04x24 - Saxon Saxability/Remy Dillemy

[bunniefuu]

[♪ opening theme music
playing]

♪ One, two...
One, two three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

[Lord Argyle] No matter
how much we build,

there are simply
never enough rooms

to hold our vast
collection of luxuries.

Such is the burden of wealth.

Can you comprehend
this burden, Saxon?

I cannot, Lord Argyle.

Tell me, what has
become of my kitchen boy

since you left
these hallowed halls?

Are you still
malodorous and poor?

Well, while I may lack
money, land or titles,

I am rich with friends.

Allow me to introduce
Ms. Tilly and Mr. Cricket.

Huh. Time out!

- Almost forgot my hat.
- Hurry, Cricket.

I wanna hear Saxon's
witty repartee.

- Charmed, I'm sure.
- [Lady Mopsley] My word!

My eyes must be deceiving me.

Could that be my dear
childhood friend Saxon?

It is your old
childhood friend.

Well, I wouldn't say old,
but I am older and I am Saxon.

You remember my daughter,
Lady Mopsley.

Always.

[both] Ooh!

Your arrival is most
fortuitous, Saxon.

We are hosting
a grand ball tonight.

You simply must attend.

[stutters and chuckles]

Yes, of course I will.

[stutters] I will...

I will consider it.

Daughter, may I have a word?

[chuckles] Ta-ta, Saxon.

[sighs] Oh...

Saxon, what do you mean,
"consider it"?

You must attend that ball.

I've never seen you
so smitten.

Yeah, there were
more sparks flying

than when I tried to fix
the TV with a coat hanger.

I have long dreamed
of lady Mopsley.

Alas, her father would
never approve

of a potato sack with such
humble beginnings.

That's why you must
attend the ball.

When people see
how perfect

you and Lady Mopsley
are together,

Lord Argyle will
have to acquiesce.

Alas, I don't even
know how to dance.

- I could teach you.
- Alas...

Wait. No, that might work.

Then let's get started.

Dancing is simply a matter of knowing
where to put one's feet.

[crash]

[screaming]

Okay. Please stop that.

Tilly! Didn't you hear me?

I've been calling you
for five minutes.

Sorry, Papa.

I was too enthralled
by Saxon's tale of forbidden love

across disparate
social classes.

Um, that sounds...

fun, but there are chores
that need to be done.

You still haven't
weeded the garden.

Even Cricket finished
his tasks for the day.

That's right.
I washed the Kludge.

[laughs]

Thank you, son.

Please, Papa.

Can't the weeds wait?

There's a very
important ball tonight.

And Saxon needs my help.

Well, there's not much
waiting with weeds.

They're relentless.

You see, the key
to getting rid of weeds

is pulling them
out by the root.

Otherwise, they'll
keep wandering...

[blabbering]

Tilly, can I count on you?

Very well, I shall weed.

Thank you, sweetie.

[sighs] Well, Saxon.

Yes, Ms. Tilly.

My sincerest apologies.

I have just received
a summons from King Poppa.

The King?

But the Grand Ball is tonight.
How will I prepare without you?

Hmm. Perhaps
Cricket can help.

[straining, exclaims]

You can't be serious.

Cricket may lack
sophistication,

but he is wise
in the ways of love.

Yeah, I'm somewhat
of a smooth operator.

- Oh...
- I'm sorry, my dear Saxon.

You'll have to make do
for the time being,

but I shan't tarry.

Well, buddy, it looks like
it's just you and me.

How about we practice
your grand entrance?

You walk in,
everyone turns,

looking, judging...

You approach the most
beautiful mop in the world.

You get one chance
to impress her

and go!

[stuttering]

[sobs]

Okay, this is getting dark.

Saxon, buddy,
you're wound way too tight.

If you wanna look
cool at the ball,

you have to relax.

And I know just who
can help chill you out.

Shoesbury, bring me
the telephone.

Right away, sir.

Only I'm not sure
the telephone has been invented yet.

Shall I get that beepy
telegram machine instead?

Yes, quite.

[Tilly strains]

Surely Saxon's struggles
demand my attention

more than this
Sisyphean task.

Maybe I should see
how he's faring with Cricket.

Huh... That's curious.

Those are Cricket's toys.

How will those
teach Saxon

about the art of courtship?

Hold on.

What's Cricket got there?

[gasps] Lady Mopsley
and Lord Argyle.

No! Saxon's not ready.

I have to get back in there.

But I don't have time
to pull all the weeds.

[whirring]

Sorry, weeds, but this
will have to do for now!

[pants]

I'm actually from the late
Cretaceous period.

Not the Jurassic.

Ooh! [giggles]

Oh...

Cricket, what is going on?

Saxon needed to loosen up,

so I thought, "What better
way to relax than to hang with my boys?"

- Sir Velociraptor.
- [chuckles]

[Cricket] Baron Truckbot.

And of course, The Cowboy.

[chuckles] I'm The Cowboy.

Trust me, these are
the best guys I know.

That's precisely the problem.

They're all so charming.

They're gonna outshine Saxon.

...and so I scaled
the Grand Canyon with my bare hands.

My, so strong!

You know, I myself preferred
how the landscape looked

before there was a canyon.

Oh! So worldly!

- [honks]
- [laughs]

Oh, witty as ever,
Baron Truckbot.

Ha-ha, that's nothing.

You see, I... I...

I once held potatoes.

[all groan]

I suppose that's why
he's so down to earth.

[laughter]

Come now, friends.

Let us continue
with our frivolity over here.

Oh, Saxon, I'm so sorry,
I should've been here.

It's not your fault.

Even with your help, I doubt I could
compete with such fine suitors.

[sighs] Oh...

Saxon, you will win
Lady Mopsley's heart.

I promise I will spend
the rest of the day

preparing you for the ball,
no matter what.

Tilly!

I don't know
what's gotten into you.

I specifically asked you
to pull the weeds, not cut them.

Now the garden is full
of little weed stumps.

I literally
can't see anything.

That's how stumpy they are.

They're even harder to pull up
when they're cut this short.

So I trust
you'll do it properly

the second time.

But I can't.

I made a promise
to Saxon to find love.

You can play with
Saxon tomorrow.

But I need you to finish
the weeding today.

Well, Papa,

I'm gonna have to say...

no.

[gasps] Ah...

All right, then.

I didn't wanna
have to do this.

But you've given me no choice.

Papa, what are you doing?

You can have Saxon back
when you finish the weeding.

Saxon... Saxon!

He took Saxon.

Yeah, that's rough.

Well, this is the point
where you do what dad says.

No. I'm taking
Saxon back myself.

Exactly. Wait...

Tilly, what are you doing?

Tilly, stop!
Going into Dad's room

to undo a punishment

while ignoring your chores?

That's the triple crown.

Even I've never done that.

King Poppa crossed the line
when he took Saxon.

[thunder rumbling]

Oh, now I'll never dance
with Lady Mopsley.

[thud]

Let's go a-courting.

Ms. Tilly!
How on earth did you--

We don't have much time,
so listen carefully.

Ask her to dance, a waltz
is in three-four time

step-slide-step,
don't stomp on her dress

and make sure to bow. Got it?

Can I write this down?

Of course. Let me
grab some paper and...

Tilly, what's wrong?

Oh, my.

It's Papa's "To Do" list.

He's been working all day

and he still has
all this left to do?

Whew!

[straining]

- Whew.
- [Tilly laughs] Saxon, you're a natural.

Are you kidding me?

Tilly, I can't believe
you still didn't weed--

The garden looks amazing.

Hi, Papa.

It looks clean enough
to eat off of.

- How did you...
- I was able to make quick work of it

with Saxon's help.

[in Saxon's voice]
I once held potatoes.

I also took
the liberty of finishing

a few other tasks
on your list.

And I got Cricket
to water the house plants.

[exclaims]

[squeals]

Tilly, I don't know
what to say.

Say you forgive me, Papa.

I was so caught up with
what was important to me,

I never considered
what was important to you.

Huh... Important.

You know, that reminds me.

I forgot to add one more
thing to the old list.

[Lady Mopsley]
Yes, Mr. Cowboy.

I'm sure the West is wild
this time of year.

Many fine suitors, my dear.

Quite.

I had hoped
to dance with another.

But perhaps it is not to be.

[makes trumpet noise]

Now arriving,

Ms. Tilly, Mr. Cricket

and Mr. Saxon,

led by the grace
of His Majesty,

the Noble King Poppa.

[all gasp] The King!

The King.

Your majesty!

[exclaims] I had no idea

you were friends
with the lowly Saxon.

I'm not.

I'm friends with
the noble Sir Saxon,

as he shall henceforth
be known.

[stutters, groans]

My lady, may I have
this dance?

I'd be delighted.

I trust my father
can have no objection

now that you're
a knight of the realm.

[stutters]

Well, Ms. Tilly,

I'd call that a job well done.

Indeed it is.

King Poppa, would you
like to dance?

Sweetie, I would love to.

Good. Because
the Duchess of Rolly-Chair

has had her eye on you.

[giggles]

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

[all chuckle]

[The Cowboy] I'm The Cowboy.

[both singing]
♪ Happy half-birthday, dear Remy ♪

♪ Happy half-birthday to you ♪

Wow, buddy.

This is a lot of cake
for a half-birthday.

Don't worry.
It's also on theme.

- Oh!
- Whoa!

Would you like to open
your presents now, Master Remy?

Would I?

Mom! Dad! It's time
for presents.

Seriously, Tina, how does
one lose the Johnson file?

It's the Johnson file!

No can do, Hank.

Get back to me when
the team makes a real offer.

[Vasquez clears throat]

- [beep]
- Oop, our bad.

Coming.

Here we go, Champ.

Present time!

This one's from Vasquez.

Wow!

Mages & Mazes
The Video Game!

I thought we could
play it together.

I would love that.

Now, this one's from Tilly.

[gasps] An abstract
portrait of my pet Snakey!

It puts the "sss"
in expressionism.

Do mine, Remy!
Do mine!

You mixed mustard
and ranch and made me...

Mranch!

Thank you, everybody.

You all know me so well.

And so do we, Son.

Saved the best for last.

Go on. Open it.

It's...

A fancy pen.

Thanks.

Who wants to play
Mages & Mazes The Video Game?

- [Cricket] Oh, yeah!
- [all exclaim and laugh]

Well that was a fumble.

Remy seemed to like everyone
else's gifts more than ours.

But how can that be?

We're his parents.

- Shouldn't we know him best?
- [cell phones vibrate]

Tina. You better have good
news on the Johnson file.

Football may be a game
but this ain't.

[both gasp]

[both sigh]

Have we been so wrapped
up in our careers

that we've lost touch
with our son?

We gotta set our
priorities straight.

- Hank--
- Tina,

tell my clients they'll
have to get divorced later.

Football is canceled.

[together] I've gotta
build a closer relationship with my son.

So how do we do that?

[Cricket] Come on, this way.

The other half of that
cake's gotta be around here somewhere.

By consulting top experts
in the Remy field.

Sure. I guess we can
teach you everything we know about Remy.

But I'm warning you,
we know a lot.

Could be here for days.

Then you best give us
the condensed version.

No problemo.

Remy is... [inhales deeply]

♪ A gaming fan
who knows his stuff ♪

♪ He's also
A big theatre buff ♪

♪ He loves to collect Galaxu ♪

♪ And put ranch
on his bar-b-que ♪

♪ Allergies won't
hold him back ♪

♪ He has a Croblins almanac ♪

- ♪ He's very safe ♪
- ♪ But also fun ♪

♪ Our dear friend
Remy Remington ♪

Wow. Are you getting
all this, Rashida?

I'm trying. [chuckles]

Good.

Because there's more.
[inhales]

♪ An expert
on medieval times ♪

♪ He's never paid
a library fine ♪

♪ He loves
Ding Dong celebrities ♪

♪ And using formal niceties ♪

♪ Good with new technology ♪

♪ He studies Greek mythology ♪

- ♪ He likes a joke ♪
- ♪ But loves a pun ♪

♪ Our dear friend
Remy Remington! ♪

We're two letter Rs.

As in, his initials.

Now that is what I call
an information touchdown.

Your knowledge of Remy
is quite impressive.

So impressive we'd like
to put you both on retainer.

Retainer? You mean those
things we're supposed

to wear to keep our teeth
straight but never did?

No. A retainer is the fee

paid to someone in advance

for their services.

If you agree to be our
on call Remy consultants,

we're prepared to offer you...

- [both gasp]
- [Russel] ...Big Tech Model 37 cell phones

- and...
- Deal.

Boy, the Remingtons
sure are rich.

Yes, we are.

Now let the relationship
building venture commence.

Vasquez, do I give off
Paladin or Warlock energy?

- Warlock, sir.
- Thank you.

Come on, Remy, dear.

Mommy and Daddy
are going to show you

the best time you've ever had.

Wow. Sounds like fun.

You guys are never
free to hang out.

Vasquez has Paladin energy.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Good pick
with the Ding Dong Influencer Cafe.

Remy's loving it.

Glad to hear it's going well.

Yeah. And Tilly's k*lling it
with the translation.

You are so girlboss
slay boujee queen.

Thank you, King.

I am mad stanning
your rizz and...

...would be amped
if you chilled with my son.

Hey, Russell, what do you say
me and Tilly

tag along on your next outing?

I miss hanging with Remy.

Uh, listen,

Rashida and I are making
some great progress with Remy.

We need you two to stay put.

- But I just wanna--
- [Russel] We can't have any distractions.

Keep your phone close

- and we'll reach out when we need you.
- [beeps]

Did you hear that?

[grunts]
I am not distracting.

Wow, my favorite.

Do I know my son or what?

Remy, dear,
it's been so lovely

having this time
together today.

[slurps] I know, right?

This is the best
half-birthday ever!

[cell phone vibrates]

Oh. Vasquez wants
to go for a walk. I'll see you guys later.

But what about
the Bing Bongers?

You haven't even
finished your "bol-ba"!

Hmm. Remy clearly prefers
Vasquez's company over ours.

Looks like it's time
for a re-org.

[chokes]

Hey, yo, these come up fast.

Mr. and Mrs. Remington?
You wanted to see me?

Vasquez, please take a seat.

First, I'd like to thank you

for your service
to our family.

And second,
we regret to inform you

that our family is no longer
in need of your services.

- Hmm?
- What she means is, you're fired!

[echoing] Fired! Fired! Fired!

[stutters]

Don't worry, Vasquez.
You didn't do anything wrong.

Unfortunately for us.

- [both laugh]
- Yes.

Please, vacate
the premises immediately.

[stutters]

Now that the competition
is out of the picture,

we'll have a close
relationship with Remy in no time.

I'm sure Vasquez
will land on his feet.

Chicken phone. Chicken phone.

- [Vasquez groans]
- [together] Vasquez?

- [Cricket] Vasquez. Vasquez.
- [Tilly] Vasquez, are you okay? Wake up!

[Cricket] Hello, Vasquez?

- Oh, he looks bad.
- Let's get him inside.

[Rashida] There's you
when you were born

and there's you coming
home from the hospital.

Oh, you were so cute there.

You know,
I'm kind of bored of this.

- I'm gonna go see what Cricket's up to.
- Please don't go.

Russell, dear.

- Why don't you call our advisor?
- [chuckles]

Yes, our money advisor.

Geez, I wonder what knocked
Vasquez's brain all loose.

Vasquez, can you tell us
what happened to put you in this state?

Remingtons, me...
done. [sobs]

The Remingtons fired you?

[screams]

How could they be so cruel?

First, they keep us from
seeing Remy and now this?

[cell phone vibrates]

[scoffs] If Vasquez
doesn't work

for the Remingtons anymore,

- then neither do we.
- [beeps]

- [beeps]
- Oh, no.

Rashida, can I talk
to you real quick?

Be right back,
my sweet darling son.

Don't move a muscle.

- [yawns]
- [Rashida] Uh-uh! Don't move a muscle.

What's wrong?

Cricket and Tilly
aren't answering.

We're gonna have to come up
with an idea on our own.

Well, maybe this photo album
can show us what Remy likes to do.

When were these photos taken?

All these important
moments in Remy' life.

And we missed them.

[gasps] I know!

Remy dear.

Can I move now?

Oh, yes, because we're
about to recreate

your big childhood milestones

so we can take photographs
of them with you.

Let's see what we got.

Here we go. First steps.

Okay, Remy, pretend like
you're a crawling baby

and then get up
and walk to your mom.

Listen, guys,
this has been fun and all

but I'm starting to wonder,

who do you keep sneaking
off to talk to on the phone?

And why haven't Cricket
and Tilly called to hang out?

And where's Vasquez?

Oh. We let him go
so we could spend more time together.

- You fired Vasquez?
- [camera shutter clicks]

Yeesh. Make sure you smile
for the next one, Son.

Why would you fire Vasquez?

He means the world to me.

You should know that.

And while we're at it,

how come you guys keep
buying me fountain pens?

You got me one for Arbor Day
for the Spring Solstice

and another one today!

I'm not even
a fountain pen guy!

- [camera shutter clicks]
- [grunts]

Hmm...

You clearly don't
know me at all!

Remy, wait.

Are we terrible parents?

I certainly feel
like one right now.

Maybe treating our
relationship with Remy

like an aggressive
overnight business venture

wasn't the right thing to do.

You may be on to something.

After all,

you didn't build
your business overnight.

[Rashida] And it took you
years to go pro.

What do you say we go
back to the drawing board?

Hmm.

- Remy.
- [Remy] Go away!

You're right.
We don't know you,

but we want to.

Your father and I were trying to force
a closer relationship with you.

But we see now
that we can't make it happen all at once.

Will you let us try again?

[Rashida] For real this time.

Sure.

I think I'd like that.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Thanks, guys. This is great.

The only thing that could
make it better would be...

- [doorbell dings]
- Who's that?

Why don't you go find out?

Buddy!

[gasps] Guys!

Glad you could make it.

We hope you'll forgive us.

[Russel] Vasquez,
you're officially rehired.

Forgiven and forgotten.

- Mmm...
- [together] Yay!

- [cell phones vibrate]
- [cell phones beep]

- Oop, I thought I silenced it.
- My bad.

Mmm...

Well, looks like everything
turned out A-okay.

- [Russel] Yep.
- [together] Huh?

So there's no need
for these anymore.

But I can send
you home with...

some fountain pens.

That's awesome.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
in seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪