04x18 - Chocolate Santa/Meadow Mania

[bunniefuu]

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ One, two...
One, two, three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

Hello?

Anybody there? Yoo-hoo! Hmm.

Looks like it's just you
and me, Mr. Kringle.

- [gasping]
- Cricket!

You got Christmas candy?

It's my chocolate Santa.

But how did you get one
in the middle of summer?

Oh, I didn't. It's the one
I got last Christmas.

You've been holding onto that
for half a year?

See, I love the decadent flavor
of Christmas chocolate.

So I divide my Santa
into 365 slivers

and eat one
teensy slice each day.

That way, I can get a taste
of the holidays year round.

It's called self-restraint.

Okay, I have
a couple of questions.

One, what kind of maniac eats
a chocolate Santa this way?

And two, can I have some?

- You certainly could.
- Yay!

If I trusted you
not to eat the whole thing.

- Ah.
- Last year,

you gobbled yours down so fast,

you didn't even take the foil off.

It's called "enjoying it," Dad.

something you might wanna try.

Looks like I'm the only one
enjoying it now.

Ah!

- [sizzles]
- Ooh!

Sorry, Cricket.

Maybe be more prudent
next Christmas.

Now, to hide Santa
in his secret hiding place.

Turn around
so I can hide my Santa.

[straining]

- [growls softly] Tilly?
- Yes, Papa.

Restrain your brother.

Aye-aye!

[Cricket exclaiming]

- La, la, la, la, la...
- I can't see.

- [Bill] That's that.
- Huh?

Now, Gramma and I are going
on a little shopping trip.

You two be good while we're gone.

Oh, we'll be good.

So good that Santa might visit us

a bit early this year.

I can hear you, Cricket.

No funny business.

Because if you eat any of my Santa,

even a nibble,

you'll never get
one of your own ever again.

- Okay.
- Okay. Hmm. Okay.

Wow, Cricket, you're taking this really--

Where's the Santa, Tilly?
You saw everything.

Where'd Dad hide it?

I am honor-bound
not to divulge that information.

It's gotta be in here somewhere.

- Is it in here?
- I cannot tell you that.

How about here?

- I don't know.
- Here?

- No.
- Ha-ha! The eyes don't lie.

Hmm, hmm.
[laughs exultantly]

Merry Christmas to Cricket.

Brother, abandon this holly jolly folly.

No good can come from eating that Santa.

Relax. I'm just gonna
have a little taste.

Dad'll never know.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Well, I'm really impressed-- [gasps]

- Cricket!
- [sighs in satisfaction]

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

What have I... done?

[clerk] Welcome to the Upgrade store,

where we make you a better you.

What can I help you with today?

Well, my Ma's wooden leg
is on its last leg.

[laughs]

So we're looking for the best
replacement you've got.

Not true.
My leg is still perfectly functional.

I can walk right out of this
stupid store just fine. Watch.

Oh, come on, Ma.
Give this place a chance.

I can hear your leg creaking
when you walk.

[creaking]

That's just my bones.

Besides, I'm happy
with my wooden leg.

That may be,
but you'll change your mind

once you see our latest model.

The Powergam Pro.

Head-turning style
with a titanium alloy coating.

It's quickly become our best seller.

And not only that,
it is also 100% indestructible.

- Hi-yah!
- [clangs]

Do I got to worry about
people hammering my leg?

Not if you have the Powergam Pro.

I guess trying it out can't hurt.

- Leg me, lady.
- [pops]

It's okay. Everything's fine.

I can fix this.

Just gotta get Dad a new chocolate Santa

to replace the one I ate.

Cricket, who's gonna sell you
Christmas candy in the middle of summer?

I don't know, Tilly.

Australians? Oh, when Dad sees what I did,

I'll never get another
chocolate Santa again.

[sobbing]

Perhaps we could make a new one?

[continues crying]

Oh, I even ate the foil.

I'm a monster!

[gasps]

Tilly, what if we got someone else
to make the new one?

We're gonna go to the most
magical place in the world.

[gasps] The place where magic
is born of sugar and song?

The very same.

We're going to...

[reading]

As our wuntubulous tour continues,

you'll see where every
Willard Whimsey chocolate

gets that special ingredient.

- Lubb.
- Do you mean "love"?

Close. Lubb is a soy-based love substitute

that 80% of consumers found

indistinguishable from the real thing.

How sweet.

Okay, look, I need a chocolate Santa.

- Can you make me one?
- Afraid not.

If I stop the line,
I won't meet my wuntubulous quota.

Come on, man.

I need a Santa!

[sighs] There might be some
out-of-season candy in the clearance bin.

[gasps and pants] Hey-o!

[grunts] Let's see what we've got here.

Okay, Easter Bunny?

Nope. Jack-O-Mallow?

Nope. What's this?

William Howard Taffy?

Kind of looks like Santa.

But not chocolate.

Also possibly over 100 years old.

Dang it!

Come on,
it's gotta be in here somewhere.

[Cricket gasps]

Sweet Coco Kringle.

Tilly, I found our Santa.

This really is where joy is born.

[groans]

[crying]

- I think this is too tall.
- Looking smart, Ma.

Do you have a smaller size?

No. Market research says

this is the size a leg should be.

[Gramma Alice] Hmm.

Well, son, it was a nice thought,
but this ain't gonna work.

Oh, sh**t. It'd be a shame to throw out
this whole thing over a mere half a meter.

I've got just the thing.

[squeaking]

The Equa-Lifter.

Wow. Now, isn't that really something?

Feels a little unstable.

A lot of people say that,

which is why we developed smart canes.

It'll wirelessly connect
to the other devices

and only emits minimal amounts
of radiation.

This thing's way too short.

Say no more.
I've got just the thing, again.

Oh, my gosh,
they've thought of everything!

[groans]

[Tilly] When we get home,
I intend to write Mr. Whimsey

about the appalling conditions
of his factory.

The word "wuntubulous"
used to mean something.

I'm just glad I got a Santa for Dad.

All I gotta do now

is get this little
Christmas miracle home safe.

Forget about his hints of cool
crystal peppermint candy

smothered in milk chocolate,
molded into pure happiness.

Uh...

- Brother?
- Gah! It's the dang Santa.

He's too yummy for me to resist.

You gotta hold it for me, Tilly.

No, Cricket.
If Papa found my fingerprints on it,

I too would be punished.
I'm sorry, brother,

but this is your burden to bear alone.

I must remain an impartial party,

while you must be strong and brave.

You must search within yourself...

[continues indistinctly]

Cricket, snap out of it!

Eating that Santa will seal your fate.

If you give in now, you'll never have
another chocolate Santa ever again.

I can't control myself.

I've got the Christmas spirit!

You gotta restrain me.

I'm about to deck the halls!

- Hi-yah!
- [both struggling]

Okay. I think we've finally
worked out all the kinks.

I hate this.

But, Ma, we've finally
got it all sorted out.

At least take it for a spin.

Fine. Once around the store
and we're done.

[automated voice] Walk sequence initiated.

- Not so ba-- [screams]
- [crashing]

Ahhh! Can't...

- [bangs]
- ...control it!

- [bangs]
- Ma!

- [panting]
- Another satisfied customer.

[Cricket straining]

I want it! Don't give it to me.

Hold me, Tilly! [screams]

- Don't hold me!
- Forget it!

Go on, Cricket. Return the Santa
and this will all be over.

Oh, okay.

I'll just put it back
and Dad will never know

I ate his Santa.

- [booming voice] h*-h*-h*!
- Huh?

Oh, he'll know.

Or have you forgotten
your father's Santa was half-eaten?

- Oh, my gosh, you're right.
- [Tilly] Who, me?

- No, Santa!
- Oh.

If I'm gonna fool Dad,
I've gotta eat exactly half

of this chocolate.

You? Eat only half?

Ha! Once you start eating me,

you'll never be able to stop yourself.

I mean, who do you think you are?

- Your father?
- Ah...

- Huh?
- It's called self-restraint.

Three hundred and sixty-five
little pieces.

Gramma and I are going shopping.

That's it.

Not the last part, though.
That was weird.

I may not be my father,
but I can try to be!

Hey, what are you doing?

[straining]

Oh, gosh. Papa's method.

Come on, Cricket.
You got this!

Seriously?
One slice at a time?

Come on, take a big bite.

I'm delicious.

What kind of maniac eats
a chocolate Santa this way?

Don't you want to enjoy me?

Stop this nonsense!

Easy now, Cricket.

You're closing in
on the halfway point.

Eat me! Eat me!

[sighs] Exactly half!

h*-h*, no!

Cricket, you did it!

Now I just need to get this
back in the freezer before Dad gets home.

Kids, have y'all seen
your gramma?

What are you
doing with my Santa?

I think the real question is,

what am I not doing with it?

- Huh?
- See, I'm holding it.

I'm smelling it,
but I'm not eating it.

It's called self-restraint.

Wow. I was wrong
not to trust you, Cricket.

As a reward,
you can have one bite.

[laughs] I think I'm good.

Maybe a thin slice tomorrow.

Mmm. Sure thing, son.

Now, what were you
saying about Gramma?

- [crashing]
- Help me!

- Tilly.
- Restrain her?

- Restrain her.
- Yeah!

[announcer on PA]
Now arriving at Smalton Station.

[breathes deeply]

Feels like I can finally
take a deep breath again.

I sure do love
my Smalton sanctuary.

It has been such a treat to locomote
to the country with you, Gramma.

[straining] Yeah, a real treat.

Well, since your dad
needed some "me" time,

I figured we'd leave Big City

and visit your mom's place in the country
for a quiet, relaxing weekend.

And that's just what I plan to do--

[crowd chattering indistinctly]

Who the heck are these yahoos

and what are they doing in my sanctuary?

These folks are like cooler,
dirtier versions of Gloria.

Don't get too close!

We're meeting your mom
and grandpa at the diner.

Patti will know
what the heck is goin' on.

Patti! What the heck is going on?

Greens, get out of Smalton
while you still can!

Meadow Mania is upon us!

Meadow what'd you say?

Meadow Mania.

It's an annual festival
where Big City Mead-Heads

come to the country to party
in a meadow and feel the vibe.

- And my vibe is feeling.
- [dings]

These are not my kind of people.

I'll say. They keep trying to order
something called "oat milk."

You can't milk an oat!

Ha! These people will milk anything.

- Grandpa!
- Yeah, yeah. Love and hugs.

Listen up, kiddo.

With all these meadow
ding-dongs in town,

we got an opportunity here.

I sense a scam a-comin'.

What's your play?

I'm not sure yet.

But these overly-enthusiastic dum-dums
drive some real fancy cars.

And they're gonna need a place to park
all those real fancy cars, ain't they?

Attaboy. We're gonna be rich.

Gramma says these Mead-Heads
are not to be trusted.

Yeah, look at these guys.

Who wants to be around

a bunch of smelly weirdos,
dancing in nature,

losing themselves in the music,
feeling free.

C'mon! Let's go to the farmhouse

so we can get away from these
Meadow Mania freaks!

- Let's go, Mama.
- Sure thing.

Right behind you...

Ah. Now, this is more like it.

Not a noisy Mead-Head for miles around.

Hang on.
Somethin' ain't quite right across the...

road... Oh... Oh, no.

This flip-flappin' festival
is happening right across the road?

Welcome to the Meadow.

Here's your entry crystal.

[laughing and whooping]

Gong check.

Oh, heck, no!

The one weekend
I come to the country for peace and quiet,

and all these city-folks
are encroaching in?

They're gonna k*ll the country charm!

[gasps] Not the charm!
What are we gonna do?

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna get them to leave
using the most diabolical

negotiating tactic in the country arsenal.

Fresh cookies!

Ugh, look at this place.

A silent disco?

Drum rectangle?

Swaying station?

Whoever's running this event
has got a screw loose.

I assure you,
you'll find no screws here.

Only sustainable,
aura-friendly adhesives and hummus.

Greetings, fellow spiritual beings.

My name is Fawn, and I am
the director of Meadow Mania.

It is a pleasure
to have you at our festival. Namaste.

Well, uh, I'm a kindly old woman
who lives over yonder.

I don't have much time left
to enjoy this Earth.

So I'm gonna need you freaks
to take these cookies and leave.

- Nah, I'mma stay.
- What?

[whispering] I think
she's refusing to leave.

That is correct.
But we'd love for you to join us.

Tonight, I shall light the Meadow Moon.

A real must-see
and a centerpiece to our festival.

It's so far out, it's beyond.

Well, I'm beyond confused!

And those feelings are valid.
Now, I must be off.

It is time for the sacred
dance of the chicken.

[chanting] Fawn!
Fawn! Fawn! Fawn!

Dang it!
We tried asking nice, Tilly.

But if we want these
Meadow morons outta Smalton,

we'll have to serve them
a batch of cookies that ain't so sweet.

Okay. A little more.
Little more...

And... stop!

Thanks for doing business with us.
Enjoy the meadow.

- Yee-haw!
- [cackles]

Cricket, this overpriced
parking lot was pure genius.

But I still don't understand
how people so...

- un-showered can drive such shiny cars
- [in monotone] Yee-haw.

Hmm. Probably a bunch of rich kids
from the city playing country.

Which means we should be
charging them way more money!

[grunting] Sorry, man.
Surge pricing.

But... But...

You heard the man.
Pay up, country boy.

Ugh, fine.
Just don't scratch the paint.

And a yee-haw to you, sir.

Ha! Easiest money of my life.

Come on, kid, let's go
park this in a cornfield.

- [tires screech]
- Move it, Mead-Head.

Man! What is that guy's problem?

- [chuckles] Anyway, who's ready to party?
- [all] Yeah!

These disguises will help us
blend in so we can sabotage the festival.

[Tilly] But, Gramma,
the gathering is now roaring with life.

How can we possibly
stop such a spectacle?

I'll tell you how.
By k*lling the vibe.

♪ First, we'll come in acting real nice ♪

♪ Then we'll add some destructive spice ♪

♪ We'll turn their music
from happy to sad ♪

♪ And that will make 'em dance real bad ♪

♪ 'Cuz we're vibe-K*llers
We're killin' the vibe ♪

♪ Vibe-K*llers
And we're feelin' just fine ♪

♪ We'll make their sauna icy cool ♪

♪ Throw a band-aid
in their wading pool ♪

♪ We'll play their drums
like we're really mad ♪

♪ Then I'll ask this guy if he's my dad ♪

- [woman crying]
- No? Too much?

[man groans]

♪ 'Cuz we're vibe-K*llers
We're killin' the vibe ♪

♪ Vibe-K*llers
And the vibe's just died ♪

[sneezes]

Aw.

[people murmuring disappointedly]

[stammers] Wait.
Where's everyone going?

The party's just getting started. Come on!

We did it, Tilly.

The vibes are deader
than a possum at a roadkill convention.

Hey, look!
The Meadow Moon is lighting up.

Rejoice! There are some
good vibes left after all!

The heck? They're drawn
to that Meadow Moon

like dumb moths to a stupid flame.

[gasps] It's the source of their vibes.

If we break it, they'll have nothing left
and leave for sure!

I've always wanted to be
a harbinger of darkness.

Tonight, we destroy the moon.
Oh! [grunts]

Greetings, travelers.
Can I help you?

Uh, uh, greetings,
person I've never met before.

Uh, my name is
Rainbow Prairie Dog,

and this is my, uh,
my meditation partner, uh, Venus.

Right on, right on, right on.
[chuckles]

Hello, new friends.
We're gathering for a stargazing session.

Care to join? With a name like Venus,
you must love looking at the night sky.

Totally, man! I'll see you there, Daddy-O!

Okay. I'll distract
the stargazing Meadow morons,

while you take down the moon.

Can you handle it?

Ha. That moon is as good as dead.

Oh, would you look at that.
So many stars.

Big Dipper, Little Dipper,

uh... medium dipper...

[Tilly grunting]

It's just so incredi-wow!

It's not often us city-folk get to see
the night sky like this in all its glory.

Ah, nothing like the country quiet.

Makes me feel like I can
finally take a deep breath.

But that's how
the country makes me feel.

[rustling]

All right. How am I going
to detach this thing so I can push it?

Oh! I guess Fawn wasn't lying.

You really won't find
any screws here.

The Meadow Moon!

[glass shatters]

It's an omen.
The moon has been extinguished

and all our good vibes
have gone with it.

I'm sorry, friends,
but the festival is over.

Everybody go home.

Aw, all I wanted was a quiet,
relaxing weekend in the country.

[all murmuring disappointedly]

All these city-folk just wanted
to come out here to enjoy the country.

Just like me.
And I ruined it for 'em.

I gotta make it right.
And I know just what to do.

[chuckling] Oh, man, I'm gonna buy
so many dart boards with this.

And I'm gonna buy so many...
I'll tell you when you're older.

Hey, uh, the festival just got ruined.

- So we need our cars back.
- You want to leave early?

Okay, well, we're gonna need
a leave-early fee.

You heard the kid. Pay up!

- What? Nah!
- What a drag.

[panting]

Ah-ha!

[grunting and groaning]

Stay away! Argh!

[sighs]

Hmm?

Can it be?

The Meadow Moon is reborn.

Glorious news, everyone.

Meadow Mania is back on!

[cheering]

Now, how shall I destroy this moon?

Wait, Gramma?

Ugh, here's your stupid fake moon,
you weirdos.

Wow. She learned
the error of her ways.

Yep. What goes around,
comes around.

[car alarms blaring]

- You're gonna have to pay for that.
- [both sigh]

[both] Form a line.

Here you go.
Enjoy the stupid crystal.

Gramma, you built that Meadow Moon?

Why the sudden change of heart?

- I thought you despised these people.
- I did.

But spending a little time
with them helped me to see

that the country
ain't just my sanctuary.

It's a special place,

and everyone should be able
to enjoy it here.

- [gong sounding]
- Even if they are a little different.

[in vibrating voice]
So they can stay?

[in vibrating voice]
They can stay.

That is a relief because
that woman is wearing a seashell dress,

and I'm desperate to see
if I can hear the ocean.

[chattering indistinctly]

Oh, my word.

What are all these loud,
obnoxious party people doing here?

You don't fool me, Nance.

- Go party.
- I love the Meadow!

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog
Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters in seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪