11x05 - Polly Wants A Douglas

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My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

No kidding, Uncle Charley, I need this job.

Oh, that's great.

Good job.

Here, daughter, you take it.

Sponge!

Honey,

don't you think I ought to send this to the cleaner?

It's all wrinkled.

Okay, just have them sponge and press it, huh?

Sponge and press?

That went out with the streetcar.

Hey, by the way, did you talk to Chip tonight?

No, I didn't get a chance.

I guess he went over to Polly's.

Why?

Well, he's a box boy at the supermarket.

So he's going to school all day and working, huh?

He still is going to school.

Oh, yes, I did get that much out of him.

Just said he needed more money.

Probably needs a new carburetor or something for his car.

Or else.

Aren't you going to ask me, or else what?

No.

Smart.

I'm not so sure I have nor else.

Tell you, Margaret, something's wrong.

Tom, will you please lower your voice?

They can hear you in there.

And what could possibly be wrong?

All that studying is not healthy.

Oh, they're quitting the studying.

Chip and I are going down to the mall shop
and get a root beer or something.

Oh, you're going to get a root beer, eh?

Yeah, Mr. Williams.

You can only study for so long.

Then your head gets kind of mushy.

Yeah, well, we don't want any mushy heads.

You'll be home in an hour.

I want you home by 11.

Tom, she's in college.

Oh, right.

Richard doesn't want her to get sick from
lack of sleep, do you, Richard?

No, sir.

I'll get her home early.

Margaret?

I can't stand watching that boy put his hands on her.

Oh, Tom, they were only holding hands.

You think they're going for a root beer, Margaret?

Is that what you really think?

Yes.

Mrs. Douglas, I'm sorry to bother you,
but may I talk to you?

Yes, of course.

Come on in.

Uh.

First of all, I, uh, I want you to know I
think Chip's the finest boy I've ever met.

What?

Thank you.

And I find myself in the peculiar position
of defending my own husband.

You see, Tom dotes on Polly to the point
where nobody is good enough for her.

He just refuses to accept the fact that
she's a young lady and not a baby.

What's happened, Mrs. Williams?

Well.

This morning, I was cleaning out Polly's dresser, and
I'm not so sure that Tom's suspicions weren't correct.

Bank book.

Joint account.

Apparently, Chip and Polly opened that three weeks ago.

Both names.

Both names, Mrs. Douglas.

Are you saying they're married?

I don't know.

What do you think?

Well.

Well, I don't know.

I think we ought to ask the children.

I mean, they are sort of engaged.

Looks like they're saving up for the day
that they finally do get married.

Looks like it might be some time.

They only have $90.

You know, it's funny.

I was building up to an absolute panic, but just
talking to you has set the whole thing back in place.

Thank you.

I'm sure it's what you say it is.

They're just saving up for the day when
they do get married.

Mrs. Williams.

Mrs. Williams?

Yes.

Would it be so terrible if they were married?

Not for me.

As I told you, I love Chip.

But if Mr. Williams finds out about this bank
book, I'm just not sure what his reaction will be.

He mustn't find out.

Not yet, anyway.

Thank you.

Good.

Richard?

What are you doing here?

I work here, Mr. Williams.

Why didn't anybody say anything?

I don't know.

I didn't tell my parents, either.

You didn't?

Why not?

I don't know.

I just figured I could use a little extra money.

Why do you suddenly need a little extra money, Richard?

I guess I'm beginning to feel more responsible for stuff.

I think the line's being held up, Mr. Williams.

You feel responsible?

Responsible for what, Richard?

Can we talk about it later?

That's an excellent idea, Richard.

I think we'd better talk about it later.

But why should it bother you, Chip?

I don't know.

Mr. Williams tried to make it seem like some
sort of a crime that I was working at the market.

But why are you working, Chip?

I mean, you've got a pretty heavy workload at school.

Sure.

But Polly and I opened up this bank account so we
could save up in case we decide to get married someday.

Uh, a joint account?

Yeah.

I give her the money and she puts it in the bank.

Why should Mr. Williams get so hacked just
because I'm working?

Because he wouldn't be going to school and working and hanging
around here both day and night if there wasn't a reason.

But, Tom, maybe he's just an industrious boy.

Industrious?

My aunt's bustle.

Now, what's going on, honey?

You can tell your dad.

Nothing is going on, Papa.

Now, you two kids wouldn't be saving for
something wild like getting married, would you?

Well, would that be so awful?

Romeo and Juliet were 15 when they got married.

They didn't get married.

Oh, yes, they did.

They were married secretly by that priest,
that friar, what's-his-name.

What did Shakespeare know about Polly and Richard?

He knew enough about fathers to know they
tried to break marriages up.

Pauline!

She only means... Mama, please.

Face it, Pop, I'm a woman, and I want to marry Chip.

All my life, you've never trusted me,
and I've had to sneak behind your back.

Now I've got something to show you.

Margaret, follow her.

She must have a fever.

She doesn't have a fever.

She means every word she's saying.

And if you ask me, it's just about time.

Chip and I opened this about three weeks ago.

A joint account?

I'll get the back door.

Good night, folks.

Good night, Charlie.

A little early for the milkman, eh?

Hello, Mr. Douglas.

I've left home.

Chip, wake up.

What's up, Dad?

Nothing, Ernie.

Go back to sleep.

Chip, Polly's downstairs.

Huh?

Huh?

Man, Dad, what's she down there for?

She, uh, brought a suitcase.

It seems she's left home.

She wants to talk to you.

Ernie, where are you going?

Well, down to help Chip.

There's nothing handier than a sibling
when you're in trouble.

Will you get back to that place?

Okay.

But he's blowing a chance for some pretty
expert brotherly consultation.

You'll take that chance, Ernie.

Good night.

Did I do a stupid thing, Mrs. Douglas?

You're not a stupid girl, honey.

So I'm sure you realize you're going to
have to face your parents sooner or later.

Polly?

Oh, Chip!

Hey, ma'am, Polly.

I had this terrible fight with my father,
and I didn't know what to do.

I came here.

I, uh, I think maybe Chip and Polly would
like to talk this situation over by themselves.

Why?

Steve's right.

It's a problem they have to work out alone.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Before everybody gets noble, maybe the
kids need some advice.

I don't think so, Charley.

If they're old enough to talk about an
engagement, they're old enough to handle this.

Yeah, but where are they going to talk?

If they're in the kitchen, I can hear them in my room.

And they can't go up to Chip's room
because old big-eared Ernie is up there.

Charley, if we left here, they'd be alone, wouldn't they?

Good night.

Good night.

If you kids want us for anything, we'll be upstairs.

Okay, now, tell me what happened.

Ernie.

Oh, well, I was just coming down for some water to get.

Did the faucets in the bathroom dry up?

I forgot about those.

Back to bed.

Well, for two people who are practically tongue-tied,
it's... You've been certainly talking a long time.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I just, uh...

I'm surprised that Williams hasn't shown up.

Hmm.

And he probably will, and there'll be quite a scene.

After we had this terrible fight and I
went to my room, I got to thinking about us.

So I packed and climbed out the window and came right over.

Oh, chip lets eloped this minute.

Elope?

Oh, man, Polly, I couldn't do that to my family.

Don't you love me?

Well, sure.

My dad would never understand it if I just
eloped and eloped.

Chip Douglas, when a woman says, don't
you love me to a man, it doesn't just say, sure.

It tells her how much he loves her and
he'd do anything for her.

Polly, are you sure you don't want to
elope just to get back at your dad?

How can you say such a thing?

Well, for one thing, you just had a fight,
and then you show up here with a suitcase.

That's because I thought you were going to elope.

I thought my fiancé was the only one I could trust.

Well, yeah, but you've got to see your dad's side of it.

He hates to lose his only daughter,
so he hangs on a little too tight, maybe.

Chip, I just don't believe this.

Yeah.

Isn't eloping on $90 a little dumb?

It's not dumb.

It's romantic.

And a man who really loves a woman doesn't count money.

We sure haven't got much money to count.

Why don't you just write it on a wall somewhere, Chip?

Write what on a wall?

Chip Douglas hates Polly Williams.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you going?

What do you care?

Man, Polly, I do care.

Man, Polly, why don't you quit saying man and act like one?

Chip Douglas, I never want to see you again.

Was that a Sonic bloom or something?

I think it was a door slam.

Doty, where are you?

Get back to bed now.

Was that a Sonic bloom, Daddy?

No, Doty, I don't...

Well, good night, you guys.

Sorry.

Now, no talking, no probing, no questions, no anything.

Do we understand each other?

Man, dear, how am I going to find out what happened?

Look, I'll tell you what happened.

Chip and Polly had the wildest beef you ever heard.

First she said, good night, Charley.

What do you mean, good night, Charley?

I'm trying to tell you something.

Good night, Charley.

Good night, Charley.

That's all I get around is, good night, Charley.

Good night, Charley.

Is that a Sonic bloom?

Now, good night, Dodie.

Come on, Dodie, back to bed.

You don't have to worry about me talking
or anything, Daddy.

Because I never know what's going on around here anyway.

Well,

it seems Chip and Polly had a big argument.

And?

And she, uh, went out and slammed the door.

And?

And, uh, that's all I know, honey.

Good night.

Well, what was the argument about?

Why did she leave home?

Now, Steve and Douglas, don't pretend you're sorry.

You're asleep?

You're just as curious about Chip and Polly as I am.

Concerned, honey.

Not curious.

Good night.

Good night, hon.

Polly?

Polly?

Polly, uh, we just can't go to sleep without, uh...

Settling this thing without straightening things out.

You, uh, you yelled at me.

I'm willing to forget it.

Papa, you can stop talking.

Now, you hold on, young lady.

I hate Chip Douglas!

You do?

I never want to see him again!

You don't?

That's a nice, that's a nice, sensible girl.

Well, get some sleep.

Good night, honey.

Good night.

Tom, I heard you get out of bed.

Margaret, you, uh, you tell me that,
uh, I have a big mouth, right?

And, uh, you tell me I don't understand my daughter, right?

Well, I must be doing something right,
because my daughter just told me that she

hates Chip Douglas, and she never wants to see him again.

Oh, I don't... Check it out in the morning.

She wants to get some sleep.

You see, Margaret, I don't, uh,
talk to Polly just to hear myself talk.

You see, I put in psychology.

Psychology.

I try to pick the correct phrase.

Oh, my God, Chip.

Robin and I had a terrible fight when we
were going together.

As a matter of fact, it was a week before the wedding.

Oh, no kidding?

Really.

How come Polly yelled at me like that?

I imagine that she yelled because you
didn't react the way she picked on you.

She must have thought the romance of the
thing would sweep you right off your feet.

Instead, you pointed out that you only had $90 in the bank.

You were being practical.

She had stars in her eyes.

Yeah, how could she want to marry me one
minute and holler at me the next?

She's in love, Chip.

Well, how would you like to go to Rome?

Hi, honey.

What should I do, Katie?

Go pick her up at school.

Tell her you love her.

Tell her to cool the elopement for a while.

Say silly things.

Romantic things.

Tell her some jokes.

Just don't let her get away.

I can catch her right after late chem lab.

Thanks, Katie.

Well, hi, Rob.

Hi.

Poor Chip.

Never mind about poor Chip.

Didn't you hear what I just said?

Did you say something about Rome?

I didn't say Glendale.

Rome?

Rome!

Where will you stay, Rob?

Well, the Italian affiliate is making all the arrangements.

All we have to do is show up on that empty plane.

Empty plane?

Yeah.

Rob says it's a terrible waste, but all they
want is the plane over there, not the passengers.

Why don't you come along, Uncle Charlie?

It'll be a little difficult, but I think we
can spare you around here for a few days.

Oh, no.

Barging in ain't one of my specialties.

Uncle Charlie, I'm sorry.

Uncle Charlie, there's no barging into it.

We'll all fly over there together.

I'll be busy at the Italian plant.

You can look up your friend, and then we fly home together.

Oh, do it, Uncle Charlie.

Come on, Uncle Charlie.

Here, go ahead.

Listen.

Why not?

Good.

Well, have a great time.

Oh, hello.

Hi, Steve.

I'd like to have a little talk with you.

It might be the last one we ever need to have.

Oh, well, then come right in, Mr. Tom.

Steve, you think we could talk privately?

Sorry, Dad.

We were just on our way anyway.

Uncle Charley, throw you back out of that Rome trip.

I'm going to put you on the manifesto Monday morning.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Gary.

How private is this talk, or shall I cool
it someplace else?

No, no, no.

This is a family thing, so you just stay put if you'd like.

I had a little talk with Pauline last
night, in which I pointed out the nonsense

attached to getting married at such a young age.

And the upshot was this.

She doesn't want to see Chip anymore.

But Chip may not accept this.

I know I wouldn't have at his age.

But boys are pursuers.

Therefore, I'm going to ask you a cooperation.

You know, just have him stay away for a period of time.

Just a minute, Tom.

Chip, would you come in here, please?

Hello, Papa.

Chip and I are doing homework.

What happened to last night, Pauline?

Oh, that was just a lover's quarrel.

If you want me to get Polly home early,
we'd better get back to work, Mr.

Williams.

Okay.

Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr. Williams?

Very, very strong.

I'll make it.

If I'm going to Italy, I'd better get used
to making Espresso.

Nothing stronger than that.

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