10x09 - Mexican Honeymoon

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

A.

Hold over your head?

Yeah, great idea.

All we need is an umbrella.

I would like a drink of that water we brought along.

The first thing my sensible new husband said was, we
better bring a canteen of water in case we have a flat tire.

We did, and we did.

Your sensible new husband should have
dropped some ice cubes in there while he was at it.

Honey, tell me about the village.

Well, I hope I haven't built it up too much.

Now, like I said, it's just a tiny little place.

It's almost deserted and has this one little hotel.

Ah, you said the two magic words.

Almost deserted.

You see what I mean about the ice cubes?

It's delicious.

Honey, you, uh, you didn't say anything.

You didn't say anything about us being on our
honeymoon when you made the reservations, did you?

What do you think I am, a blabbermouth?

I mean, I wouldn't want to go through the corsage bit
and all the smiles and somebody singing appropriate songs.

Honey, this is just a little fishing village.

Now, I, I hope you're not expecting too much.

Of course I'm not.

It's going to be absolutely wonderful.

Like the water in the canteen, huh?

Like the water in the canteen.

Oh, Steve, I just don't believe this place.

You know, it hasn't changed since I was
down here fishing three years ago.

There's that little canteen I was telling you about.

And right over there is a marvelous little
restaurant called the Concha Azul, see?

That means the blue shell.

Oh.

Well.

You beg it, senor?

Yeah, right here.

I'll give you a hand.

Honey, do you want to take that?

Hotel Luna de Mirage.

What does that mean, Steve?

I don't know.

Hey, you changed the name of the hotel
since I was down here.

It used to be just the Hotel Luna.

Si, senor.

This way, por favor.

Well.

Oh, this is lovely, Steve.

It's just lovely.

Buenas t*rd.

Welcome to Puerto Nunez and Hotel Luna de Mirage.

Well, senor Velazquez, I'm Stephen Douglas, remember?

Si, senor.

You came here once for a fishing.

That's right.

And now you bring your wife.

Oh, que am able.

Miguelito, senor Douglas come back to us.

And this time he brings his wife.

Thank you very much, you know.

You see how much his English improved?

When your husband was here, Miguelito
could not even say how much the chewing gum.

That's very good.

Now, ten go UN cuarto muy bueno para ustedes.

El numero siete.

You're going to like it because it's a beautiful view.

You just follow me.

Please.

You're going to enjoy it.

Oh, Senor Velasquez, your restaurant across
the street, the Concha Azul, is that still open?

Si, Senor.

But tonight is Lunes, Monday, and we do not open on Monday.

But tomorrow will be all right.

You know, I just can't get over how little
the place has changed.

It's changed a little.

It was never this crowded before.

Do I not remember the senor speak Spanish?

Oh, poquito, very little.

No, senor, usted habla muy bien.

El baño está enseguida.

You understand what I say?

I, uh, I think you said something about
the bathroom being right near here.

You see?

You see?

You see how well I understand Spanish?

No.

No, I just remember the last time I was
here, the bathroom was right down the hall.

Oh, senor, we have a saying, modesty becomes even a goat.

Hasta la cena, ¿eh?

Pablo Miguelito.

Oh, uh, here you are.

Thank you.

Muchas gracias, senor.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Modesty becomes even a goat, huh?

Well, I, uh, I'm sure he meant it as a colorful one.

Ah.

Ah.

I wish he'd get over the idea that I speak Spanish.

Well, you handle Joaquita very well.

Oh, Steve, I love it.

Look.

Oh, it's everything you said it was.

I feel like we're all alone in the world.

Just you and I.

Señora, señora, I'm terribly sorry.

I have give you the wrong room.

You have numero seis, enseguida, next door.

Oh, there's no harm.

We are fine.

Haven't unpacked yet.

Oh, senor.

Not all the saints are in heaven.

Thank you.

Are you sure you don't mind?

I said they didn't mind, honey.

She's just a little nervous.

We're on our honeymoon.

On your honeymoon?

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

I guess we ought to introduce ourselves.

I'm Stephen Douglas, and this is my wife, Barbara.

How do you do?

I'm Josh Odom, and this is my wife, Helen Crawford.

I mean, Odom.

It's Helen Odom.

Well, it is a little hard to get used to a
new name, isn't it?

Even I...

Is there anything wrong?

She's just nervous.

You see, we've never been married before.

I mean...

Well, anyway, I sure am glad you folks are here.

Be like having our parents right next door.

Well, thanks.

That's very flattering.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

That's all right.

Thank you.

Sir?

What about dinner?

What about dinner?

I mean, well, they eat later here in Mexico, don't they?

Yes, they do.

Well, there's a little cant in a downstairs.

It's out in the open air.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Well, bye now.

Goodbye, and congratulations again.

Thank you.

Well, darling?

Are you sorry we got married?

Do you still love me?

Well, then what's the matter?

I...

I want my mother.

I.

Thought you said we'd be the only ones here.

I can't understand it.

When we'd come in here after fishing,
we'd have the whole place to ourselves.

Ah, senor, senora.

I have a set table for you.

Reserved?

Maybe one heaven.

Where'd all the people come from?

You have a set table for me.

I have not read Vacation Travel Magazine.

Vacation Travel Magazine?

No, no.

There's an article written in that magazine.

It brings young people to us.

That's why I changed the name of nuestro
hotel to Hotel Luna de Miel.

This way, please.

Thank you.

Oh, it's a pleasure to have some older
people here for the change.

Oh, well, thank you.

¿Vamos tres a tomar vino?

¿Vino?

Sí, señor.

Yeah, UN poquito.

Oh, and one more thing.

Would you like the specialty of the house?

Will you order for me?

Pepe, dos specialities.

Sí, con mucho gusto, señor.

You know, sometimes I think if it weren't for
UN poquito, I wouldn't be able to speak at all.

Hi.

How are you?

Oh, hi.

Honey, doesn't Luna mean moon?

Yeah, I think it does.

Well, then, meow must mean honey.

Hey, I'll bet you're right.

You know, for some reason, probably that
article, this has turned into a honeymoon hotel.

Yeah.

In other words, it's been discovered.

Right.

I, uh, I happen to know a couple who are
here on their honeymoon.

You don't need to tell me.

Here, señor.

Señor, usted quiere UN poquito, de veras.

UN poquito, that's right.

UN poquito.

Now, here's the only Spanish I really know.

Salud, amor, y pasetas, y El tiempo para gastarlos.

Mmm, a toast.

What does it mean?

Health, love, and money.

And may you have the time to spend them.

Uh, pardon me, folks.

I couldn't help but notice you speak Spanish.

Oh, my husband does.

UN poquito.

Oh, very, very poquito.

Oh, well, good.

Maybe you can tell our waiter that I like
my Mexican food extra hot.

Well, doesn't he speak English?

No, not our waiter.

I tried him on, uh, is the water safe to
drink, and he just stared.

I'm Ted Weeks.

That's my wife, Ginger, right over there.

Hi.

Hi.

We're the Douglases.

Oh, how do you do?

Hi, Miss Douglas.

Hello.

We were going to Spokane on our honeymoon, but Ginger's
mother read about this place in the magazine, so we came here.

Well.

Well, I'll bring the waiter.

I'll bring the waiter over, and maybe you can tell him we
want two house specialties, and I want mine very, very hot.

Okay?

Well, I'll try it.

Let's see.

Good luck.

Now, let's see.

A, yo, uh, let's see, what is the verb?

Yo quiero dos specialities.

Uh, una speciality, very hot.

Oh, uh, caliente, I think.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

UN speciality muy caliente.

Muy caliente.

Muy, muy caliente.

Muy, muy caliente.

Okay?

Well, you know, it's funny how language
comes back to you if you're forced to use it.

I haven't spoken Spanish since I was in high school.

Well, now, don't forget that I contributed caliente.

That's right, you did.

Thank you.

Oh, here we come.

And, uh...

Food looks just as good as it used to.

How's it taste?

Mmm.

Oh, it is delicious.

Didn't I tell you?

Oh.

Isn't it funny?

You can't get food like this anywhere else.

No.

I know.

But they say even in Spain...

What is it?

What's the matter?

Is it too hot?

Oh, it's fine.

It's a wine, it's a wine.

It looks different now that it's been painted, huh, Rob?

Yeah.

But you know, I can still see the triplets
sleeping over there in the alcove.

Hey, let's get the furniture all set up
and see how it looks.

Take hold of that loveseat.

Kate, forget it.

Uncle Charley says he's going to fix the room up.

Uncle Charley?

What does Uncle Charley know about how a
woman wants her furniture set up?

He doesn't.

But Uncle Charley knows how Steve wants.

This is half his room, you know.

Uncle Charley, Barbara picked out the furniture.

Dad must have said okay.

Sure.

But who's going to pay any attention to a
man that's in love?

Honey, did you remember to send the
champagne down to Dad and Barbara?

Yes.

The man said he didn't know when they'd get it, though.

It sounds pretty remote.

Yeah.

Hey, Rob, do you remember our honeymoon?

Frankly, no.

Neither do I.

I sure hope Dad and Barbara are half as happy.

Yeah.

Come on.

It's just plain dumb to be homesick, honey.

Then you've got a dumb wife.

I don't mean that literally.

What did you think marriage was, Helen?

Didn't you ever figure we'd be alone together?

I don't know what I figured, Josh.

I just didn't think it'd be like this.

Like what?

Don't yell at me, Josh.

Please, don't yell at me.

I'm not yelling.

Listen, would it help any if you had a
little talk with somebody else?

I don't know.

Ow.

You know, the next time I order food for
somebody else in Spanish, remind me to

check on the third person singular, will you?

I wonder what he wound up with.

Anyway.

Here we are.

Now, don't tell me they want us to switch rooms again.

I'm terribly sorry to bother you.

I know this probably sounds like the
stupidest thing you've ever heard,

but could you go over and talk to Helen, Mrs. Douglas?

Now?

She's scared and she's homesick.

What she really needs is someone more her mother's age.

I'm not saying that you're as old as her mother.

Oh.

Oh, that's all right.

I understand.

Um.

Do you mind, darling?

Well, uh, yes.

But go ahead.

While you're gone, I guess I'll take a shower.

Sorry, Mr. Douglas.

Old Peppy tells me you've been here before, Mr. Douglas.

Yes, I was down here fishing about three years ago.

Before it was spoiled, right?

Uh, yeah.

Hey, I charted a fishing boat tomorrow.

Maybe you and your wife could join me.

We could, uh, split the costs.

Well, that's very kind of you.

You know, my wife won't go with me.

I mean, can you feature a wife who's been married to a
guy for a week and already she won't go fishing with him?

We had, uh, quite a fight about it ten minutes ago.

Oh, that's too bad.

You, uh, you wouldn't want to have a
little talk with her, would you?

No, I think maybe I'd better stay out of this.

Well, I mean, you being married as long as
you have, she might listen to you.

Well, I, I still think I'd better stay out of it.

Uh, Virginia, uh, Mr. Douglas says he's
never heard of a wife who refuses to go

fishing with her husband on their honeymoon.

Well, no, I didn't just... Theodore,
did he ever hear of a husband insisting

on a wife who gets seasick going
fishing every day on her honeymoon?

You know, we're already developing a pattern.

Each time we fight, she calls me Theodore,
I call her Virginia.

Well... Mr. Douglas thinks there's something wrong with
a marriage that can't survive six full days without a fight.

Now, wait, I didn't... And he's right.

Thank you for your interest in our marriage, Mr. Douglas.

Isn't she cute when she gets sore?

Yes, very cute.

Barbara.

Your wife is next door with Helen.

Is she still there?

Oh, honey, we've got a problem here.

We have a problem in our room with me.

I know, darling.

But this girl is close to hysterics with
homesickness and just plain old fright.

I mean, I've tried to calm her down a little.

Honey, this really isn't any of our business.

Well, it shouldn't be, I Grant you that.

But, well, honey, I'm worried about the child.

I mean, she's near a complete breakdown.

Oh, how would you feel if it were Katie?

But it isn't Katie.

This girl has to learn to face life.

All right.

But if that boy in there snores, I'm
going to toss him out right on his poquito.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you, too.

Six O'clock.

What?

No, I'm building a bridge with a pickaxe.

Sure looks good.

Well, jump in.

Oh, no thanks.

I had a salad, and that'll have to do until I lose
that pound and a half I picked up somewhere.

I'd take some measurements of Dad and Barbara's room.

What for?

Drapes.

I don't know.

My grandmother has some that I thought might just fit.

Mm-mm.

No.

No what?

No drapes.

No drapes?

Drapes are a lazy man's way of getting out
of washing windows.

Well, the Charley drapes also keep out the
sun, and they liven up a room with color.

Barbara wanted drapes.

She would have bought some.

Well, maybe she did.

Did you check with the store that delivered the sandwich?

Uh, delivered the furniture?

No.

Maybe we should.

For all we know, Barbara bought drapes,
and they're sitting in a stockroom somewhere.

Uh, Uncle Charley, you didn't,
uh, sign for any drapes, did you?

You forgot the mayonnaise.

Oh, no mayonnaise.

I'm on a diet.

Pepe, would you mail these for us?

Con mucho gusto, señora.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Mr. Douglas, I'd like to thank you for
lending me your wife last night.

I think she mothered me right out of my
neurosis, or whatever it was.

Well, uh... I'm glad.

I see you at the Coche Azul tonight, señor?

Oh, yeah, I will be there.

I squeezed a table for you tonight.

Squeezed in a table?

You mean you're that busy?

Oh, muy ocupado, señor.

Muy ocupado.

Honey, why don't we take a walk on that
beach you were telling me about?

Fine.

Beach?

Hey, that sounds great.

How about if we come with you?

Well, uh, as a matter of fact, we, uh...
We have a few things we'd like to discuss.

Uh, yes.

Oh, sure.

We understand.

Uh, Lucille.

Uh-huh.

Well, you know, they've got a good relationship going.

They still discuss things.

Do you think we'll be like that when we've
been married as long as they have?

It's for Mr. Douglas.

I took it out of the box to see it.

Boy, when something is brought like that,
a smaller voice is not supposed to open.

I'm making sure it's for Mr. Douglas.

Did I read this right?

To the honeymooners, love from all...

Honeymooners?

They're on their honeymoon.

I don't want to go to meet you.

I don't...

I'm just talking.

Well, nobody here.

Looks like everybody's eating later than usual tonight.

Honey, this is everything you said.

It was a big deal.

Yeah.

Well, it won't be when the honeymoon brigade arrives.

Ah, senores, Buenas noches.

Welcome.

Bienvenidos.

Will you please sit over here?

Thank you.

Manolo.

It's a little early, huh?

Oh, where did that come from?

What's all this?

From your family in California.

Oh, well.

To the honeymooners, love from all of us.

How about that?

Oh, Steve, isn't that wonderful?

I have another note.

Another note?

Now, who's this one from?

Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Douglas, we thought
the best gift we could give you would be privacy.

Tonight, the Concha Azul is all yours.

Love, your fellow honeymooners.

Isn't that nice?

They see the bottle of champagne arrive.

They found that you two arrive on honeymoon.

Muchachos!

Would you, uh, care to dance?

UN poquito.

I didn't know you spoke Spanish.

Oh, muy caliente.