04x04 - Handshaken/Coffee Mates

[bunniefuu]

[theme song plays]

♪ One, two
One, two, three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

[chicken clucks]

[jaunty music playing]

This way, kids.

Wow, so many kinds of seeds
and feeds!

[gasps] And a salt lick!

[rapid licking]

Now, Cricket,
you keep licking that

and you'll ruin your dinner.

What can I say? I love salt.

Wow, the feeding seed
is just as I remember it.

[in country accent]
Yep, sure great for us

all to be back in See-mol-ton!

You got that ri--
Remy, are you okay?

Why are you talking like that?

Talking like what?
A normal country guy?

So I guess Remy's just doing
his own thing today.

[Joe] Hmm.

- Good Ol' Joe!
- Good Ol' Bill!

Hey, you happen to know
where the wheat grain is?

Sure do, it's right over...
there.

[chuckles]

Look who it is.

[spurs jingling]

Put her there, Joe.

[fingers cracking]

Actually, I gotta go.

But what about
your wheat grain?

Who the heck is this guy?

The name's Josh-wa.

Not Josh, not Josh-ooh-a.
Josh-wa!

Your daddy ought to know.
Shake an old pal's hand, Bill.

Oh, no. I don't think
that would turn out well.

If you'll excuse me, I've got
to get our shopping done.

- [men snickering]
- Sir, may I ask you why

no one wants
to shake your hand?

Has any of your recent farm work
involved manure?

The reason is they're scared.

I'm know around these parts for
having a mighty firm handshake.

Pfft, a handshake?
It can't be that strong.

Insolent child!

Josh-wa's got
the firmest grip in the county.

It's all right, boys,
it's all right.

Well then, little man.

- How 'bout a shake?
- Eh, whatever.

[crushing]

[screams]

Ah, oh...

Golly!

He done pulverized your hand!

First off, Remy, what?

Second, why's your hand
so strong, Josh-wa?

'Cause I'm strong, boy!

Don't you know country folk

are only as strong
as their handshake!

And no offense, kid,
but you got a dishrag grip.

I crushed you
with just 10% of my power.

[men chuckling]

Well, I never.
Cricket, is your hand okay?

Yeah, but my pride ain't.
I had no idea I was a dishrag.

Josh-wa's as strong as an ox.

Everyone respects
his awesome power.

- Put 'er there!
- [screams]

- [chucking]
- Ow, I want that.

I just need to get stronger.

I'll train these weak little
noodles into fingies of steel.

You hear me, Josh-wa?

Next time you see me,

I'll be crushing your hand!

[laughs]

And your momma's hand,
and your granddaddy's hand!

I'mma crush your soul!

- [laughing]
- Yee-haw!

[Bill humming] Hmm?

Cricket, don't tell me
you're still hung up

on what Josh-wa told you?
A person's strength

is not defined
by their handshake.

Easy for you to say,

you wouldn't even shake
his hand.

I probably got my baby hands
from you! Genetics!

Well, these baby hands
are gonna go make themselves

a tasty sandwich.

- Want one?
- No!

- Mmm.
- [Tilly] Hey, brother.

Care to join our melon balling?

It's more fun than a bucket full
of weasels.

No can do,
I gotta work on my grip.

Tilly, hold my calls.

Uh, okay.

All right.

Time to beef this baby up.

Ah, come on!

Oh, that's a tough one.
Grr, next one!

Ah! What are these things
made of?

Oh, there's gotta be something
in here that'll work.

- [horse neighing]
- Oh, Butterscotch!

How about a little brushin'?

Wow, you've got
a few knots in here,

perfect for me
to toughen this grip.

[whinnies]

Whoa! Whoa, girl! Whoa!

I don't know what I did,
but I'm sorry!

[screams]

[Cricket thuds]

[groaning]

[gasps] Hello?

Anyone?

Ah, man.

[Tilly] Hey, Cricket,
where are you?

It's been a-- [gasps]

- Oh, my gosh!
- [both] Cricket!

How long have you been
dangling there?

When I started, that big old
yellow ball was way over there.

[both grunting]

Okay, jump down, brother.
We got you.

- Thanks, guys.
- Cricket, I think it's time

you give up your pursuit
of palm power.

[sighs] Yeah.

I'll never be more than
a dishrag boy-- Ow!

Huh? [laughs]
How did this happen?

You know, I guess
hanging from a roof

for a few hours
will do that to ya.

Wanna try and crush
this Splish can?

Oh yeah, gimme that!

- Yeah!
- Yee-haw!

[mischievous laugh]
I think it's time

to pay the Feed-N-Seed
another visit.

- Bye, Papa.
- So long!

- Oh, goodbye, kids.
- Bye, Dad.

We're going to
the Feed-N-Seed, see you later.

Hmm?

[men chuckling]

And the guy was all,

"Please help me, I can't swim."

So then I grabbed his hand...
and I crushed it.

- [all laughing]
- Nice.

[bell chimes]

[laughs] Huh? Well...

If it isn't little old dishrag.

Josh-wa.

Heh. Back for more, are ya?

We're here too, by the way.

Actually, I've come
to take you down.

[all laughing]

I'll handle this, boss.

[thumping footsteps]

[whipcrack]

What the... [groans]

You got me.

Wha--? Get him!

- [whipcrack]
- Ah!

Hmm, not bad, kid.

If you want me, you got me.

But I ain't going easy on ya
this time.

Your move, Josh-u-a.

That ain't my name!

[straining]

You've gotten stronger, boy.

Thanks. But FYI,

I've only been using
10% of my power!

- Huh?
- [electric spark]

[shatters]

Yeee-owch!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

[blows]

The dishrag was... me.

[Western theme playing]

Yee-haw! You did it, Cricket.

Yes. You're victory is complete.

Oh, no.
This is just the beginning.

I've got the strongest hand
in the county now,

and everyone needs to know it!

[menacing laugh]

Oh, no. He's unleashed
the beast within.

Cricket's making me more nervous

than a bobcat
with an overdrawn bank account.

Remy, I have been very
supportive of this new persona,

but you gotta reel it in, buddy.

[tense music playing]

[Cricket] Hear ye, hear ye!

People of Smalton, there's
a new hand honcho in town,

and he'd love to say hello.

Well, golly.
I love to say hello, too.

- Pleased to grip ya!
- [screams]

He crushed his hand
like a tater chip.

That's right! [menacing laugh]

Yeah, I just got
a manicure-- Ah!

Yo, yo-- Ouch!

Hey, Wayne, let's shake.

Oh, I dunno about--

- [screams]
- [laughing]

There's nothing my strong hand
can't crush.

And I gotta crush more!

[bell ringing]

Run! Cricket the Gripper's
a-coming!

[clamoring]

Everyone, hide your hands!

[whimpering]

Where did everybody go?

Don't you wanna shake my hand?

[Bill]
I'll shake your hand...

son.

Dad? What are you doing here?

I've come to free the town from
the clutches of your evil hand.

By defeating it
with my righteous one.

[cackles]

You beat me?

That's right.

Fine. It's your hand's funeral.

[wind blows]

[boot spurs jingling]

A dueling handshake
between father and son.

A tale as old as time.

[knuckles crack]

Any last words, Dad?

- [knuckles crack]
- Fill my hand,

you son of a Bill.

[both straining]

Huh. Stronger than
you thought, ain't I?

[wind chime jingles]

Had enough?

You forgot one thing, son.

I've been working with my hands
my whole life!

[crushes]

Ah! But... how?

I crushed Josh-wa,
and you were too scared

to even shake his hand.

Oh, I was scared all right.

Scared for him!

[gasps]

[Joshua] Shake
an old pal's hand, Bill.

Oh, no. I don't think
that would...

- [knuckles crack]
- ...turn out well.

[gasps]

You were strong the whole time?

Now, for Pete's sake, boy,
I suggest you yield!

[screaming]

I... yield.

That's what I thought.

- [cheering]
- Way to go, Bill.

Okay, that's enough.

Wow! That was as wild

as a copperhead
in a corporate li--

[in normal accent]
Okay, I'm hearing it now.

Guess I am laying it on
a little thick.

Glad to have you back, Remy.

Ow, ow, ow! Ooh...

- You all right, kiddo?
- Yeah.

Well, since you beat me,
I guess this belongs to you now.

No, that's still
Josh-wa's hat, Cricket.

How many times
do I have to explain

how personal property works.

- Thank you, sir. Sorry, sir.
- I don't get it, Dad.

Why'd you keep your strength
a secret all this time?

Why even be strong
if you never show it off?

Cricket, being strong
isn't about showing off.

True strength
is silent and humble.

When you've got it, you don't
need to impress anyone.

When someone needs help,
that's when it truly shines.

Like how you stopped me
from breaking

every last innocent hand
in Smalton?

Yep. Well then, guess
I'll see you at home, kid.

[blows air]

Wow, I've got the strongest
dad around.

♪ He's Bill, he's Bill ♪

♪ Man with a heart of gold
and hands of steel ♪

♪ He's Bill, he's Bill ♪

♪ Strong as they come
but boast he never will ♪

♪ He's Bill, he's Bill ♪

♪ He's Bill ♪

[customer] This looks great,
thank you.

My pleasure.

All right,
we've got one espresso,

one breakfast crepe
extra cheese,

and one full can of
whipped cream down the hole.

[gurgling] Whoo!

Hands down the best cafe
in Big City!

See you tomorrow, Stanley.

[ringing]

[gasps] The Kaitlins!

[all]
Hi, Gloria.

It's been forever. How are you?

Girl,
it's a blood moon tonight,

and Kaity-Lynn
has gone full Libra.

- Baa.
- We gotta get our charts read.

- You coming with?
- Ugh, I'd love to,

but I can't leave
work right now.

The cafe is actually
doing better than ever.

- Business is booming.
- I wish I had money,

but I'm spending it
partying all the time.

My arms are getting tired.

[all]
TTYL.

[sighs] Ah, man.

I miss having a social life.

You had a social life?
Ah! Ow!

Gloria, I know
I'm the silent partner here,

but I gotta say,
if you wanna see your friends,

just hire more help
and take some time off.

Take some time off?

Hiring more help sounds great!

I've been working a lot lately,
which just feels so wrong.

The cafe's success depends
on me being here all the time.

If I left for even a second,

everything
would just fall apart.

Well, it's up to you.
But you can't have it all.

I've got some errands to run,

so it's just gonna be
you and Cricket today.

- Good luck!
- [groans]

If only there was a way
I could have a social life

without leaving the cafe.

[gasps] I'm a genius.

Okay, Gloria, we ghosted
our chart reading for this.

Why'd you call us here?

- Because... you're hired!
- [all] Huh?

Welcome, baristas,
to your first day

at Gloria-plus-Green Cafe.

- Oh.
- What is this?

You girls love partying,
but like you said,

all that stuff is draining
your bank accounts, right?

So why don't you work here,
make some money,

and we can
all hang out together?

You mean I don't have
to sell my blood anymore?

[all] Okay.

Yes! I can have it all.

[humming] Getting ready
for yet another wonderful day.

Huh? A gray hair?

This is rather unusual
for a girl my age.

Papa, are the best years
of my life behind me?

Have I let the fire of my youth
burn out already?

Sweetie, I think you're a little
young for a midlife crisis.

You're right. I am young.

My childhood is not lost yet.
I simply must reclaim it!

Uh, great parenting, Bill.

So, Alice, I hired new employees
just like you suggested.

Hey, good for you, Gloria.

Now you can
finally leave the cafe

and go have fun
with your friends.

Actually, I don't have to leave,
because I hired my friends!

Now I can have my social life
right here at work.

Wait, I told you
to hire more help

so you could leave work, not--

[Gloria]
Gotta go! Bye, Alice!

Ain't no one listening to
their elders no more I guess.

Huh, grandkids, am I right?

I don't know you.

Okay, who's ready to work?

What? How are we
supposed to work

when we can't even
get a date?

We haven't got
any Zinder matches in, like,

three whole minutes.

I'm gonna be single forever!

Well, why don't we take a break
and update your Zinder pics?

I can take new ones for you
here at the cafe.

That's literally the best idea
I've ever heard in my life.

- [customers clamoring]
- [man] Kid running this place?

Ah, order for a Krelvin?
Okay, I'm losing it.

Hey, Gloria, can I get
some help over-- Gloria!

Oh, sorry, Cricket, I'm busy
with something really important.

Okay, now, let's do
a broken doll pose? Yes!

- What's going on here?
- Um, yeah, I'm Krelvin.

Your youth is in there
somewhere, Tilly.

You just have to find it.

I'm certain this is nothing

a simple wardrobe change
can't fix.

Bingo.

If we're gonna do this,
we gotta do it right.

[rock music playing]

♪ Goo-goo-ga-ga, I'm a baby ♪

♪ Goo-goo-ga-ga, yeah ♪

[muffled] Hooray!

I suppose I have grown a little.

But what can youth be
if not onesies and pigtails?

Unless...

It's a lifestyle!

[Cricket] Uh, Gloria,
heh, where are you?

I could really use a hand.

Um, you've got customers here!

I'm just one little boy!

[Gloria] Oh, wow. We got
some amazing shots here.

- Really?
- See for yourself.

I'm having so much fun,
and your Zinder profiles

- are about to blow up.
- [all screaming]

- These pictures are so...
- [all] Cringe!

- What?
- We look so basic.

I'm spiraling! Quick, someone
take me somewhere trendy.

There's a cat cafe
down the street.

Cat cafes are so in right meow.
Gloria, let's go!

Wh-- What? Leave the cafe?
But we work here, remember?

This job is starting
to go off our brand,

which is cute,
irreverent, and party.

Yeah. We can't be wasting
our time at a cat-free cafe.

We'll see you later, Gloria.

[all] Bye!

Wait! Don't go! I mean,
I forgot to tell you.

Our cafe is... turning into
a cat cafe, like, right now.

- Wig!
- I am shook.

Well, then, duh,
of course we'll stay!

- When do the cats get here?
- Uh...

I need you to go get some cats
for me. Fast!

Of course, because I'm not busy
enough doing all your jobs!

Gloria, what is going on
with you today?

Nothing's going on.

Cat cafes are just
really in right meow.

- What?
- Now, go get me some cats.

Okay, Tilly. Surely,
your childlike spirit

will reawaken
amongst your peers.

Salutations, fellow youngsters.

- What a neat little truck!
- [babbles indistinctly]

So, that's what we're doing.

Uh, when in Rome!

[groans softly]
Yum! We're the same!

Wha-- wha--

Why are y'all looking
at me like that?

Can see right through me,
can't you?

I'm a shameful old fraud
and you know it!

[spits and cries]

Okay, Gloria.
I found these little rascals

roaming the alley.

- That one's mean.
- Great. Thanks, Cricket.

Ooh, a cat cafe?

Don't mind if I do.

Gloria, the vibes here
are so fire.

I know, right?
We all get to hang out together,

the business is still thriving,
and the cats are...

[coughs]

I'll just come back later.

Shoo, kitty, shoo!
That's my mocha.

[cat snarling]

The cats are ruining everything!

- Cricket, do something!
- That's it!

I've been doing extra work
all day long,

and I don't even usually
do the normal amount!

I'm going on strike!

When did you even make that?

When I got hired.

[chanting]
Gloria Sato, you're a jerk

For making Cricket
do real work!

[muffled] And she smells bad!

What's going on?

It's no biggie, besties!

Can you girls finish
the coffee orders,

while I deal with the cats?

[all] Uh, okay.

How do we even make coffee?

I think the robot
wants us to feed it beans.

Oh, no! My bracelet!
Where'd it go?

[whirring]

It ate my bracelet!

Maybe, it'll give it back
if we feed it more beans.

Caitlin, you're so
galaxy brain right now.

[tense music]

- [screaming]
- Oh, my--

What happened?
What did you do?

Your dumb machine
ate Kaity-Lynn's bracelet!

She got it from a pop-up
that isn't popped-up anymore!

[all]
Help us!

[chanting]
Hey, hey, h*, h*

Gloria Sato's got to go!

Halt! I know
what y'all are thinking,

but trust me,
you do not wanna go in there.

[cat snarls]

[screaming]

[relieved sigh] Ah!

[groans]

- [meows]
- Ugh, sorry, Gloria.

I don't think
this is working out for us.

Can we just go back
to being friends?

Uh, yeah, that's fair.

Okay, cool. We quit.

But defo text us
when you're free,

so we can hang out for real.

Yeah, solidarity!

Oh, sh**t.
The Kristens are gone?

Well, in that case,
the strike is off!

- [groans]
- Gloria?

Okay, if this is
about the chanting,

it wasn't anything personal,
I just needed a rhyme.

Ugh, I'm such an idiot.

I shouldn't have hired
my friends.

I can't have it all,

and I'll never have
a social life again.

[Cricket] Or, what about
what Gramma said?

You could leave someone
trustworthy in charge.

But, before you ask,
I'm unavailable.

I gotta get me a rabies shot.

- See-ya!
- [groans]

- [Tilly] That's $5.16.
- Tilly, have you seen my...

- hat?
- Oh, hello, Papa.

Quick question,
what is a 401(k)?

I'm pretty sure it's an insanely
long race for the elderly,

but Saxon doesn't seem to agree.

Uh, why do you want
to know, sweetie?

Well, seeing as
I'm now past my prime,

I figure it's time
to resign myself to a life

of middle-aged monotony.

Where do the years go?

Oh, Tilly.
As a middle-aged man myself,

I believe that you're
only as old as you feel.

And I feel... I feel...
[sneezes loudly]

Ugh, excuse me.

Dirtbag's been shedding
up a storm this week.

Shedding?

Oh, my gosh,
so the gray hair wasn't mine,

it was Dirtbag's!

Ha! I guess I've got nothing
to worry about!

I won't have a mid-life crisis
for years and years and...

Oh, Papa. Heh-heh.

Looks like Dirtbag
got some hair on you, too.

Oh...

I see.

You probably want your hat back.

Thank you.

Well... [chuckles awkwardly]

I'm gonna go enjoy my youth.

[switch clicks]

I'm back! What the--

- Where are the Cranstons?
- The Kaitlins, Alice.

And, it didn't work out,
but I did learn

that if I wanna
have a social life,

I can't have it here.
I have to make room for it.

With reliable help!

Meet Jade,
our new shift manager.

It's my job to make Gloria's job
as easy as possible.

Wowie-zowie!

It's almost annoying
how helpful she is.

Noted. Do you want me
to be less helpful?

- No, no, no! Keep doing it.
- No, no! Be helpful!

- Whatever you say, boss.
- Well, Gloria,

I guess you can have it all,
with a little help.

Yep, now I can actually hang out
with the Kaitlins for real.

- [car horn honks]
- Get in, Gloria!

We're going shopping!

[upbeat music]

I guess I'm actually
leaving the cafe early.

We'll hold down the fort.

I am your metaphorical
hands and feet.

Thanks, guys. Wait up!

[cheering and shouting]

Yep, she'll be just fine.

Ha! Grandkids, am I right?

Get outta here!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet,
got bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch ♪

♪ And scraped up
both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
in seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪