02x21 - I Only Have Eyes for You

[bunniefuu]

Okay, i´m here.
Have you found Carmen yet?

No, and i´m worried sick.

It´s her first day
at a new school.

She should have been
home an hour ago.

Come on, it´s an hour.

She´s got no money.
She´s got no friends.

She´s probably walking around
the mall crying.

George, she´s the new kid
in class.

She´s probably depressed.

She should be here at home
where we can support her.

Let´s say she did have a bad
day -- the worst of her life.

She´s gonna come home.

She´s gonna tell us all her
worries and all her fears.

Isn´t it better to let
the hot-dog-on-a-stick people

deal with the first five minutes
of, "school! Hair! Boys!

Nobody likes me!"

Dad, how come you´re home?

Your mom´s worried

that carmen´s not gonna make
any friends at allendale,

and the kids are gonna harass
her like at her old school.

What if all the kids liked her
and everything went great?

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Come on, what are the odds?

Hi! Sorry i´m late.

You know,
you could have called.

Who´s this?

Everyone, this is my new
friend, Olivia.

Hey, we can see this one.

Max, be polite.

Carmen has a new friend.

A friend, George --
a new friend.

I had the best day.

I know it´s gonna be
tough to catch up,

but at least I met Olivia.

She´s starting
midsemester, too.

So, what are you in for?

What do you mean?

Look, you changed schools in
the middle of the year.

I mean, it´s okay.
We don´t judge.

But what is it --
you know, tweaker, klepto?

You got a bun in the oven?

No.

I´m from Toronto.

Like I said, we don´t judge.

Hi. I´m Max.

Can I get you something
to drink?

What are you doing?

She´s a guest.

I´ll cook you things.

You smell good.
I bet bees chase you.

You´re so cute.
How old are you?

See all these teeth?
Permanent.

Okay, Olivia, why don´t we go
start studying?

My room is the first one
to the left.

Okay.

I´d better start
my homework, too.

Dad, how could you?

Tweaker, my one friend,
new school, Toronto,

bun in the oven?!

I did it, Angie.
I did it.

I tuned her out.

After all these years
of practicing.

Quick, say something to me.

That´s not funny.

What?

Yes!

Carson city is
the capital of Nevada.

Concord is the capital of
New Hampshire.

And Trenton is
the capital of New Jersey,

also known as
the garden state!

I love you!

Hey, before I forget, give me
your cellphone number

so we can text-message
each other in class.

I´m not allowed to have
a cellphone.

What if someone tried to
kidnap you or something?

My dad says his taxes pay
for the Amber alerts.

[ Gasps ] Did you see that boy
Matt who came into homeroom?

Oh, my god.
He´s a full-on dime.

Oh, forget it.

Do you have a shirt
I can borrow?

I want to get out of
this uniform.

Yeah, sure.

Here, try this.

So, what do you think
of my little brother?

Oh, he´s adorable.

Yeah, too bad about
his eye.

What´s wrong with his eye?

Aah!

[ Intro to w*r´s "low rider"
plays ]

♫ all my friends
know the low rider ♫

He was looking at Olivia
through a peephole.

He was watching her change until
I sprayed him with the perfume.

That´s not true!

Then why are you
covering your eye?

I´m just crying because i´m
upset about being accused.

But you´re only crying
out of one eye.

I´m not that upset.

I´m not lying.

The peephole´s got to be
on that wall somewhere.

See! There it is!

Okay, Carmen, relax.

You probably can´t even see
anything through it.

Oh, hey, Olivia.

Who´s that?

It´s Mr. Lopez.

I was just wondering if you
wanted to stay for dinner.

Sure, but i´m
a vegetarian.

Well, we´ll see what we
can do, all right?

You little freak.

I can´t believe you were peeking
at me through a hole.

I haven´t peeked at you.

That´s not what the hole
was for.

Then what was it for?

I put my butt up against it so I
could gas you out.

You could have told me that
before I put my eye up there.

So what are you gonna do?

Max, what did you see?

Nothing.

Okay, you know
this is wrong, right?

Okay, go wash out your eye.
Vamanos!

That´s it?

"Go wash your eye out"?

Max doesn´t know any better.
He´s a little boy.

But you could have
blinded him.

Who knows what´s in that fruity
teen perfume you wear.

They don´t test these on
animals anymore.

We don´t know if
they´re safe.

I wish I would have
blinded him.

He wouldn´t be able to
peek anymore.

Nobody hurts anybody
in this house.

No telephone for a week.

He was looking at my friend
getting undressed,

and you´re punishing me?

You want more punishment?
Keep talking.

Defend the little perv.

What is going on?

Max tried to see Olivia naked,
and dad´s punishing me.

Some man you married.

Max made a little peephole
in the wall,

but he didn´t see anything.

I handled it.

What did you say?

I told him it was wrong.

Well, I hope
you also told him

it was completely out of line
and unacceptable behavior

and that peeking at someone is
a violation of their privacy

and shows a total
lack of respect.

Yeah, like that
but stronger.

I´m gonna talk to Max.
This is serious.

Come on, Angie. Don´t make
this bigger than it is.

You´re not a boy.
You wouldn´t understand.

He´s starting to get curious.

I did the same thing
when I was his age.

Who´d you peek at?

Ernie´s mom.

Oh, my god.
She´s a big woman.

I saw one boob through
one window

and one boob through
the other window.

Hear you got yourself
a peeper.

Carmen came crying
to you, too, huh?

You know what really happened?

Max is growing up.

He´ll soon understand

why it´s okay that
Anna kournikova never wins.

You know, it´s about time.

Hey, what happened?

Max got caught sneaking a look
at one of carmen´s friends.

Oh, man.

I didn´t see my first naked
woman until I was 18...

And the first one that was
awake until I was 30.

You know, I caught George
peeking at a woman

when he was around max´s age.

You remember that George?

I think Ernie would like to
hear that story.

Huh?

No, he wouldn´t, mom.

George, I forget.

Who was that again?

You know, I don´t remember.
Back to work, mom.

Was it that superfox Sylvia
from across the street?

No, but it was a form
of wildlife.

Well, who was it?

Your mom.

Oh, no!

How could you peep
at my mom, George?

Ernie, I wasn´t trying
to, man.

Who watches TV naked
after a shower?

She likes to air-dry.

Look, to even things up,

i´ll let you look at
my mom naked.

[ Telephone rings ]

So, you want pictures
or the real thing?

[ Laughs ]

What hospital is he at?
I´ll be right there.

What is it?

They´re taking Max
to the hospital.

He got into a fight
at school.

A fight, too?

Wow, when that kids huevos
drop, it´s like thunder.

Max, are you okay?

He fell and hit his head.

They put 10 stitches in,

but there´s no fracture
or concussion.

I got into a fight
with five guys.

You should have seen them, dad.
They were scared.

You put up a good fight?

No. When they saw all the blood
coming out of my head,

they were scared.

This is why those boys
were picking on him.

Somebody put up a picture
of Max sleeping

on the current-events board
at his school.

You fight with guys,
you peep on girls,

you sleep in your underwear
with a little pink bunny.

You´re a complex
little man, Max.

I didn´t sleep
with the bunny.

Carmen put it there.

Dad, everyone at school
saw that picture.

I´m gonna k*ll her.

Max, please.

No, i´m really gonna
k*ll her.

And grandma told me how to make
it look like an accident.

You´re not k*lling anyone.

And now you know how it feels to
have your privacy invaded.

Max, I got you some
pudding from the cafeteria.

Okay, come here.

This is the worst
thing you´ve ever done.

Your brother´s in a hospital
with stitches because of you.

I just wanted
to teach him a lesson.

I didn´t know he´d get hurt.

I´m not worried about his head.
That´ll heal.

Nobody´s ever gonna
forget that picture.

Every time he walks down
the hall at school,

they´re gonna be calling him
a sissy and a wuss

and a bunny hugger.

Max: I can hear you!

Maybe you didn´t
understand me

when I said nobody hurts
anybody in this family,

so let me make it clearer.

No phone, no e-mail, and
no TV for a month.

I´m getting
more punishments?

Why do I even talk to you?
You always take max´s side.

He´s the golden child.

Hey, don´t walk away
from me.

Why? You don´t need me.
You´ve got Max.

You love him more than you
love me anyway.

We really are better off
without her.

Did Angie bring Carmen
home yet?

No.

Hey, Max.
Is your head okay?

How many beers am I
holding up, honey?

You never called me honey.

Well, you should have
been cuter.

Carmen --

oh.

What´s going on?

Nothing, Benny.

Dad loves me
more than Carmen.

Max, that´s not true.

Okay, dad.

Can you give us some privacy?
I need to talk to George.

Angie, I know where you´re
going on this,

and I want you to know
that I am on your side.

Thank you.

Then you can stay.

[ No audio ]

As for you, mister --

Angie, I know where you´re
going with this,

and I want you to know that
i´m on your side, too.

So let´s eat quietly.
Shh!

I just had a long talk
with Carmen.

I think you´re being completely
unfair with her.

Man, she wraps you around
her little finger.

She can´t do that to me ´cause I
don´t buy into all that drama.

That´s not drama, George.
Those are her real feelings.

But every day?

Who feels every day?

She´s a teenage girl.

This is the worst part
of her life.

Max is a 10-year-old boy
without a care in the world.

Of course you like
him better.

So you do, too?
Now we can say it out loud.

Make that three.

No!

It´s just that he´s easier
right now.

I know she´s a handful,

but you can´t dismiss all her
problems as teenage drama.

You have two kids.

You should be treating
them equally.

I do treat them equally.

No, you don´t.

You treat the boy better.

But you know, carmen´s got to
get used to it.

Women get really screwed
in this world.

I cannot tell you how much
easier my life would have been

if I had had something dangling
between my legs.

That´s a pretty image
of my mommy.

Do you see this insanity?

Crazy apple, crazy tree.

If your point is that i´m crazy
because of my mother,

I know that.

Print it on a t-shirt.
I´ll wear it.

I don´t care.

I´m also saying that your
daughter doesn´t feel as loved

as your son.

I see it, Benny sees it,
even Max sees it.

You might want to do
something about that.

Oh, man.

Hey, it´s not your fault.

It´s the way it´s been
through all history.

Men are the warriors,
the hunters, the money earners.

That´s why boys are
treated like princes.

What are you talking about,
you crazy old bat?

You never treated me
like a prince.

Hey, did you eat
every day?

No.

Well, what do you know.

You know what?

At least I didn´t sell you.

And there was a lady at
pick´n save who kept asking.

What pick´n save?
Maybe it´s not too late.

[ Knock on door ]

Carmen, I want
to talk to you.

Come on, let´s go
for a ride.

Am I coming back?

As long as you´re
a tax deduction,

you´ll always be safe in
my house.

Where are we going?

I just want to talk.

And the first thing I
want to say

is I should have punished Max
a lot more than I did.

Well, I should call
the newspaper.

"George Lopez
admits he´s wrong."

[ Muttering ] Be the adult,
be the adult.

Look, maybe I went easier on Max
because I know why he peeped.

I mean, I was a boy.
I get that.

I don´t get you anymore.

I did when you were
a little girl,

´cause you were just like
a little boy

except you never got caught
in your zipper.

Well, i´m not a little boy or
a little girl anymore.

I´d like some privacy,
and i´d like some respect.

That´s fair.

And i´d like my feelings
listened to.

Ooh, that´s a tough one.

Why?

Because everything´s
a crisis with you.

There are no small problems.

I´m on overload, Carmen.

I thought teenagers were
supposed to lock themselves

in their rooms

and never talk
to their parents.

I was kinda looking
forward to that.

Well, i´m sorry I tell you
all my problems.

You shouldn´t be.

I need to get better
at this.

Look, I promise to start
listening to your feelings

if you promise not to have
so many of them.

Deal.

And don´t ever think I love Max
more than I love you.

´Cause that´s not right.

[ Voice breaking ] Okay.

Why are you crying?

I´m happy.

[ Voice breaking ]
I got you this cellphone

to make up for everything.

Stop crying.

Oh, my god!
It´s a cellphone!

[ Sniffles ]

Hey, what are you
looking at?

We´re feeling in here.

Go, man!
The light´s green.

How´d it go?

It went great.

So, what are you wearing?

George, I don´t want you
to talk like that

with Carmen in the car.

We´ll be home
in a little bit.

Hey, make sure you lock up.

I heard on the radio

there´s a guy breaking into
people´s houses.

Is he in our area?

Yes.

Aah!

Ow!

Damn you!

What´s wrong?

You look like you´ve
been crying.

Yeah, ´cause I
missed you so much.

Oh, you´re such a good liar.

Angie, do you think the kids
have favorites?

No. I think they love us
both equally.

Hey, Max.

Answer a question for us.

Your mom and I are
both drowning,

and there´s only one
life preserver.

George!

I could never pick.

I love you both.

Ohh.

Hey, i´d save you,
so you...

[ No audio ]

You know what?

These stitches are
ready to come out.

My mom said she´s taking me to
the doctor´s Wednesday to do it.

What? So he can suck another


I´ll just do it.

Grandma...

Come on, relax.

This is just like
unlacing a shoe.

That feels weird.

All done! They´re gone!

Okay, Max.

We´re gonna go to
the hospital, okay?

Why?

Oh, so I can show them
how good I did.