04x14 - Dog Proof/Cricket Control

[bunniefuu]

[Bill groans]
It's got to be
here somewhere.

- Ah, found it.
- [Gramma Alice] Bill!

Quiet down.

All your yappin'
is ruinin' my beauty sleep.

That's how I stay hot.

Sorry, Ma. Cricket's been
such a handful lately,

I thought I could sneak in
some me-time

if I woke up extra early.

I've been trying to whittle
little Lamby for months.

She's still more block
than lamb,

but, today,
at least for a couple hours,

it'll be nothing but peace,
porch and...

[Cricket screaming]
Chaos!

Run for your life!

[groans] Cricket!

What are you doing?

Hi, Dad.
I've been up all night

playing Mummy Hunter
with Phoenix.

- [Phoenix yawns]
- That's right.

I'm coming for you, girl.

Let's tear it up!

[Cricket screaming] Yeah!

[sighs] That boy
is inexhaustible.

I wish I had help
keeping him under control.

But with Nancy living all
the way out in the country,

it's almost like I need
a second parental figure

- who can...
- Not it!

[sighs]

- [knocking on door]
- Hmm?

Why, hello there, sir!

The name's Bart Hagglespiel,

bringing you
the newest big technology

in the old timieist of ways.

A door-to-door salesman?

Uh, well, please come in,
Mr. Hagglespiel.

- [Cricket laughing maniacally]
- Cricket!

Sorry, my boy's
being wild again.

Sir, I may have
just the thing you need.

This bad boy is called
the Parent Plus,

the latest and greatest
in kid monitoring technology.

It can keep even the
rowdiest children in line,

so parents can get
a little me-time.

- That's exactly what I...
- [crashing]

[Cricket] Dad,
I broke the kitchen.

With Parent Plus,
you're still in control!

You can even choose
from six levels of discipline.

- [beep]
- [Parent Plus] Gentle.

- [beep]
- [Parent Plus] Standard.

- [beep]
- [Parent Plus] Stern.

- [beep]
- [Parent Plus] Strict.

A robot parent?

Oh, I don't know.

- [Cricket] Three, two...
- [crashing]

Whoops. Sorry, Dad.

I was just playing
with my new friend Sledgy,

The Sledgehammer.

He's hungry for drywall.

How soon can you install it?

I'm honored, you chose

such a vibrant
and upscale neighborhood

for our ladies' lunch, Gramma.

Eh. Figured we've been workin'
so hard on the farm,

we deserve to get waited on.

And I found us
just the place.

Hello. Welcome to Fud,

where we put the "U"
in food... literally.

You know, it's fancy
when they spell it wrong.

Hey, we'll have the chicken
fettuccine and...

Whoops.
If you're looking to order,

please use our automated
ordering consoles.

The what now?

It appears they do things
differently here.

Well, when in Rome,
I suppose.

You're not in Rome.
You're in Fud.

[beeps] Parental System
engaged.

If this thing works
half as good as promised,

then I could finish carving
my precious Lamby, today!

[Parent Plus]
Parental Goal confirmed.

Your free time with...

[Bill's voice recording]
...precious Lamby...

[Parent Plus]
...is my priority.

- [Cricket] Tan-tan-ta-da!
- [Bill exclaims]

Let's get reckless!

Okay, Parent Plus,
show me what you got.

[beep]

[grunting] It's time
for my world famous...

- fireplace flip! [strains]
- [crashing]

[Parent Plus beeping]
Infraction detected.

Please consider being
more careful, darling.

What the heck is that?

That's it?

Yeah.
That ain't gonna cut it.

Let's try a higher setting.

[Parent Plus beeps]
Infraction detected.

Too much sugar
will rot your teeth.

[Cricket laughs]
I know, right?

[gargling]

Wha... Well, Standard's
not gonna work.

[beep]

[grunts, hums]

[cheering on TV]

[Parent Plus]
Infraction detected.

Access to television blocked

until boy child
cleans his room.

What? Says who?

[Parent Plus] Says...
[in an intimidating voice] me!

Gah. Fine.

I guess I'll go clean my room
to earn some TV time.

- Looks like Stern it is.
- [♪ intense music playing]

- [Gramma Alice] Uh...
- [console] Fud order accepted.

Thank you.

Oh, boy! Now our
leisurely lunch can begin.

- [Gramma Alice exclaims]
- What?

[straining]

How are we supposed
to sit down?

Easy. To gain access
to the dining area,

you must select and complete
a task from the machine.

Select a task?

[baby babbling]

[baby blows raspberry]

Is it me, or is this
starting to get weird?

Freak not, Gramma,

I have signed us up
for a jovial task.

Singing Happy Birthday
to Table 12!

Well, where the heck
is Table 12?

Finally, some me-time.

If Cricket misbehaves, the
Parent Plus will let me know.

[breathes deeply]

And now, it's just
me and you, Lamby.

You're so cute.
Yes, you are.

[Parent Plus]
Infraction Detected.

[Bill gasps, groans]

What is that boy doing?

It's very nice to meet you...
Hammy.

[growls]

No, Bill, just let
the Parent Plus do its thing.

[beep]

Hey, Hammy. What do you say
we get some ice cream?

[yelps] What...

Huh?

What's goin' on?

[Parent Plus] Ice cream
isn't allowed

until after
a well-balanced meal.

You may gain early access
by solving 25 math problems.

Math problems?

[groans] But I want
ice cream... now!

[Parent Plus]
Infraction detected.

Nope, not even
gonna look.

[alarm sounds]

Fine, no ice cream, then
I'll just have some water.

[zapping]

[Parent Plus]
Beverage access revoked

until further notice.

A little time without snacks
will help teach you respect.

Water ain't a snack!
You're crazy.

And I'm telling my dad
you're crazy!

[Parent Plus]
Infraction detected.

[groans] That's it!

[Cricket panting]
Dad, you gotta help me!

Cricket, I've officially had
enough of your rule-breaking.

You smash holes,

you draw on ham...

I even get
this computer to help,

but you just won't listen.

You've left me no choice

but to set it
to the maximum setting!

Dad, wait! Don't!

- [♪ intense music playing]
- [Parent Plus] Full Warden.

[loud clanging]

[whirring]

There. Now it's floating.

Let that be
a lesson to you, son.

[Parent Plus] Infraction.

What!

[Parent Plus] Large child

neglected to ask permission
to leave.

But I'm not a large child.

I'm Daddy.

[Parent Plus]
No, I'm Daddy!

I will maintain control
over ill-behaved children.

- [hissing]
- [alarm sounds]

[Parent Plus] You two
are officially in timeout.

[exclaims]

[Parent Plus]
And I would encourage you

not to make me ask again.

[both inhale]

[both singing]
♪ Happy, happy birthday ♪

♪ Happy, happy day
It's your special birthday ♪

♪ Now blow that flame away
Woo ♪

- [boy] Yay!
- [woman laughing]

[Gramma Alice
and Tilly panting]

Dadgummit, I'm spent!

[sighs] I'm ready
to put my feet up and eat.

And lucky for you,
you're now able to move on

to the next step
of our process.

Please, don these chef's hats
and meet in the kitchen.

Uh, we gotta make
our own food?

Correction.

You get the opportunity
to make your own food.

[Gramma Alice
exclaiming angrily]

[Bill screaming]

[Parent Plus] Cease screaming.
Timeout has begun.

It will last for 72 hours.

Do not leave the timeout
circle or you will be zapped.

I just want to talk
to Big Tech customer service.

- [zapping]
- [Parent Plus] Infraction.

Can I at least use
the restroom?

[sighs] Just drop it, Dad.

How can I drop it?

That machine is unfair!

I don't deserve to be
controlled like this.

Oh, you're having
a hard time

with someone telling you
what to do?

Well, welcome to my world.

Well, I... Oh.

[loud indistinct chatter]

I can't believe
they got all of us customers

making our food!

[exclaims] It's burnt!

- [woman] Oops, excuse me.
- This is not leisurely!

[man grunting]

Does anyone know
how to julienne carrots?

No, I'm not a chef!

None of us are!

We are customers! Wake up!

They're tricking us
into working for free!

My gramma is right.

We came here
and paid good money

for a nice, leisurely lunch,

so we shouldn't have to do
all the work ourselves.

Let's put an end
to this nonsense!

Follow me!

- Move it, food boy.
- Huh?

We're going to a real
dining experience.

- [people muttering]
- Wait. Where?

We're going
to Burger Clown.

[sighs]

Um, Boss, it happened again.

All the customers left.

[Parent Plus] Infraction.

- [zapping]
- [fly buzzes]

All right, Cricket.

We're gonna find a way
out of this mess.

But how?

We're the prisoners of a laser
sh**ting parenting machine.

But I've got a secret weapon.

An inexhaustible son who can
overwhelm any parent.

Even a machine-parent.

What are you
talking about, Dad?

Cricket, I want you
to misbehave!

Ah!

That's the most beautiful
thing you've ever said to me!

[grunting]

Hey, metal-butt!

Here comes a high dive
off the couch!

I hope I don't dislocate
my shoulder!

[Parent Plus] Infraction.

[yelps]

[groaning]

[Parent Plus]
Target neutralized.

[beep]
Commence timeout.

Oh, come on, Cricket!

Misbehave harder.

I... I can't do it alone.

I need you
to misbehave with me, Dad.

Hmm.

Time to get your
naughty on, Bill.

Hey, rust-bucket.

You think you're so tough.

How about you infract this?

- [clanging]
- Yeah, keep it up!

[Parent Plus] Infraction.

Oops! I made a mess!

- [zapping]
- [Parent Plus] Infraction.

I'm artistically
expressing myself.

- [zapping]
- [yelps]

- [laughs]
- [glass breaking]

[Parent Plus] In...
In... Infraction.

Look who's joining the party!

[Parent Plus]
Infra... ction.

[yelling]
Boy, this feels good!

- [Cricket yelping]
- [Parent Plus] Too much...

naughtiness...
Cannot compute.

It's on the ropes, Dad.

Now do something
really, really bad!

I'm sorry, Lamby.
We'll meet again. [kisses]

Hey, Parent Plus!
Look what I've got.

I hope I don't break it.

[Parent Plus] No.

[voice recording]
...precious Lamby...

[Parent Plus]
...is a priority.

[growls]

[grunts]

[Parent Plus]
Infraction detected.

- [firing]
- [expl*si*n]

[barks softly, chomps]

- We're free!
- Yeah!

- [Bill cheering]
- [Cricket laughing]

Oh, Cricket.

Parenting you
is an impossibly difficult

and oftentimes horrible
and thankless job.

But it's my job,
not some machine's.

Sorry, I was so controlling.

As you should be.

[clears throat]

I mean, uh, I'll try to
behave a little more.

- [chuckles]
- Good.

You can start by cleaning
all this up

while I get dinner going.

Hey, hey! There he is!

Good to have you back. Dad.

[Tilly] Oh, my!

What happened in here?

[Gramma Alice]
Not it!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and scraped
up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
in seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow,
I'll do it all again ♪