01x02 - Curious George

[bunniefuu]

I love this exhibit.

Lunch lady of the past...
And lunch lady of the future.

We´re dyeing our hair.

Yeah. Now, move it,
George!

I need the sun
to cook the juices,

and your head´s
making an eclipse!

I smell barbecuing hair.
You must be done.

What color
are you dying your hair?

We´re putting
red streaks in it.

Mom, can you talk to me before
you start painting my kids?

Remember when you were


Now we´re even.

Mom! The school made me
shave my head!

I had lice!

You didn´t have lice.

You were a thinker,

so you scratched your head
a lot.

Hey, Carmen.

Oh, my god, go away!
Don´t look at me!

What´s up?

I´d shake his hand,

but I think that´s
what´s holding up his pants.

Put your a*s away!

George, this is Duncan.

So, everybody...

What do you think?

It looks like
you fell asleep in ketchup.

George, stop!

Carmen, it looks great.

Thanks, mom.

We´re gonna go study.

Wa-a-a-it a second...

Just the two of you?

Don´t make a big deal.
They´re just friends.

Thanks, mom.

Okay, let´s go.

So, uh...

What do you think
of my hair?

I think
it looks good, baby.

Oh, stop!

She´ll be pregnant in a week.

♫ all my friends
know the low rider ♫

♫ the low rider
is a little higher ♫

How´s it going, Ernie?

You´re working again.
What time they fix the machine?

Ernie, you know you can´t
eat on the shop floor.

Is that lettuce
on your chin?

Open your mouth!

Open your mouth.

Ernie, don´t make me
open your mouth!

If I can do it
to a dog, I can do it to you.

I gotta eat!

I´m depressed.
My girlfriend broke up with me.

I have this empty space inside
that only ham can fill.

You can´t keep doing this every
time you get hurt, dude.

Ham can´t replace
the love of a woman.

Only beer and golf
can do that.

Hey, "bob´s big boy,"
you eatin´ again?

Leave him alone, mom.
He´s got woman trouble.

How can he have
woman trouble?

He can´t get one.

Why do you always
kick people when they´re down?

You never have anything
good to say.

You´re right.
We should be celebrating.

You´re gonna be a grandpa.

Angie and I discussed it.
They were just studying.

Right -- just studying.

Remember how,
when you were 13,

you went in the bathroom
to study the sears catalog?

One day i´m gonna walk
into a shrink´s office

with a wheelbarrow
full of cash

and talk until
he begs me to leave.

Hey, Claudia.

Hi, boss man.

I hope this isn´t too personal
a question, but...

How old were you
when you started dating?

Uh...i was almost 14.

So, it was kind of innocent.
You were just hanging out?

Yeah, until
my parents went to bed.

Ooh!

Then we went at it
like a couple of baby monkeys.

Oh, man.

What? Well,
how old were you?



Shut up!

Oh, you weren´t kidding.
I´m sorry.

No. My mom never let me
out of the house.

She told me,

"you´ll never find a woman
as wonderful as your mother."

So I figured, if that´s
the best i´m gonna do, why look?

Oh, man!

Hey, dad.

Hey, Ernie, what´s up?

He´s lonely.
I can´t shake him.

My girlfriend dumped me.

That´s her loss, Ernie.
You´re a catch.

If I had any single girlfriends,
I would set you up.

What about Elizabeth?

That´s not gonna work out.
Okay.

So, where´s Carmen?

Oh, she´s upstairs
studying with Duncan.

Upstairs?
Duncan´s in her room?

Max wouldn´t
leave them alone.

Carmen says they´re studying,
and I trust her.

What about Duncan?!

Angie!

That kid walked in our house
with his pants half-off.

If he trips,
they could have sex by accident.

You know, George,
it might be better

if we filled that giant head
of yours with candy

and just let the kids
take a swing at it.

You got a big head!

Shut up.

Max, remember that time
you got in trouble

for spying on your sister?

Yeah. You said
it was wrong.

Well, son...

I think you´re gonna find
the older you get,

the line between right and wrong
is gonna move around a lot.

Go spy, and tell me
if they do anything wrong.

Like what?

Like swearing or stealing,

or anything that
makes you feel happy

in a way
you don´t understand.

Man, what´s wrong
with me?

Even 13-year-olds
have girlfriends.

Why can´t I keep a woman?

I know, dude.

Just when you start
to fall in love,

you run out of quarters and
that little window goes down.

Hey, i´m serious.

If I could get a girl
to hang on just long enough

for me to do my move,
she´d be mine, like, forever.

Man, what´s your move?

Ah! Hey!

Hey, man, does your
move always smell like chee-tos?

Uh-oh, that was quick.

What do you got for me?

What do you got for me?

You get to eat my food and sleep
in my house for one more day.

I couldn´t see anything --
her bedroom door´s closed.

Oh, man, I knew it!

What´s going on?

Well, it´s hard
to explain, Max.

You see, when boys and girls get
older, they start to pair off

until there´s
just one guy left.

That´s me.

All right, you two!

Dad, what are you doing?

Just making sure
everybody´s got a pair of pants

and they´re on.

All right,
this room´s okay.

Carmen, your mom
wants you downstairs.

I didn´t hear her call me.

When you´ve been married
as long as we have,

there´s almost
like a telepathy.

Okay.
Okay, Angie, okay!

She´s on her way down.

Angie,
stop yelling at me!

Okay,
but if you k*ll him,

you´ll go to jail,
and you´ll have a boyfriend.

First, you want to do
yourself a really big favor --

get off the bed.

Yes, sir.

Look...

We weren´t ever allowed
in a room with a girl.

And i´m gonna tell you
straight -- I don´t like it.

And I want you to know
i´m watching you.

Even when
you don´t think i´m around,

i´m watching you.

When you´re sleeping
in your little race-car bed...

I´m watching you.

Even if you start
to think,

"hey, maybe he´s not
watching me"...

I´m watching you.

Pop quiz -- what am I doing
right now, Duncan?

Watching me, sir?

There you go.

That wasn´t so bad,
was it?

Off the bed!

I´m sorry my dad was such
a jerk yesterday.

Maybe we shouldn´t be
talking about him.

He kind of scares me.

It´s just
the big head --

it scares a lot of people,
but he´s harmless.

Hey, honey.

Hang on,
the big head just floated in.

Doing your homework?

What do you think?

What´s wrong with you?

Nothing -- I love it
when you embarrass me

in front of my boyfriend.

Do you have to
call him that?

Well, then, how about
if I call him my man?

Why don´t we call him
Caucasian male

because that´s what´s gonna
be on the coroner´s report.

You´re being so uncool.

It´s not my job
to be cool.

I don´t want you alone
with Duncan.

Got it?

Got it.

Come on.

No.

Come on.
No.

Come on.
If you hug me, i´ll leave.

Okay.

That´s my girl.

You said you´d leave.

Come on, hurry up.
We gotta get you to dance class.

But we have
another 10 minutes.

But I want to get out
before grandma gets here.

Good idea --
go out the front door.

I´m sorry, Benny, but, uh,

usually, there´s a cold chill
before you appear.

Carmen has a boyfriend,

and you´re still letting her
out of the house!

Mom, I got it under control.

I talked to her about Duncan,
then we hugged.

You hugged.

Oh, that´s so sweet.

I wish i´d been there
with a camera

to take a picture
of how stupid you are.

Why are you
in such a good mood?

You smoking
with the patch on again?

If you want your daughter
to stay out of trouble,

you gotta keep
an eye on her.

Have you searched
her room yet?

No.

What are you waiting for?!

Hey, hey, hey!
There´s limits.

Just because
you searched my room

doesn´t mean
i´m gonna search hers.

You did a lot of stuff
that was over the line.

Like what, "over the line"?

Even after
I left the house,

you tried to keep me
from girls.

Remember Sylvia --
you threatened her.

Sylvia? She was a sl*t.

I know.

Well, if you´re not man enough
to look through her stuff, I am.

Mom. Mom!

It´s a condom.

Mom, that´s a wet-nap.

What´s that?

That´s the computer.

Carmen´s got
an instant message.

"Is big head still there?"

Who´s "big head"?

It´s mostly hair!

Oh, it´s a message
from Duncan.

Hey, you still there?

Don´t worry,
big head has left.

I knew you were
a little scared yesterday,

but wasn´t that fun?

"What was the most fun
for you?

Please be specific."

Watching you do it
over and over again

until you got it right.

Oh, my god!

Has anyone seen
my dance bag?

Hey, explain this,
young lady!

What´s going on?

What were you doing with Duncan
over and over again

till you got it right?

You were talking
to Duncan as me?!

I don´t believe this!

Answer the question!
What were you doing?

We were doing half-pipes.

Oh, my god!
And you´re doing drugs, too!

What?

Angie, do you know
this kid does half-pipes?

A half-pipe is where you ride
your skateboard!

Mom was there
the whole time!

What is going on here?

Dad was talking to Duncan
on the computer,

pretending to be me.

Are you out of your mind?

I don´t believe you!
You´re the worst dad ever!

How can I be
the worst dad ever?

There´s macaulay culkin´s
dad, and...

O.j.´s still out there.

Oh!

You don´t have any
girlfriends, do you?

No way --
I don´t like girls.

Good for you.

But I like my teacher.

Mrs. Johnson?

What do you like
about her?

I don´t know.

There´s this sweater --

when she wears it,
it makes everything okay!

George, can you
come in the kitchen, please?

What were you thinking --
going on the Internet,

pretending to be
a 13-year-old girl?

The FBI has a whole division
looking for guys like you!

I was snooping on Carmen
because I was worried about her.

No, you invaded
her privacy.

You can´t do that.
It´s wrong.

I realize that.

I got caught,
so it´s wrong.

Look, I worry about her, too,
but I trust her judgment.

We can´t be with her
every minute of the day.

Yes, we can.

I saw this camera
on the Internet --

it´s this small.

Listen to me --
we are raising her right.

And when the time comes,
she´ll make the right decision.

Now, i´m gonna take Max
to karate,

and when Carmen gets back
from the movies,

I really think
you should apologize to her.

Carmen, are you there?

Yes, i´m here.
Over.

I´m glad I got you
before you left.

Well, here´s
some sucky news --

i´m grounded, so I can´t
go to stacy´s party tonight.

Yes, that is sucky.
Good thing i´m going, right?

Yeah.

Do your parents still think
you´re going to the movies?

What?!

Of course they do --
those idiots!

Will there be
alcohol there

even though
we are underage?

Stacy´s parents won´t
be there, so anything goes.

Hey, come on, I thought
we were gonna watch a fight.

Ooh! A chat room.
All right!

Hey, I met Alyssa Milano
on one of those.

Did you know she runs
a body shop in Albuquerque?

I gotta go --
my parents are here.

Good luck
with Duncan tonight.

"Good luck with Duncan"?

Hey, why is there
a smiley face?

No, it´s a winking face.
See, ´cause it´s winking.

Uh, like, uh, "good luck
with Duncan" -- eh-eh.

My god!

Come on, we´re gonna go
break up a party.

Oh, all right --
breakin´ up a party!

This will make a good story
for Alyssa Milano.

Or maybe I should
save it for Lucy liu.

She´s in El Paso.

Who is it?

I´m Mr. Lopez,
carmen´s dad.

Open the door, or i´m knocking
it down on top of you.

Go away.

Hey, i´m just kidding.

I bought you guys
some beer.

All right!

Sorry, I left your beer
in the future.

Okay, listen up!

The party´s over!

Nobody goes anywhere until
their parents pick them up.

There´s the phone right there.
Start calling.

Where the hell is
Carmen Lopez?

It´s "Carmen sandiego,"
moron.

Do me a favor --

grab some scissors
and go run around the yard.

Dad, what are you
doing here?!

What are you doing
back there?!

Nothing!
Where´s Duncan?

He left.

He´s lucky.

Did you think you were really
gonna get away with this?

You are in so much trouble,
Max is gonna get punished

´cause there´s
so much left over.

Ernie, can you stick around
till all the parents come?

Yeah.
Thanks.

Come on, let´s go.

All right,
ernie´s in charge now.

So...

Who´s got a hot, single mom?

I said "hot."

This isn´t
gonna work, Carmen.

You just can´t run up
to your room and hide...

...especially since
you don´t have a key.

Before we go in there,

I want you to know how much
this is gonna hurt your mother.

She trusted you.

Cry all you want, but you´re
never gonna see Duncan again.

I don´t care about Duncan!
He´s a jerk!

What do you mean?
What happened at the party?

He broke up with me.

You got what you wanted.
Are you happy now?

It´s a little hard to be
happy with all the crying.

I don´t want to talk
to you about this.

Just ´cause i´m mad doesn´t
mean you can´t talk to me.

I´m your father.

Well, we were making out --

okay, give me a second.

Dad.

I´m here -- i´m good.

Then, he tried --
he tried to do some other stuff,

but I didn´t want to go
that far, and so he dumped me!

I told everyone
he was my boyfriend!

Look what I did to my hair
for him!

It looks good.

I feel so stupid.

You´re not stupid.

I´m proud of you, and you´re
mom´s gonna be proud of you!

You don´t understand!

That´s all he wanted!

He never liked me...
Ever.

Not the way I liked him.

I´m sorry, Carmen.

I wish I could say something
to make you feel better.

You can´t.

Maybe you could say something
to make me feel better.

Have you thought about
how you´re gonna raise the kids

after i´m dead
sometime later this week?

You´re not going anywhere
without me.

I swear, Angie,
this kid´s gonna k*ll me.

She´s 13 years old.
I can´t take three more years.

You know what, George...

Everything´s gonna be okay.

Is that the best
you can do?

No. Give me a second.

Carmen really learned
a lesson,

and she´ll never lie
to us again.

Now you´re talking.

You are the best father ever,
in the history of parenthood.

Uh-huh.

Our lawn is the envy
of the neighborhood.

Damn straight.

Your mother will fall
into a deep hole,

where she will be very happy,
but she will never be able

to contact us.

Me -- I want one about me.

You...

Are the best lover ever...

In the history
of the universe.

Mm-hmm.

Tell me about my mom
falling in the hole again.

I can´t believe
I fell for Duncan.

He´s such a jerk.

Honey, we´ve all been there.

My first boyfriend
left me for my best friend

because she had
bigger boobs.

If he´d only waited
two months.

My first sweetheart
knifed me...

...and, uh,

then stole my car.

Benny, you always win
these things.

Why are we beating
around the bush?

All men are scum.

Mm-hmm.

Hello, ladies.

What?!

I never know what I did!