04x05 - Iced/Chipped Off

[bunniefuu]

[theme song plays]

♪ One, two
One, two, three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

[chicken clucks]

[motorcycle engine revving]

[grunts]

Hmm, where are my grandkids at?

Geez, that ride really put the crick

in Cricket.

Sorry, just wanted to get here fast

and see what your grandma's
big surprise was.

[roars]

[all scream]

Wha--? It's just your Gramma.

[all sigh]

Hope y'all are feelin' sporty!

Gramma got hockey tickets
for the whooole family!

Business at the café is boomin',

so me and Gloria each treated
ourselves to a little bonus.

Hey, what do you think
Gloria did with her money?

What do you mean, "The wrong one"?!

Game starts in an hour.

If we're lucky, we'll see
a fight break out on the ice!

Thanks, Gramma.

Although I do not condone fighting.

Well, I do.

One ticket, please.

Huh? Hey, where's mine?

I didn't get you one, old man.

But you said you were takin'
the whole family.

I did.

But you are not family.

Then what am I?

You're my ex-daughter-in-law's
estranged father.

That's too many steps removed!

Now, if you'll excuse us...

we got a hockey game to get to!

[all cheer]

[tires screeching]

[groans]

[Chet Handsomeman over P.A.]
Welcome to Big City's

own Splish Arena!

[crowd chanting]
Ic-i-cles! Ic-i-cles!

I'm Chet Handsomeman,

and boy, do we have
a great game in store for you!

Give it up for the home team...

the Big City Icicles!

[players whooping]

And let's give a steaming hot welcome

to the Mid City Meteors!

[crowd jeering]

[sighs] My kinda people.

This place is amazing!

When's the game gonna start?

Soon as the Zamboni preps the ice.

Zamb-o-what-now?

[mysterious music playing]

Whoa!

Ice tractor!

Now, that is a job I'd like
to have when I'm grown up.

Can we go check it out, Mom?

I've never seen you interested
in a career before.

Let's get you a closer look.

I spent $90 on his ticket

and kid wants to look at a Zamboni.

Well, I'm enjoying the game!

- [corndog vendor] Corn dogs!
- [Bill] Hmm?

Come get your corn dogs!

Ooh, but a little snack
would make it better!

Excuse me! One corndog, please!

Corn dogs, pipin' hot!

Over here! I'll take one!

- Only $9.99!
- [Bill] Huh?

That's strange.

I think that guy's ignoring me!

If you want a corndog so bad,
just go to concessions.

No! This is a matter of principle.

I want a corndog...

from that guy.

- [grunts]
- Bill!

You're gonna miss the face-off!

Eh, who needs him?

So, kid, you like hockey?

- Well...
- [whistle blows]

- [both grunting]
- [crowd cheering]

...the barbarism is
more obscene than I expected.

- [player screams]
- [all three] Fight! Fight!

- Fight! Fight!
- [Gramma] Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

It seems to have corrupted
the entire arena...

As a skilled peace mediator,

I must quell this senseless violence.

[Chet over P.A.] And it looks
like Mikey's making a breakaway!

Yes! Stay with it!

- [whistle blows]
- Huh?

- [Chet] What a goal!
- Huh?!

Hey, buddy, you mind?

You're blockin' my view!

Oh, am I?

Nick?! How'd you get in
without a ticket?

I used my crafty street smarts.

Then use your crafty
street smarts to get outta here!

You're ruinin' the game!

Thanks to your big ugly novelty hat,
I can't see a thing!

Don't mind me,
I'm just a random hockey fan...

who's not in your family.

[exhales] Let's get down
and dirty, Icicles!

[frustrated growl]

[gasps] There it is!

The Zamboni...

- Wowee.
- [Zamboni Tony] Hold it!

Zelda is on break right now

and doesn't have time for fans.

But we just want
to get a closer look at it.

"It"?! Nobody calls Zelda "it!"

You'll have to look for her
from your seats in the stands!

[Zamboni Tony, comforting]
Shh. It's okay, Zelda.

Zamboni Tony's here now.

Oh, well. Let's head back to our--

- Oh...
- [groans]

There go all my Zamboni dreams.

What a zam shame...

You know what? No!

You're not only gonna see the Zamboni,

I'm gonna make sure
you get to sit on it too!

[Cricket gasps]

Whoa! Ugh.

[maniacal laugh]

Yeah, go team!

I cannot wait
to get back out there

to just rip somebody's head off, eh!

- [Tilly] Hello.
- [players gasp]

My name is Tilly Green

and I couldn't help but notice

your unusually high levels
of bloodlust.

Now, just wait a second.

What's wrong with bloodlust, eh?

Oh, nothing.

But let me ask you
a question, Mr. LeBoeuf.

What's the first thing you do
after a game starts?

Uh, fight?

Hmm, that's one option.

But what if I told you
there was another way?

Instead of engaging in violence,

you could talk
about your feelings!

That is the real power play!

[all] Ohhh...

But I like punching.

But do you like getting punched?

[scoffs] I don't!

Okay, we're in!

Then let's get started!

Who wants to try
some role-playing exercises?

[players]
Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!

- Corn dogs!
- There you are!

- I've been chasing you down--
- I got corn dogs over here!

- Hey! Excuse me!
- Get 'em while they're hot!

Could I get, uh... Huh.

What is that guy's problem?

Thanks!

One corndog, please!

Ah!

Oh, come on, I'm right here!

You have to see me!

Please, I'm begging ya!

[suspenseful music playing]

Yes.

Yes!

[anticipating moans]

No!

- [vendor gulps]
- What--?!

Oh, no you didn't!

Get back here!

[groans] Where are they?

So, how's it going watching
the game with just your family?

It would be a heck of a lot better

if you weren't here!

Come on, you cowards!

Ya done lost all your fight!

Hi there!
How 'bout a hug?

[impact grunting]

[animalistic yell]

Hey, friend, you seem angry.

Care to talk about it? Whoa!

[Gramma]
That puck is mine!

- Come to Slick-Nick!
- Outta my way, you brute!

[Nick] Hey, watch it!

- Like that!
- [child happily coos]

This is the best day of my life!

I woulda had it
if you hadn't gotten in my way!

You just keep making things worse!

I'm gonna go find my family

so I can enjoy this game like I planned!

[Nick scoffs]

[window squeaking]

Okay, follow my lead.

[loudly]
What's that you say?

[Nancy] There's a Zamboni

- talent scout out here?
- Hmm?

Yep! I'm just a regular
'ol talent scout,

looking for the perfect Zamboni

to play the lead in
Zamboni: The Musical:

On Ice!

Oh, Zelda! Are you hearing this?

This could be our big break!

I'm gonna share your magnificence

with the world! Mwah!

[musical]
Your star is here!

Too easy.

[snickers]

[Cricket] Wow.

So many buttons!

I sure wish I could push 'em.

What's the hurt in hearing

the engine purr a little bit?

[engine starts]

Hey! What are you doing?!

I'm livin' my Zamboni dreams!

Whoopsie.

[both screaming]

Zelda!

[mysterious music playing]

Please! Why won't you

just give me a corndog?!

[vendor snickers]

Every game I choose
one person to ignore,

one dingus who will never get a corndog,

no matter how badly they want it!

And today, that dingus...

is you!

Buh-- Why me?!

Just... cuz.

Wait! Don't!

[tense music playing]

[gasps]

[maniacal laughter]

Hey!

Oof!

Get back here!

Cricket! Tilly!

I'll even take Nancy?

Ah, forget it.

- [Nick] Found ya!
- Oh, for blort's sake.

Would ya leave me alone?

I'm trying to find my family!

[Cricket and Nancy screaming]

Well, there goes my family.

My family needs my help!

Uh, sorry about the interruption, folks.

Seems like they decided
to clean the ice!

- [Chet over P.A.] During the game?
- [players screaming]

- [Cricket] Oh, my God!
- [Nancy] Whoa!

[mocking]
Hi! You'll never catch me!

- [both grunt]
- What's the plan?

You stay put!

And I'm gonna help my family!

Sorry your little outing
didn't go as planned!

- But if you just--
- [player exclaims]

- Whoa!
- [Gramma grunts]

Oh, you wanna go?

Well, if you'd watched where you--

- [Gramma battle yell]
- Yikes!

Well, folks, there's only one thing

an announcer can do
at a time like this.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

- [crowd chanting] Fight! Fight!
- [Tilly] Oh, my...

the arena has been
overtaken with bloodlust!

[Gramma screams, grunts]

Gramma, are you okay?

[Gramma battle yell]

Something must be done.

We cannot stand for this!

Wait. Put me in, Coach.

I'd like to try out
what you've taught me, eh.

- You're ready.
- Aye-aye.

[Mikey grunts]

- [both vocalize]
- [Gramma] You rat!

Oh, hey there, eh.

I'm Icicles Team Captain

Mikey LeBoeuf, and today

I learned an important lesson.

Instead of hitting one another,

why don't you try expressing
your feelings?

You can use this as a "talking stick."

Thank you kindly, Mr. LeBoeuf.

[Gramma yells, strikes]

- Ohh!
- [man over P.A.] Slap shot!

[groans]
If there must be brutality,

let there at least be equality.

[both grunting]

Hey, guess who found his whistle!

[Nancy and Cricket screaming]

Oof!

[both manically laughing]

Does that look peaceful to you?

[impact grunt]

[both scream]

[both quietly gasp and grunt]

- We're alive!
- Whoo!

What have you done to my Zelda?!

[both grunting]

Uh-- Uh--

[whistle blows]

Well, that was a bust!

I can't believe
we got kicked out!

All I wanted was to see
a hockey game with my family,

and watch grown men
pummel each other.

Well, they got to see
an old man get pummeled.

You got a mean right hook.

You put up a pretty good fight too.

I was lookin' for those!

[Nick vocalizes chomping]

You know, Nick,

maybe I was a bit harsh on ya earlier.

I mean, yer sitting out here,

just the same as the rest of us.

I just wanted a corndog!

[sobbing]

What I'm sayin' is...

maybe you are a part
of this mess of a family.

You're a Green, through and through.

Actually, my last name's Mulligan,

but I appreciate the thought.

[new corndog vendor]
Outside corn dogs!

Corn dogs for if you're kicked outside!

Look alive, people!

I'm buyin' corn dogs!

For the whole family.

Did you say corn dogs?

Yippeee!

[joyful music playing]

Oh, man, I am so excited

to check out
the new Big City wax museum!

Me too.

The only waxes I know
are candle, bee, and ear.

But something tells me

my mind is about to be blown.

Look at us, family,
expandin' our horizons

and livin' our best lives!

Yessir! Us Greens have

not a care in the world!

[all cheer] Yeah!

Heh. And here I am,

thinking there are
only three kinds of wax!

- Whoo-oo-ooa!
- [body thumps]

[grunts]

Operator, I gotta call you back.

[Hooded Man's evil laughter]

Uh, hello?

[Hooded Man]
Hello, Wholesome Greg.

Long time no--

[Wholesome Greg] Oh!

I just go by Greg now.
The only person

who called me Wholesome Greg
was my old boss,

but he fired me, then died.

[surprised gasp]
Wait a tick!

That's right.

It is I...

Chip Whistler.

But, uh, how?!

It's a long story.

About 11 minutes, give or take.

[Chip]
I was on top of the world,

CEO of Wholesome Foods.

And the only thing standing in my way

was that rotten Green family.

So I hatched a master plan
to force them out of Big City.

But the stupid mayor banned me
like some kind of loser!

[Wholesome Greg]
Your helicopter was launched

all the way out of Big City!

Nobody could've survived that crash!

Well, heh, then I guess I'm a nobody.

Oh, wait, that's not what I meant!

The point is, I survived.

Because of my nerve,

my unending will to live...

And also, I had a parachute.

While I managed to survive
the helicopter crash,

I did run
into something even deadlier:

a tree.

[yelling and grunting]

And some branches.

And a thorny bush.

[grunts]
Ow! Owie!

I thought I was done for.

Until I finally found civilization.

- [door bell jingles]
- Excuse me...

I'm terribly brave and injured--

Shh! News is on.

Following his lifetime ban
from Big City,

local pariah Chip Whistler
is presumed dead,

after the wreckage from
his helicopter has been found.

[whispers] Dead?

And, if for some strange reason

he's not dead, he's still banned

from Big City forever!

- [citizens cheering]
- Bingo bango!

We beat the baddie!

[chanting]
Chip's dead! Chip's dead!

Chip's dead!

[Chip] I couldn't believe it.

Everyone thought I was dead!

And no one even cared.

All because of the Greens!

I wanted revenge.

But what could I do? I was a ghost!

That's when I realized:

There's only one thing
ghosts are good for:

scaring people.

So I spent months brewing

a ghastly illusion
to t*rture my nemesis!

Neme-- Nemee-- My nemesisees?

[male TV narrator] Welcome back
to our midnight movie...

The Haunting of Haunt House!

[scoffs] People in these horror
movies always act so dumb.

- [whooshes]
- What was that?

- [screeches]
- Hello?!

- [whooshes]
- Who-- Who's there?

Oh, no! Ghost!

Ooooooh...

[screams]

Ghosts are real!

[ghost] That's right!

And I'm the Greens' worst nightmare.

[deep normal voice]
Uh... Um, sorry, by the way,

where-where are the Greens?

Are they out shopping or...?

No! They left Big City

and moved back to Smalton.

Now, now, what do you want from me?

[Chip] I was at a loss.

- [Chip crashes]
- What do you want from me?!

[Chip] The Greens were
finally gone from Big City,

and yet I felt so unsatisfied.

Hey, buddy. Why the long face?

I lost my chance for revenge

on the family I swore to destroy.

Heh. Heard that one before.

But you know what?

Losing big can also mean a fresh start.

A chance for... reinvention!

You just gotta figure out
what makes you happy.

Yeah. That sounds pretty good!

I can become whoever I wanna be!

I just have to find out
what makes me happy!

♪ The world is my oyster ♪

♪ I can be anything! ♪

♪ Like a professional pilot ♪

♪ I'd get to wear
Those little wings! ♪

Eh, it's too much work.

♪ I wanna be happy! ♪

♪ Happy as a clam! ♪

♪ Happy! Happy as a clam! ♪

♪ Happy
Like a little lamb! ♪

[patrons whisper]
♪ Little lamb goes ba-ba-ba! ♪

♪ Happy
Happy as can be! ♪

♪ But the question is
What makes me happy? ♪

♪ I could be a fireman
And put out fires! ♪

But I'm kinda more into starting fires.

♪ I could learn music
And play the guitar! ♪

Eh, actually music's overrated.

[guitar twangs]

♪ So many options! ♪

♪ A world of possibility! ♪

♪ I wonder who I'll be! ♪

Uh, can we wrap it up?

Sure, thing! Hit it, boys!

[snapping fingers in rhythm]

♪ Happy, happy as can be ♪

♪ The only problem is ♪

♪ I have no clue
Who I wanna be ♪

♪ All the options
Feel so wrong ♪

♪ And this song
Is getting pretty long ♪

♪ Maybe I should just agree ♪

♪ That there's nothing
Out there meant for me ♪

- [door slams]
- [Chip gasps] Wh-- What's that?

Who could that be?
Who are you and...

why do you look so happy?

I don't know!
I guess I'm just a normal guy--

not a thought
or mental hang-up in sight!

Normal? That sounds...

perfect! Ha-ha-ha!

♪ I'm gonna be a normie! ♪

♪ Just your average guy! ♪

♪ Pass me on the street ♪

♪ And you wouldn't
notice me go by ♪

♪ I'll join a book club ♪

♪ We'll never meet ♪

♪ And I'll be happy! ♪

♪ Happy as can be! ♪

[chorus]
♪ Happy, happy as can be! ♪

[barista]
Coffee for Norm?

Norm... Alguy?

That's me!

Extra foam
for an extra cool dude.

[Chip] Chip might've
been banned from Big City,

but Norm Alguy wasn't!

My new life had begun.

Hey, Norm, you gettin' after it?

- You know it!
- [phone vibrates]

[Chip gasps]
Another ad for khakis?

This phone must be readin' my mind!

[Chip]
So then he turned to me and said,

"That ain't no hyena, uh, that's a dog!"

[hysterically laughs]

Ah, I love dogs!

- Norm, you're so funny.
- Thanks, babe.

[Chip] Babe was
my totally original nickname

for my brand new girlfriend.

I did everything as normal as possible.

Fitting into the rhythm of Big City

by doing everything that Norm would do.

I spent nights in the basement
crafting beautiful furniture.

And I would think to myself,

Norm, you're a happy lad.

But one day, something
strange began to happen.

Extra foam for an extra cool dude.

[Chip] It almost seemed like
he was mocking me.

But I continued my day.

That was just a blip.

Nice work, Norm!

I think you can handle

a little extra this week,
don't you?

[Chip] But it happened again.

Is Norm supposed

to do this much paperwork?

Then he said,

"That ain't no trash can,
that's a dog!"

[laughs hysterically]
I love dogs!

[Chip] Wait a second.
That joke was terrible!

Why was she laughing so hard?

How come everyone seems
to love Norm so much?

He's not that great. Is he?

What was my old name again?

Dip? Or Crisp?

From that moment on,
I accepted the truth:

There was nothing in me, but Norm.

Norm with his office job
and mid-sized sedan.

Norm with his mildly
funny jokes and paperwork.

Norm with his two garbage bins.

- [all chanting] You're Norm!
- [Chip] Office birthday party.

His one cool dance move.

Everyone loved Norm...

except for me.

[Dad] And that should do it!

Okay, Bean family!

It's our first day in Big City!

What should our general vibe be?

I'm gonna be real obnoxious!

And nobody's
gonna stand in my way!

- Hey, kid!
- [son growls]

Um, uh, have a nice day.

Don't tell me what to do!

[Chip groans in pain]

I don't understand.
Why are you so down

about some little boy?

He was just so mean to me,
and I didn't do anything.

Oh, Norm!
Is there anything we can do

to make you happy?

Well, I guess we could,
I don't know,

- track down that kid...
- [laughing]

...then we'll pelt his dumb
little face with tomatoes,

till he's all sticky and gross...

- [uncomfortable laughs]
- ...and then, well, we could fly

a helicopter straight at his head?!

[maniacal laugh]
Who's livin' now, kid?!

Could you, uh, excuse me?

[Chip screams]

[giggles]
I love dogs.

[door squeaks]

[reflection snickers]

I don't understand!

I tried to be normal!

Why can't I just be happy?!

[impact grunt, groans]

- [clinches teeth tight]
- [Chip exclaims]

Because you're not normal.

Huh? What--? Who's there?

It's me, the truth.

Listen, Chip, being angry and vengeful

is what makes you feel alive.

But you haven't been alive.

Trying to make "Norm Alguy" happy

isn't gonna make the real Chip happy!

Well, then,
what makes the real Chip happy?

You'll never know
if you can't see him...smile.

[Chip] It was in that moment I realized

I would never be happy
if I didn't accept myself

for who I truly was.

[tooth shatters]

You knocked out your own tooth?!

- Why would you do that?
- Because my tooth veneer

became a symbol of
the fake life I was living,

and only by destroying it could
I fully embrace my true self--

[snapping fingers]
Keep up, Greg!

[Chip]
And that led me down here.

Down in the sewers,
something washed over me.

- [Wholesome Greg] The smell?
- [Chip] No.

It was freedom, Greg--
freedom to be myself.

[Wholesome Greg]
Oh, that's a nice lesson!

[Chip] And myself, in this case,

is a villainous, vengeful monster!

Oh, no, that's a bad lesson.

[Chip] Now that the Greens
are back in the city,

I can plan my revenge.

Up on the surface, I can go unnoticed,

as my veneer, Norm Alguy.

But down here, as my true self,

I can plot to destroy the Greens

from right under their feet.

And it's just not the Greens.

A lot of people have wronged me.

My barista, my boss,

plus everyone who sided
with the Greens over me!

I want revenge on them all!

And that's why I need you, Greg.

'Cause together, we are gonna
destroy everyone in Big City!

Chip Whistler is back, baby!

[gasps] How'd you get that scar?

Oh, completely separate incident
with a rat.

- [maniacal laughing]
- [nervously laughing]

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet, got bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters in seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪