You know I'm only kidding, don't you?
Sure.
I just wish I were a better cook, though.
Well, it just takes practice.
No, I think it's a talent, like for music or for painting.
You have to be born with it.
That's dumb.
Any idiot can learn to cook.
Thanks.
Keep up the encouragement.
You're okay.
Oh!
Oh, Chip, watch out!
Look at those books.
When did you get those?
Honey, if you get hassled into buying any more
books, the library's going to be borrowing from us.
Chip, we really needed those.
It's a medical home library.
Swell.
Look at Black and Blue Ankle.
Honey, please don't buy any more books.
Or magazines, or lifetime light bulbs,
or vegetable peelers, or potholders,
or anything else from anyone else who comes to the library.
The door's selling it.
It's just that I feel so sorry for anyone
that has to make a living that way.
Well, how about feeling sorry for husbands
who get stuck with all this junk?
I mean, how about those?
Three mops?
You know, you never know when you might spill something.
No more, honey.
Okay?
Okay.
Now, Chip, I'm giving you the correct place, so be sure
to sit there so that your folks don't get stuck with it.
They're early.
Chip, they're here.
I'll be right out as soon as I finish shaving.
Okay, well, don't rush.
You'll cut yourself.
It's okay.
We've got plenty of mops.
Oh.
Yes?
How do you do, Mrs. Douglas?
How do you do?
You aren't selling something, are you?
No, not in the true sense of the word.
And besides, I can tell this is the wrong time.
I can just tell.
Yes, you don't know how wrong it is.
Right.
Oh, you're... You're having people to dinner, aren't you?
Stroganoff, right?
Yes.
My guests will be here any minute.
Oh, I see.
Yes.
Well, obviously you can't see me now.
Thank you.
So I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, hi, Polly.
Hi.
Oh, hello.
I'm Milton Baxter.
Oh, Polly, you're Mrs. Baxter?
Yes.
We're the Douglas' chips parents.
Yeah.
It's a nice meeting you.
Thank you.
Please, come on in.
Douglas, that's right.
Hi, Mom.
Dad.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi, Chipper.
Who's Milton Baxter?
Oh, well, he was just selling something.
Oh, he didn't buy anything.
Uh-uh.
Hey, you can't say no.
Chip says that I have no sales resistance, and he's right.
Well, just look at all of this stuff.
Polly, you mean you bought all these things?
All of them.
Oh.
Well, I guess we all have our weak moments.
But not all of us have three mops.
Three mops?
Well, if you bought two, you got one free.
Oh.
I bought... I bought a set of cookie cutters once.
Twelve of them, all in the signs of the zodiac.
It's just that I feel so sorry for them.
Our dinner's done.
Oh, that's just my reminder.
It's got five minutes to go, and we can
sit down and start the salad.
Fire.
Honey, what are you doing?
Well, it's more romantic this way.
What for?
We're all married.
Should we sit in any special place?
Sure.
Mom, you sit there, and Dad, and you can
sit at the head of the table.
Okay.
Okay.
How do you tell which is the head of the table?
The one with the cracked plate.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Barbara, I have a household hint for you.
I read somewhere that if you
put the salad in the freezer just
a little while before eating, it comes out nice and crisp.
Well, that sounds like a good idea.
Well, that's the way I like my salads, nice and crisp.
Hey, everybody, dig in.
Ma'am, Polly, it's frozen.
Oh, well, it's nice and crisp.
How long did you leave it in the freezer?
An hour.
A little while doesn't mean an hour.
Man, this is the first time I've ever eaten a salad sickle.
Well, it's good.
What happened?
Oh, well, that was one of the lifetime
bulbs that I bought last week.
Oh, my boy.
Honey, it's happened to all of us.
You should have tasted my first pumpkin pie.
It tasted like wet plaster.
Oh, I'm sorry that I froze the salad, but I think that
I've made it up to you by burning the beef stroganoff.
What?
What?
Well?
Well, what, Charley?
How was it?
How was what?
Oh, now, come on, Steve.
You know what I'm talking about.
All right.
The dinner was excellent.
Polly's dinner was excellent?
What did you do?
Eat out?
Hey, what's the big secret about last night?
You and Barbara have been as
closed-mouthed as two clams in a pod.
Charley, clams don't come in pods.
Who cares?
What does she serve?
Well, uh, we started out with a, uh, nice, crisp salad.
Crispier than mine?
Well, crisper, uh, or crispier than most people's, I'd say.
I got the lint off with sticky tape.
Oh, thanks, honey.
What else?
What else?
What is this, a conspiracy?
What else did Polly serve?
Well, we had a nice, crisp salad.
Big deal.
What else?
Well, after the salad, we had beef stroganoff.
Beef stroganoff, huh?
Any good?
Well, it did have a very distinctive
flavor, wouldn't you say, honey?
Yeah.
Yeah, I would say that's the word for it.
She probably used a mix for the sauce.
What could that shine?
Hey, you could use it for a mirror.
Oh, thanks, Ernie.
Yeah, but I've got two feet.
Where's the other shoe?
Oh, Dodie's leaning out the window,
seeing if it'll shine and people vibe.
Oh, fine.
Dodie!
Hey, what'd you guys have for dinner last night?
Why this sudden interest in a simple family meal?
Well, Chip's got to eat her cooking.
But you guys walked right into it.
Ernie, Polly is a very nice girl.
Oh, yeah, but she's going to wreck Chip.
Chip, I remember.
Katie and I were there for lunch once.
Look, I think we've just about had it with Polly's cooking.
Honey, now look, you're going to have to
stop and get gas on your way to work.
Yeah, I will.
I'm not only talking about her cooking.
Charlie.
And they don't even have a garden?
He said it, not me.
But we know where he learned it, don't we?
Dodie!
You know, Mr. Baxter, I don't mind listening at all.
I just really have to go.
Well, I thoroughly understand, Mrs. Douglas.
All I'm saying is that I'd like to finish my presentation.
You see, we work on a point system, and my supervisor
gives me six points for getting through my presentation.
Well, if your supervisor asks me,
I'll tell him that you got through it.
Oh, no, that wouldn't be ethical.
You see, I can't involve a potential
customer in something that wouldn't be ethical.
What are you selling?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Not a thing.
Look, Mr. Baxter.
No, really, I'm not... My firm is selling
something, but I'm not selling anything.
No, well, actually, my firm isn't selling... What
they're doing is they're giving it away, you see.
Now, you see, you've looked at your watch twice there.
I'm holding you up, aren't I?
Yes, you see, I just don't want to be late.
Well, why don't I get straight to the point?
You see, what I want to do is give you and
your husband a dinner.
All you have to do is be the hostess for a
dinner for eight people, and I'll come
over and cook the entire meal,
prepare it completely, and it'll be free,
absolutely free, and no hidden persuasions.
Huh, do you get points for making dinner?
Well, you might say that, yes.
See, actually, what I do is I prepare the
entire meal right here in this new
chip-proof, crack-proof, copper-bottomed,
heat-treated, steam-pressed cookware,
and the handles never wear out.
And I'm sure that when your guests see the
culinary miracles that these little
kitchen helpers perform, that they'll want
to order some right away.
Oh, I don't think I can invite friends to
dinner and expect them to buy anything.
Oh, but you'd be doing them a favor, really.
You'd be introducing them to our new
chip-proof, crack-proof, copper-bottomed,
heat-treated, steam-pressed cookware,
and the handles never wear out.
And for your hospitality, well, our firm
will give you a starter set absolutely free.
You and your husband, a whole set.
Gee, I don't know.
I'll think about it.
Oh, good.
Wonderful.
You're a warm-hearted person, Mrs. Douglas.
You'd be surprised the number of people
who won't even open the door.
Is that right?
Oh, here, let me take that for you.
I'm really going to think about it.
Yeah, well, I believe you, Mrs. Douglas.
And I'll tell you why I believe you.
Because I can tell that you are a top-drawer cook, and you
appreciate professional cookware, so that your friends...
who may not cook as top-drawer as you,
that, well, you can tell them that just by
using our chip-proof, crack-proof,
copper-bottomed, heat-treated,
steam-pressured pots, that it'll turn them
into instant chefs.
They're really that good?
Oh, even better.
And the handles never wear out.
Don't forget that.
The handles, right.
Polly!
I did it again.
You froze the lettuce.
No, worse than that.
What happened?
Well, that salesman came back this morning.
Mr. Baxter didn't buy anything.
No.
Oh, well, then it's all right.
Well, I signed up to host us a pot party.
What?
A pot party?
You know, one of those things where the demonstrator
comes and you invite other people and he cooks the dinner.
Oh.
And he sells his pots.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
Well, how am I going to fit eight people
in our tiny little place?
I mean, even if I could fit them in,
which I can, it's much too small.
How am I going to face Chip?
Well.
Honey, I can't help you there.
I know.
What's the difference anyway?
I mean, if I can't squeeze all those
people in, I mean, not in our tiny little place.
Well, why don't you give the party here?
Oh, thank you, Barbara.
I was hoping you'd say that.
I mean, I think if you hadn't said that, I would have died.
Well, what's the best day?
Sunday?
Yeah, Sunday's all right.
Wow, and with the whole family,
that'll make just eight people.
I won't have to bother any of our friends.
Well, now comes the hard part.
Yeah, telling Chip.
Telling Charlie.
Chip?
Finish your homework, Polly.
Remember I told you that salesman was coming back today?
Remember I told you not to open the door?
Finish your homework, Polly.
I didn't buy anything.
Good.
Okay, then.
What did you do?
You what?
I was trying to help Polly out.
You mean that guy's going to show up here
with a stupid pox?
Charlie, you don't have to do any of the work at all.
Look, I don't want anybody messing around
our kitchen but you and me.
Now, call it off.
I can't do that.
I signed up.
It's like a contract.
They could sue us.
We haven't got any money.
Well, what could they take from us?
The books?
Hey, why not let them take the mops?
It's the principle of the thing.
I won't go back on my word.
Look, I know Uncle Charley and he'll never stand for it.
Now, call it off, Polly.
Please?
For his sake?
Please, Charlie.
For Polly's sake.
Fancy pots don't make good cooks.
Polly knows she'll never be as good a cook as you.
She said that?
Well, not in some words, but she thinks it.
Well, okay.
But I get to stay in the kitchen so I keep
my eye on this joker.
Here, dear.
Thanks, Pop.
I knew you'd see it my way.
I'll call Barbara and tell her never mind.
Hello?
He did?
Wonderful.
Yeah, we'll see you Sunday night.
Thanks for calling.
Bye.
That was Barbara.
No problem at all.
Uncle Charley said okay.
Episode 3 on Odyssey.
Hey, kid, you're polluting my kitchen.
It's the latest thing in cookware, Mr. O'Casey.
Yeah, well, the stuff that I cook with is 40
years old and it still turns out pretty good chow.
Yeah, but is it chip-proof, crack-proof, copper-bottomed?
Heat-treated, clean-pressured,
and the handles never wear out.
Yeah, but mine ain't got any handles left.
But at least they don't make my kitchen
look like Fulton's Folly.
Well, look, why don't you go on inside and eat?
I've already served the soup course.
Well, I don't trust nothing that was cooked in a vaporizer.
Well, I'd better go in and check on the
progress of my guest.
Excuse me.
Well, how we doing, folks?
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
I feel like a Roman empress just sitting here being served.
Oh, so you should, my friend.
What about you, little lady?
You didn't finish all your soup.
I did pretty good for it not being alphabet soup.
Yes, you did.
You're getting quite a load there.
I'll help you.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
Can I borrow a napkin from somebody?
Dear, just send a cleaning bill to our firm, will you?
Gee whiz, seven points.
I could louse up my whole week.
Dad, I'm really sorry.
Oh, Polly, don't worry about it.
It was my fault.
I should have stood up.
Well, I have to pick up some stuff at the
cleaners tomorrow, Dad.
I'll drop your suit off.
Oh, fine.
Fine.
Wait till you get a load of the guck he's
bringing in for the main course.
Let's give it a chance, Charley.
Not me.
If it's no good, I'm going to hate it.
And if it's good, I'm going to hate it even worse.
Here it is.
Chicken supreme.
Without frying.
With Tahitian sauce.
All prepared in the jumbo, lumino, all-purpose broiler.
Hell, it's very good.
Now, uh, who gets the bib?
The, uh, the bib?
Well, the sauce has a tendency to run,
so the server has to be careful.
Hey, me, mister, I'll wear it.
Oh, I'm sorry, little lady.
Only the host, the one who serves,
can wear that chicken bib.
That's you, Dad.
Well, you're the host.
But it's your house.
But it's Polly's dinner, honey.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll, uh, I'll serve.
But I think I can get along without that bib.
Yeah, but, Mr. Douglas.
You heard him, Alice.
Hey, Steve, pass out that mess and let's get started.
Mr. Host, Douglas, the, uh, I lose points
if the host doesn't wear the chicken bib.
Yeah, but, uh, how would anybody know?
Well, from the picture.
I take a picture of the entire event.
I mean, getting points for neatness, the number of people.
How photogenic the food is.
And they notice if the, uh, host doesn't wear the bib.
Dad, I'm really sorry.
Okay, uh, very good, Mr. Douglas.
Looks fine.
Oh, that's the funniest looking rooster I ever looked at.
It looks like he laid an egg.
Stay tuned.
Oh, geez.
Well, at least the rooster looks good.
Mr. Baxter sent me the whole set of
pictures, even the close-ups of the empty plates.
Okay.
Dad, what's wrong with me?
Because you took pity on a salesman?
No, I'm not ashamed of that so much.
Salesmen have to live.
But I don't seem to have any judgment.
I buy dumb things we don't even need, for instance.
And my cooking is still rotten.
Why can't a girl that gets A's in
chemistry cook bacon and eggs?
Maybe you can, Polly.
Why don't you, uh, think of it as a form?
You know, I'm always supposed to sound like a sovereign.
I'm not, but, uh, I do know one thing.
What?
Time will take care of this whole business.
Now, Barbara and I have been around a
while, and we still make errors in judgment.
Not as many as we used to, but we still make them.
I guess I really know that.
Well, thanks for letting me invade your office like this.
It seemed kind of important at the time.
I'm glad it seems less important now.
That's what it's supposed to be.
Where'd you park?
In the street.
Well, you might as well go out this way.
It's shorter.
Poor Mr. Baxter.
He didn't get to sell any of his pots last night.
Well, that's one of the hazards of his occupation.
He'll sell them someplace else.
Bye, Polly.
Goodbye, Dad.
Yeah.
Do I know him?
I had dinner with him.
Oh, is his name Baxter?
Good morning, Mr. Douglas.
Hi.
In the interest of time, I came right in.
How did you get in, Mr. Baxter?
This is a restricted area.
Oh, well, I used your name.
I didn't think you'd mind, us both being
businessmen and all.
Well, what can I do for you?
Well, nothing.
If I'm going to do something
for you, I'm inviting you and Mrs.
Douglas to a dinner.
All you have to do is bring six other people.
We did that last night.
Oh, no.
No, you know, your son was the host, not you.
But I wore the bib.
Oh, I've lost you.
You're looking at your watch.
Mr. Baxter, why don't you talk to my wife about this?
Oh, I can't do that, Mr. Douglas,
because this is strictly man-to-man.
You see, I've only given five dinner
parties this month, and my quota is six.
And what do women know about quotas, right?
But, of course, a man in your position...
Your eyes are shifting.
Eyes tattled, Mr. Douglas.
Mr. Baxter, I'm pretty busy right now, so, uh...
Yeah, well, certainly, certainly, certainly, I understand.
By the way, Mr. Douglas, if you're not
interested in our free gift of cookware,
plus a three-tier tackle box and four
dozen hand-picked lures.
Four dozen?
Uh-huh.
I, uh... I sense that you are an outdoor man.
So, um, actually, in addition to that,
we can make available to you our
fiberglass boat with a silent outboard, and you know
how important that is up there in the high lake country.
All we ask of you is that you bring along
six fishermen to experience our outdoor life.
Ah, six, huh?
Just six, right.
Of course, the company will prepare all the trout you
catch, and we'll cook the morning bacon and eggs and...
Oh, you know how that smells on a crisp,
cold morning up around, say, uh, June Lake.
Or you can go into vision.
Now, here's a prime young buck just picked from the trees.
Who'll give me 150?
I here don't want to...
So, can I... Tobin, that's who you is.
Quinta quinta.
I'll be dead.
And if any African Guinea man is gonna
make me lose all I've been working for.
I'd like to be free African.
Must be something special.
What's your name?
Quinta.
Quinta Quinta.
Alex Haley's Roots.
Tonight at 9 on Odyssey.
.
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