05x02 - Fitness Test/The Farmies

[bunniefuu]

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ One, two
One, two, three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la la ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

- [hen clucking]
- [egg popping]

Good morning, children.

Time for the most fun activity
of the year!

Practicing the kiss of life
on the CPR dummy?

No. The Mayoral Fitness Test!

Mr. Brawn here will explain.

- Take it away, Muscle Man!
- [bones crunch]

Wow, you're strong.

Thank you, Community Sue.

The Mayoral Fitness Test
will assess your abilities

using three
challenging exercises.

The 50-yard dash,

the rope climb,

and the sit and reach.

Oh!

[all groaning]

I was dreading this day.

I suppose it's just one of those things
we all have to do.

You mean one of those things
we get to do.

Not me.
I'm a high achiever who earns awards

in every area except gym.

And I can't let
the risk of physical injury

threaten my
extracurricular activities.

That's why I brought excuses!

Everyone, report to a station.

Let's witness some fitness.

- [whistle blowing]
- [panting excitedly]

Whoa.

[Remy] Excuse me, Muscle Man.

My math tutor says I should avoid
jostling my finely-tuned brain,

so I have this excuse.

Give me that.

"Jostling finely-tuned brain."

Hmm.

[chuckling]

Higher and higher.

Keep climbing.

[screams, grunts]

One again, Benny,

you flew too close to the sun.

Violin teacher.
Sensitive fingers.

[cackles]

[effort grunts]

Oh, oh!

- [effort grunts]
- Huh?

Whoa!

- What a workout.
- [Remy] You said it.

I'm wiped. You'll have
to come to me this time.

[guffaws]

[all groaning tiredly]

- [whistle blows]
- Nice work, kids.

Now line up
for your certificate of completion.

Certificates?

I didn't know
there'd be certificates.

You, son, are extraordinary.

- Ah.
- Nice work.

- Ooh!
- Nice work.

Nice work.

I think you forgot one.

I forgot nothing.
You didn't do anything.

But I did.

I presented
legitimate excuses,

each of which represents
completion by exemption.

Exactly. So you are exempt
from getting a certificate.

Exempt?
Can you believe that guy?

Well, Mr. Brawn has a point.

You didn't
technically do the test.

'Cause I was excused!

I'm a completionist.

If I don't get every award,
then what am I?

Just a boy?

Ah, sorry, bud.

There's plenty
of other certificates.

You'll get another one.

Wait. This is
the Mayoral Fitness Test.

If I tell the mayor
about this injustice,

then maybe he can give me
the certificate.

Hey, that's the spirit.

I'd like to see
where this goes.

Look at all this
child fitness data.

What do you do with it?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

[device scanning]

[gasps] Sir,
the latest report.

It's big.

Incredible.

Bring me this Cricket Green.

[male voice on phone]
No matches!

Aw.

[sighs]

- [Remy] Greetings.
- Huh?

Remy Remington

here to see
Mayor Hansock please.

I'm afraid
that won't be possible.

The mayor has one appointment left
before his vacation,

and it's with him.

He's being awarded
the Medal of Bravery

for rescuing kittens
and one British orphan

from a burning tree.

Oh, great, it's Mark.

Local hero!

Isn't he hot?

I mean hot,
I mean incredible?

He's got the last appointment?

We'll see about that.

Oi, mister,
will you be my dad?

- [chuckles] Sure.
- Excuse me.

Hey, kids.
How's it going?

I'm here to receive
the Mayoral Fitness Test certificate.

Imagine you're a boy

who works very hard to achieve
in every area except gym.

- And you have such...
- Hmm? What the heck?

[grunts] Oh, yeah.

[laughs] Come back here, you.
Gotcha!

Huh? Dang illusions.

[screaming]

Where the heck am I?
Who the heck am you?

Apologies for the theatrics
in getting you here,

but when we saw
your fitness test results...

We knew you were the one.

Mr. Green,
the Mayoral Fitness Test

is the gold standard
in physical evaluation,

designed to find
the perfect specimen

for a groundbreaking
new experiment.

[Cricket] Wow!

Whoop.

Ooh!

[general] This mutation ray will enhance
your already substantial abilities.

And with it,
we can make you...

A super soldier.

- Oh, soldier for sure.
- What?

You said you could make me
a soup or a soldier.

Don't get me wrong,
I like soup,

but soldier just sounds
way cooler.

What? No!

Super soldier,

like with super strength
and super speed.

[heavy thudding]

[gasps] I've always
wanted to be a freak of nature!

I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!

Excellent. Now, being a super soldier
is a big responsibility.

Responsibility. Got it.

[loud expl*si*n]

Respectfully, sir,
are we sure this is the one?

The numbers don't lie.

This is the future
of the Super Soldier Program.

[Remy sobbing]
So, in conclusion,

if I don't get
your appointment with the mayor,

[sobs] I won't get
my certificate and... [gags]

I'll literally die!

That is...

so sad!

Hi, Mark,

Mayor Hansock's
ready for you now.

Well, I'm not ready for him.

Go get that certificate, Remy.

And if you ever need a father,
I am--

No, I'm good.

That orphan need a mom?

[effort grunts]

Hope Customs
doesn't check this.

[Remy] Mr. Mayor.

Hello, citizens.
How can I help?

Ideally in 30 seconds or less.

I'm here
to request a certificate

for the Mayoral Fitness Test.

I didn't technically do
the exercises,

but I presented valid excuses
that thereby--

There, you passed.

[gasps] Really?
Just like that?

Well, sure. I don't care about
that silly test.

Enjoy the certificate.

The Galapagos awaits!

I did it!
I got the certificate.

Here come the good feelings.

Any minute now.

Oh, my name.

Just gotta write it.

That feels worse somehow!
[sobbing]

Well, a certificate is only
a representation of accomplishment,

so it wouldn't
feel good because...

Because all I accomplished
was passing out excuses.

Therefore...

Therefore, I don't deserve it.

- Mr. Mayor!
- Where are you going, Remy?

To return this to the mayor.

And that's because...

Because I'm done doing things
the easy way.

All right, it took me a while,

but I got him
really strapped in.

[snickers]
I did not make it easy.

It's time to be
a super soldier.

Now, we just need you
to hold still

- for one second.
- [effort grunts]

[grunting] My leg itches!

[screaming]

Oh, no.

It's... It's...

It worked!

[laughs] All right!

These little piggies
are going to the Pentagon!

Mr. Green, wait!

Okay,
what's the first mission?

Fighting an army of robots?

Ooh, do I get
a new super soldier outfit?

Is it in here?

Hmm. Nope, just fancy science stuff.
Ooh, what's that?

- Son, I have to ask you to--
- Thanks for the upgrade.

High-five! Yay!

Sir, I know the boy's
physical capabilities are staggering,

but his brain...

It's as weak
as his body is strong.

Maybe the Mayoral Fitness Test

is more pointless
than we thought.

- Hmm.
- [Cricket] Wee!

I love being a super soldier.

- [screams, grunts]
- [equipment thuds]

Someone broke your thing.

[laughs maniacally]

Abort the mission.

With pleasure.

Super soldier. Super so--
[groans]

[air hissing]

Well, the fitness test thing
was a bust,

but at least our traps
are on point.

Best in the business, sir.

♪ Here I go to the Galapagos ♪

♪ No more work
'cause work is gross ♪

Mayor Hansock! [grunts]

Please, I don't deserve this.
Take it back!

- Take it back!
- I'm not working.

- Please wait.
- I'm on vacation.

But I need to give back
the certificate!

Well, I'll be.

Our offices
are 50 yards apart.

- Move, move, move!
- Move!

[yelps] Out of my way.

- [grunts]
- Wait!

Huh? [grunts]

Oh. Huh?

- [chuckles]
- Mr. Mayor!

[effort grunts]

Stop chasing me! [grunts]

Go, go, go!

Yes, Mayor!

[groaning]

[distorted] Mayor!

Leave me alone.
I don't deserve this!

No! I don't deserve this!

[panting]

[laughs triumphantly]

Please... take...

- it...
- No, no, no, no, no, no!

back!

Fine, whatever!

Just get away from me.
[grunts]

Well, I did it.

I gave back the certificate
I didn't deserve.

But don't you see, Remy?

You do deserve it.

- Huh?
- [Tilly] While you chased the mayor

down this corridor,

you did a 50-yard dash,
a rope climb,

and just now, a sit and reach.

The three exercises required
for the Mayoral Fitness Test.

Oh, my goodness,
I did do them, didn't I?

You earned that certificate
fair and square.

Yes!

I need that certificate back!

Yeah, Mom,
there's giant tortoises

and hiking
and snorkeling and--

Mayor! Mayor, wait!

- I'll call you back. Taxi! Taxi!
- Mayor, wait!

- Mayor!
- Step on it.

[groans]

[Cricket grunts]

Cricket, where have you been?

Uh, who even cares?

[grunting angrily, sighing]

Stupid weak leg.

Who needs these
dumb certificates anyway?

Mmm, can I have it?

It's all yours, bud.

Yes!

[sighs in relief]
There it is.