04x17 - Freebie Frenzy/TP'd

[bunniefuu]

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ One, two...
One, two three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

[♪ banjo music plays]

All right,
my vine-ripened friend,

time to show these folks
what you're "mater" of. [chuckles]

What the-- Bill!
Why are you mutilatin' the merchandise?

We can't sell that tomato now.

I never intended to sell it.
It's for the customers to taste, for free.

Because today is Free Sample Day
at the farmers' market!

Somethin's free? Where? Where?

[exclaims, grunts]

How do you expect to turn a profit
by givin' crops away willy nilly?

I'm being neither
willy nor nilly.

With free samples, potential customers
can taste our products first,

then knowing for certain they've got
something delicious,

they'll buy, buy, buy!

But what if they don't
buy, buy, buy?

That's simply not how it works.
It's free sample code.

I like this Free Sample Day.
Free samples for all!

- That betrays the code, Tilly.
- Sorry, Papa.

Free samples for all, eh?

[whispers] Gramma, if the whole market
is giving away free food,

how 'bout you and me
go stuff ourselves silly?

What are you, a mind reader?
Let's get it.

Hmm? Oh, my.

You poor little creatures.
So desperate for sustenance

you'll eat the detritus
of a child's celebratory berry toss.

I cannot stand by while a fellow mammalian
lives off of waste.

I shall find you a nutritious,
delicious meal.

But I'm not sure
what you might like.

But luckily today's free sample day,
so you can try it all.

Mmm. Wow, these are great.
I'll take two.

Ooh, free samples? [chomps]

- Mmm. Twelve tomatoes please.
- Thank ya kindly.

[exclaims joyfully]
The free samples are working.

Howdy there.
Can I interest you in any tomatoes today?

Are those heirloom tomatoes?
Don't mind if I do.

Whoa. What flavor,
spectacular mouth feel,

and the word "umami" gets
thrown around a lot, but...

Ooh, Mommy!
These are exactly what I'm looking for.

[laughs] I thought
you might say that.

So, how many
can I put ya down for?

Huh?

Sir? Aren't you
forgetting something?

You're supposed
to buy, buy, buy!

Hmm. You're not
getting off that easy pal.

[huffs]

[Gramma and Cricket chanting]
Freebies! Freebies!

- [Cricket grunts]
- Cricket, look!

- French fries.
- Free sample?

Uh, french fry, I guess.

[chomps] Hmm. Still hungry.

- Orange juice? Gimme gimmie.
- Sure thing, little man.

It's freshly squeezed.

Squeeze.

Ah. [smacks lips]

I dunno, Cricket.
These dainty bites might be free but...

[stomach growls]
They ain't satisfyin'.

Well, maybe there's a way
to turn these itty bitty

- samples into get a full meal.
- I'm listenin'.

In addition to farm stands,
this market has

a cheese place, a butcher guy,

and an artisin...
Artisimina...

An ar... A bread booth.

What are you gettin' at?

If we combine
all those free samples,

we'll have enough ingredients to make
a big, full meal-sized sandwich!

I call it, the "sampl-ich".

Boy, you are a lot
smarter than you look.

Yeah.

[Cricket and Gramma snicker]

All right Chad and Napoleon,
have a peek around

and tell me which booth
you'd like to try first.

Squeak up, now. Don't be shy.

- [Chad squeaks]
- Ooh, excellent choice, Chad.

Excuse me, do you have any
free samples that might appeal

to my formerly
trash-eating friends here?

- Rats! [yells, whimpers]
- Yes, that's what they're called.

Get away!

- Ah.
- Shoo! Shoo!

That did not go as planned.

You poor things.
Eating trash again.

Fear not. I promise to still
find you a nutritious treat.

I'll just have to do
the sampling for you.

It just don't make any sense.

He said he wants tomatoes,
and he thinks my tomatoes are delicious.

So, why didn't
he buy any? Wha?

He's sampling more tomatoes?

And still not buyin' any?

That's not how free samples
are supposed to work.

Somebody needs to tell him.

Okay, fine, I'll do it.

[strained] Hey, buddy.

I see how much you love them free
tomato samples. Quick question...

- [shouts] What's your problem?
- Uh, sorry guy.

There's just a lot of tomatoes
to get through.

So, you admit it!

Seriously, what kind
of monster goes around taking samples

with no intention
of buying them?

Free pickles, go Gramma go!

[gasps] Mine own family?

Doesn't anybody have
any decency anymore?

[chomping, slurping]

No. I guess they don't.

Well, if folks are gonna
abuse free samples,

then they ain't
gettin' any of mine!

Great job on the sample
collectin', boy.

We just need a few bread slices,
and then it's sampl-ich time.

[Gramma] "Braelyn Bakes Now."

Well hopefully the "now"
in the sign means we'll get 'em fast.

Hey, bread monger, can we get
a couple bread samples over here?

Of course! Would you like to try
the double sourdough

or the sourdough sourdough?

- What's the difference?
- I want bread.

Not a lot of people know
the many, many intricacies

that go into artisanal
bread making.

My journey started on a brisk walk in the
autumn woods with Gramama Clementine...

Great talk, thanks.

[Braelyn] I used to visit her
every summer in Maine.

Before our lengthy strolls,
we'd tuck a slice of buttered sourdough

neatly into our packs and save it to eat
next to a babbling brook.

More like babblin' Braelyn...

I wanted everyone
to experience that.

So, I put my beautiful
memory into every loaf,

along with many other memories
that I'm going to share with you.

[Cricket and Gramma grumble]

[Tilly] Letting my rodent friends
try to pick their own food was a bust,

so in order to find a healthy snack
they'll enjoy, I must think like a rat,

become a rat.
I am Ratatilly! [exclaims]

Hmm. Now, what looks
delicious to me?

[chomping] This is far too much work
for my delicate rodent mandible.

What is happening?

[tuts] Don't interrupt.
I'm tryin' to hold onto a feeling.

A rat feeling.

[chomping, slurping]

All juice. Not very filling.

Come on Tilly,
you cannot return empty-handed.

So, what will it be?

- As a rat, I do like garbage.
- What?

So, how can I have garbage
but nutritious?

How 'bout this peach I found
in the crate from last week?

[gasps] It's perfect.
How much do I owe ya?

[chuckles] It's on the house.
Please never return.

Ooh, free sample. [chomps]

[Bill huffs] I thought
people were decent.

I thought people were good. Turns out,
I was just being a ding-dong! [huffs]

I could still sell this.

- Hey, got any samples?
- Read the sign! No freebies here!

[grumbles]

- [♪ music plays over headphones]
- No free touch samples.

- [woman sniffs]
- No free smell samples either!

Hello!

Keep your senses to yourself!

And that means
your eyeballs, too!

[Tilly] Here Chad
and Napoleon, try this.

- [both squeaking]
- [squelches]

Come on, not even a nibble?

I thought you'd find comfort that
this resembles your usual garbage fare.

Please, give me some kind of sign
so I know what you'd like to... eat.

Well, that was fast. Wait up!

So, that's the gist of my epic

mental, emotional,
and spiritual sourdough journey.

- Ooh. I have a bread fact for you.
- We just want bread.

Well, the thing that makes
bread rise is called yeast,

and yeast is a fungus.
Actually, the story of bread begins...

Ancient Egypt, 3000 BC.
You told us.

And sliced bread
was invented in 1928.

Now, can we actually
have a slice?

Here you go.

It's beautiful.

Cricket, Gramma,
have you seen my rats anywhere?

Can't talk now, Tilly,
time to assemble the sampl-ich!

Wha?

- Aw rats.
- Our sampl-ich fillings.

What kind of a sandwich
is just bread?

A bad one.

Huh, I think I get it now.

They must've developed
a complex palate

from the melange of trash
they're used to eating.

[burps]

Here I was trying to feed them
one-ingredient items,

but it's the mix of flavors
that satisfies the rat gourmand.

Or they're just rats
and they'll eat anything.

Yeah, probably.

[woman humming]

- Nope! No free samples!
- [woman screams]

Don't even ask!

[gasps] You.
Back for some more, huh?

Haven't you taken advantage
of the free samples enough?

What's next?
The shirt off my back?

Here! Take my hat!
It's the only one I own!

Actually, I was just makin' the rounds
to sample every tomato because--

Because you have no honor?

Because I wanted to make
an informed decision.

And I've decided your tomatoes
are the best in the whole market.

Huh? Wait, so you were
gonna buy tomatoes all along?

Of course.
But I only buy the best. And I buy a lot.

I'll take every
tomato you've got.

Wha, wha, wha, wha?

Ever heard of the restaurant
Tomato Sauce Boss?

Well, I'm the boss,
and we make a lot of sauce.

Oh, gee, Mr. Sauce Boss, sorry for
questioning your honor. Here you go.

[Sauce Boss] Pleasure doin'
business with ya.

Stay sauc-ay.

Hmm.

Bill! Got any more tomatoes?
It's a sandwich emergency!

- Sorry, just sold out.
- [Gramma and Cricket] Dang it!

Well, at least one of us had
a successful Free Sample Day.

All's we got is this
hipster-made fungus bread.

[Gramma and Cricket chomping]
Mmm.

- Oh, wow, this is phenomenal.
- You can really taste the yeast.

Ya know, I might've gotten
a little too wound up

around the rules of free sample day.

What, someone takes a free sample
without buying anything

and I lose my faith
in humanity?

Sure, some people might take advantage of
free samples, but that's okay with me.

- Oh, did you say free samples?
- Yep. Help yourself.

[strained laugh]

[squelching]

I'm not a violent boy,
but you pushed me to do this!

- [sighs] Oh, boy.
- [Patti] Here ya go, Saul.

One plate of hash browns,
on the house.

[Saul exclaims graciously]

Hey Patti. How come
the ol' toot gets free H-B's?

Oh, you don't know?
Saul's a Smalton legend.

Saul pulled the greatest prank
this town has ever seen. The Suds of '76.

One night, Saul filled
the town fountain with soap.

The next day,
there were suds everywhere.

Wow.

[chuckles] Oh, yessir.
This town loves a good prank.

But no one's been
able to top Saul's.

Ha! That ain't as cool
as my pranks. Check it.

'Ey pal! How about
some salt with your meal?

Oh, I just have a coffee.

Oh!

Anyway. Saul's prank was
so hilarious and legendary,

it's still remembered
to this day...

[exclaims]

Wow, could you imagine pulling a prank
so awesome you become a legend?

[sighs wistfully] I want that.

Getting fame and free stuff
does sound pretty sweet.

I think I know how we can create
our own prank legacy. You in?

[snickers] Yeah.

[both] Yeah. [snickering]

Hey partner,
you got somethin' on yer shirt.

- No, I don't-- [yells]
- Gotcha! Ha!

[softly] All right, town's asleep.
Let's get prankin'.

[both snicker]

- [Cricket] Whoo-hoo! We did it!
- [Nancy] Whoo-hoo!

Some of our best work, Mom.

[grunts] Sure hope
the town likes it.

- [dog barks]
- Aw, crud, it's Ernie and the Mayor.

[yawns] Time for your morning
doodies, Mr. Mayor. [gasps]

Good gravy! Mayor Beans.

- Alert the people!
- [growls, howls]

[overlapping speech]

[Patti] Oh, my gosh!

This prank is... just as good
as the Suds of '76! Maybe better!

- Ya hear that?
- They love it.

Now, let's go claim our glory.

- Glory.
- [both snicker]

- [humming] Eat up, little ones.
- [chicks chirping]

This feed will help
you grow up big and strong.

- Do it for Daddy...
- Uh, Bill, you okay?

You're talking to chickens
like they're your kids.

- What? No, that's ridiculous.
- [chirping]

Now, what have I told you about
interrupting your father?

[sighs] You may
have a point Brett.

My kids are with their mom
for the weekend,

and I just miss
being a dad, I guess.

- [phone vibrating]
- [Bill] Hmm?

[over phone]
Hey Mr. Green. Sorry to bother you,

but Vasquez
and my parents are busy.

Could you give me a ride home
from the community center?

[gasps] A child who needs me?
I'll be right there.

- [Nancy] Whoa.
- What's goin' on here?

Someone TP'd the town,
but we don't know who.

Whoever did
should have a statue made.

And the town named after them.

[chuckles] Well,
look no further, because--

- [Frank] What a mess.
- [Cricket] Hmm?

It's my job to keep
this town clean,

and there ain't nothin'
clean about pranks.

I'm gonna find whoever did this
and make them pick up after themselves.

Ooh, I do not want
to be on chore duty.

[softly] Let's lay low
until it's all cleaned up.

My, I wonder who's responsible
for this dazzling display of delinquency.

- You're not gonna believe this...
- But it was us.

No, I believe it.

We need you to help
cover for us.

Just tell people we were with you

- all night.
- [Frank clears throat]

And what were you known troublemakers
up to last night?

- Us? [stifled chuckling]
- We were just at home not TP'ing the town.

It's true. They were home
with me all night, Mr. Frank.

[Frank] Hmm.

Well, I suppose if Tilly says so...
Dang. Not a single lead.

Don't worry. I'm sure whoever
did it will reveal themselves very soon.

[Trey] And very soon...

Is right now!
I, Trey Hicks, did the prank.

- [Nancy and Cricket] What?
- You did this, Trey?

I always thought your pranks
were short-sighted and ill-conceived,

This is impressive.

My baby is so daring
and bold and creative.

- All right, funny guy. Get sweeping.
- Aw, dang.

Eh. Small price to pay
for being a legend.

- Oh, no. He's taking our credit.
- What're we gonna do about it?

We're gonna do... something.

Something.

[both] Something.

[Remy] Thanks
for the ride, Mr. Green.

Oh, I'd do anything
for my son... 's best friend.

- So, how was your day?
- Good.

Played some freeze tag, and I was it.

You know, being it
is a big responsibility.

Responsibilities
are important.

Never forget that,
okay son... shine?

Okay. Anyway,
after that I-- Huh?

Why are we stopping
at the park?

Well, it's just such a beautiful day and--
[gasp] What's this?

A baseball
and two baseball gloves?

Mr. Green, do you wanna play--

Yes, I wanna play catch, son--
Uh, screen.

You should always wear sunscreen
when playing outside.

- Now come on.
- [hesitates] Okay.

Hey, Trey!
That was a legendary prank you pulled off.

- Yeah, Trey, you rock.
- Thank you. I know, I know.

I'd say a legendary prank calls for some
legendary hash browns, on the house.

Ooh, time for a snack break.

Man it feels good to be
recognized for my genius.

- [hashbrown thuds]
- Whoop.

Eh, 5-second rule. [muffled yelling]

Listen up, buster.

You're gonna tell everyone
we TP'ed the town. Or else.

Or else what?

Or else... something.

[yells] The ambiguity is terrifyin'.
Fine, I'll talk.

[Nancy and Cricket snicker]

[grunts] Uh, hey y'all.
I got a confession to make.

I didn't TP the town.
Cricket and Nancy did.

- Aha!
- He admits it!

But Tilly said
y'all were at home.

- That's correct.
- [townspeople] Hmm.

No, no, no! It really was us.

We were up all night
TP'ing the town.

You've got some nerve.
Tryin' to steal my Trey's credit.

- [barks]
- Well said, sir.

In honor of this prank,
and in spite of the fibbers,

Mayor Beans hereby declares
this day, Trey Day.

- [Cricket and Nancy]
- And since it's Trey Day,

I say we all help
Trey clean up!

And then throw a party after.

- Trey Day!
- [townspeople cheering]

[chanting] Trey Day!
Trey Day! Trey Day!

Congratulations, you two.

Smalton now firmly believes
you had nothing to do with the prank.

My work here is done.
[chanting] Trey Day! Trey Day!

[Cricket and Nancy grumble]

And that concludes a step-by-step guide
on how to file your taxes.

[exclaims, grunts in effort]
Uh, Mr. Green?

While I appreciate
all the life lessons...

[grunts]

I just needed a ride.
I think I'm gonna walk home now.

Wait. Don't go yet.
We could get ice cream.

Or... Oh, I can teach you
how to tie knots.

Um... Oh, he's gone.

- [phone vibrating]
- Huh?

[gasps] My actual son.

Hello, actual-son.

Hey, Dad. Just checkin' in.
Been a rough day out here.

What happened?
Tell me everything.

Daddy's here for you always.

Well, I worked
real hard on something,

and then somebody
else took all the credit.

Now, nobody
even knows I did it.

Aw. Life can be
unfair sometimes.

But just keep workin' hard,

and you'll be recognized
for your greatness eventually.

Huh? [gasps]
That's exactly what I need.

- Glad I was able to help, so--
- Gotta go Dad, bye!

- [line disconnects]
- Ah, fatherhood.

[all chanting]
Trey! Trey! Trey!

[Cricket] Go on.
Worship your false idol while you can.

Soon you'll all be celebrating
a new prank legend.

[both] The grim roller!

- Gas me, Mama.
- [engine revs]

- [♪ banjo music plays]
- What's the plan again, Shug?

Using this hay baler,
we're gonna make the biggest

darn rolls of TP
anyone's ever seen.

[grunts, yells]

And using
the tractor's bucket,

we're gonna [straining]
TP this whole town. Punch it!

[Nancy grunts]

- [Nancy] Nice!
- [Cricket] All right!

Let's keep it movin'.
On to the next pile!

Looks like it's gonna be
another all-nighter.

[both] Yeah!

[both] Yeah.

[both wearily] Yeah.

[Cricket wearily]
And finished.

Success. [yawns]

Now all we gotta do is show
the folks at the diner.

[grunts, body thuds]

[snores, exclaims]

[wearily] No, no,
you can't fall asleep now...

- Don't worry, I'll get ya to the diner...
- [body thuds]

[chanting] Trey! Trey! Trey!

What the-- Someone TP'd the town again.
But with giant rolls?

It's even more legendary
than before! [laughs]

- Uh, yeah. I did this, too.
- That's impossible.

You were inside with us, housin' waffles
like yer life depended on it.

But if Trey didn't do it,
then who did?

I guess we might never know.

[both snoring]

[imperceptible]

[kids laughing]

Oh, no! We fell asleep!
[gasps] Mom, get up. The sign's gone.

- Oh, no. Our credit.
- [Cricket panting]

- It was us!
- We mega-TP'd the town!

Heard that one before.

Always tryin' to take credit
for stuff ya didn't do.

Come on,
you believe us, right?

[Cricket and Nancy sigh sadly]

Wayne, can I get a black coffee
and a chocolate milk over here?

[sighs] Sure must be nice
being a town legend, Saul.

Eternal glory,
eternal hash browns.

Well, that's all nice, but what's
really important are the suds.

- Huh?
- What's that even mean?

I take joy from
knowing what I did,

not being known
for what I did.

It made people smile.
And that's what matters most.

You know, I think I'm okay
with how this all turned out.

We did something legendary
that'll live on forever.

Even if nobody
knows who did it.

Hot off the presses. Wow.

Wow, what a prank.

There's one thing
you're forgetting, Shug.

A couple people
do know who did it.

We know the truth, so you'll always be
a legend in my eyes.

Hey, Wayne.
Put us down for an order of hash browns.

You betcha.

Thanks, legendary Mom.

[mumbles] Frank hates pranks.
Frank hates pranks!

Hey there, you got somethin'
on yer shirt.

- Oh, no, how embarra--
- Ha! Pranked!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got
Bit by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
In seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow,
I'll do it all again ♪