Spider Island (2026)

[bunniefuu]

(vibrant music)

(loud thudding)

(birds and insects chirping)

(bird trilling)

(unnerving music)

(leaves rustling)

(unnerving music intensifies)

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music intensifies)

(vibrant music)

Fire, I'm fire

Baby I'm lit

Fire, I'm fire

Baby I'm lit

Love me

Hey, love me

Maybe, hey, maybe

Shut up!

Love me

Hey, love me

Everybody wants my number

(laughter)

I've got it, I've got it

-It's good?

-I don't know. What is it?

Love it, I love it

(giggling)

Baby I'm lit

I'm fire

I'm fire

Baby I'm lit

Fire, I'm fire

I'm so excited to be coming

to this island.

I've heard so many great things

about this company

and their commitment

to ecological issues.

And remember, people...

Be one with nature.

Give it, I'll give it

Take it, I'll take it

Whoa!

(thud)

I'm alright, I'm alright.

Wow. You are alllllright.

I'm Mongoose, by the way.

It's actually pronounced

the French way,

but most people

call me Mr Goose.

Like, my mum calls me Mong.

Like, whose mother

would call them Mong?

Do you know what I mean?

(party chatter)

Alright, girl?

Wanna take a little selfie?

I don't mind.

Go on.

Argh! f*ck!

You f*cking as*h*le.

You scared me to death.

Chill out, it's an app.

It's not even real.

(cheering)

(vibrant music continues)

Captain: So, we are now

approaching the island itself.

The snakes, spiders

and scorpions on the island

are harmless,

but we do have great whites

in the ocean.

One last tip for you, the, er,

mushrooms that grow wild

on this island

are the strongest psychedelic

substance known to man.

That's not to encourage you.

That's a warning.

Hmm.

Mushrooms it is, then.

(water lapping)

(hotel lobby music)

Mark, phone away, now.

Now!

Is that a new blazer, David?

It's a sports jacket.

It's less formal than a blazer.

Oh. Um... but it's nice.

(water splashing)

Ah...

(humming)

Why is that old f*ck

front of house?

He's just helping out

until the guests arrive.

Right, well, I don't want

him serving.

Nobody wants to think about old

people when they're eating.

Adi, I didn't tell you to pull

'em up with your fingers.

I told you to spray 'em.

That's the pesticide

I told you about.

It's banned in Europe.

(phone ringing)

I didn't ask you to spray it

from the Eiffel Tower, did I?

-Hello?

But if the toxins

get into the soil,

it's gonna k*ll everything.

Thank you.

Er, they're ahead of schedule.

Okay, spray now, or you're back

to cleaning toilets.

(phone vibrating)

David: Unbelievable.

Give these people an inch,

they take a mile...

(footsteps receding)

(vibrant music)

Mongoose: Has anyone

ever told you

you look like Pamela Anderson?

(guests chatter)

David: Hey, welcome. hello.

Finally you're all here.

So happy to see you. Welcome.

Welcome to The Pearl

Haven Hotel.

This really is, it's the jewel

in the crown

for Infinity Dream

International.

And we are thrilled to have you,

the biggest influencers

on the planet,

here to launch it.

Whilst you're here,

everything is free.

Food, drink, it's all free!

(laughs)

Yeah. So all we would ask

in return

is that you tweet, you TikTok,

you hashtag your millions

of followers

and, uh, Rachel, do you wanna

help me out?

Hey. Hey...

Not joining the party?

I'm not in the party.

Hmm. You know, my content isn't

really their content either.

Oh, I'm Ed.

Hi, Ed.

S-sorry, what's your name?

Bye, Ed.

Molly, you're so pretty.

Molly, my girl...

-Molly?

-Yeah.

Did you name her after

your favourite drug, then?

-Pardon?

-Molly, E, MDMA, Ecstasy...

Ecstasy? No. No, no, no, no.

No, I don't do drugs.

So, what do you create?

Me? Oh, I'm not an influencer.

Molly is.

Molly is a superstar.

Aren't you? Hi...

Guys, let's get you

something to eat.

Come this way, come this way.

And remember, feel free to share

online anything...

(We Gettin' To It, Devid Hoffman

& Radiccio Nash plays)

We gettin to it

Yeah, we gettin to it

Got the whole squad

Livin' like a movie

Just sayin'

You could've lived this way

Go on, light me up.

Get it on me, get it on me.

Whoa.

We gettin to it

Come on...

Yes! Come on!

Look at 'em. Like pigs in sh*t.

Well, they're posting.

I mean, look at all the tags!

Ooh. Hashtag city, baby.

We gettin to it

Yeah, we gettin to it

We gettin to it

Oh, we gettin to it

Why you cappin'

Bout the way...

The Mongoose g*ng.

What you sayin'?

You alright, yeah?

What we got here? The UFC.

Ultimate Fridge Challenge.

There's only four minis in here.

We gettin to it

Yeah, we gettin to it

We gettin to it

Oh, we gettin to it

Why you cappin', bout the way

your people movin'

Talk big on the Internet

Here we have Finca,

my best friend.

She wants to be

my best friend too.

She just doesn't know it yet.

(grunting)

Mm, mm, mm.

Uh...

You could've lived this way

But you messed around

Bet you feelin'

like you blew it

We gettin to it

Yeah, we gettin to it

(sinister music)

(birds chirping)

(goat bleating)

(goat bleating)

(goat bleating)

I see you've met Duncan,

my guardman.

You're gonna need a bigger goat.

(chuckles)

That's very good, hm.

Hello, Clara.

Hello, Dad.

Bit early for whiskey,

don't you think?

Not this one.

This is a lowland whiskey,

a breakfast malt.

I'll have water.

Well, that'll ruin it.

Just water.

Oh... oh, really?

Um...

I got your letter.

It was brief.

I tried to fill in the blanks,

but there were too many.

(whiskey pouring)

I'm guessing you didn't

come all this way

just to see me.

I'm here because of the hotel.

Ah, the new development.

The Pearl Haven Hotel.

The turd in the crown.

The wart on the scrotum

of luxury.

Uh, so what, are you,

are you travel writing now?

Investigative reporting.

Whoa, a notebook.

Which one are you?

Woodward or Bernstein?

Couldn't think of

a female journalist?

No. No, fair point, well made.

So, um...

So what's the angle?

How does a resort get built

when the entire island

is a protected nature site?

Oh, that's easy.

Bribery and corruption.

-Correct.

-So, what's new?

Er, let me guess.

You, er, your...

your petition didn't work.

Your legal injunction

didn't work.

But, uh, now you think

you can blow open

a corporate malfeasance case

against a multinational

ecohotel.

An ecohotel that's just flown

30 influencers

here from all over the world.

That's a situational irony,

but it's not Watergate.

How about,

"Hotel Destroys Paradise

while West End legend

remains glued to bar stool"?

Well, that wouldn't be accurate.

Sometimes I fall off.

Tsk...

It's all a joke to you,

isn't it?

(bar thuds)

(sighs)

What did I tell you?

Be nice.

(background dance music)

Yeah. The Mongoose g*ng.

You alright, yeah?

So, the man on the boat

said to me

that the mushrooms

that grow here

are the strongest in the world.

Now I know

you've seen me trippin',

but I've never been slippin'.

It's hard to believe

that these guys are stronger

than the Dutch imports

we get back home -

shout out to my dealers,

Chris and Jamie,

yeah, you know who you are.

So, we're gonna take these

babies on a little test drive,

for the purposes of science;

and for you, my followers,

nearly hit a million people.

Talk to me, Goose.

(sighs) Here we go.

(coughs)

(retching)

(convulsing)

(gasping)

Uh...

These are disgusting!

But I'm intrigued.

(mysterious music)

Uh...

Ah...

Ah... Oh, sh*t.

(groaning)

f*ck me. Uh...

(mysterious music intensifies)

Ah!

Sorry, are you working

for a company called Mackerel?

I am. Why, does it sound

fishy to you?

Ha! And they say Germans

aren't funny.

What's going on, guys?

So, I am here

in the Pearl Haven Hotel,

and wow, it is a beautiful

tropical paradise.

But as an environmentalist,

it's important for me

to check out

whether this company is green,

or just greenwashing.

Let's go.

Large extraction fans.

It's not a good start.

The rooms are hot.

Too hot, even.

But perhaps that's because...

Wow.

(gasps)

Okay, obviously

I'm a nature lover

and we should all be

one with nature,

but that... that one

scary arachnid,

that bad boy needs to be caught

and put outside.

Now, as I always say,

if you treat animals

with respect,

they'll treat you with respect.

Now, you cannot call yourself

a nature lover

if you only care for cute

little kittens and puppies.

These ugly animals

need love, too.

(jar rattling)

(jar clinks)

Uh, God!

(panicked gasping)

Uh!

(thud)

Okay, let's delete that.

(recording button beeps)

David: We've been

having complaints

about the air conditioning.

We've had it shut down.

It's affecting the entire hotel.

At this current time, we've got

no air conditioning anywhere.

Yeah, I know, Russell.

Do you know how I know that?

'Cause my ba*ls are sticking to

my legs and I'm f*cking purple!

Look at me!

You're in black and white.

-Trust me, I'm purple.

-Rachel: He is.

Fix the air con or I will fire

the f*cking lot of you!

Towel! Ah, God.

(gasping)

Is that a cobweb?

If I had to bet on it,

I'd say something's trapped

in the vent.

And what do you think it is?

A rat or a lizard, maybe?

A cat?

When I backtracked the issues

with the extractors,

it said relay switch in vent

three was switched off.

Off?

Well, it might not be.

It might be a diagnostics issue

saying it's the switch,

but it isn't.

If it's a short circuit,

it could shut down everything,

including the Internet.

So, er...

(mysterious music)

Well, one of us needs to go

into the vents to have a look.

And Mark's too fat.

(Goose gasping)

(mysterious music intensifies)

(music stops abruptly)

(crickets chirping)

(footsteps receding)

Er, are you going out?

No, I'm wearing my pyjamas.

Only I, I thought we might

have dinner together.

Nuts and bourbon isn't a meal.

Nonsense. It's my five a day.

Come on, Clara.

Let's not fight.

I haven't seen you for so long.

Can't we at least have dinner?

I'm going to meet my contact.

There's a drug dealer

on the island?

I have a contact

amongst the staff

who has information about

the hotel's building practices.

We're going to use it to disrupt

their launch.

You're meeting Adi.

He's the only person

in that place who cares.

But he's the maintenance

manager,

so unless you're gonna ask him

for a tour of the drains,

I can't see how he can help you.

Don't wait up.

Say hi to Adi.

(suspenseful music)

(switch clicks)

(bulb flickers)

(ladder clattering)

(ominous music)

(torch clicks)

(vent clattering)

(Adi gasping)

(ominous music intensifies)

(flashlight clunks)

Kev: I don't believe

in the dictionary.

I think there's too many words.

What I do is I take the ones

I know, I spread 'em out.

Like snakes, yeah?

If I see one moving fast,

I say he's running.

Yeah, he ain't got legs,

but he's still running.

Okay, but millions of years ago,

snakes had legs.

(scoffs) You don't half chat

some bollocks, you.

No, no. They just became

redundant over time.

They're legs.

Kevin's heard of evolution.

He just doesn't believe in it.

No. I believe anything

when I see it.

You can't see evolution.

Yes you can, actually.

For example,

you wear suntan cream, right?

I use many creams.

(giggling)

Ed: Okay.

But you wear suntan cream

to protect your skin

from rapidly getting darker.

Because of increased UV light,

your skin cells

are essentially evolving.

-See Finca, proof!

-No.

That's all I ever want!

(shrieks excitedly)

It's go time!

Don't do that.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.

I can't help it.

Of course you can help it.

Oh, it's just something I do

when I, when I get excited.

Yeah. You sound like

a mouse w*nk*ng. Sorry.

(mic distorts)

Haha! Yeah...

David: Okay, everyone.

We'll be starting

the presentation

in five minutes...

Hey. How are you?

I'm good.

Erm, if you're coming

to the launch event

and you want a drink,

I'm paying.

It's a free bar.

Yeah, fair. It's the thought

that counts, though.

I'm actually meeting someone.

Maybe later?

Y-yeah, great. Yeah.

(sinister music)

(Adi gasps)

(gasping)

Oh...

(threatening music)

Uh...

(rat thuds)

(Adi gasps)

(conditioner whirring)

(Adi sighs)

(vent rattling)

Uh!

(dramatic music)

(vent rattling)

Uh!

(draught whistling)

(dramatic music intensifies)

Argh!

(spiders scuttling)

(spider biting)

Argh! Aaaargh!

(panicked panting)

Aargh! Aaargh!

(spider biting)

Argh!

(Adi choking)

(conditioner creaking)

(cheesy presentation music)

This is a resort

built into a jungle.

This is the Rainforest Retreat.

And if you're a thrill seeker,

you are not gonna believe this.

Come with me.

This is just the beginning.

We've already

laid the foundations

for the next phase

of this project.

It's a hotel built within

the jungle itself.

A rainforest retreat.

An eco paradise, naturally.

Is it, though?

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm just someone who thinks

building a hotel

in a jungle is not natural.

If you're so ecofriendly, why

build on the island at all?

Buildings are banned on all

of the islands in the region.

How did you get permission?

So, if I can just say,

we have all

of the relevant permits.

-That's horseshit!

-I love this girl.

This lake was exactly

where we're all standing now.

All those birds have gone!

-Alright, come with me, please.

-Get off me!

If this hotel expands

into the jungle,

it'll k*ll thousands of species

of plants and animals!

Alright, I've just, I've just

realised who you are.

Your father runs

a sh*thole hotel

on the south side

of the island, yeah?

So, who exactly

are you protecting

the island for?

Is it for the wildlife?

Or is it for yourself?

Do you want to keep the whole

place for you and Daddy?

Little Miss Entitled...

-Alright, come on.

-Right?

Please! Get this message

to your followers!

This hotel's not eco.

It's a fraud,

and it's breaking the law!

That is absolutely not true.

Please do not post any of that.

How could we?

Your Internet is useless.

If what she said about the lake

is true, she'll have a case.

It's UN environmental law.

I mean, one habitat

can't be destroyed for another.

I like protestor girl.

Yeah, she's fit.

She's a bit too Greta Thunberg

for me.

But Ed wants to f*ck her,

don't you, Ed?

What?

No, it's not like that.

What's it like, then?

No, we're just...like, friends.

-Friends?

-Friends?

Are you gonna post what she said

on your feed?

Are you?

f*ck that sh*t!

I mean, look, give me a petition

to sign and I'll sign it.

Give me a collection tin to fill

and I'll fill it.

But what I'm not gonna do

is bore my followers with it.

I mean, the way I see it is if

a hundred pink flamingos

have to lose their little pond

so that I can drive

a f*cking Ferrari, I'm sorry,

I'm driving the Ferrari.

It's a no-brainer.

I mean, that's kind of

where I am.

I mean, I guess...

I get what she's saying,

but it took me years

to build that following.

And I have way more followers

than all of you combined

times four.

-Oh, really?

-What are you doing?

-We're going for a swim.

-No, no... Aaah!

(Mr g*n, 'Better' plays)

I promise I won't be jealous

You don't deserve it all

(screaming)

(cheering, whooping)

(laughter, cheering)

-Here you are, Winnie?

-Yes?

Get this beautiful girl

a margarita,

and I'll have a skinny b*tch.

It's a vodka soda.

Oh.

Keeps me lean.

I'm Kev.

-Dina.

-That's a beautiful name.

(growling, yapping)

I mean, if you want

to talk about

people profiting from nature...

She loves that dog.

In public, yeah,

but she's basically a pimp.

No, seriously,

she's whoring that dog out.

She's making it turn tricks

for likes.

Behind closed doors

she's probably beating

the poor animal.

Yet the dog still has more

followers than you.

(chuckling)

Whohoho! Hohoho!

(passionate party music)

(thudding)

No way, Mongoose!

-Oh my God!

-What the f*ck?

(splashing)

(laughter)

Please! I gotta get home!

Wait, wait for me!

Ah, sh*t!

f*ck!

Ah!

(crickets chirping)

(Curtis chatting)

(Curtis chuckling)

(tender music)

Do you want to talk?

My mother's buried

beneath that hotel.

Oh, no, she's not.

The last time I was here,

I buried a time capsule

with her.

She'd written something for me,

something she wanted me to know.

And now it's gone.

Smashed to pieces.

Like the island

you loved so much.

The island you wouldn't even

leave to come to her funeral.

Please, Clara. Can we not do

the whole magical misery tour?

Do you know what I told myself

when mum was dying?

That you couldn't visit because

you were the caretaker.

You had to stay

and protect the island.

But when it needed your help,

you did nothing.

(footsteps receding)

Caretaker...

(suspenseful music)

(spider scuttling)

(Molly whining)

(Molly whining)

(Molly barking)

Stop.

(Molly whining)

Hm.

(threatening music)

(spider scuttling)

(Molly whining)

Molly? Molly? Come on, girl...

(Molly panting)

We're going out.

(Molly whining)

Gary: Only the Germans

could invent

a single word to describe

taking pleasure

in other people's misery.

'Schadenfreude'.

Oh... What other German

do you speak?

-Bundesliga.

-Oh, very good.

Stein. Schnell.

(Glamma giggling)

Achtung, obviously.

You know, you will be

the first English boy

who I've slept with

who speaks German?

Why? How many English boys

have you slept with?

Hmm... Does Welsh count?

No.

Irish?

Definitely not.

Hm.

You're not very tall, are you?

I'm average. I'm above average.

You know, my ex-boyfriend

was, like, seven feet tall.

A real monster.

-Monster...?

-Put your hands up.

Yeah, his hands were like...

twice as big as yours.

-R-right...

-Are you shaking?

No.

I haven't even taken

my clothes off.

It's not gonna be

one of those nights, is it?

(suspenseful music)

What nights?

Oh, hello.

I can work with that.

(threatening music)

(spiders scuttling)

(threatening music intensifies)

(Kev gasping)

Uh...

(button beeps)

(phone ringing)

Hello, reception?

Yeah, bruv... What's going on

with this air con?

It's so hot

I think I could melt.

Sorry, sir. It's gonna

be fixed by tomorrow.

-Tomorrow, yeah?

-Yes sir.

-Promise?

-I give you my word.

Alright.

Uh...

(gasping)

(urinating)

(gasping)

(bottle rattling)

(rattling)

What the f*ck?

Hey, Dina...

Gina?

Karen, whatever the f*ck

your name is,

get in here and help.

We've got roaches.

(crashing)

(threatening music)

(gasping)

(scuttling)

(dramatic music)

Ah!

(gasps)

Hello?

Calvin?

Or whatever your name is...

You alright?

(suspenseful music)

(suspenseful music intensifies)

(thunder rumbling)

(rain pattering)

(thunder rumbling)

(poignant music)

(birds chirping)

(thunder rumbling)

(birds chirping)

(rain pattering)

(sombre music)

Have you thought about

not using plastic bottles?

Actually, I don't use

plastic at all.

I retrieved those from the sea.

(refrigerator door thudding)

What's with the getup?

It's very Tomb Raider.

I went up for that, you know?

The butler.

"Your g*ns, m'lady."

I didn't get it... (chuckles)

obviously.

I need to find Adi.

Do you have any idea

where he might be?

He has the information

I need, but he's disappeared.

Do you want me to look around,

see if I can find him for you?

That would be great. Thank you.

Clara, about what

you said last night...

-I don't wanna talk about it.

-Your mum was difficult!

(tense music)

Really?

You're going there?

She was difficult,

and I was a f*cking nightmare.

I have nothing but regrets for

the way things ended between us.

I loved your mum

very deeply, but she...

Have you considered

how difficult

it was for her to love you?

When you have zero love

for yourself?

(poignant music)

If you're looking for that time

capsule you buried with her,

then it's probably

at Emerald Beach.

The two of you used to spend

a lot of time there.

(water lapping)

The fan failure

has blown the circuits.

The two things are linked.

Oh, so it's actually

just one great big f*ck up.

Adi was supposed

to override the fan

and get the air con

back up, but...

He f*cking didn't.

We have at our disposal

for one weekend only

some of the world's

biggest influencers...

Oh, they prefer

the term 'creators'.

I don't f*cking care

if they prefer the term:

'b*ll s*ck Billy the Bear'.

If there's no WiFi and they

can't get their videos up,

no f*ck's coming.

Rachel: Is there anything

we can do?

Russell: I don't know.

Open a window?

Rachel: No, I meant anything

we can do about the Internet.

Russell: I'm gonna have to get

to the mainland,

get to the network centre

and link up with the GCode...

Jesus Christ, I don't want

the whole f*cking manual.

Just go to Captain Brunner

and ask him to take you.

-Adi?

-Do you want me to find him?

No, I want you

to f*ck his sister.

But... Adi has a brother.

Right.

(sighs)

I swear to God,

he is f*cking Ret*rded.

You're not really supposed

to say that anymore.

Faulty, then.

You can't say that either.

(loud screaming)

Oh...

Don't tell me someone

shat the bed already.

(dramatic music)

Bollocks...

Whoa...

Ah!

Whoa! Uh...

Uh...

(groaning)

(gasping)

Ah...

David: So, what's wrong with

them, apart from being dead?

It looks like sepsis.

Well, maybe it was drugs, right?

We'll say it was drugs.

Okay, so we need to get,

we need to get ahead

of this, okay?

So, he's gonna have

dirt on him,

so start sniffing.

They've been bitten.

Rachel: Bitten?

By what? A snake?

A spider.

No, no.

Just...no.

There are no poisonous spiders

at this hotel, okay?

There's nothing venomous at all.

It's policy.

Well, I guess this one didn't

get the email.

(suspenseful music)

sh*t!

sh*t!

sh*t, sh*t, f*cking sh*t!

Right, I need to get their

bodies to the mainland.

-Has Brunner left yet?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you think?

You're not going anywhere.

We need you here.

Well, I have a duty

of care to my patients.

They're dead.

I need to know what bit them.

Nothing 'bit' them, okay?

It was drugs.

He, he's a massive druggie.

-Rachel, right?

-He barely drank.

Yeah, he's a massive druggie.

Look, do you, do you even know

what this place means

to Infinity Dream

International, huh?

It's a place where dreams

are meant to come true.

It's paradise, alright?

We don't even have bed bugs.

You, you expect me to believe

that some f*cking spider

bit and k*lled this man

and this woman?

Yes, David,

that is what I'm saying.

And if we don't find out

which species it was,

more people will die.

Okay, well this is my project,

my project,

from the inception

to finding the location

to the hiring

and the firing, okay?

I am inferring

that I can fire you.

Yes, I got it, David. Thank you.

But the yacht's already left.

Oh, and there we are.

So, we can't do anything anyway.

So, we are gonna leave

these two here

until the influencers have gone.

And then, then you can

turn this place

into f*cking CSI for all I care.

Oh...

How long before these two start,

you know...?

Actually, don't answer that.

Hm...

(footsteps receding)

(door shuts)

(suspenseful music intensifies)

Russell: I've managed

to override the blocked fan

and I've reprogrammed

the fan sequence.

Get Adi to power up

the control panel.

That should get the fans working

and the air con back up.

-But I can't find Adi.

-Then you'll have to do it!

I have to sail to the mainland

or no one's posting anything.

I'm not technical.

You're not anything.

Press the f*cking button!

But which button?

Where did I put that lighter?

Ah...

Er, are you open?

Ah, in actual fact, no.

I've been given a quest

by my daughter.

She has a dragon I must slay

to win back her love.

I just want bottle of water.

Ah.

Take it.

I don't touch the stuff.

Cheers.

Ah...

Mm. (gulping) Mm...

(scoffs) Been on the sauce,

have we?

Er, yeah. Well, no.

Well, the man on the boat

said that the mushrooms

that grow on this island

are the strongest in the world.

I made the mistake

of eating a few, hehe.

Well, I admire your mettle,

young sir.

-Yeah.

-That's a nasty fungi.

A bit like yourself, really.

(chuckles)

What if I were to tell you

that the wildest natural high

on the island

is not in fact the mushrooms.

Huh? What is it then?

Cane toads.

Cane what?

The cane toad.

You wanna get really high?

Lick the back of one

of those lumpy buggers.

Oh, what happens?

It's like the strongest acid

mixed with ketamine

and a microdose of smack.

It will affect your motor

functions though.

You'll be walking like you've

got no bones in your legs.

Sounds really entertaining

for my feed.

People pay to watch

you fall over?

Yeah, I've got nearly

a million followers

that love to see me

as f*cked as possible.

I'm missing a trick here.

Heh.

Where do I find these toads?

Gary: I'm never sick.

I reckon they switched

to own brand.

(scoffs) Gary, you're sick

because you drank too much.

That's bollocks.

You washed your face in shots.

Oh yeah...

You had a vodka facial.

Yeah, I do remember that. Ha.

Glamma: Gary!

You f*cked her, didn't you?

Bumped into her...

on the way back to my room.

One word, Gary.

Disappointing.

Don't be like that.

Why are you making

excuses to me? I don't care.

Run along.

Your girlfriend's waiting.

Fine.

(background bar music)

Glamma: Hi.

(Glamma and Gary chatting)

Jodi: Molly!

Hi. Have you seen my dog, Molly?

Le petit chien?

-No, sorry.

-No? Molly!

Oh, hey, have you seen Molly?

No, and if I had,

I would've drowned her.

Sorry?

No, but if I do,

I'll let you know.

(water lapping)

(sand raking)

Winnie?

Clara?

Clara! (gasps)

The last time I saw you,

you were this big.

Now you are a woman!

I'm so sorry.

What they've done

to your island.

My island?

It is not mine.

Even this body is not mine.

I have borrowed it.

Well, it's definitely

not theirs.

Clara...

The desire to own

and control things

leads to attachment,

the root of all suffering.

You can only lose

what you cling to.

Let it go.

(suspenseful music)

David Attenborough: When spiders

are ejected

from their natural home,

like any other animal,

they will find a new one.

They come to keep warm, to mate,

and to feed;

and for the most part,

living comfortably beside us.

(knocking)

It's open!

(door opens)

Spiders will only usually attack

if they feel threatened

or cornered.

Just leave it there. Er, merci.

There are over 50,000 species

of spider.

Many are solitary, but some

will hunt in packs.

Molly!

The hairs on their legs

are released

when attacked or k*lled,

bringing others of their pack

into the fight.

Molly?

-Molly, baby!

Nature's revenge is unforgiving.

Molly, baby!

(Molly yapping)

Molly!

(suspenseful music)

Molly?

Molly? Are you here?

Molly, baby? Molly?

Molly? Molly?

Molly?

(threatening music)

(screaming)

Get up now

Dance if you want to

Get up now

Shake if you want to

Get up now

Move if you want to

You want to

You want to

Get up now

Dance if you want to

Get up now

Shake if you want to

Get up now

Move if you want to

You want to

You want to

Hey

(You Do You

by Daniel Lobel plays)

Raj: I haven't seen Adi

since yesterday.

Clara was looking for him.

I haven't seen him either.

We're having a lot of

technical issues, though.

I guess he has his hands full.

Curtis: Well, keep an eye out

for me, would you?

Raj: Yeah. I'll call you

if I see him.

Curtis: Thanks, Raj.

-Say hello to your dad.

-Oh, thanks.

When it comes through

They know what to do

Queen and the G

Better make room

They smellin' bangolin,

my perfume

Yeah it's my time

Yeah I'm in bloom

Check this

Check this

I'm about to wreck it

Wreck it

Livin' like lavish

Lavish

It doesn't really matter

What they say or do

Get up now

Dance if you want to

Get up now

Shake if you want to

Get up now

Move if you want to

You want to

(whirring)

(toad croaks)

Hey! You found one!

Ohohoho!

Have a look at her.

She is a beauty.

I'm probably gonna regret

asking this,

but, um, how do you know

it's a she?

Ah. I'm just calling

her a woman

'cause I don't like the idea

of licking a man's back.

You draw the line there?

Yeah.

Check her out.

(toad croaks)

Wow.

I'm not being funny, yeah,

but I've been licking

this big ol' green booty

for half an hour now,

and I don't feel a thing.

Patience, my boy.

Here...

(toad croaks)

Ohohohoho.

May I?

Yeah. Knock yourself out.

(toad croaks)

Okay...

(licking)

(toad croaks)

Hey, you got some good

technique there, hehehe.

Yeah, look at that.

She likes it.

Hey... it's my first threesome.

(toad croaks)

(ominous music)

(spiders scuttling)

Clara: They were here first,

but the islanders

don't know their rights.

I do.

Okay, but like, if your dad

runs a hotel here,

doesn't that kind of affect

your argument?

My Dad quit acting

to become an environmentalist.

His place was built so film

crews could stay here

and study the wildlife,

so no, it doesn't.

I have a contact here.

I can't find him anywhere.

I need help.

Aren't you supposed to be

the nature guy?

Mr Eco Warrior?

This could be your story.

You could help break it.

Look...

I'm not saying that

I don't want to help, but...

I'm all about the positives,

you know?

I post about the beauty of life,

not this negative

doomwatch stuff.

And plus I've got, you know...

sponsors, so...

-Mm.

And you don't wanna

rock the boat,

and there are no likes

at the end of the world.

You're a joke.

You're just like

the rest of them.

You've got the whole world

following your every move,

hanging off every word you say.

You could be a force for good,

but... you just care about you.

Okay, wait...

Look...

I'll help you.

Alright?

(suspenseful music)

So, we're in this shed

because...?

He said he had some proof.

This is his office,

such as it is.

(rummaging)

Where would he keep it?

It's gotta be on an email.

I mean, nobody does sh*t

on paper anymore.

No, not for something like this.

Digital's too... porous.

He said he had some physical

proof to help get the prick.

(rummaging)

-What have you got there?

-It's a receipt...

Signed by David.

Ed: For cement?

Loads of it.

Well, I mean,

that's not ill*gal.

Then why is it hidden?

But don't you build hotels

with cement?

Yes, you do.

So, doesn't it make it less

of a smoking g*n

and more of a... a water p*stol?

(chuckles)

Ed, do you go on many dates?

No.

Do you?

Not for a while.

And, er, and what would a date

look like for someone like you?

Oh, you know, go on a march,

protest against oil,

lay in the road.

(chuckling)

Maybe we could glue ourselves

to the road together.

Obviously, if you're up for it.

Look...

I know I sound like a broken

record about all this.

No, look, I get it.

It's important to you.

(threatening music)

f*ck...

-Winnie! Winnie!

-Winnie...

Hey! Hey, hey...

He's got no pulse!

Start compressing here!

Start compressing his chest.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on! Winnie!

(sobbing) Please don't die!

He's swallowed his tongue!

(dramatic music)

Ah!

(Ed gasping)

(gasping frantically)

Uh! Uh!

(gasping frantically)

Ed: Uh!

Ah!

It's the second one of those

I've k*lled since I've got here!

They're so aggressive!

f*ck!

Look out!

(threatening music intensifies)

(spiders scuttling)

Ah! Aaah! Ah, ah!

(spiders biting)

Aaah!

Aaargh!

(spiders biting)

Aaargh!

-Ed!

-Aaargh!

(spiders biting)

Aaargh...

Ed!

(dramatic music intensifies)

Just press the button, he says.

(air con whirring)

Adi?

(air con whirring loudly)

Adi?

(suspenseful music)

(rattling)

f*cking hell...

(loud rattling)

(dramatic music)

(rattling in vent)

(dramatic music intensifies)

(air con humming)

Oh, David, it's working.

Oh...

Oh, thank Christ.

(air con humming)

Hallelujah.

Rachel, get rid

of those cobwebs.

Oh, what the f*ck

is he doing here?

What the f*ck

are you doing here?

I'm looking for a toilet

to block.

Oh, you're so full of sh*t,

that shouldn't be hard.

-What do you want?

-I'm looking for Adi.

Oh, finally, something

we've got in common.

(panting, gasping)

Oh my God...

(Mark panting, gasping)

f*cking...

I...I need a clean-up crew,

here, now!

(panting)

Would you have a heart attack

on your own f*cking time. What?

There's thousands

of the b*stards!

Hello, look, I'm Curtis.

Now sorry, specifically

which b*stards?

(thud)

(foreboding music)

(grunting)

Aaargh! Uh! Ah!

-David: Jeez...

-Uh! Get them off me!

Argh! Urgh! Ah!

Aaargh!

(choking)

sh*t! sh*t!

(foreboding music intensifies)

David: Jesus Christ.

-Uh!

-Ah!

What the f*ck?!

(hysterical screaming)

(vent clunks)

(spiders pouring)

(eerie music)

(frantic music)

Uh... Uh!

(screaming)

(loud screaming, panicking)

(spiders scurrying)

(screaming)

(threatening music)

(spiders scuttling)

(screaming)

(loud screaming)

(dramatic music)

(screaming and shouting

continues)

Living my life

like a superstar

Looking real nice like

a model, yeah, a model

Baby I don't care

who you are

I just want gelato

and the lotto tight

Cause I can't lie

I'm gonna shake my a*s

Till I am 69

I can't lie

I'm gonna shake my a*s

Till 69

Argh! Aaaargh!

Champagne dreams but

a soda pop wallet

Aaargh!

You talk big game

But you're broke

So I don't want it

See the only thing

that matters, matters

What the f*ck?

I'm not falling

for that sh*t again.

(screaming)

That's what I like

Yeah, that's what I want

(music muffled)

(screaming)

(ominous music)

Finca!

(screaming)

Finca!

Finca!

(gasping)

This way! Come on!

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

(choking)

(screaming)

In here!

David: Close the door!

-Close the door!

-Yeah!

You! I wanna make a formal

f*cking complaint!

This is not cool!

Clara!

Dad!

Shut the door!

Shut the f*cking door!

-What the f*ck was that?

-Spiders.

I know, but like,

big f*cking psycho spiders!

Are you alright?

This hotel's a f*cking joke.

Seriously, it's a f*cking joke.

Curtis: This is bad.

This is really bad.

Like, you can't do

the basics like Internet

or air conditioning,

but k*ller spiders?

-Yeah. No problem at all.

-Okay, everybody, be calm. Yeah?

Check each other. Make sure

they're not on you.

But how do we know

this room is safe?

Well, we don't.

It's as safe as a bag

made of his piss.

Seriously, this is one star,

TripAdvisor. One star.

-That is not fair!

-Not fair?!

People are dying!

You must have known

there were spiders here!

Don't be so f*cking ridiculous.

First I knew about

poisonous spiders

was about five f*cking minutes

ago like everybody else!

You'd better hope that's true.

(sinister music)

Gary: The minibar is a disgrace.

And millions of spiders are

trying to k*ll. Millions!

David: It's not millions

of spiders. It's a handful.

Uh...

Ah!

(screaming)

Oh... Oh, sh*t!

(screaming)

Jesus Christ!

(spider scuttling)

Ah! Ah!

(spider scuttling)

Oh...

(screaming)

(smashing)

Leave the, leave the furniture!

Get the spider!

Did you get it?

(dramatic music)

Ah!

(screaming)

(gasps)

(spider scuttling)

Oh, yeah. Oh, great.

Great job.

What are you gonna do now?

Put it outside?

Let's f*cking k*ll the b*stard.

Why? There are a thousand

more out there

to take its place.

Welcome to Spider Island!

This is not Spider Island!

Do not even joke!

That sh*t sticks.

And do not post that!

Chance would be a fine thing.

Sun, sea and spiders!

Book now to avoid

disappointment!

(giggling)

Sorry.

You are so f*cked.

Clara: I've never seen

this species before.

David: That's because it's not

from round here.

It's an immigrant.

Clara: Oh, wow. Really?

(speech distorting)

When all else fails,

blame the immigrants?

Finca: Look at the way

it's using its mandibles.

(speech distorting)

(Curtis gasping)

(echoing) Finca: Mandibles...

mandibles...

Look at my fingers...

(hypnotic music)

Dad?

What are you talking about?

Your hands are fine.

I worked with Richard Kiel once.

He had hands this big.

-Who?

-Jaws.

Not the movie, the character

in The Spy Who Loved Me.

The man with gold teeth. Aaargh!

He, he was in Moonraker too.

Not Moonraker 2,

the sequel, that...

and they hadn't made a sequel.

Although the producer did talk

about making a sequel, not...

Dad, how much

have you had to drink?

I swear, I haven't had any...

Oh sh*t!

(laughs)

I licked a cane toad!

Why?

Is there anything I can say

that would answer

that satisfactorily?

God, you idiot!

That's fair.

How are we gonna

get off the island?

Isn't there an emergency

hard line?

All communications are down.

What about the yacht we came on?

-Gary: I can drive a yacht.

-I think you mean 'sail'.

-Hm, no mate.

My daddy has a yacht. You drive.

-Of course he f*cking does.

-That's it, then!

No. There is no yacht.

It sailed to the mainland

this morning.

Russell's gone

to fix the Internet.

Great. So we can die online.

(giggles) Sorry. Again.

Nobody is gonna die, alright?

This room is safe.

So, all we're gonna do is

we're gonna sit here,

we're gonna wait here

until help comes.

Oh, and what?

f*ck all your guests and staff

who are dying out there?

Whatever happened to a captain

sinking with his ship?

He was a f*cking idiot

and he died.

Curtis: I've got a boat.

Dad, your boat's

got a hole in it.

I've got another boat.

-A bigger boat.

-Really?

I've got a boat

at Emerald Cove.

In the real world,

or are you tripping?

(laughing)

Uh-oh. (gasps)

Where are you going?

It's probably best

you don't ask.

Okay. Okay, so that's the plan.

We go to Emerald Beach,

we take the fire extinguisher

and anything else

we can repurpose as a weapon.

Gary: How?

They're all over the hotel.

-We can go through the vents.

-Clara: What do you mean?

Well, I think the spiders

were hiding in there.

They are what caused

the air con problem,

and then we turned the fans on

and they got blown out.

Now with the fans on,

I think the vents

are the only place where

there won't be any spiders.

-You're right.

-Of course she's not right.

-You've lost your f*cking mind!

-Come here.

If you want any chance

at salvaging the situation

and keeping your job,

how you act right now

is kind of important.

And your priority,

at least outwardly,

has got to be the safety

of your guests.

Yeah.

Okay, here's what

we're gonna do.

We're gonna open that vent,

we're gonna go in,

we're gonna crawl through,

we're gonna see if we can

find a way out,

get his boat, then bring help

for everybody, okay?

Let's do it.

(suspenseful music)

(gasping)

(distorted voices)

(gasping)

(hysterical laughter)

Oh...

(gasping)

(knocking)

Clara: Dad, are you in there?

(knocking)

Dad? Get out of the toilet.

We've got to go!

(loud knocking)

Clara: Dad, come on! Hurry up!

(gasping) One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine...

Go on then.

I'll go first.

Just... don't leave

my dad behind. Promise?

I promise.

(dramatic music)

Ah...

(gasping)

(hypnotic music)

Ah...

(gasping)

(spider scuttling)

(squelch)

Ah...

(eerie music)

(shallow breathing)

(threatening music)

f*ck!

Gary: Get up there,

you stupid prick.

f*cking help!

Ugh!

(grunting)

Come on. What are you doing?

-We've gotta go.

-I can't go in there.

What do you mean

you can't go in there?

I'm claustrophobic!

Ah...

-Is that the way out?

-Yeah.

Whatever you two are planning,

do it fast.

We're about to have company.

(Curtis grunting)

Okay, listen to me.

I'm in love with you, okay?

I love you.

I've always been in love

with you and, uh...

I just never felt like

I was good enough for you.

So I messed up last night,

and I'm sorry,

but I want to be with you.

Just you.

If you don't get up

there right now,

you're gonna miss out on the fun

you can have

ridiculing me for saying

all of this sh*t, okay?

Now go. Please, go.

Go!

(spirited music)

(vent echoing)

Dad? Are you there?

-Yeah, I'm here!

-You alright?

Well, I wouldn't say that.

If I had a choice,

I wouldn't have my head

stuck up David's arse.

f*cking hell.

Could you stop talking please?

Your breath's flammable.

(gasping)

(vent rattling)

The airflow's stopped.

David: Why is no one moving?

What's happened?

Why is there no airflow here?

Oh... what the f*ck's

that smell?

Everyone stay where they are!

David: Why are we stopping?

(sighs)

(dramatic music)

Back up.

-Back up!

-Gary: Everybody back!

-Go, go! Move!

-Back up, back up! Oh...

Back up!

Move! Back up! Quick!

Uh!

(spiders scuttling)

(panicked gasping)

(spiders scuttling)

(spiders biting)

Aaargh! Uh...

Aaaargh! Urgh!

(frenetic gasping)

Gary!

Aaaargh! Argh!

(dramatic music intensifies)

Aaaargh! Aaargh!

(crunch)

Urgh!

(solemn music)

(gasping, sobbing)

(gasping)

God...

(panel crashing)

Come on.

Uh!

(David grunting)

(gasps)

(threatening music)

(hissing)

(buggy whirring)

Everybody get on! Quick!

Move! I'm driving that.

-Quick!

-Come, come, come, come.

Quick, quick, quick,

quick, quick.

-Ah, sh*t.

-Come on, come on, come on!

(extinguisher hissing)

(spiders scuttling)

I can't, I can't believe it.

I can't believe he's dead.

(sombre music)

Cowards die many times

before their death.

The valiant never taste

of death but once.

Throw a spider at him, will you?

Dad, this isn't the time

for Shakespeare.

Please sit down.

Clara: I know a shortcut,

through the caves.

It's quicker.

(mysterious music)

(insects chirping)

Clara: Wait, wait, wait,

stop, stop!

It's Mongoose.

David: Is he meditating?

That man is many things,

but a Buddhist

is not one of them.

He's dead.

He might still have

that cane toad in his bag.

We should rescue it.

Definitely not.

(buggy whirring)

(mysterious music)

I'm alright.

I'm alright!

Whoa, ow!

Get the f*ck out of my eye,

you little b*stard.

(buggy whirring)

Clara: It's coming up.

Stop! Here.

(buggy decelerating)

How far is it?

Not too far.

We can cut through the caves.

(buggy whizzing)

Where are you going?

David, what are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?

I'm getting us to the boat

to get out of here.

Yeah, but why are we going

there without them?

Why? You wanna get off?

Join your friends?

Just tell me.

Didn't think so.

Look, you're not

making any sense.

She said there's a shortcut

through the caves.

It's even quicker.

Trust me, the caves

are not quicker.

(birds chirping)

(suspenseful music)

If he gets to the boat first,

don't you think

he's just gonna take it?

Definitely.

He won't. This way's quicker.

Scarier.

(ominous music)

(insects chirping)

Finca: I don't like this.

Clara: Just a bit further

and we can drop down,

go through the caves,

and then it's mangroves.

Water.

(eerie music)

Holy sh*t.

Oh God...

(Curtis gasping)

Those are...

irregular cobwebs.

What does that mean?

It means they're not

meant for trees.

Nothing's gonna fly into that.

It's too visible. It's...

It's a nest.

(foreboding music)

Look at the size of it.

David Attenborough once told me

about these spiders

that hunt in packs

using a distraction

technique called...

peacock spider.

While you're looking at it,

the pack attacks you from below.

(rustling)

(scuttling)

Run!

(dramatic music)

(spiders scuttling)

(dramatic music intensifies)

Uh!

(thud)

Uh...

Ah! Uh...

I think it's broken. Uh...

Ah, come on...

Dad, I think she's

broken her leg!

(ominous music)

Dad? Did you hear what I said?

Yeah, I heard you.

(spiders scuttling)

(Curtis gasping)

Oh...

(spiders scuttling)

They're coming.

Now you've gotta stay

perfectly still.

Spiders will only attack you

if they feel threatened.

Do not move.

I'll distract them.

(branch snaps)

(rustling)

Come on!

(thud)

Come and get it!

Come on!

Come on!

(dramatic music)

(thud)

Come on, you little f*ck!

-Come on!

-Dad, no!

Come and get it!

You want to fight someone,

fight me!

Come and get it!

Come and get it!

-Don't...move.

-Come on!

Come on!

(thud)

Come on! Come and get me!

(thudding)

Come on! You want a fight?

f*cking fight me!

Come on!

Follow me, you b*stards!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Ah! I'm over here! Come on!

(spiders scuttling)

Come on! Follow me!

Come on! There you go!

I'm the Pied Piper! Come on!

(thudding)

Here we go! There you go!

(thudding)

That's it, here we go!

Here we go! Here!

Uh! Argh!

(spider biting)

Oh, God...

(groaning)

Ah! God...

(sinister music)

(groaning)

Clara!

Run!

(sobbing)

(sobbing)

(sombre music)

(sobbing)

We have to go.

Clara!

Go where?

What do you mean?

Go where?

There's nowhere left to go.

If we stay here, we will die.

(sobbing)

Look... I'm sorry

about your dad,

and I'm sorry the island

that you love got f*cked.

But if that sh*t stain manager

gets to that boat first,

he'll win.

And I'm pretty sure

you wanna live

to stop that from happening.

(suspenseful music)

(water dripping)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(gasping)

That m*therf*cker...

He filled the caves

with concrete.

So, does it mean we're trapped?

If you can climb down,

I think there's a way through.

How tight is the space?

It's tight.

Look at me.

We can do this.

But...

Just give me a minute.

(water dripping)

(lighter clicks)

(suspenseful music)

(threatening music)

Let's go.

Let's go. We should go now.

(gasping)

Ah!

(threatening music intensifies)

(lighter clicks)

Ah!

(lighter sparks)

(dramatic music)

(lighter clicks)

Clara: You're a mother.

Go away.

(water splashing)

(suspenseful music)

(Finca gasping)

(gasping)

(wading)

(uplifting music)

sh*t. I thought it'd be closer.

Alright, hold on.

David, just think about

what it would look like

if you and me

are the only two survivors.

Please, we have

to wait for them!

You can. I'm not.

Clara: I've seen the caves!

And I know how you got planning

permission to build on them!

-Caves?

-Yeah...

Well, how did we get planning

permission to build above caves?

-The caves were made safe.

-How?

We followed

the architect's advice.

The spiders came from the caves,

deep below ground,

harming no one.

You filled their home

with concrete, forcing them out.

And your signature is on

the receipt for that cement.

Bullshit. Show me.

Oh, oh no.

Did your letter get wet?

It's ruined it, hasn't it?

Oh, what a pity.

You see, what we actually

have here

is called force majeure, which

is an unforeseen natural act.

And guess what? That absolves me

of all responsibility.

Sorry!

I've got copies of everything.

I'll help you.

Rachel. What are you doing?

I've been helping you for years.

Hiding your mistakes.

Covering up your f*ck.

Yeah, it's your job!

Well, you're a disgusting

human being

and I despise you.

You cannot talk to me like that.

You're an Infinity

Dream employee.

Well, do you want to shove

this up your arse?

Or shall I do it for you?

Alright, very good.

Ow!

Right, I've had enough of this.

You're not gonna make it!

Watch me!

The tides are too strong!

For you, because you're weak!

In fact, your whole, your whole

generation is weak!

You're weak, lazy,

self-obsessed!

In fact, you are...

you're so, so self-obsessed,

you literally think that work

is photographing your food

and sharing every magnificent

bubble-headed thought

that comes into your head!

You're not, you know what?

You're not Gen Z.

You're genpanzee!

You're pathetic!

See ya!

f*ck off!

My generation is trying

to find their way

because your generation

f*cked up everything.

And now nature's biting you

in the arse

and you don't like it!

Yeah, yeah.

Nothing's biting me!

Spiders can't swim!

Ooh!

(dramatic music)

Uh!

(screaming)

(screaming)

Rachel, help!

No! Aaargh!

(screaming)

No!

Rachel!

Aargh!

Well, I wasn't expecting that.

No.

I mean, that captain fella,

he said there were sharks.

(messages pinging)

I got signal!

Me too.

I'll call Captain Brunner

and let him know where we are.

(phone ringing)

(dog barking)

How the hell

is that dog still alive?

No, how the hell

is he still alive?

I'm alright!

I'm alright!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's okay, it's okay.

They're just...

riding along, you know,

having the occasional nibble,

but I'm alright.

They're just really

beautiful animals.

(hissing)q

(hissing)

No!

That's not very

respectful to nature.

Aargh! Aargh! Die!

(hissing)

(hissing)

She's k*lling my friends.

How are you not dead?

Well, aside from being

an absolute legend

with an amazing capacity

for drugs, I'd say...

(toad croaks)

The venom of the cane toad

protects you

from the poison of the spiders.

(toad croaks)

Either that

or I'm a really lucky git.

(suspenseful music)

(toad croaks)

Did you lick a cane toad

with my dad by any chance?

Oh yeah. The old guy,

the actor fella

with the really shitty bar?

I must say, he was...

Really partial to a lick.

(panting)

Dad?

Dad?!

Dad?

Dad!!

Dad?!

Dad?!

(uplifting music)

(gentle music)

(evocative music)

My darling Clara.

I hope you are reading this

as a woman

and that you're happy

in your life.

I hope you can bring yourself

to forgive me

for taking you away

from this beautiful island.

We tried to make

the marriage work,

but your dad cared so much

about saving the planet,

there wasn't much time

for anything else.

I know that sounds a bit

heartless, but it's the truth.

Life stopped being fun,

and life should never

not be fun.

Curtis: To die, to sleep.

No more, and by a sleep

to say we end the heartache

and the thousand natural shocks

that flesh is heir to.

'Tis a consummation

devoutly to be wished.

To die, to sleep.

Dad?

To sleep...

perchance to dream.

Aye, there's the rub.

For in that sleep of death,

what dreams may come

when we have shuffled off

this mortal coil,

must give us pause...

Dad!

(Curtis laughs heartily)

Oh...

Mum left you.

Why didn't you tell me?

Nothing worse

than a man seeking pity.

Apart from a bad actor

playing a man seeking pity.

I love you, Dad.

In that case...

I love me too.

I'm not quite sure

why I'm alive.

The cane toad!

(laughing)

Well, this seems like a good

moment for Shakespeare.

Go on then.

Doubt thou the stars are fire.

Doubt that the sun doth move.

Doubt truth to be a liar.

But never doubt I love.

(uplifting music intensifies)

We've seen days

Where there was not

a cloud in sight

When things just seemed

to go our way

Now it seems

That trouble's

easier to find

We've forgotten how to play

Those other days were easier

Got carried away

On wings our dreams

had shown to us

All of the memories

we share

They're here to stay

And no one can

take that away from us

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Do I want to go back in time

Would you go back in time

Do I want to go back in time

Would you go back in time

Those other days were easier

Got carried away

On wings our dreams

had shown to us

All of the memories

we share

They're here to stay

And no one can

take that away from us

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Those other days were easier

Got carried away

On wings our dreams

had shown to us

All of the memories

we share

They're here to stay

And no one can take

that away from us

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh

Ooh ooh, ooh, ooh

Do I want to go back in time

Would you go back in time