06x03 - Monsters & Mana

[bunniefuu]

[panting]

[panting]

[thumping]

[roaring]

Get behind me!

Seal of protection.

[growling]

Hit it with your lightning bolt!

Lightning bolt!

[crackling]

[nervous chuckling]

[both] Aaah!

You call that a lightning bolt?

If you're the remaining hope
for your village, they're doomed.

I'm a healer, not a fighter.

[gasping and panting]

Soaring staff.

[playing soft melody]

Oh, no.
That's the song of eternal slumber.

Cast protection from sleep on yourself.

Song of eternal slumber, Pidge?
That's the--

[yawning]

-How come you don't need it?
-I'm a dwarf. Come on!

[sighs] So sleepy.

[shouts]

Wake up!

-You're going the wrong way!
-[playing soft melody]

[snoring]

[growls]

[shouting]

[snorts and moans]

[groans]

[snarling]

[shouts]

Huh?

[grunting]

-Now!
-Got it.

Oh, look, it's a crystal.

Weird, I've never seen an ogre
drop a crystal like this.

Let's take it back to the innkeeper,
find out where this ogre got it.

Oh, man. Come on.

That's way on the other side
of the Wiebian Swamps.

You know how scary and gross those are?
Very, very scary and gross.

Come on, you big baby.
Your village got turned into stone.

Do you want to save them or not?

[Hunk] I mean, they're not, like,
going anywhere.

All right, fine.

But I'm not fighting ghosts this time.
I'm just running.

[groans] Yuck! Yuck.

Ohh, so scary and gross.
What did I tell you?

I cannot believe how sticky
this Wiebian Swamp goo is. It's crazy.

Hey, you hungry?

[Pidge] We don't have any money.

We're gonna meet the innkeeper
and leave.

[Hunk] Oh, man.

I would not have run so hard
if I didn't think there might be food.

[Pidge] Fine.

[blade slowly scraping]

This is not the atmosphere
I remember from last time.

[video game music playing]

-[Hunk] Whoa, what are you doing?
-[Pidge] Looking for coins.

[both] Ahh...

A greasy meat pile for my friend, please.

One health plate coming up.

Oh, it's you two again.
Did you find any clues?

We found a crystal,
just like you thought we might.

Just as I feared.
Those ogres are mercenaries.

They'll fight for anyone
that has crystals.

The only person that uses this type
is the evil wizard Dakin.

Evil wizard?
That doesn't sound good.

It isn't, though I admit
I should have suspected him.

There aren't many wizards powerful enough
to turn a whole village to stone.

So how do we save them?

You'll have to defeat Dakin.

He's inside Carthian's Lair...

a tomb of horrors so filled
with monsters, traps, and terrors...

that most heroes would be driven insane
at the mere thought of entering.

Uh, maybe those villagers
like being turned into stone?

Okay, all right.

So where do we find this tomb of horrors?

Just inside the Feldakor Mountains.

[Shiro] The Feldakor Mountains, you say?

You two think you have what it takes
to smite evil?

Who are you?

Me?

My name is Takashi Shirogane.

I'm a paladin. And you?

Me? I'm Block, the sorcerer.

Name's Meklavar.
Best axe-fighter in three lands.

We're on our way to break the curse put
on Block's town.

The villagers were turned to stone
by Dakin.

What's your story?

I'm on my own adventure.

From a young age,

I was chosen to be a paladin
because of my bright internal light.

My master, D'Jahno, taught me
the seven pillars of knighthood.

He forged not only my mind,
but also my body.

I became a shield for good
and a weapon against evil.

Before I could complete my training,
a leviathan demon attacked our monastery.

It destroyed all we had,
including my master.

D'Jahno's last words to me were...

"You no longer need my guidance
to complete your training."

[moans]

[sobs]

[gasps]

"Defeating the leviathan
will teach you all there is to know."

[moans]

[wheezes]

No!

Where are you guys going?

[Hunk] Sounds like you're too busy
to help with this wizard.

Good luck with the leviathan.

-[Hunk] Man, that guy was so boring.
-[Shiro] Wait.

[panting]

Wait. [groans]

As a paladin,
I swore an oath to vanquish evil.

I cannot deny the righteousness
of your quest.

I will help you defeat the wizard,

and then return to my hunt for the demon
that destroyed my master.

[thud]

Ooh. What's that?

-[thuds]
-[gasps]

[growls and sniffs]

[Pidge] Oh, no!

[Hunk groans]

[both scream]

[screaming]

[Pidge] No! Shiro's dead.

[belching]

[squeaking]

[Coran] Shoo, shoo!

-Did I really die in the game?
-Yes.

But that doesn't make sense.
The mice aren't playing the game.

Don't worry.
You can just make a new character.

-I'm going to be a paladin again.
-Oh, come on now.

Do you really want to play a paladin?

You could be something
completely different:

a maven, a mage, a cleric,
a klazgool, a bard.

Don't know what's more fulfilling
than a paladin.

You're already a paladin in real life!

[groaning]

Is everything all right? We heard yelling.

We're all good.

[Lance] What's going on?

-We're playing Monsters and Mana.
-Monsters and huh?

-It's a game.
-It's fun.

I don't know. How can a game
that needs a book be fun?

-You ought to read it and find out.
-Nah.

I've been playing Monsters and Mana
since I was a boy.

My bandmates and I, the Pirate Polychoral,
used to play it all the time.

I was always the Lore Master.

[Allura] How do you play?

Okay, so each person
creates a fantastical character.

The character is represented
by a figurine on this holo-map

to help them track their action.

But the real fun happens in the mind.

Each player gets a turn, and every turn
they say what they want to do.

The Lore Master, me,
knows the difficulty of the task.

The person must roll a 20-sided die to see
if they can accomplish their action.

[gasps] A 20-sided dice?
How big is that thing?

It's normal-sized, it just has 20 sides.

No. No, no, no. It's got 20 sides?

It's gotta be the size
of a Yalexian pearl.

Oh.

Do you want to play?

Don't you guys have
something better to do?

Like, I don't know,
universe-defending stuff?

Hunk and I ran into a snag
upgrading the Castle's shields.

We're running a diagnostic,
but all we can do is wait.

I'm trying to take a mental break.
We've been going really hard lately.

I'll play.

Lotor's busy handling
his imperial responsibilities,

and I'm at an impasse
with the comet ship.

Plus, it sounds fun.

Yeah, I already worked out today,
so I guess I don't have anything going on.

Might as well play your nerd game.

[Coran] Create your characters
with the interface loaded onto these.

It will keep track of your stats.

Now it's time to begin
the heroes' journey.

[bowstring creaking]

Watch out!

[groans]

[fanfare plays]

[grunts] Ow.

I'm the mystical archer Valayun,
searching for the rune stone of Lapham.

What quest are you on?

Block's town was turned to stone
by an evil wizard.

We tracked him down
through his special crystals.

-[gasps]
-Hey, hey-hey, hey!

-Whoa! Where'd you come from?
-[Lance] The name's Pike.

I was going to rob you clodhoppers
of your junk,

but it sounds like the bigger score

is helping you jack this wizard
with the crystals.

So you chose a thief, huh?

I'm not a thief.

I'm a ninja assassin, the silent k*ller.

My victims never know I'm coming
'cause I don't say a word.

They look around, don't see anything,
so they drop their guard,

but what they don't realize...

is that I'm lurking in the shadows,
silently watching.

[laughing]

-Yeah, you're very quiet.
-But I do steal things.

-[jingling]
-That's a lot of what my character does.

-You're a dwarf, huh?
-Oh, yeah.

I'm Meklavar, a dwarven miner

whose precious family heirloom,
the Jewel of Jitan, was stolen.

-I'm on a quest to retrieve it.
-Precious family heirloom.

Mmm...

Well, it's very fortunate
that I arrived here.

I can aid you on your quest.
I'll summon a mount.

[gasping]

[laughing]

[Hunk] Did anyone remember
to bring torches?

I really think my character
would have remembered a torch.

Oh, yeah? Why don't you check
your little inventory there?

Oh, no torches, eh?
Then I guess you forgot to bring them.

[all groan]

[Allura] Oh, I have something!

[Hunk] It's just a wall.

But this is where
we're supposed to go, right?

Maybe there's a secret here.

Maybe you just have to knock.

[hollow knock]

[chuckles] What can I say?
I'm good at puzzles and junk.

[Pidge] Wait.

There could be traps.
You have to check for them.

-Why do I have to check for 'em?
-Because you're the thief.

You're the only one in the group
with that skill.

How do I even check for traps?

You roll the 20-sided die, adding
your check for traps skill to the roll.

If it's high enough,
you'll remove the trap.

And what if it's too low?

[giggles]

You activate the trap.

Oh, man!

[grunts]

[all screaming]

Levitation!

[squawking]

Great work there, Block. Let's keep going.

Okay. What's next?

Oh, mamma mia.

Look at all this treasure.

[Pidge] It's our reward
for getting past all those traps.

This is more like it.

We fall for traps all the time
in real life and we never get treasure.

Wow!

A quick draw quiver
with a magical creature-summoning arrow.

Oh, sweet! Gloves of transmutation.

These bad boys can transmogrify
the elemental matter

of any inanimate object.

Awesome! And I got an invisibility cloak.

A bowl that is never empty of food.

Our days of vandalizing
innkeepers' vases are over. [laughs]

Wow, a blazing sword.

Hey, guys, check it-- [screaming]

[whimpers]

Ooh, he dropped a rare item.

[laughing]

Fools!

Hey, Innkeeper. What are you doing here?

[cackles]

You dumb-dumbs.

I only run the inn

to trick foolish adventurers
into gathering valuable crystals for me.

Thank you for bringing them directly
to my lair.

Who is this guy?

-So you're Dakin?
-You were behind this all along!

[laughing]

This is where your adventure ends.

I'm Shiro's twin brother, Gyro,
here to complete Shiro's quest.

A paladin again?

Only fools would enter my tomb of horrors.

I am the most powerful wizard
in all of Aurita.

Oh, yeah? We don't care.

We're here to turn my village
back from stone, man.

[Coran] Your quest is in vain.

I've already siphoned off
their life force.

You would have to permanently defeat me
in order to restore it.

But instead,
I will become the most powerful being

in all of the planes.

[grunting]

I'm going to evaporate you,
just like I did with your twin brother!

[groans]

Let's get him!

-[clicking]
-Yah! Yah!

Yah!

[grunts]

[groaning]

[groans]

Healing Arrow.

[grunts]

I will avenge my twin.

Water Spout!

Embiggen!

[cracking and crumbling]

[in deep voice] We did it!

-Hooray!
-Hunk-a-lunk!

-We defeated the bad guy!
-Yeah!

I hope those stone villagers
have a little cold hard cash for us.

Wow. This game is so amazing.

It requires problem solving,
team work, creativity.

All the skills you'd want to imbue
when doing team-building exercises.

Stop trying to ruin our fun with learning.

[Coran laughing]

[Hunk] Uh-oh.

[in deep voice] Fools.
You did exactly as I planned.

Only by being slain
by five pure of heart on this evil altar

could I become the all-powerful
Coranic Dragon!

We aren't powerful enough
to defeat a dragon,

much less a Coranic one.

[grunting]

[groans]

Fire Healing Arrow!

[groans] I'm low on mana.
I can't cast any of my big spells.

I only have one summoning arrow left.

Get back. I'll draw its attacks.

[panting]

Be gone!

-Darg!
-We'll never defeat it without a plan.

Secret!

[whispering]

Hey, I cast "secret."
You can't listen to us.

Got it?

[all] Secret received.

Let's do this.

Nanny-nanny boo-boo!
Nanny-nanny boo-boo!

Come on, come and get me!

[roars]

Hey!

Over here!

[groaning and roaring]

[all cheering]

[laughs] So much fun!

Like, too much fun.

Great idea to transmute
that food into oil.

Yeah, if only we could transmute
the particle barrier's polarity.

[chuckles] Yeah. To do that you'd need
some kind of quantum shift network

to simulate a collapse of the wave pocket
into a darkening perplexity.

Yeah, and that would be
impossible without...

[both, gasping]
Changing the Planck Constant.

[Hunk laughs]

Somehow I understand the fantasy words
better than the science ones.

I can't get over how great that game was.

And my head feels so much better.
Thank you, Coran.

The game isn't over yet. Wait until you
find out who Dakin was working for.

Maybe you'll finally be able
to avenge your master.

How can you have an adventure ready
to avenge my master?

I just made that story up.

I also made it all up, Shiro.

That's the real magic
of Monsters and Mana.

That was incredible!
It's crazy how long we've been playing.

It seemed like no time at all.

Yeah, we have a pretty good time together,
don't we?

[chuckles] We sure do.

[beeping]

Allura, I have grand news.
The ship is ready to begin testing.

Fabulous. Let's try it.

-So, who wants to play another round?
-Sure, count me in.

I wanna be a paladin again.

[both groaning]

What?

[video game music playing]