03x11 - Thanks But No Thanksgiving

[bunniefuu]

Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

This is my dad!

[licking]

This is my mom!

This is my mom!

[giggles]

This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

-And this...
-[crowd cheering]

This is my show!

[energetic music playing]

[energetic music playing]

-[wind howling]
-[quirky music playing]

-[wind howling]
-[quirky music playing]

Gobble, gobble, gobble,
gobble, gobble!

Are all my turkey lurkies
done packing?

Are all my turkey lurkies
done packing?

I'm packing as much as I can.

[squelching]

[squelching]

No, Patrick!
Not that kind of packing.

We're taking a trip to visit
my family in Klopnod

We're taking a trip to visit
my family in Klopnod

for Thanksgiving.

Or as we call it there,

Thomp Skulk Splatch Goosh.

Thomp Skulk Splatch Goosh.

Besides, you don't wanna ruin
your appetite!

[muffled] Fine!

Blagh!

All packed!

I'm almost done too!

-[toaster dings]
-[Cecil] Sorry, honey!

Can't have Thanksgiving
without a toaster! [laughs]

As well as... [groans]

...the fridge!

Whew. And most importantly,

my Thanksgiving grill.

Let's get this puppy prepped.

Let's get this puppy prepped.

Ah, I can't wait to cook up

that Thanksgiving dinner.

that Thanksgiving dinner.

You know, holiday after holiday,

your mother's proved to be,
er, hard to impress.

your mother's proved to be,
er, hard to impress.

[fireworks whistling]

But this one's
gonna be different.

And maybe, just maybe,

And maybe, just maybe,

I'll finally get
my first compliment from her.

[flames roaring, sizzling]

[flames roaring, sizzling]

Luggage, check.

Wife and kids, check.

-GrandPat, uh...
-[GrandPat] On my way!

-GrandPat, uh...
-[GrandPat] On my way!

[humming]

Oh, no, you don't!

No weapons, mister.

The Klopnodian w*r
ended eons ago!

The Klopnodian w*r
ended eons ago!

I don't want you
starting it up again.

-Fiddle faddle!
-[clattering]

[suspiciously]
Is that everything?

It sure is!

-[beard spinning]
-[clattering]

-[beard spinning]
-[clattering]

-[loud clank]
-[timer beeping]

Aw, double fiddle faddle!

Aw, double fiddle faddle!

[grunts, chuckles]

-Oh!
-[beeping rapidly]

-[expl*si*n]
-[screams]

-[expl*si*n]
-[screams]

Buckle up, everyone!

[honks]

[mellow music playing]

[mellow music playing]

[grunts]

[tires screech]

[honking]

[honking]

[airplane soaring]

[bonking, bouncing]

[airplane whistling]

-They're late.
-[ticking]

-They're late.
-[ticking]

No doubt due to Bunny's no-good
Shlaboinknik of a husband.

Huh?

[novelty horn plays]

Bumpy landing.

Last time we go
with that airline.

Oh!

Free shoes!

[crackling]

Hey! Hands off my shoes!

Hey! Hands off my shoes!

-[groans]
-[zapping]

-[laughs]
-[shoes clacking]

Huh?

Huh?

[shoes barking]

-Mom!
-Grandma!

Hiya, Agnes!

Hiya, Agnes!

Best mother-in-law in the world!

Bring it in!

Bring it in!

Ugh, here we go.

-[zapping]
-[ice creaks]

Mom, you promised
that you wouldn't use magic

Mom, you promised
that you wouldn't use magic

on Cecil when we visit.

Where's
your Thanksgiving spirit?

Fine, fine.

A begrudging promise
is still a promise.

A begrudging promise
is still a promise.

[zapping]

-[groans]
-[cracking]

This'll be a Thanksgiving

This'll be a Thanksgiving

you'll never forget.

Ugh. Amnesia potion,
here I come.

Ugh. Amnesia potion,
here I come.

The rest of the family
has already arrived.

Squidina...

Squidina...

eh, other child...

meet your Aunt Esmerelda.

-[sparkling]
-[gasping]

[mellow music playing]

[mellow music playing]

Hey, put that magic mirror away!

The rest of the family is here!

The rest of the family is here!

Hm? Aha!

Sister Bunny and her family!

Sister Bunny and her family!

[sparkling]

Why, you must be Patrick
and Squidina.

Say hello
to my beautiful children,

Say hello
to my beautiful children,

Squatrick...

Eldeel, Eldeel, Eldeel, Ell!

[Esmerelda] And Patina.

Have your coven talk to my coven

and let's make
some magic happen!

and let's make
some magic happen!

-Huh?
-Huh?

[squirting sounds]

Shake?

Shake?

Shake!

-[flatulence sounds]
-[giggling]

Last but certainly least,

Last but certainly least,

your new stepdad, Gerhard.

Gorfsplach!

But what happened
to my old stepdad?

It didn't work out between us,

It didn't work out between us,

so I did the sensible thing.

I turned him into furniture!

Hiya, Bunny!

Hiya, Bunny!

[Agnes] Just like
with all your old stepdads.

They're much more useful
this way.

They're much more useful
this way.

Enchanted to meet you, Gerhard!

[music ends]

[eyebrow creaking]

[eyebrow creaking]

-[tense music playing]
-[teeth chattering]

[wobbling sounds]

[wobbling sounds]

[nervously] Uh, Bunny,
what's going on?

[tense music continues]

[tense music continues]

Why aren't you saying anything?

Is it my sweaty palms?

Is it my sweaty palms?

[popping, water squirting]

Huh?

Ah!

[screams]

[anguished groaning]

[anguished groaning]

[tense music ends]

[tense music ends]

[all] Slazancho!

Wonderful!

Oh, relax, dear.

Oh, relax, dear.

That was just
our traditional Klopnodian

awkward stare greeting.

[bubbling]

-[pops]
-Oh.

This Thanksgiving is already off

to a great start.

Okay, everyone.
Make yourselves comfortable.

Okay, everyone.
Make yourselves comfortable.

I'll conjure up some dinner.

Come on, Squidina.
Let us go out back and play

Come on, Squidina.
Let us go out back and play

my favorite Klopnodian game,

Ahht-Ahht-Bloot!

Sure, I'd love to try
ah-ah-blah...

Sure, I'd love to try
ah-ah-blah...

blah, ah-blah-blah...

Gesundheit!

We'll play that too

if we find all the pieces.

It's so nice to see our children
get along so well.

It's so nice to see our children
get along so well.

Reminds me of when we were kids.

Speaking of,

Speaking of,

do you think
our childhood bedroom

is just like we remember?

Let's find out!

Let's find out!

[both giggling excitedly]

Gerhard, how are you going
to make yourself useful

Gerhard, how are you going
to make yourself useful

while I cook?

By sitting in this chair.

Oh, you want to sit
in that chair?

Oh, you want to sit
in that chair?

Why don't you become
that chair?!

-[zapping]
-[duck quacks]

-[zapping]
-[duck quacks]

Aw, dripple blit!

I guess I'll do it all myself.

I guess I'll do it all myself.

No one is useful around here!

Useful?

Now's my chance!

Now's my chance!

Oh, Agnes, wait for me!

[tires screeching]

All right, let's get started.

All right, let's get started.

Did someone say "cooking"?

-No.
-I've got everything we need

-No.
-I've got everything we need

right here.

[flames roaring]

Well... [chuckles]
Looks like the grill's ready.

Well... [chuckles]
Looks like the grill's ready.

[zapping]

[sighs] Okay, fine.

You want to help, Cecil?

My tools!

Do you know how to cook
with cauldrons?

Uh... yeah!

Eh, cauldrons. Sure thing.

[gulps]
I just, uh, just gotta find

[gulps]
I just, uh, just gotta find

the ol' gas knob on this thing.

[squelching]

Not like that.

Like this.

Like this.

[whooshing]

Ooh!

So, Mom,

what's next?

what's next?

The ingredients.

I'm on it! What first?

Wing of bat.

-[rat squeaks]
-No, that's foot of rat!

[rat squeaks]

[stretching, boing]

[stretching, boing]

Huh, so it is.

Out of the way.
I'll do it myself.

[crashing]

[crashing]

[bubbling]

Stirring? I can help you stir!

Stirring? I can help you stir!

Yup. I was the champion stirrer

for all 11 years of high school.

for all 11 years of high school.

[grumbling from cauldron]

[zapping]

We're having boogeyman tonight,
right?

We're having boogeyman tonight,
right?

-[growling]
-Ah!

[gargling]

I told you...

I was good at...

I was good at...

[gargling]

...stirring!

[gargling]

Ugh, is there anyone
more annoying

Ugh, is there anyone
more annoying

than that kloink-spank?

Oh, rackin'-frackin' piece
o' Klopnod junk!

Oh, rackin'-frackin' piece
o' Klopnod junk!

How d'ya turn this TV on?

[biting]

Well, that answers my question.

Well, that answers my question.

-[zapping]
-[biting continues]

You need to crank it up.
Like this.

You need to crank it up.
Like this.

[cranking]

[static]

Huh? What's this garbage?

Huh? What's this garbage?

[Agnes]
It's Klopnodian television.

We only have one channel.

What?! Not anymore!

What?! Not anymore!

[grunts]

There.

Now you got two channels!

Don't change the settings.
You'll break it.

Don't change the settings.
You'll break it.

I'll break whatever I want!
[grunts]

How rude!

How rude!

I'll show you rude!

[grunts]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[Cecil] Oh, Mother!

I've got the sea-turkey
all stuffed.

I've got the sea-turkey
all stuffed.

[grumbling]

[splat]

[Western playing on TV]

[giggles]

[squelching]

[horses neighing]

[blowing raspberry]

Hmm...

[sparkling]

-[zapping]
-[expl*si*n]

-[zapping]
-[expl*si*n]

-[sizzling]
-Wha?

I knew I shouldn't have put
that dynamite in there.

I knew I shouldn't have put
that dynamite in there.

Oh, dear.
Who could possibly hunt down

another sea-turkey
at this late hour?

another sea-turkey
at this late hour?

Certainly not an old,
weak, pathetic outsider

Certainly not an old,
weak, pathetic outsider

like your father.

Huh? [growling]

I'll show you who's old,
weak, and pathetic.

I'll show you who's old,
weak, and pathetic.

[warbling]

Turkey-finder GrandPat,

away!

away!

That should keep him busy
for a while.

Now then, make yourself useful
and, um,

Now then, make yourself useful
and, um,

don't do anything.

[deflating]

[deflating]

Oh! Our childhood room

is just like I remember.

[gasps] My Little Cleaners
training vacuum!

-[dinging]
-Vroom, vroom!

Ah, Bunny!

Ah, Bunny!

Lookie what I found!

[Bunny] Oh! The Game of Strife!

[Bunny] Oh! The Game of Strife!

I'm not sure.

That game would always bring out
the worst in us.

Afraid you'll lose again?
[laughs]

Come on, just one game.

You're on!

You're on!

[dice rattling, bouncing]

[Esmerelda] Oh, snake eyes!

[Bunny] One, two.

"Have a couple of dumpy,
good-for-nothing kids"?

"Have a couple of dumpy,
good-for-nothing kids"?

[Esmerelda laughs]

They look like your kids!
[chuckles]

They look like your kids!
[chuckles]

My turn.

"Have two perfect,
successful children."

"Have two perfect,
successful children."

That tracks. [laughs]

[rattling]

-[cell door clangs]
-[Bunny] Go to jail?

-[cell door clangs]
-[Bunny] Go to jail?

Isn't that where you work?

I thought you wanted to be
a world-famous race car driver.

I thought you wanted to be
a world-famous race car driver.

Oh, oh, that's right.

I became a world-famous
race car driver.

I became a world-famous
race car driver.

[growling]

Mom!

What now?

Esmerelda thinks
she's better than me!

Esmerelda thinks
she's better than me!

Bunny can't take a joke!

Nothing's changed. You're
exactly the way you used to be.

Nothing's changed. You're
exactly the way you used to be.

Girls, there's no need to fight
over who's better.

You're both equal.

You're both equal.

Equal disappointments.

-Ow, ow, ow!
-Ow, ow, ow!

[both grunt]

[both grunt]

Now sit in your corners

until you're ready
to apologize or...

you can join my ex-husbands.

you can join my ex-husbands.

I could always use
a couple extra lounge chairs.

[laughing]

[laughing]

-[whistle blowing]
-[boinging]

Har Har Yuckle... Yuk!

Har Har Yuckle... Yuk!

I got it! I got it!

Ew, gross!

-[grunts]
-[chomps]

Hole in one!

Hole in one!

Hey! You ate
our Ahht-Ahht-Bloot ball!

Do you not know how to play?

Do you not know how to play?

I bet not

because they're from
backward Bikini Bottom.

because they're from
backward Bikini Bottom.

Well, any other unusual
Klopnod traditions

we should know about?

There's, uh...

Oh! Takesgiving.

[giggling, honking]

[giggling, honking]

What's Takesgiving?

Every year on Takesgiving,

Every year on Takesgiving,

we sneak inside people's homes

and take whatever we want!

and take whatever we want!

Uh, that sounds like stealing.

I like it! I'm in.

Wait, is this some kind
of a prank?

Wait, is this some kind
of a prank?

Of course not.

Pranksgiving isn't
until next month.

Pranksgiving isn't
until next month.

Come on.
Takesgiving's a lot of fun.

You'll love it.

Unless, of course,
you're chicken.

Unless, of course,
you're chicken.

[Patrick] Chicken?!

Don't worry, I already got 'em.

-[chickens clucking]
-Patrick!

-[chickens clucking]
-Patrick!

[sighs] All right then.

[gobbling]

Hey, uh, Agnes?

Hey, uh, Agnes?

I wanted to offer an apolo--

Gee, that smells good!

Gee, that smells good!

[sniffing]

Could use a little
of the Cecil touch.

Couple of these.

Couple of these.

Pinch of that.

-[splashes]
-Some of those.

[clearing throat]

[clearing throat]

Oh, oh. Hi, Agnes.

Wait till you taste this.

It will blow your mind.

I'll be the judge of that.

[slurping]

[expl*si*n]

[suspenseful music playing]

[suspenseful music playing]

-[boings]
-Here, turkey, turkey, turkeys.

I got a nice, juicy rock

I got a nice, juicy rock

with your name on it.

[chuckling]

Hmm. Huh...

Hmm! Aha!

[rustling]

Gotcha, turkey!

[grunting, punching]

[grunting, punching]

Who you calling turkey?!

[GrandPat screams, groans]

[GrandPat screams, groans]

[mumbling woozily]

Huh? Ha!

Get your own traditional
Klopnodian

Thomp Skulk Splatch Goosh
turkey boots.

Thomp Skulk Splatch Goosh
turkey boots.

[grunts] Hmph.

-[gobbling]
-Huh?

Oh! [laughing]

I got ya now!

I got ya now!

-[gobbling]
-[truck horn blaring]

[gobbling continues]

[gobbling continues]

No-good sister.

She's the one
who should be sorry.

You know what, Bunny?

You know what, Bunny?

I am sorry.

Oh?

Sorry you didn't stay in Klopnod

and have my amazing life!

and have my amazing life!

[laughing]

Do you remember Myron?

Oh, Myron!

My old high school sweetheart.

[Esmerelda] This is him now!

He's become a billionaire,
supermodel wizard,

He's become a billionaire,
supermodel wizard,

and we're engaged!

He must have saved a fortune

He must have saved a fortune

buying such a small ring.

[clearing throat]

[clearing throat]

[giggling] Oh!

-[crunches]
-Ooh!

[high-pitched scream]

[high-pitched scream]

[high-pitched wailing]

Wait a tick...

-[vacuum whirring]
-[wobbling]

-[vacuum whirring]
-[wobbling]

[high-pitched squealing]

Aha!

That was nothing more

than one of your phony
illusion spells!

than one of your phony
illusion spells!

Are you calling me a liar?

[vacuum whirring]

[vacuum whirring]

[gasps]

You may think life
is better in Klopnod,

but at least my husband's not
a cheap magic trick!

but at least my husband's not
a cheap magic trick!

[smashes]

Whew!

That soup's got some kick to it.

That soup's got some kick to it.

-[groaning]
-[thudding]

[Agnes groans]

[soft music playing]

[soft music playing]

The coast is clear.

[groans]

[grunting]

[nervously] Oh...

-[Patina] Come on, Squidina!
-Ah!

Ooh! Yeah!

Good haul this year,
eh, Squidina?

Good haul this year,
eh, Squidina?

I don't know, Patrick.

This still feels like stealing.

Can't hear you.

Can't hear you.

Too busy taking stuff
that doesn't belong to us.

-[alarm blaring]
-Ah! We gotta hide!

-[alarm blaring]
-Ah! We gotta hide!

-[grunts]
-[horn blaring]

[groans]

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

[Patina] Let's shmizorft!

-What?
-Let's leave!

[Squidina groans]

[alarm continues]

[alarm continues]

[intense music playing]

[gobbling]

[light music playing]

[light music playing]

[sizzling]

Agnes, are you sure
I can't help with something?

Agnes, are you sure
I can't help with something?

Haven't you done enough?

-[plopping]
-[bowl shatters]

Thanksgiving dinner
would be done by now

Thanksgiving dinner
would be done by now

if you hadn't thrown in
those extra ingredients.

[smashing]

Oh, is that all?

Oh, is that all?

I'll just take out
everything I put in!

-What?!
-Don't worry.

I washed my hands
a few hours ago.

I washed my hands
a few hours ago.

Uh, we don't need this.

Stop it, you Spazunch!

Stop it, you Spazunch!

-Or this.
-Ah!

-Or this.
-Ooh!

And we really don't need this.

And we really don't need this.

-[clangs]
-[groans]

Phew!

How'd I do, Agnes?

Uh, Agnes?

Uh, Agnes?

[growling]

Now, Mom, you promised.

Now, Mom, you promised.

I'm sorry, Bunny,
but I have to do this.

[zapping]

[groaning]

Gobble, gobble?

[quirky music playing]

[gobbling]

Happy Thanksgiving!

Watch out for hunters.

[laughing]

The mighty hunter has returned!

The mighty hunter has returned!

I just caught a big,
plump sea-turkey.

Haha!

-[thud]
-[tooth clatters]

Hey, I'm not a sea-turkey!

Hey, I'm not a sea-turkey!

That's what they all say!

-Oh, dang near had him!
-Gobble, gobble, gobble!

-Oh, dang near had him!
-Gobble, gobble, gobble!

[nervously] Gobble, gobble!

How convenient.
Hold still, turkey.

How convenient.
Hold still, turkey.

This won't hurt... me... a bit.

Wait, Dad, no!

Wait, Dad, no!

I'm your son! Not a sea-turkey!

[smashing]

-[gobbling]
-Get back here!

-[gobbling]
-Get back here!

[elegant music]

There.

Table all set.

[magical whirring]

[magical whirring]

The forks go to the left.

No, the forks go to the right.

No, the forks go to the right.

No, to the left.

-Right!
-Left!

-Right!
-Left!

-Right!
-Left!

Girls! What did I tell you
about arguing?

-[alarm blaring]
-Huh?

-[panting]
-[babbling frantically]

[both] Everyone freeze!

[both] Everyone freeze!

[dramatic music playing]

[both] You two in the bags,
freeze!

[whimpering] Please, officers!

Don't arrest us!

Our cousins
were pulling a prank!

They told us taking things

They told us taking things

was part of your culture.

[sobbing] But no culture
is that backward.

[sobbing] But no culture
is that backward.

[crying]

[both] Backward?

Culture?

Culture?

[blowing]

[laughing]

Ah, little girl

Ah, little girl

from inferior country. [laughs]

Takesgiving is the best part
of Thanksgiving!

Takesgiving is the best part
of Thanksgiving!

[laughing]

What?!

You won't miss this chair,
will you?

You won't miss this chair,
will you?

Nope. I've got plenty more
where that came from.

It was nice to meet you!

It was nice to meet you!

[all] Happy Takesgiving!

Guess who caught a turkey,
you turkey!

Get to the table!

Get to the table!

Dinner is served!

-Ooh!
-Oh, yay! Yummy!

[excited clamoring]

[excited clamoring]

Wait, GrandPat.
We can't start without Cecil.

[Cecil singing] I'm right here!

[Cecil singing] I'm right here!

Oh my.

-[sizzling]
-Hi, honey!

[sniffing]

Herbs, spices,

Dad's aftershave.

Smells yummy!

Smells yummy!

-[groaning woozily]
-[thuds]

Thanksgiving is ruined,

all because I refused
to get along with Sea-sick.

all because I refused
to get along with Sea-sick.

-Cecil.
-Whatever.

Can you all ever forgive me?

Can you all ever forgive me?

Oh, it's okay, Agnes.

Oh, it's okay, Agnes.

I know what it's like
to disappoint everyone.

[grunting]

Here, have a drumstick.
It'll make you feel better.

Here, have a drumstick.
It'll make you feel better.

Ugh, fine.

[groans softly]

-Oh! [groaning]
-[thuds]

[chomping, chewing]

-[swallowing]
-Little dry, but not bad.

-[swallowing]
-Little dry, but not bad.

[gasps] My first compliment!

-[fireworks exploding]
-[triumphant music]

-[fireworks exploding]
-[triumphant music]

Don't get a big head,
turkey boy.

You still ruined
the side dishes.

You still ruined
the side dishes.

Got ya covered, Granny!

-[thudding]
-Ow! Ah!

I always come prepared.

I always come prepared.

[splatting]

-[all exclaiming]
-[resplendent music]

[exclaiming continues]

Dig in, everybody!

Dig in, everybody!

Happy Thanksgiving...

Takesgiving...

And Thomp Skulk Splatch Goosh,
everyone!

And Thomp Skulk Splatch Goosh,
everyone!

[all chewing]

[all chewing]

Hey, Dad, aren't you gonna eat?

No, thanks. I'm already stuffed!

No, thanks. I'm already stuffed!

[laughing]

[laughing]

[upbeat theme music playing]