at the police, Sergeant.

Yelling at the police?

Steve doesn't yell, but he was telling the
Sergeant a few things.

Actually, we shouldn't have been arrested at all.

Arrested?

Arrested, huh?

Well, not actually arrested, but we did
have to get out of the police station.

Mulholland Drive, huh?

Yeah.

Boy, you got younger blood than I thought.

Well, anyway... Boy, there's rings on her finger.

Well, now, that's great.

Now, what did she say?

Charley, I'm a little tired, but could we
talk about it in the morning?

I'm a little tired, Mother.

Could we talk about it in the morning?

Of course, dear.

Now, you get some sleep.

Good night, my darling.

Come on, come on.

What are you doing up so late?

I was trying to hear what you and Dad were saying.

Did he ask her?

Yeah, it looks like you finally got yourself a new mama.

Huh?

Well, Dad asked Mrs. Harper to marry him,
and she said okay.

You'll make it sound like somebody bought a pound of lard.

Come on, get the bed, will you?

Go on.

Good night, Uncle Charley.

Good night.

Dad.

Yeah?

Hey, Winnop, when people get older, like Dad and Mrs. Harper,
do they get all romantic, like young guys in the movies?

I don't think so.

I think their cells are beginning to break down.

They just get married for companionship.

That's what I think.