04x28 - Short Wait/Awful Lawful

[bunniefuu]

[♪ opening theme music
playing]

♪ One, two...
One, two three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la
la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

[tummy rumbles]

[groans]

I've never been so hungry!

Don't worry, Cricket.

The ultimate family
dining experience will soon commence!

Plus, I was rooting around
in the junk drawer

and found a gift card.

I, too, am excited,
but why did we have to skip lunch?

Yeah, what did lunch
ever do to you?

Well, I figured
if you had a big appetite,

you'd be just as excited
as I am for...

Weekdays!

Is there food in there?

Yes, Cricket.
There's food.

My, my, my. Look at the craftsmanship
on these columns.

You can barely tell
they're Styrofoam.

Wow, and check out the...
[grunts]

...menus.
These are just the appetizers.

They got everything.

I don't need everything.
I need anything!

I'm starving...

Cricket,
let go of my pants.

[clears throat]
Green family, party of three.

Okay,
we'll add you to the list.

- It'll just be a short wait.
- Huh?

[chuckles]
Hi, I'm sorry, excuse me.

But just how long
is a "short wait"?

Not long. Short even.

Okay.
And how long is that?

Your table will be ready
when the buzzer goes off.

- [grumbling]
- [gasps]

I see. We dine
when the buzzer deems us worthy.

So, say you had to assign
a specific number of minutes

before the buzzer goes off.

What would that number be?
Hmm?

All these people
arrived before you,

so you can eat
after they're seated.

Ah, yes,
that's completely reasonable.

I'm literally gonna starve
to death.

[Bill]
Oh. Oh, my.

Listen up, family.

We ain't gonna get seated
for a while.

So we gotta survive
by any means necessary.

Things will get desperate.

We'll likely have to eat
our own shoes.

Dibs on Dad's boots!
[growls]

Cricket, stop. I'm trying
to read about the jalapeno poppers.

It's just a few minutes.
You can wait.

Wait?
I'm Cricket Green.

Man...
[makes karate noises]

...of action.

I don't just wait.

We've gotta do something.

They got egg rolls,
and rolled eggs?

They told me
the perfect restaurant didn't exist.

- [buzzing]
- [gasps]

Terry, that's us.
That's us!

- Alexander, party of two.
- Coming.

Hurry up, Terry.

Sorry about him.
[scoffs]

Did you see that, brother?

The buzzer decides
who eats when.

We must appease it.

No, I'm not gonna wait
for some dumb buzzer.

What are the chances
everyone ahead of us just leaves?

I hardly think
people would leave

this fine establishment
on their own.

"Fine establishment,"
you say?

Hmm...
[slurps]

Ah. Now, let's see.

Thompson, party of three.

Oh, that's us.

[retches, spits]

Put 'er there.

[groans]

Oh, you must not know.

Here at Weekdays, we give a...
[burps]

...howdy-do
to all our customers.

I'll be your server tonight...

[sneezes, groans]

...and I'll be handling
all your food.

All our food?

Well, usually, I just clean the bathrooms,
but we're so slammed tonight,

they even have me
kneading the bread dough.

- I'm out.
- Wait.

They won't seat us
if our whole party isn't here.

No. No, we won't.

[tummy rumbles]

Fear not, sweet tummy.

Only a couple
of names left now.

[tummy rumbles]

[Tilly]
Oh, mighty buzzer.

I come bearing offerings
of breath mints and toothpicks,

asking only that
you grant us the boon

of your mighty buzz.

I gotta say,
these starters look delicious.

Oh, aperitifs.
Sounds exotic.

Papa, no! The buzzer must maintain
an idolizing level of height.

Okay...

Apologies, your grace.

Papa knows not
of thine ways.

No, wait.

I'm saying
the problem is solved.

I fished the rat
out of the toilet with my own hands.

Fine. Have it your way.

Excuse me. I overheard
what you've been saying.

Is all that really true?

If you're waiting
for a table, yes.

That's all
I needed to hear.

Suzette Blair,
Big City Health Inspector.

I'd hoped to enjoy my day off
with a quiet meal,

but I took an oath.

What's going on here?

I need to see your kitchen.

Word is you've got rats,
unhygienic practices,

and underage employees.

[softly] A triple threat.

Attention, everyone.

Weekdays must
shut down its kitchen

while I make
an emergency health inspection.

Apologies
for the slight delay.

Slight delay?

Exactly how long
is a slight delay?

A bit longer
than a short wait.

- A bit longer?
- [tummy rumbles]

[tummy groans]

Wow, that's
a tall drink of water.

Dad, we gotta eat
somewhere else!

What? Why?

They closed down
the kitchen.

It's time
to cut our losses and go.

Go?
You don't understand.

My gift card expires tomorrow.

This money dies
if we don't use it tonight.

- We can't bail now.
- We can't not bail.

I'm starving,
and Tilly is losing her mind!

Look, oh vengeful buzzer.

I've assembled thine robes
just as you've asked of me. Glory!

- We're not leaving.
- [grunts]

Maybe you're not,
but I am.

[grunts]
All right.

There's got to be other food
around here somewhere. Huh?

Burgers and fries,
here I come!

[grunts]
Give me a burger!

Oh? Ah, you've made
a common error.

My name
is Archibald Burgers,

and this is my associate,
Genevieve Fries.

- Yeah.
- It's a fine art, not food.

- Yeah.
- What? [screams, pants]

- [automated voice] Walk sign is on.
- [gasps] Barbecue!

[grunts]
You'd better not sell art.

No art here,
only authentic barbecue,

just like
mama used to make.

Bingo-bang--

But we just
sold out everything!

Apparently, the place
across the street got shut down.

Everyone came over here.

Oh, come on!

You could try
the donut shop next door.

- [screams]
- Y'all-a come-a back now, you hear?

[panting]

- [groaning]
- [glass squeaking]

Finally...

[grunts]
Huh?

No. No.

No!
[cries]

No, no, no...

[grunting angrily] Hungry!

- [grunts]
- [both gasp]

Are we safe?

Tom, we work
in a donut shop.

We're never safe.

Hearken unto me,
ye hungry and forgotten.

Savory salvation
is at hand

for those loyal
to the buzzer.

Its spirit...
it is inside me!

[speaking gibberish]

You're a nonbeliever,
aren't you? Repent!

Okay, sweetie,

why don't you come with Daddy
and have some quiet time?

Well, it seems I've been the victim
of an inscrutable prank.

No health violation here.

The kitchen
is open again.

Thank goodness.

- [buzzing]
- [gasps]

Do you see?

We have been chosen.

The buzzer provides!

I guess that buzzer
is pretty powerful.

Let's go, Tilly.

[all chanting indistinctly]

Green party,
ready to be seated.

Hmm. This says
you're a party of three,

but I only see two people.

Huh?

If your whole party
isn't here,

I'll have to remove
your name from the list.

[Bill]
Wait!

Cricket!

Cricket? Cricket?

[toilet flushes]

Let me in!
[grunting]

[squeaking]

Cricket! It's ready!

The wait, it's over!

- [automated voice] Wait.
- Huh?

Wait.
Wait, wait, wait...

- Oh, are you serious?
- Wait, wait, wait...

That's it.
I'm going for it.

- Son, don't!
- [Cricket screams]

- No...
- [traffic honking]

- [screaming continues]
- [tires screeching]

- My boy.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm alive. Let's go!

[grunts]
I'm ready to eat!

Too late. I can add you
to the bottom of the list if you'd like,

but it'll be a short wait.

[woman's voice echoes]
Short wait. Short wait.

No.

[electrical buzzing]

No tempura nachos.
No Baja Rangoons.

What a waste
of a perfectly good gift card.

[grunts]

[sighs] You get the idea.

Indeed, life is nothing
but false idols and broken promises.

Yeah, all that,
and I'm still hungry.

We're all hungry, Cricket.

Was it really so hard
to just wait?

Yes, I'm Cricket Green.

Man...
[makes weak karate noises]

...of action.

Doing nothing's
the hardest thing in the world for me.

But you could have done it
if you really wanted to.

Huh?

It's too late for that now.

Let's just go home
and eat some soggy leftovers.

No.

I say we go back in there,

and put our names
at the bottom of the list,

and wait.

Cricket?

I hate waiting
more than anything in the world.

But for you, Dad,
this man of action is willing to do...

nothing.

And I'm also willing
to do nothing.

What do you say, Dad?

You son of a g*n.

- [♪ rock music playing]
- ♪ Sometimes you gotta stand up ♪

♪ Sometimes you gotta fight ♪

♪ This time
isn't one of those times ♪

♪ It's time to just sit tight ♪

- ♪ You gotta wait ♪
- ♪ Wait ♪

♪ Hold your horses ♪

♪ Time slowly ticks on by ♪

♪ Feels like
watching paint dry ♪

♪ You gotta wait ♪

[buzzing]

[woman]
Green party of three.

Your table is ready.

- [♪ rock music ends]
- [Greens cheer]

Ah...

[all]
Ah...

I'm proud of you, son.

You really did it.

No, Dad.
We all did it.

[tummy]
Yay.

[gasps] Look, y'all.
A bunch of stuff from ancient times.

[♪ piano starts playing]

Ah! Ghost piano!
Call a priest!

Oh, don't worry. This is just part
of the town history museum.

Only ghosts here
are ghosts of the past.

- Admission's free on Tuesdays.
- [bell rings]

[all cheering]
Woo-hoo! Tuesdays!

In addition to being the town postman
and the sheriff of Smalton,

I'm also the curator
of this fine collection of antiques.

I had no idea Smalton had such a rich
and vibrant history.

[chuckles]
I'm getting in on this.

[humming]

[laughs]
It's churning time.

Careful now,
that's ill*gal.

What now?

Dancing while churning butter
is against the law?

That's right. Smalton has a bunch
of quirky laws from long ago

that are technically
still in effect today.

For example, Old Jimmy Corker over here
liked to listen to music

and dance
while he did farm work.

That is, until his dancing
knocked over

an entire morning's
haul of milk.

That milk stunk up so bad
in the summer heat,

the whole town got sick.

So that's why
it's ill*gal now.

Huh. That's a quirky law,
all right.

And that's just
the tip of the iceberg.

Here's a list of all of them.

It's ill*gal to run backwards
in a pasture,

eat a whole can of beans
after 5:00 p.m.,

and it's ill*gal
to say the word, "sarsaparilla."

[Cricket]
Wait, wait, wait.

So if I do the hokey,
I get sent to the pokey?

If you do it
while churning butter, then yes.

So you better watch out,
or I'll arrest you.

Hmm? Okay, wrap it up, kiddo.

You do not want to go
to jail like I did.

Believe me.

You're right. You're right.

I shouldn't say...

sarsaparilla.

Hey! Knock it off.

Sarsaparilla, sarsaparilla...

Careful,
I'm getting my handcuffs.

- Cricket, I'm serious.
- [grunts]

There's so many more laws
I could break.

- Cricket Ernest Green.
- What?

I am not raising a felon.

Hand over that list now.

[sighs]
Okay. Here you go.

Thank you.

Law 37.

It's ill*gal to trick
a redhead on a Tuesday.

But today's Tuesday.

Exactly!

I'm gonna break
every old law on this list!

[Cricket laughing maniacally]

My boy's a criminal.

Well, according
to the Smalton rule of law, yes,

but they're old and silly.
No harm done.

Don't you see, Frank?

These are gateway crimes.

You saw how hyped up he was.

It's the pure adrenaline rush
of law breaking.

Of course, it's harmless now,
but if he isn't stopped,

his hunger
for breaking the law will only grow.

And what if he does something
that that actually gets him into trouble?

So, what are you in for?

[scoffs]
Everything.

I was just like him as a kid,

and I won't let him go down
the same path.

You're right.
This is serious!

Come on, Frank.
We gotta find him.

Oh, my. What's all this?

Are these caveman tools?

- [old man gasps] Tooter poppies!
- Hmm?

These are the kind
of toys we played with

when I was just
a young whippersnapper.

These are
supposed to be toys?

How could anyone
have fun with this?

I've never seen a duck
look so...

- haunted.
- [sinister quacking]

So, you young'uns think
you're too good for my generation's toys?

Scientifically, yes.

The fun centers of our brains

are simply too developed
for such low-tech frivolities.

We need real entertainment!

Oh, hog spittle.

This newfangled doohickey
has nothing on the classics.

See for yourself.

Well, if they really are
as fun as you say,

then sure, I'll try 'em out.
You in, Tilly?

Oh, playthings of the past,

whisper your secrets to me.

I think she's in.

Come on, Frank.
We gotta find Cricket!

[Cricket laughing maniacally]

Yeehaw, breaking laws.
Yeehaw, breaking laws.

[bell rings]

- [pants] Huh?
- [Cricket] Law number eight.

It's ill*gal to crab walk
in a barber shop!

- Cricket, stop!
- [bell rings]

Wait, where'd he go?

- [Cricket] Law number 33.
- [♪ plays harmonica]

It's ill*gal to play
a harmonica with your armpit!

- [laughs maniacally]
- [grunts]

- [groans]
- [Cricket] Law number 67.

[in Pig Latin] It's ill*gal to speak
Pig Latin before noon.

[laughs maniacally]

[in English]
What do we do? We need to stop Cricket

before he becomes
a full-fledged outlaw.

Yes, but we're just
one sheriff and one deputy.

Deputy?
I didn't make you deputy.

So we're gonna need
some extra help.

I decide when we need help,

but yeah, we... we need help.

Where are the buttons?
Is there a slot for batteries?

Voice mode, activate.
[grunts]

Turn on!

[clanking]

[screams]
Tilly, have you figured out

how to get the fun
out of these things yet?

The children of yesteryear
were macabre indeed.

I just want to understand.

[gasps] Hold on, Remy.

Looks like there's still
one toy left we can try.

A cup with a ball?

All right,
we'll give it a try.

[Nancy]
I've gathered you all here

for a very important
police mission.

You each possess
the skills I'm looking for.

And also, you were
in my immediate line of sight at the time.

So, I'm naming you all
temporary deputies.

[yelps] Oh...

That's a pin.
Sharp pin in my chest.

Trey's gonna sit this one out.

Just so you know,
even the smallest amount of authority

goes straight
to Wayne's head.

All right, who's the scumbag
we're arresting?

That's what I like to see,
Wayne.

Now, our target is this boy.

Isn't that your boy?

What did he do?

He... [sniffs]

...crab walked
in a barbershop.

- That's it?
- Among other crimes.

And that won't be it, Tracy,
if we let him run free.

Well, if it's that
important to you,

I think I saw him
head in the Feed & Seed.

Good eye, Patty.
Now let's go hunt down my son.

[all] Yeah!

[grunts] All right, team.
Fan out.

[grunting]

- [sniffing]
- Whoa!

- Huh?
- Hmm?

I know you're here
somewhere, Cricket.

[howling]

[barking, howling]

What is it, boy?
[gasps]

He's broken
law number nine.

It's ill*gal to build a fort
out of fertilizer bags.

Aha!

What the--
Where's Cricket?

[Cricket laughing maniacally]

[gasps]
Sweet cream corn.

Law number 72.

It's ill*gal to pet a chicken


- [clucks]
- [laughing]

I've only got
one law left to break,

and I "can-non"
afford to miss it.

[laughing maniacally]

[clucks]

"Can-non"?

Cannon...

[gasps]
He's gonna break Law 95.

Eating a ham sandwich
on the town cannon.

This is our last chance
to stop him.

Once Cricket breaks
that final law,

there will be no turning back for him.
Come on, everyone.

To the cannon!

Do we just keep doing this
till we die of boredom?

I don't know how people
used to survive like this.

[gasps]

Well, would you
look at that, by Jiminy.

Tilly, old pal,
you gotta give this a whirl.

I don't really see how
swinging a cup around can be fun, but...

[gasps]
Oh, my stars and my ours.

It was right there
in the black and white all along.

- These toys are simple.
- Simple and fun.

No extra baloney.

Wait till we tell Old Saul
we cracked the caper.

[both]
Hey, old sport.

Bunch of
spawn camping cheaters.

Me and the lad
are gonna hit the town.

Be an egg
and join us, will you?

Gotta wreck these noobs.

Hmm. Well, well, well.

If this ain't
the perfect place to have a little snack.

Freeze!
It's over, Cricket!

Drop the hamwich!

Hey, hey.
Don't take another step.

I'll do it, man.
I'll do it.

Easy, Cricket.
Let's all just...

- Nancy, now!
- Huh?

- [both grunting]
- Give it up, Cricket!

- [creaking]
- [Cricket] Get off of me!

Hand over the ham!

[both screaming]

- Just let me finish the list!
- [thuds]

Trey happy ice-cream.

Aw...

[grunting]
Give it back, Mom!

It's for your own good!

- Whoa! [grunts]
- [laughs]

With this hamwich,
I break my final law!

[laughs maniacally]

[laughs cunningly]

Fine, do it.

Huh?

You're going down
a bad path, kiddo.

I would know,
I've been there.

And it landed me
in the slammer.

You wanna end up like me?
Huh?

Then go right ahead.

Okay. Okay, Mom.
I, I was just having a goof.

If it's that important to you,
I'll stop.

Well, don't come
crying to me when--

Wait. What was that last part?

I said I'll stop.

You're-- you're giving up?

I never would have
come quietly as a kid.

Well, yeah, I'm not you.

I'm like, way cooler.

There he is! Let's get him!

[sighs] I did the crimes.

I gotta do the times.

Wait, Cricket.

- Here.
- Huh?

I'll hold them off
as long as I can.

Go finish that list.

Oh, no. Nancy switched sides!

Well, then,
let's get them both!

Eat fast, kid.

You stay back!

- [grunting]
- [Frank] Nancy, wait!

[groans]

Wayne, you're our last hope!

- Run!
- [pants]

No, the other way!

Oh, forget it.

He's gonna do it.

[grunts]

He's gonna do it!

- [grunts]
- [♪ triumphant instrumental music playing]

Yay!
I finished the list!

- No! That's technically ill*gal.
- That's my boy.

I closed the diner for this?

- Come on.
- I can't believe it.

He broke every
ridiculous law.

We got a career criminal
on our hands.

I thought so too.

But you know what?

I don't think
Cricket's gonna be heading down that path.

[Cricket]
Here you go, Frank.

Really?
Well, all's well that ends well.

Man, today was a blast!

It's a bummer Remy and Tilly
missed the whole thing.

Cricket,
you and the old bear cat

gotta join us
to try these spiffy toys!

They're the cat's meow,
the bee's knees, even,

the hound's tooth,
the horse's snout!

[Tilly] You sure know
your onions, Remy!

You know what?
I'm not even gonna ask.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
in seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow,
I'll do it all again ♪